Projection and deserving a good spouse

[SilverShadow22]

See? Kill vs murder

Ergo you cn find humor in kill because it is just

You can find humor in murder because you can’t do it.

Like “kill some terrorists about to kill civilians” is okay

“Ha! If my hubby doesnt take ojt the trash again Ill kill him” funny becaaus you quite obviously dont mean it.

Now if you cant say the second without a hint of truth!

Then!!! If hubby said such a joke to you you might freak out… not because he is dangerous, but because you are.

Between my father, my sister, and I, we must have threatened to kill each other a few hundred times already lol

 

[Xantippe]

Hmmm a bit of my thread a showing?

**They say you can joke if it isn’t “true”
**
Another point in fact in a similar way…

Some people can joke about terrible things because they know it is 100% a joke.

I’d imagine those who find dark humor off putting might at times have an actual darkside themselves

I agree more with the people who say, “Nobody is ever joking.”

For example (mostly for the benefit of the young people in the CAF audience):

“What if I raped you? Ha ha!” does mean that the person is thinking about it.

Substitute any bad thing for rape and same thing–mentioning something bad out of the blue demonstrates that the person has been thinking about doing whatever the bad thing is.

 

[LethalMouse]

I agree more with the people who say, “Nobody is ever joking.”

For example (mostly for the benefit of the young people in the CAF audience):

“What if I raped you? Ha ha!” does mean that the person is thinking about it.

Substitute any bad thing for rape and same thing–mentioning something bad out of the blue demonstrates that the person has been thinking about doing whatever the bad thing is.

You do realize what your protest suggests under my thread premise?

Actually certain protests seem common among certain posters and some who have given insights to their behavior show patterns congruent with the very things they protest

 

[Elena321]

I’m sure that happens. Broken people tend to attract other broken people, and their relationship models are often unhealthy.

Lethal mouse-when people do what you mentioned,isn’t it because they have Depression or trust issues?
For example,if you met a girl,that had been cheated on before,she might “project” that onto you and fear that you will cheat on her in the future/when married.
If it’s just “casual” you might choose to not continue the relationship,but if you really like her & want to continue the relationship then you would probably be patient & recognise it may take a bit of time for her to get to know your character and feel confident to trust you.

 

[LethalMouse]

Lethal mouse-when people do what you mentioned,isn’t it because they have Depression or trust issues?
For example,if you met a girl,that had been cheated on before,she might “project” that onto you and fear that you will cheat on her in the future/when married.
If it’s just “casual” you might choose to not continue the relationship,but if you really like her & want to continue the relationship then you would probably be patient & recognise it may take a bit of time for her to get to know your character and feel confident to trust you.

Well, there are usually more than one reason for anything. If you are walking down a bad neighborhood and see 10 guys in matching red or blue shirts flashing hand signs and you think or say "oh they might rob me"that has nithijg to do with my premise.

Nor if you are operating from a form of like a PTSD or some other issue.

So yes in a case where someone was cheated on for example, they may project that not becasue of inner bad but because of things that happened.

Like after rearended in a car accident I spent a year ir so hyper aware of cars behind me. Not because I was planning on smashing into anyone, but because of what happened.

 

[Xantippe]

Well, there are usually more than one reason for anything. If you are walking down a bad neighborhood and see 10 guys in matching red or blue shirts flashing hand signs and you think or say "oh they might rob me"that has nithijg to do with my premise.

**Nor if you are operating from a form of like a PTSD or some other issue.

So yes in a case where someone was cheated on for example, they may project that not becasue of inner bad but because of things that happened.

Like after rearended in a car accident I spent a year ir so hyper aware of cars behind me. Not because I was planning on smashing into anyone, but because of what happened.**

OK!

That seems a little bit more reasonable than thinking that people who are afraid of rape are all secretly rapists.

Related: people who are afraid of muggings are not all secretly muggers.

Etc.

 

[LethalMouse]

OK!

That seems a little bit more reasonable than thinking that people who are afraid of rape are all secretly rapists.

Related: people who are afraid of muggings are not all secretly muggers.

Etc.

Like anything psychological, nothing, even the most accurate truth is never “always” or “everyone”.

This is just another factor whether it be 1 out of a thousand of 5 out of 10. Just a thought.

And one that causes us to evaluate ourselves.

But it is notable that I have seen those I might know/believe to be not so good, who routinely accuse.

Sure some may do this consciously for public purposes, and then not as necessary they take stock in themselves.

But the person who thinks they are “good” who makes the accusations of what others will do could ftake this premise as just one possible consideration of issue they may have.

Actually I didn’t think about it until know but I remember my lawyer stating in court to my exwife who accused me of what i might have intended to do if she didn’t try to screw me over and my lawyer said something along the lines

“The only reason you think that he would do that is because that is what you would do”

Perhaps that logic is sometimes concious, but perhaps when we think ourselves righteous, we should take a look at who we really are

And like I said some people even on this forum toss out the evils others would do, and when describing themselves, they sound quite capable of those evils themselves… even so far as I’d say they describe a life where the only person who actually did evils in their lives were in fact them.

