Productive Ways to Counter Melancholy and Boredom as a SAHM?

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mommamaree

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Hi everyone!
I am stuck in a real rut lately.
I am confined to the house so much lately, and the lack of intellectual stimulation or adult social interaction has made me feel dull, lazy, gloomy, etc. You name a negative emotion, I have struggled with it lately.
Beginning in early February, where we had to leave our house and seek shelter in the home of friends due to an ice storm that knocked out power and threatened many homes in our town, we have had one crisis after another. We have had nasty viruses that knocked each of us down hard, one or two at a time, until an entire month had passed. My oldest child had a very scary allergic reaction to her antibiotics. Numerous repairs to our home had to be attended to. We had to work hard to keep up with homeschooling in all this. Now we are potty training one of the children. Through all this, I have been secretly pregnant, dealing with horrible nausea and exhaustion.
While we have successfully dealt with each crisis or challenge as they arose, my emotional state and mental sharpness has deteriorated. I am in no danger of losing my faith, or anything serious like that, but I am tired of feeling so dull and sad.
Does anyone have any ideas of how to get myself out of this rut, even though my external circumstances are not going to change (I will still be confined until my potty training child masters her new skills)? The boredom is just killing me!:o
 
Pinterest!

No, seriously! I don’t mean as a time killer, but more as a way to collect ideas, or future projects and such. The thing I love most about it is no paper piles. I used to save lots of clippings and things for future reference. Now, I just pin. Plus, there is lots of humor on there for those moments when you need a laugh.

But as the saying goes, this too shall pass. One day you will look back and say wow, when did my kids grow up? I can hardly remember them being that little anymore. 🙂
 
Oh, how difficult! Our answers will be more or less helpful according to your inclinations and energy:

-Short walks, like around the yard and back; a change of air is good
-Mild entertainment, like Kindle light books, online Scrabble, etc.
-Low-pressure, optional projects you can work on at intervals–sewing or knitting something
-Drawing pictures (I find very relaxing)
-Music–can you make any? Or just as a soundtrack…
-Writing to people, getting your kids to “help”
-Looking up new recipes (if you’re recovering from nausea)

Hope you feel better. Hang in there, and try to get as much rest as you can; easier said than done, to be sure!
 
These are good ideas so far! I have a Pinterest account, but I rarely remember to use it. My husband mentioned sewing again just this morning, but I would need to make a trip to the store (not possible at this point). I could do that in a couple weeks though. I do like reading good fiction, and I have some unread novels waiting for me to crack open. The time outside will have to wait a few more days at least, because we are still in the stage of me having to watch my potty training child like a hawk, in order to observe sneaky potty behavior and get her to the toilet. I am hopeful that after this weekend, we might have a bit more freedom.

Oh, I get to go for my ultrasound next week, too, and we hope to be able to find out if we are expecting a boy or girl. I am hopeful that the joy of next week will lift my spirits a bit, but until then, I want to be proactive about battling mood problems. Plus, we will be finally announcing the pregnancy next week, after the ultrasound, so that should help. Keeping this secret had been both helpful and stressful.

I think I will open up the windows and light a scented candle or two right now. It rained last night and the fresh air will do us all some good.

Thanks for your ideas so far! Just thinking through your suggestions, and knowing that this is a problem that will pass is really helping me cope with confinement.
 
Do y’all think watching a favorite TV show is a productive way to cope, or might TV exacerbate my sluggishness?
 
heidi_storage said:
Oh, how difficult! Our answers will be more or less helpful according to your inclinations and energy:

-Short walks, like around the yard and back; a change of air is good
-Mild entertainment, like Kindle light books, online Scrabble, etc.
-Low-pressure, optional projects you can work on at intervals–sewing or knitting something
-Drawing pictures (I find very relaxing)
-Music–can you make any? Or just as a soundtrack…
-Writing to people, getting your kids to “help”
-Looking up new recipes (if you’re recovering from nausea)

Hope you feel better. Hang in there, and try to get as much rest as you can; easier said than done, to be sure!
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I like these suggestions. Is there anyway you could leave the house once a week and do something with all the kids in tow? Park day (outside sunshine)? Craft day (something you can all work on together) and that could be those household projects that need to get done like painting, rearranging, organizing, sprucing up? How about service projects, help out an elderly friend with yard work, cleaning house or help them do their shopping?
 
