Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands?

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I brought this up on the Man-hating thread and was asked to start a separate thread. Has anyone read this book (The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands) by Dr. Laura and if so, what did you think? I would be especially interested to hear from husbands and “older” women (before the feminist movement). While I don’t think Dr. Laura understands marriage from the Catholic point of view, I do think she has some valid points about how wives have been treating their husbands since the feminist movement began to influence society. Love to hear your opinion.
 
I have read the book. I cried a couple of times. Don’t get me wrong, my husband and I have a wonderful marriage. He is my best friend; that’s why I cried. I think she brings up some very good points about men’s psyche which are so often overlooked in today’s society. So many times I have been critical and unappreciative of the things he has done fo me and the family, without even stopping to think. I cried to think that I could have hurt him, without even stopping to notice. Thinking back of various little incidents that occur, I know that I would be despairing and heartbroken if he ever spoke to me the way I, at times have spoken to him…

That men have feelings too, what a novel concept! It is certainly true that our culture here is not good for masculinity, femininity, or marriage. I just don’t understand why it is so controversial to treat your husband with at least as much respect as you would treat one of your friends…
 
Miss Piggy:
I brought this up on the Man-hating thread and was asked to start a separate thread. Has anyone read this book (The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands) by Dr. Laura and if so, what did you think? I would be especially interested to hear from husbands and “older” women (before the feminist movement). While I don’t think Dr. Laura understands marriage from the Catholic point of view, I do think she has some valid points about how wives have been treating their husbands since the feminist movement began to influence society. Love to hear your opinion.
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Sorry, I haven’t read the book but I listen to Dr. Laura often enough to know where she’s coming from and she’s right. Before I came back into the Church four years ago, I was a proud, self-proclaimed screaming feminist :o who didn’t treat my husband with the respect and dignity that he deserves for the awesome God-given position that he holds – husband (and now father!) And because of it I didn’t appreciate or respect my position of my God-given gift of wife! How amazing it is that showing affection, appreciation and love to someone who I’m truly blessed to be married to – because he really is a wonderful man – and stopping the whining and immaturity has enhanced and uplifted our marriage.

Needless to say, I’m no longer a “feminist” in the liberal sense of the word but a woman who now thoroughly enjoys her God-given femininity and motherhood.

Bernadette:D
 
I bought the book when it came out in January, read it, and immediately began to implement her strategies. Dr. Laura is right: the changes you make show fruit immediately. I was so overwhelmed by what I read and how life changed at home (but mostly within me) that I faxed her a letter, and she read it on the air that day.
Turns out that not long after I finished the book, we learned that we are pregnant with our fifth child (following 4 c-sections–not advised or planned but so welcome). I wrote this to her, and she commented after reading my letter that her book does not cause pregnancy. Ha ha
One thing I wrote that I would like to reiterate to anyone who hasn’t read it: I spent years at mass asking as my personal intention that Christ would open my heart to my husband so that I could be a loving companion and not a shill shrew I was most of the day. In His wisdom, he led me to buy the book. His will was done, and my intention was answered.
Another thing I loved about the book was her passion about cleaning up yourself before your husband comes home. I now do my makeup every day, wear something cute if circumstances allow (I think only once since Jan. has he come home to a wife in sweats, no makeup, and scraggly hair), and wear perfume no matter if my biggest outing is to Sam’s. He loves this and comments on it, and it honestly has made me feel like a prettier woman. Why wouldn’t it?
Love the book, love the many pauses she has given me over the years, but golly, I wish she would stop cursing and using unkind words on the air.
 
Interesting question…I have not read the book, although I saw Dr. Laura on Larry King Live. She does have valid points regarding respecting and honoring one’s husband. I do think that the feminist movement was the worst thing that could have happened…and it happened as I was staring into my dating years.

However, I am at the age - 52, where I no longer feel like hanging from the chandeliers and partying until I am reduced to a sexual being and nothing more. The way Dr. Laura (who I LIKE) came across, she seemed to be chastising women who had already gone through the change of life and had decided for various reasons (mine being post cancer) not to go on female hormone replacement therapy. I found her to be very self centered in that regard and not giving much thought to the fact that God made our bodies to age and with that aging comes changes. Not all of the changes are what we expect or want, but it is in bearing that cross in the part of our lives that we grow closer to our spouses in a new way IF ONLY the good Dr. Laura had not suggested that I ought to be the same sexual being I was when I was in my 20’s, 30’s and 40’s.

