Problems with the Priest

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One of my friends used to belong to a Catholic student centre where she encountered many problems with the priest. He used to make negative references to her weight (she is an average weighted) because she had lost a few pounds at one point. She would ask him questions and he would refer her to her parish priest. To put a long story short, the two just didn’t connect. This lack of connection caused her to get kicked out of the centre.

Now her parish priest has left and this guy from the student centre is now the priest at her church. She doesn’t know what to do. She doesn’t trust him at all. She has seen how he played favorites in the student centre and although he claims the conflict they encountered a couple of years ago he doesn’t remember, she still doesn’t trust him.

She has had many negative experiences inside the Christian church in general (she became Catholic around the same time as I did) over the years therefore she doesn’t trust clergy that much and this guy not at all. She presently has a lot on her plate because she is working part time and she is trying to complete her master’s this year.

She is afraid to go to church. She doesn’t have the energy to deal with church politics. She is very sensitive and she is always polite with him but she is scared to attend mass at her church. She has been so hurt by him that she is afraid to go to mass because she doesn’t want a repeat of the problems. Plus to top it all she was on parish council and now he has dissolved that. She was told he will create his own committee which scares her because she has tried to help the church as much as she can. (Being a master’s student she doesn’t have that much time but she tries.) She is worried their past conflict will cause trouble and she will have to leave.

She has asked me what to do. She knows she needs to seek God but that isn’t enough, she needs some human advise.

I’m still fairly new to the church so I have no clue what to tell her. I know she hasn’t gone to mass in weeks and in some respects because he is her new pastor, she doesn’t want to go even though it is her home church.

Do you have any suggestions I can give her?

Thanks SG
 
Hopefully she will not allow her lack of rapport with that priest to keep her away from the Eucharist. Perhaps she can go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation in another parish.

It would be good for her to face this conflict in herself and to focus on our Lord Jesus Christ. Prayer to our Blessed Mother will also help.
 
Hi, I’m glad she has you to talk to about this problem. The priest may in fact be an extremely difficult person - who doesn’t like her or is challenging her for some reason. It’s hard to understand the motivations behind some behaviour. We should always be charitable. However one has to be true to oneself. If she doesn’t feel ‘safe’ in that parish with that priest - then don’t go! We don’t always understand everything, but our feelings are there for a reason. If she can go to another parish - then go for the time being. If she has friends in that parish, then that should help a bit. It should be okay in the original parish to keep attending mass unless the priest has antics during mass.🤷
 
If there is a new priest at the Newman Center, she could probably return there.
 
It is fine for her to attend Mass at another parish or back at the Newman center. If you live in the area perhaps you two can visit the other area churches. she does need to go to confession before receiving the Eucharist again.
 
Mrs_Sally said:
It is fine for her to attend Mass at another parish or back at the Newman center. If you live in the area perhaps you two can visit the other area churches. she does need to go to confession before receiving the Eucharist again.
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Hi Mrs Sally, why do you say she needs to go to confession, and therefore implying she is in mortal sin. Just wondering, it seems there is information I do not have. :confused:
 
Joy2day said:
Hi Mrs Sally, why do you say she needs to go to confession, and therefore implying she is in mortal sin. Just wondering, it seems there is information I do not have. :confused:
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She hasn’t been to Mass in weeks.

Is it possible she is creating her own drama?
 
So, you think her real problem is her lack of faith in general rather than her problem with the priest, ie. she should have attended mass at another parish, rather than not go at all for weeks, if the OP is correct in his understanding. Do you make allowances for the fact that influences can push us away from the Church. Of course, God maintains us, but that does not excuse us from ignoring temptations where they may exist. My point of view would be to seek out the parish which facilitates the Love of God the most. 👍 Grave sin does not necessarily equal mortal sin, and you should be well aware of this. And why is the priest not being mentioned as equally responsible for this situation. Of course confession is always good.
 
She doesn’t need to get involved in church politics or anything like that. She should go to Mass this weekend, refraining from receiving the Eucharist if and until she can get to Confession, bit she needs to attend Mass.

She can avoid interacting with the priest by staying inside the church to pray after Mass. Few people would presume to bother her in prayer. She can avoid parish politics by only attending Mass and not interacting with anyone.

Presumably there’s a new priest at the Newman Center, or she can go to a different parish if there is another one she can get to. If the parish is the only option for her regular attendance, she should continue to do the above, bit if she can possibly find another priest to confess to, it seems she’d be more confortable–I was so fortunate when I had to confess being mad at my priest that there was a visiting priest that week!

She should try to find a place where she can confess at least once a month.
 
PaulinVA said:
She hasn’t been to Mass in weeks.

Is it possible she is creating her own drama?
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This crossed my mind as well.

IF not prayers for the girl that some resolution to this problem can be found. Can she just go to Mass and forget the rest of the stuff for now; that at least would be a start.
Mary.
 
She should start going to Mass again. If it would help, she could attend another parish. She can go to confession there as well. Her focus should be on Jesus and nothing else.