Casilda said:
I like these suggestions. Is there anyway you could leave the house once a week and do something with all the kids in tow? Park day (outside sunshine)? Craft day (something you can all work on together) and that could be those household projects that need to get done like painting, rearranging, organizing, sprucing up? How about service projects, help out an elderly friend with yard work, cleaning house or help them do their shopping?
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We have our summer planned out already, including these types of things. We have various projects for the home, homeschooling, life skills for the kids, trips to visit family, camp Catholic for the oldest kids, and a lot more. Right now, however, I am in a holding pattern, confined to the playroom for the duration of this potty training process. We are making headway with this attempt (all previous attempts to potty train this child failed miserably), so I do not want to shortcut this process.
That is why I am looking for ways that I can address my problem without being able to alter my external circumstances. But I am getting very excited about what is to come next month!
 
I don’t think there is anything wrong with you watching a favorite show, you have certainly earned that right! 😉

P.S. Pinterest is full of sewing tips, baby stuff and projects. I usually watch a favorite show and learn something useful on Pinterest at the same time. I can never just sit and watch TV. It has to have a dual purpose, like folding clothes, hemming something, making lists, drawing, things like that.
 
Oh, I know the feeling honey!
The fact that we only have one car right now means I was stuck inside with the kiddos while hubby was out finishing up school. This was the longest winter ever!

I go out for a lot of walks.
I did this throughout most of my last pregnancy too. Hubby would go for a run and I’d walk (waddle…;)) behind him with the stroller and my eldest.
It was great exercise and I needed to do it.
I only stopped when the pain in my hips became too much which was around the 32 week mark (I think). Also, when the whether was just too cold.

We’re lucky enough that we live walking distance from at least 2 nice parks with playground equipment so we do this at least once a day.

I treat CAF as a boredom killer too. I also took some online classes this semester in order to keep up my degree goals and not get complacent while waiting to go back to school full time.
I think I remember Easter Joy suggesting, at one point, to download podcasts and listen to lectures or watch free YouTube clips of professors giving lectures. Just to give yourself some intellectual stimulation while you fold laundry or after the kiddos go to bed.

I like Pinterest and I also like trying out new recipes or making a yummy desert. Strawberries are in season and I made a lovely strawberry shortcake the other day.
 
I struggle with the same.

Truth be told, I don’t really like being a SAHM. By nature I am a worker. Yes, being a SAHM is non-stop work, but not the kind that keeps me interested. Cooking, cleaning, discipline, playing blocks, laundry are not my ideas of intellectual stimulation. I am TERRIBLY jealous of my husband for “getting” to do a really interesting job, be around other interesting adults all day, and still get to enjoy being a parent.

I know you feel super busy, but have you considered finding a way to volunteer? I swear, it gives me so much energy and such a better outlook on life to do something useful once in a while. I love being a part of a group, I love having people appreciate what I do. There is something about it that I can’t get from my job as a SAHM. Maybe it’s that affirmation from outsiders? I don’t know.

I know that I am a better mom when I volunteer. I am a better wife. I feel healthier and have more energy. I feel more attractive. I have a sense of wellbeing. I feel valuable rather than just a sloppy mommy. I have to move Heaven and Earth to make it possible - on the weekend I can leave my kids with my husband for a few hours whilst I do my volunteer work, and I pay a sitter to watch the kids so I can go “work” during the week. Yes, I am basically paying to work for free and it is worth it.

For a long time I thought I couldn’t volunteer because I had to take care of my kids around the clock. With some creative planning, I have realized that EVERYONE benefits from me going out of the house a few hours a week. The kids love to play with the sitter, they learn to respect and obey other trusted adults, and I get my “work” fix. My husband encourages it because I feel so much better at the end of those days than I do on days where I only did “mom stuff.”