Aging is not for sissies and there is a whole culture now that demands that women must satisfy their husband’s sexual desires as they age even when their bodies are saying “enough already” I see the advertisements for female hormone boosting (similar to viagra) and it makes me want to scream.

So - I guess - how is this any different than the feminists? Yes, we are to honor and respect our husbands and they in turn need to honor our aging bodies.(as well as theirs…what is up with them, anyway?)

MAN! I did not know I was so irritated with Dr. Laura and the rest of the BE YOUNG AND SEXUAL culture!

But the question was asked…and so I answered!

I have asked someone on the Catholic Apologist telephone if the Church had spoken to this…I know it has caused trouble in some of my friend’s marriages, too. The Apologist said that the use of enhancements was not against church teaching. That I understand, but some of the enhancements are a smaller dose of the birth control pill and although after menopause, they would not be used for b.c., they still have some horrible side effects, as in cancer, heart attack, strokes. Not to mention what Viagra does - men with heart conditions need not apply!

So, I believe that Dr. Laura can be happy in her marriage taking her hormones and I will be happy in my marriage sans hormones!

Okay, now I think I am finished! I hope no one found my post offensive, I apologize in advance if they do. I tried to keep it as polite as possible.
 
Sorry, me again:o I forgot to say that I honor the sacrament of marriage and that I have a wonderful husband…

What is the Man-hating thread? Is it on Catholic Answers Forum? Yikes!
 
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just5kids:
I bought the book when it came out in January, read it, and immediately began to implement her strategies. Dr. Laura is right: the changes you make show fruit immediately. I was so overwhelmed by what I read and how life changed at home (but mostly within me) that I faxed her a letter, and she read it on the air that day.
Turns out that not long after I finished the book, we learned that we are pregnant with our fifth child (following 4 c-sections–not advised or planned but so welcome). I wrote this to her, and she commented after reading my letter that her book does not cause pregnancy. Ha ha
One thing I wrote that I would like to reiterate to anyone who hasn’t read it: I spent years at mass asking as my personal intention that Christ would open my heart to my husband so that I could be a loving companion and not a shill shrew I was most of the day. In His wisdom, he led me to buy the book. His will was done, and my intention was answered.
Another thing I loved about the book was her passion about cleaning up yourself before your husband comes home. I now do my makeup every day, wear something cute if circumstances allow (I think only once since Jan. has he come home to a wife in sweats, no makeup, and scraggly hair), and wear perfume no matter if my biggest outing is to Sam’s. He loves this and comments on it, and it honestly has made me feel like a prettier woman. Why wouldn’t it?
Love the book, love the many pauses she has given me over the years, but golly, I wish she would stop cursing and using unkind words on the air.
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I bought the book, read it and love it although my husband and I have had a very traditional marriage where the man is the leader (NOT tyrant or bully but the head and I am the heart) of the marriage. I agree so much that men are not very complicated and it is so easy for us to make them happy. When we marry, we die to ourelves similar to the way that we die to the world when we accept Christ. We begin to live for our spouse and for the children that we make. In doing so, we become an integral part of the other person’s salvation…that’s why God put us together, I guess. So Dr. Laura really reaffirmed what I had already learned a few years ago: “Anything with two heads is a freak.” The couples who are fighting for power and leadership in a marriage are heading for trouble. Living in a battleground is no way to live and certainly no way to raise children.

Also, one of her main points is that it isn’t a good idea to say “no” too often. Not to be indelicate, but it really is good for both to, as we call it, “work on the marriage”.
 
A question - for those of you who answered and liked the book - are any of you post menopausal?

I am so glad that implementing some of her strategies have worked so well in your marriages. I am just wondering why saying “No” cannot be just what is. I think this is going back to the having always to please, which is dangerous. Respect from both partners, compromise, loving like Christ loves His Bride, the Church, is what I see in a marriage, not what I saw Dr. Laura preach about her hormones. Perhaps she does not go into that much in her book. Perhaps I need to get the book!
 
My wife asked me to pick it up for her a while ago and I bought the Audio book. WE listed to the first half of it or so together while driving… we both thought it was very good… and I feel that for the most part she was pretty accurate in her assessment of men. Maybe a bit dramatic, but then again, she has to sell books right 😉 Anyway, we would have listened to the rest, but i accidently left the cD’s on top of the Rotissere while cooking some chicken… and well… lets just say they dont quite look the same.