Then I believe that this is an opportunity for forgiveness on her part. The priest has said that he as forgotten anything that happened in the past with her. He has let it go and moved on. I believe that this was an invitation on his part for her to do the same. We are all called to forgive those who have hurt us. I would suggest that she start praying for this particular priest everyday even if she doesn’t feel like it. He is probably already praying for her. Her negative feelings are an indication that she has not forgiven him. Remember what our Lord’s Prayer says. *“and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” *

I think that when she gets over this hurdle she will be able to return to her original parish without difficulties. Life is a journey and learning to live our faith in real life is a reward and can also be a challenge.

I hope that everything works out. 👍
 
I am sorry about the unkind remarks made to your friend and by a priest. You and I both know that it was hurtful and unnecessary. It sounds like he has forgotten the incident when this happened correct?

IMHO, we are called as followers of Christ, to forgiveness to everyone. Priests have difficult times and they NEED our prayers so that they can call out to the lost sheep. I have had priests give me difficult penances and it has been hard for me to warm up to them later. But, after much discernment and prayer, I realized that I was deserving of these penances and since my priest knows I need to do better, he pushes me to do so. He is helping me as a soul. I struggle with humility and sometimes we are placed in situations that are not comfortable, but we need to pray and ask The Holy Spirit to guide us as to what we should do.

I hope for your friend, that she doesn’t let one incident keep her from the Real Presence of Christ in the Holy Eucharist.

She sounds like she would be an asset to this group and sometimes we are called to belong to groups that are not the friendliest and very political. As my priest said to me once “You are called to be an agent of change, you cannot leave every group that you belong to” We are surrounded by sinners like ourselves and we just need to work together for The Glory of God and the greater good. Also, our Holy father always reminds us to engage in “dialogue” even with those we don’t agree.

Blessings to you and your friend,
 
Thank you all for your responses.

She has gone the odd time to a different parish for mass. The priest there she trusts but there isn’t much of a community therefore she will go to him the odd time for reconciliation but that is it. Asking her to go to reconciliation because she hasn’t gone to mass in a while is ridiculous because life happens. Plus instead of going to mass, she listens to it via ewtn or salt and light tv. The newman centre isn’t an option because her course load is so heavy. She is doing her master’s and her free time is very limited. She is hurting because she doesn’t trust the priest and yet everyone is acting as if he is this amazing person. She doesn’t know who she can talk to about this situation. She trusted a few people in the past with the original conflict and they went to the centre which caused even more problems which have never been resolved.

How do I help her with her hurt? She is the most loving caring person out there. The fact she is still part of the Christian church is a miracle. She has witnessed a great amount of negative behaviour among clergy over the years that would cause many good christians to leave church all together. She is still hanging there but she is getting ready to leave the church. She knows that people are compliant and will do what he wants because they have never been taught to question one’s pastor. Her original denomination, she was taught this very well. She has this radar for people who will cause trouble. She is trying to find her way in this church and she finds it hard being a woman inside the Catholic church especially and educated woman with a strong theological background.

How do I help her? Please continue to reply so I can help my friend.
 
Share this with her! Mother Theresa had in in Calcutta

prayerfoundation.org/mother_teresa_do_it_anyway.htm

Without Christ, we are in darkness. We need to reach out to the light of Jesus Christ in The Holy Eucharist and the healing sacrament of confession. We are not meant to have a single relationship, we are also meant to be in community with all our faults and failings. No matter where she goes, there will always be imperfect people. Instead of focusing on what priests or Catholics don’t do or do, why not step in and help her church community be better. A friendlier face, a smile. Perhaps, her call is to be involved and make better changes at church??
 
SecretGarden said:
She has gone the odd time to a different parish for mass. The priest there she trusts but there isn’t much of a community therefore she will go to him the odd time for reconciliation but that is it. Asking her to go to reconciliation because she hasn’t gone to mass in a while is ridiculous because life happens.
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It is not ridiculous to expect Catholics to follow the precepts of the Church. She can tell the priest in Confession about her reasons for missing Mass. He can tell her whether or not they were acceptable reasons for not fulfilling her Sunday obligation. From your description, it sounds like they were not. This is potentially a mortal sin and not something to take lightly.

You have described someone who is feeling troubled by her situation. One of the most helpful things she could do is go to Mass regularly (at another parish, if necessary) and receive the Grace this would bring her. She is likely to develop more of a sense of community there over time. But even if she does not, she needs Sacramental Grace.
 
Not all Priest are rude,so don,t Judge other Priest. What I would do is go to another Parish,attend Mass, than I would go to confession and ask Gods forgiveness for missing Mass,and than receive Our Lord,and once you have Jesus inside of you, you will feel much happier,for he Loves you,and what you to be one with him.
 
Most RCs do not have a touchy-feely relationship with their priests. A handshake is about as intimate as it needs to get. Perhaps you are expecting something warmer like the Pentacostals but you may not find RCs as emotionally supportive as protestant groups.

Most RCs focus their attention on the Blessed Sacrament and not on the priests who come and go fairly frequently. So maybe it is not quite what you expected. Don’t give up because of a clever-dick priest; yes they are human & can have all those human weaknesses.
 
What a disheartening thread. Every post is a downer. What an utter drag. I feel sorry for the girl, and now she’s a big sinner for missing Mass. The priest sounds like severely lacking in social skills, pastoral graces, and is on a power trip, at least from this description. Ugh!
 
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