You said you homeschool, and these reasons are precisely why I homeschooled for only one year. Even if it’s just a ten minute chat at pickup or drop off, or 30 minutes volunteering in the classroom, I NEEDED those interactions with other adults. I needed to have that community of families around me, and the continual availability of volunteer work to do. I feel like homeschooling can be so very isolating. Is there a homeschool group you can join so that you get those adult conversations in? Can you join a homeschool council in your area? Plan a homeschool event for local families?

Maybe that could work for you?
 
I’m going to watch this thread with interest. I’m a new mama to a 3-month-old, and we’re a one-car family, so I’m looking forward to getting some ideas myself.

That having been said, here are a few of mine:

–No, there’s nothing wrong with watching an episode or two of a favorite TV show if that’s what perks you up! I admit to being both an NCIS and a British mystery show addict, and Netflix has definitely helped me stay sane. 😃 If you don’t have a subscription to Netflix, consider getting one.
–If you enjoy cooking, look for new recipes (I LOVE allrecipes.com for this) and try them out.
–Crafting while watching a favorite show is also awesome.
–Once the kiddo is potty-trained, make a point of getting outside for a walk once a day, weather permitting. A walk will lift your spirits, the exercise will do you and the kids good, and having something “scheduled” every day gives you some focus.
 
Avocadomom,

Just gotta say, every time I see your name, I think of those two women on the Subway commercial, trying to prove which one loves avocados more.

Are you the one trimming the tree, or the one with the baby in the avocado? 😃
 
Irishmom2 said:
Avocadomom,

Just gotta say, every time I see your name, I think of those two women on the Subway commercial, trying to prove which one loves avocados more.

Are you the one trimming the tree, or the one with the baby in the avocado? 😃
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Haha! I don’t know! When I was coming up with my handle, I looked out the window, saw a bunch of avocado trees and just went with it : ) I eat one a day!
 
I like to stream videos of adult faith formation talks. I don’t listen to podcasts, because I have never had an iPod. But my Kindle fire lets me stream lectures and talks.

I have thought about the idea of taking online courses for Montessori teaching, so that I can incorporate it into my homeschooling repertoire. Maybe I should really think about actually doing that in the near future. That could be really interesting and beneficial for everyone.

Intellectual stimulation is a real challenge for me in the past year or so. The more children I have, the more difficult it has become for me to find a large enough pocket of time to devote to intellectual development and maintaining awareness of what is going on in the world. Plus I have found that media outlets are becoming increasingly polarized and are using clickbait tactics and one-sided storytelling, so I have a hard time devoting any energy to keeping up on issues and news. 😦

The weekends are amazing, because although we are always just as busy with care of children and responsibilities as homeowners, I get to enjoy the wonderful company of my husband. I start to sink into melancholy as Sunday night approaches, knowing I am facing another week of lonely, boring, cooped-up days. I really love the days of the week where me and the kiddos have a good schedule and busyness and activity. That really helps me to enjoy my vocation, but honestly we haven’t had any days like that since January. 😦
 
Avocadomom,
I have reservations about homeschooling, because of the reasons you list. We also do not currently have access to a co-op. I hope to be able to address homeschool networking over this summer.
But the fact remains that my kids love it, and they are happier at home, and they are doing great in their studies. So this is a sacrifice I am making for my family.

How do you volunteer?

I was involved in a mothers group, but when I missed several months due to illness in the family and my husband being unable to get home from work in time, the leaders of the group removed me from the group (despite paid membership). They didn’t ever message or call me to find out if everything was okay. I guess I wasn’t devoted enough to the group for their liking, as they had previously cut other women from the group for that same stated reason. It really hurt my feelings and removed my only option for regular outings with other moms and the fun mom/kid outings, too. I don’t know what to do now, because I am too embarrassed to explain my absence and beg to be reinstated. 😊😦
 
mommamaree said:
Avocadomom,
I have reservations about homeschooling, because of the reasons you list. We also do not currently have access to a co-op. I hope to be able to address homeschool networking over this summer.
But the fact remains that my kids love it, and they are happier at home, and they are doing great in their studies. So this is a sacrifice I am making for my family.

How do you volunteer?