 

[LethalMouse]

Thos also speaks in a related to God and humans way that since many many humans think God to be wrong, one only needs look at the lapse, agnostic, and atheist threads to see “Is God morally wrong?” Premises

So if God is perfect and these people can say God is bad.

Then truly what chance does a good imperfect human stand to not be called a moral monster even by soneone who might claim to accept God?

In that no matter how good someone is another human can then aplly the same logic the athesits apply toward God. No matter what for example your spouse does, if human mind is capable of calling God “bad” then couldn’t your accusation of your spouses failings be similar in that they don’t exist anymore than the “failings” of God?

 

[SilverShadow22]

So what you seem to be saying is that we project based on experience, whether internal or external.

For instance, there are those who proclaim all alcohol is evil all the time. They either a) witnessed someone who couldn’t use alcohol moderately and project that to everyone or b) know or suspect that they themselves couldn’t use alcohol moderately and project that to everyone.

They make the mistake of generalizing from a single experience, or, extrapolating from a personal weakness. The second is because saying everyone is as weak as you frees you from responsibility for it. If it’s just a matter of time before any drinking at all leads to alcoholism, then aren’t they the smart one for never drinking at all?

The first mistake is, I think, a failure of the imagination coupled with a desire not to be hurt/fooled again.

 

[LethalMouse]

So what you seem to be saying is that we project based on experience, whether internal or external.

For instance, there are those who proclaim all alcohol is evil all the time. They either a) witnessed someone who couldn’t use alcohol moderately and project that to everyone or b) know or suspect that they themselves couldn’t use alcohol moderately and project that to everyone.

They make the mistake of generalizing from a single experience, or, extrapolating from a personal weakness. The second is because saying everyone is as weak as you frees you from responsibility for it. If it’s just a matter of time before any drinking at all leads to alcoholism, then aren’t they the smart one for never drinking at all?

The first mistake is, I think, a failure of the imagination coupled with a desire not to be hurt/fooled again.

Yes! Kinda madd I didnt think of the alcohol example lol as that is probably one of the more common and identifiables.

So many who would tell you about your weekend wine tasting trip how you will succumb to life destroying alcoholism.

Often proven onky with “well when i used to drink I did terribke things and smashed my car into my house and drank 2 fifths a day minimum”

Like uhhh no, you have problems, not me and the people casually taking sips of wine at the Vineyard and spitting it out…

And then apply that to many more things in life people say others will do “bad”.

 

[EasterJoy]

Way too many people kill their spouses for that line to be ha ha funny.

True, but it is what the old ladies used to say. When no one ever raised a hand against anyone (or never admitted to it, I suppose we’d say now), one could joke that way.

(The other one my grandmother was fond of was, “The husband is the head of the family. The wife, though, is the neck, and the neck turns the head whichever way it wants.”…also meant tongue-in-cheek.)

 

[SilverShadow22]

Alternately, if we’re speaking of things that stand in the way of a healthy relationship, failure to trust may be due to past bad experience, not believing the other person will return the trust, and/or suspecting yourself to be untrustworthy.

Also, if you can’t find enough about yourself to like, let alone love… You won’t believe anyone else can, either.

 

[EasterJoy]

Good stuff

But fyi I am not asking per advice persay more philosophical psychological ponderance to humans in general lol

I did enjoy them classes lol

On the philosophical side, I’m not buying anthropomorphising the devil. I don’t see any reason to believe that evil exists because an archangel had “self esteem issues.” The Prince of Darkness and his angels are fully culpable for making themselves the enemies of God, which excludes mitigating psychological issues. Now, I suppose you could argue that the devil would have been spiritually crippled in his fall, but that does not explain the initial sin of pride.

We can do morally bad things because we are psychological cripples, but not all sin (or all foolishness) is a result of poor psychological machinery. Sometimes, we sin–exclude ourselves from the companionship of God and that which is good and true–because we want to decide the good and the true for ourselves. We proudly choose our good as ultimate and God’s as arbitrary, thereby refusing to submit to the reality of what is actually good and what is actually bad in the greatest sense. God only sees in the greatest sense; we always see in a limited manner. We have to trust. When we don’t, there will be consequences, since we will act in a way that violates the plain requirements of reality. We are free to walk as if a wall is not there, but the wall isn’t going to move to accommodate us. We are free to imagine things are there that are not, but we will find we’ve chosen to set ourselves down onto thin air. It is the falsehood of our distrustful imaginings that doom us, regardless of why we imagined what we do.

The short answer is that if you believe yourself unworthy material for marriage, it does stand to reason that you won’t find yourself able to relate to any prospective spouse as worthy material for marriage. Either you’ll think she’s right for you and therefore wrong for marriage, or you’ll think her worthy for marriage and therefore a mismatch to you. I wouldn’t call that ironclad, but it is true that warped self-disgust is no substitute for humility based in truth: that is a truth that has a greater belief in the mercy of God than in the depth of one’s own unworthiness for mercy. (That “unworthiness,” by the way, can hide a secret pride that is disgusted at the neediness that requires mercy in the first place. That is a viewpoint of the devil, yes.)