Brandon
 
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chimakuni:
A question - for those of you who answered and liked the book - are any of you post menopausal?

I am so glad that implementing some of her strategies have worked so well in your marriages. I am just wondering why saying “No” cannot be just what is. I think this is going back to the having always to please, which is dangerous. Respect from both partners, compromise, loving like Christ loves His Bride, the Church, is what I see in a marriage, not what I saw Dr. Laura preach about her hormones. Perhaps she does not go into that much in her book. Perhaps I need to get the book!
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This probably isn’t what you want to hear – I’m single (twice divorced and planning on staying single) and only perimenopausal. But… unless you have darn good reason to say “no” on a regular basis, it’s not good for marriage. Intimacy is vitally important in marriage – I think it’s less about sex (i.e., gratification) and more about love and acceptance. When we are intimate with our husbands – and, no, that doesn’t mean we have to swing from the chandeliers or perform boudoir gymnastics – we are telling them nonverbally that we cherish them, that they are beloved to us, that we appreciate being one with them. Chronically deny that to your husband – deny your *self *to him without solid, unavoidable reason – and you’ve got problems on your hands, I’m afraid.

Besides, for women we have the added advantage to our emotional make-up that we are able to enjoy intimacy quietly; just holding and being close to our spouse has its own satisfaction.

I am highly suspicious of our culture’s tendency to over-medicate, and I’m concerned about the possible risks of indiscriminate HRT, so I wouldn’t resort to that option just because of a decrease in libido; again, quiet “uneventful” lovemaking can be very sweet and satisfying. Besides – doesn’t it touch something deep in your heart that your husband would want to hold and be close to you, especially during that phase of life when … well, the development of chin whiskers is hardly glamorous, is it? :nope: But for a husband to still find you dear and desirable… wow. How beautiful!
 
While I think that Dr. Laura makes good points about direct communication, respect, gratitude, good food, intimacy and guy time, I think she’s weighing in a little heavily on the man’s side. I don’t deny that the book is helpful in understanding how a man sees things, but she makes it sound as if anything lacking in the husband has it roots in how the wife treats him. Where’s the personal responsibility for sin? It’s as if Adam is blaming Eve for giving him the apple (and blaming God for giving him Eve!). While women have been sold a bill of goods by the feminist movement, and while the movement has made men out to be the enemy and sown seeds of discontent, I think there are a lot of men who want to be children in the family instead of the man in the family. I also don’t think she recognizes that the primary function of a Christian marriage is the procreation and education of the young and that the secondary ends are mutual society and help. She doesn’t emphasize that *mutual *sacrifice intensifies love and I felt she overemphasized the physical aspect of the marital act. “The marital act unites the soul, heart, and mind as well as the body. Overemphasizing the physical aspect obscures its true purpose.” (The Catholic Marriage Manual, Rev. George A. Kellly) She doesn’t seem to acknowledge the man’s obligation to understand or cater to a woman’s different approach to the act. “Whereas his arousal is most often achieved by physical stimuli, hers is achieved by emotional ones as well. The wife approaches the act not in the physical way that he does but emotionally. HER DESIRE MAY HAVE ITS BEGINNING HOURS OR DAYS BEFORE; it depends upon his tenderness and kindness not in the marriage bed alone, but in his every day regard, care and treatment of her. This explains why the husband who is discourteous or inconsiderate may fail to evoke interest when he tries to initiate the marital act. Acts of loving kindness shown to your wife in your kitchen or living room will have their happy fulfillment in love-making, for the act of union is not something that a woman sets apart. Rather it is the physical sign of her inner feelings for her husband. Only if her husband wins her heart will her body express her love.” (Catholic Marriage Manual). It isn’t always about flowers and romance. It really is about sacrifice. I will agree that either partner shouldn’t wait to give until he/she gets. One kind act will have a ripple effect. Don’t get too busy to attend to all the areas she mentions, and hopefully it will get the ball rolling!!! And remember man-bashing is just another name for detraction and that is a sin!
 
Miss Piggy - excellent, thank you, your post was written the way I wish I could write.

Laura - be very wary - perimenopausal is nice…very nice. Post menopause…well, let me put it to you this way, WHAT A SHOCK!!! there is nothing left. No medications helped, no creams, etc. No help. Plus, having had cancer, and still being screen annually for it, there is no way that I will ingest something that might bring my libido back and put me at a higher risk for more cancer.