I was involved in a mothers group, but when I missed several months due to illness in the family and my husband being unable to get home from work in time, the leaders of the group removed me from the group (despite paid membership). They didn’t ever message or call me to find out if everything was okay. I guess I wasn’t devoted enough to the group for their liking, as they had previously cut other women from the group for that same stated reason. It really hurt my feelings and removed my only option for regular outings with other moms and the fun mom/kid outings, too. I don’t know what to do now, because I am too embarrassed to explain my absence and beg to be reinstated. 😊😦
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Yeah, I got very depressed that year we homeschooled. It started to effect the kids. One day my son said, “Mom, you should start taking a nap with the baby because you are always so tired” and I knew we were done. It just wasn’t for me. I have nothing against homeschooling, but I’m not the type to be satisfied and happy at home with the kids all day. I love the interactions our family gets at school. Literally, even a ten minute conversation with another mom at drop off in the morning sets the stage for a better day rather than staying in all day long. I purposefully get out of the car and walk my children into school every morning instead of doing drop off line so that I can greet the other moms and dads.

I volunteer at the school - which my kids also LOVE. They are so happy and proud when I walk in to their classes. So it benefits them, too. I also work once a week answering phones at the crisis pregnancy center, as well as taking home some work to do for them (I write thank-you notes for donations.) I also do grocery shopping for a few elderly people through a volunteer organization that shops for homebound people. I buy their groceries and deliver them, and I often bring my baby. These elderly as so lonely, that even staying for 20 minutes to chat over a cup of coffee brightens their day and mine! I have my regular ladies and it’s great to check in with them once a week and meet that need for them.

It is SO good for me. So many moms say, “I don’t have the time.” I make the time, and truth be told, on the days I “work” I am even more productive in my home than the days I schlub around in sweats. I really encourage you to find something.

If your area doesn’t have “shop ahoy” or another grocery delivery service, why not ask your parish about starting a group? It’s super easy. There are probably elderly in your area who need both rides to and from Mass, and errands run.
 
mommamaree said:

“While we have successfully dealt with each crisis or challenge as they arose, my emotional state and mental sharpness has deteriorated. I am in no danger of losing my faith, or anything serious like that, but I am tired of feeling so dull and sad.”

Wait several months and give birth to the baby?

As a person who is slow, dumb, sleepy and lazy throughout pregnancy, that’s really the best advice I can give. I can’t even keep up with my email when I’m pregnant, let alone leave the house.
 
Xantippe said:
mommamaree said:

“While we have successfully dealt with each crisis or challenge as they arose, my emotional state and mental sharpness has deteriorated. I am in no danger of losing my faith, or anything serious like that, but I am tired of feeling so dull and sad.”

Wait several months and give birth to the baby?

As a person who is slow, dumb, sleepy and lazy throughout pregnancy, that’s really the best advice I can give. I can’t even keep up with my email when I’m pregnant, let alone leave the house.
Click to expand...
Yes, this is certainly one way of approaching my problem. I always feel much better after I have the baby. I am not a happy camper when I am pregnant. But I have worried that just remaining melancholy (which, if I am honest is exactly what I feel “motivated” to do) is the wrong way to deal with this. I am entering the second half of pregnancy, normally a time of feeling a bit better, because the nausea ends and the exhaustion fades. So, I hope that I can be more energetic and cheerful again soon. But if not and I still struggle for the duration, at least I know there is an end in sight.:o
On another note,
One thing I look forward to is our bedtime routine. We all pile onto the sofa together (all six of us, so it is getting crowded!) and we watch Star Wars The Clone Wars animated series. My husband and I grew up loving Star Wars and our kids have inherited that passion. The new series is full of moral and ethical dilemmas, and juxtaposes sacrifice and the evil quest for power. It is fascinating and spawns lots of faith formation conversations. That time is both intellectually stimulating and emotionally fulfilling, because it all happens as a family. The kids always groan when the episode ends. Some days when I feel really stressed or exhausted, I focus on that as my goal and my reward for all the little sacrifices of the day.
 
Awww, that’s great.

It’s good you have something you look forward to like that.
 
If I were you, I would pack up my kids and send them off to school! I honestly don’t know how anyone could home school and expect to keep their sanity. School is a well-deserved break for a busy mother!
 
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