No, really, my point was that being in love, mutually in love is to deal with the chin hairs and the balding hair and all of that without the newest craze of having to become youthful, sexy and desirable when your body is no longer naturally doing that.

I actually feel betrayed by this latest round of books…which, really, are not anything new. We Catholics are told to treat one another lovingly.

I love what happened to the audio tapes when they got too close to the rotissaire. That is such a good picture for me. God is good - ALWAYS! Thanks for the :rotfl:

Thank you, both Laura and Miss Piggy for posting back. I pray for you Laura that your post menopausal years are not as harsh as mine are. Of course, Laura, if you stay single, you do not even need to think about it! But those hot flashes - they’ll get you anyway;)

God Bless
 
This is quite funny for me! One, because I am a young man, about to be married in my 20’s, and two, because my fiancee and I along with another engaged couple have recently read a book that suggested we ‘figure out’ how we will resolve the ‘not in the mood’ phenomenon. Its amazing how much discussion this one topic has provoked from all of us. Let me tell you our positions so far on the issue.

It seems to me that the woman’s position is: my husband must never use me as an object, and therefore I should not have to have sex when I am not ‘all for it’. The guy’s position seems to be this: we make sacrifices for our wives, why can’t they make sacrifices for us.

The book gave this example: a husband wakes up thinking about sex, he is VERY aroused, thinks about waking his wife for an early morning ‘prance’ but instead decides that it would be a more loving act to let her sleep. He goes to work, fights the temptations constantly bombarding him from all sides for sake of his marriage convenant and the fidelity he feels toward his wife. When he returns home, he faces a woman who is upset becaue he was not considerate enough to clean up his laundary like he promised, and she adds, and ‘DON’T get any ideas’.

The question is: objectively speaking, the man made a blunder by not doing what he promised, does the wife also make an equal blunder here?

What do you all think?
 
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sullivansoul:
This is quite funny for me! One, because I am a young man, about to be married in my 20’s, and two, because my fiancee and I along with another engaged couple have recently read a book that suggested we ‘figure out’ how we will resolve the ‘not in the mood’ phenomenon. Its amazing how much discussion this one topic has provoked from all of us. Let me tell you our positions so far on the issue.

It seems to me that the woman’s position is: my husband must never use me as an object, and therefore I should not have to have sex when I am not ‘all for it’. The guy’s position seems to be this: we make sacrifices for our wives, why can’t they make sacrifices for us.

The book gave this example: a husband wakes up thinking about sex, he is VERY aroused, thinks about waking his wife for an early morning ‘prance’ but instead decides that it would be a more loving act to let her sleep. He goes to work, fights the temptations constantly bombarding him from all sides for sake of his marriage convenant and the fidelity he feels toward his wife. When he returns home, he faces a woman who is upset becaue he was not considerate enough to clean up his laundary like he promised, and she adds, and ‘DON’T get any ideas’.

The question is: objectively speaking, the man made a blunder by not doing what he promised, does the wife also make an equal blunder here?

What do you all think?
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I think it’s important to keep the lines of communication open at all times. I also think wives (or husbands) should try to “get in the mood” once in awhile when they aren’t. From personal experience I can say that I’m almost always happy I decided to go ahead anyway. It helps give better feelings. When I’m really not in the mood or pre-occupied or tired, I tell my husband nicely and give him a “rain-check”. He respects that.

Now that we’re in our 40’s, things have evened out a bit and even flip-flopped. Believe it or not (you’re a man in your 20’s but the time will come) there are more times I’m in the mood and he isn’t. He lets me know when he just is not interested and gives me a “rain-check” and I don’t feel rejected either. This is not to objectify one another but it’s important to realize that one spouse may be more interested than the other at any given time.

One thing I have discovered: The more you show your love to your spouse and do things for him/her, the more love (emotional and physical) you will receive.

Good luck in your future marriage.

God Bless,
Denise
 
Chimakumi,

I don’t really know the entirety of your situation, but it doesn’t sound easy.

If Dr. Laura makes it out as if it is every woman’s duty to pump up their bodies with hormones just to please their husbands - that’s wrong.

Am I understanding your situation correctly in that, due to your health, you are at a point in life where there will be no more sexual relations between you and your husband? At age 52? Is it really that extreme?

Or is it just that “no” is just more often?

I receive so much more from my wife than simply what happens in bed. If taking hormones for the sake of love-making would also mean losing a few years of all the other benefits of companionship - boy I couldn’t answer that so easily.

However, I would be extremely hurt if my wife were to face this situation, then tell me, “well I guess you’re not gettin’ any for the rest of our married life.”
 
I have read the book, and I don’t recall Dr. Laura pushing women to take hormones anywhere in it, but then I wasn’t really looking for that as I am not menopausal…

I do agree that she tends to overlook any male culpability in situations, but then, that is not why she wrote the book. There are plenty of books out there that do that already. I think she is merely presenting the idea that if you want change, you might need to look in the mirror and take some action.

As far as “Not In the Mood” goes: I have been happily married for nine years so far. We have three beautiful children so far. The first three years were the hardest, as we were both in the process of growing out of our selfishness. We unhappily, were not following the Church’s teaching on birth control and openness to life. Many times, I felt used and objectified. Since we have been living in line with the Church’s teachings, I have not felt that way. Sure, I am not always in the mood, but I love my husband, and it makes him happy, and it doesn’t cost me a darn thing to please him in this way. I KNOW that he loves me and frankly, the fact that he is still so attracted to me (even though after three kids in five years I definitely do not have the same shape as I did in college when we met) is very flattering. In fact, I would say that he is more attracted to me now, than he was before stretch marks and saggy belly flab descended on me.

I agree that in the book there is a great deal of emphasis on physical intimacy, but I think it is more to drive in the point that it IS important. No, I don’t believe that it is all important, but I know that it is a very important way for my husband to feel close to me. Even if I am not in the mood to hang from the chandelier 😉 I can still allow him to express his love and union with me. They don’t call it the Marriage Act for nothing! As mentioned in a previous post, if you deny the marriage act too often, you may not have a marriage left…
 
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sullivansoul:
This is quite funny for me! One, because I am a young man, about to be married in my 20’s, and two, because my fiancee and I along with another engaged couple have recently read a book that suggested we ‘figure out’ how we will resolve the ‘not in the mood’ phenomenon.

What do you all think?
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Sullivansoul…
Here’s a suggestion that we give couples at our Pre-Cana program. As you know, communication is a vital part of any marriage. We teach our couples a technique called a “5-5-5” (5 minutes or however long you agree on; this could be a 10-10-10 or a 20-20-20 depending on the topic you choose). It refers to one spouse only talking for 5 minutes on an agreed upon topic; then the other spouse gets 5 minutes to talk. All the while the other partner cannot talk during this time but is forced to listen. Then for the last 5 minutes they both can talk (hopefully not at the same time 😛 ).
This technique allows both parties to express their feelings in an uniterrupted manner. It’s very difficult at first beacuse we’re often formulating our reply while the other person is talking. However, it proves very effective over time because it forces one to listen.
Try it with this topic to see how you can readily achieve a solution.
Another way is to write (yes write) to each other. It’s another form of uniterrupted conversation that’s very effective that has been lost on us all. (Emails, letters and cards all work 😃 )
Lastly, make an appointment (a date) with your spouse with the full understanding that you’d like to particiapte in the conjugal act (I’m proud of myself for wording it that way given all the other things I could have said :o ). The date creates a commitment as well as an anticipation of what is to follow.
Oh yeah be VERY careful not to break these ‘dates’ as this sends a poor signal to your spouse that you really don’t consider his/her time important.
Hope this helps.
Peace
 
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LauraL:
But… unless you have darn good reason to say “no” on a regular basis, it’s not good for marriage. Intimacy is vitally important in marriage – I think it’s less about sex (i.e., gratification) and more about love and acceptance. When we are intimate with our husbands – and, no, that doesn’t mean we have to swing from the chandeliers or perform boudoir gymnastics – we are telling them nonverbally that we cherish them, that they are beloved to us, that we appreciate being one with them. Chronically deny that to your husband – deny your *self *to him without solid, unavoidable reason – and you’ve got problems on your hands, I’m afraid.

Besides, for women we have the added advantage to our emotional make-up that we are able to enjoy intimacy quietly; just holding and being close to our spouse has its own satisfaction.

I am highly suspicious of our culture’s tendency to over-medicate, and I’m concerned about the possible risks of indiscriminate HRT, so I wouldn’t resort to that option just because of a decrease in libido; again, quiet “uneventful” lovemaking can be very sweet and satisfying. Besides – doesn’t it touch something deep in your heart that your husband would want to hold and be close to you, especially during that phase of life when … well, the development of chin whiskers is hardly glamorous, is it? :nope: But for a husband to still find you dear and desirable… wow. How beautiful!
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Beautifully put. May I add one thing: By refraining from “no”, we are also saying that his needs matter. Men are physically different from women and their drive manifests itself differently.

Putting his needs ahead of my own need to sleep or watch TV is a good thing. Its part of give and take. (Besides, I usually get “swayed to his way of thinking” before too long…) But, you are absolutely correct in that it is essential to keeping a marriage strong and vital. And it helps prepare you for the times when maybe you have legit reasons for saying “no”.
 
Wow - great discussion. Black Jacque…the hormones don’t work - they have been tried. There are SO many ways to be intimate with one’s spouse and I believe that is what the Church calls us to do in the sacrament of marriage. To be considerate, loving, respectful…and yes, even intimate, but the degree and actions of intimacy may change with age. Yes, I am aware of the fact that my physical limitations, even WITH hormones have been problematic, but what I am upset about is the notion that one never has to face the fact that our bodies age.

Plastic surgery to pull up those breasts, tummy tucks to erase the fact that a woman’s womb has carried precious life and face lifts to get rid of the tell tale signs that a person has actually lived!

Dr. Laura was espousing, in the interview with Larry King, the wonderful full energetic feeling she had because she is on drugs to make her body feel younger. She also exercises, which is good. She is full of energy - she has one child, now about 17 or so, household help and lots of money to spend on her drugs and her exercise routine. This is a woman who can afford to “feel” young and energetic, in every sense of the words.

The fact that she is not the norm, I think is what I am trying to get at. There are millions of post menopausal women who are no longer able to get pleasure out of being most initmate with their spouse. But listening to Dr. Laura, one would think that there was something wrong with those women!

I have spoken to my friends who are my age…and to those friends who are younger. It is interesting that the post menopausal women, some who are still able to be intimate and others who must find different ways, are all on the same page. The younger women for some reason never think their bodies will change.

Please do not misunderstand me, my husband and I have been married for eighteen years, love one another, are commited to the sacrament of our marriage and our sons. My husband is patient, kind and loving. He is a wonderful provider and spouse and very understanding. And, I hope that I satisfy him as a worthy spouse as well…but it is not a one issue thing, marriage! It is multi-faceted, as is life itself.

An aside to the young man who wrote about sex. “Dear Son – if you think of love making as sex, you will always be using your spouse as an object. If you think of your most initmate moments with your bride (no matter of how many years) as love making - I think you will be surprised at how she will respond! Your Experienced Mom!” (and, no I am not his mother! - my eldest is 16!)

God Bless us all…
 
Hi! I will add to the younger entries. I’m in the middle of reading Dr. Laura’s book (recommended to me by another young woman in our Engaged Encounter presenters’ group), and am working on implementing what she talks about. I’m only just now getting into the “marital relations” section, but haven’t absorbed anything yet about taking lots of homones. I think Dr. Laura focuses on women because we have been the most proactive in changing in recent years (like the 30). I suspect men’s changes have mostly been reactive in response to us. Just a guess.

My impression of the book is that she is making a very strong argument. I’m in my early 30’s and, despite having traditional parents, absorbed a lot of ideas over the years about how to behave in my own marriage. Our dating life was fine, but something changed drastically for the worse about the time we got engaged, and didn’t improve after marriage (we’ve been married 6 years). I suddenly didn’t see my husband the same way, everything he did irritated me, I wanted to control absolutely everything in the house, and I couldn’t have cared less about our physical life at this point. He, on the other hand, has been very kind and patient as we tried and tried to sort out what was wrong.

When I listened to Dr. Laura talk about her book, as much as I didn’t want to think I was those women, it was clear that I was. Although I am in no way a feminist-type, I had obviously soaked up a lot of their way of thinking. Before engagement, we were kind to each other and were both thoughtful of the other’s feelings. Afterwards, I only wanted to rule the roost, and make sure that he didn’t get his way over mine. I expected him to do anything I wanted, but didn’t want to have to reciprocate. My negative feelings easily cancelled out any feelings of romance. I’m working on the suggestions, a few at a time, and they’re a challenge, but not as onerous as I’d thought, and they’re good for my spiritual development as a Catholic as well. Still, lots of work ahead!
 
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