Proper Punishment for Peeping at Porn

[DeniseR]

Thanks for your replies. The first time I found porn in his room last year I had my husband talk with them (at the time we weren’t sure who it belonged to but it took him a second to find out when he brought it up. The one had a look of a deer in the headlights.)

After the first time I found the porn I had put it back and he told him to destroy it. That way if there was more he would get rid of it all. I found a Victoria’s Secret in the trash later too! Anyway, my husband is not the most verbally expressive guy to get a moral point across. He basically says don’t do it because it’s not right and leaves it at that.

Anyway, this time I don’t know what my son was looking at but only suspect it because of virises and pop-ups. Someone told me it was from visiting porn sites and I know I don’t visit them and my husband doesn’t know how to turn on the computer, much less use it so that left the two boys. When I confronted the younger one he didn’t deny it.

The technician who restored my computer said the pop-ups were not pornographic so he wasn’t sure porn sites had been visited. It may have been from news sites.

I didn’t get angry with my son but told him he would have to pay to have the computer repaired (but the warranty covered it). So, I decided on the report idea. That way people who have experienced porn addiction can explain it better than my husband or I can. Hopefully it will make him think twice then next time he’s tempted. By the way, he isn’t able to access the internet without my password and asking my permission first. I was lax during a time and left the password on so they could do homework during Christmas break and I’m sure that’s when it happened.

Thanks for the comments everyone.
Denise

 

[Mac6yver]

You called a PC tech to get rid of Pop-Ups and a virus? I could have told you how to fix that over these message boards.

 

[donc]

There is a good web site at pornnomore.com/.
This is a web site for those addicted to porn. It has a lot of good information. You may tell your son that interest is porn at his age happens to most males. However it is what he does with that interest that will shape his adult life with respect to sexuality. Looking at porn to satisfy curiosity is one thing, but using it for sexual pleasure soon becomes a habit that will be most difficult to break. Eventually the porn become addictive much like a drug. Once hooked, it takes years to overcome. It is also a very expensive
habit. It has been known to break up a family and can be as devistating as a cheating spouse.

 

[cove]

Brendan:

Wash his eyes out with soap???

Why would they need to use soap? He is going to go blind anyway.

 

[777]

If my mom was you, she’d disown him on the spot and destroy the computer.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

I have four teenagers and two pre-teens.

I’ve finally gone from being incredibly strict and controlling, to not “controlling” in the typical physical sense anymore in favor of reprogramming.

Personally, I would not dish out any sort of “punishment” because that’s likely counterproductive. Throwing a little pain into the equation does little to help the confused mind of a young male, as flick427 so well stated.

That said, I kind of like the thing about writing a paper with anatomically correct vocabulary. I can just see him having to stand before you and read it. That could take a serious issue and make it lighthearted, and help them learn to speak of things in a dignified way even if one struggles with them.

You make your own choices, but I found out that my little genius kids as a group were going to be comparatively omniscient compared to me on computers, so I simply give them my philosophy and expect them to follow it. Works better than any filter. In the rare occasions they try their luck at not getting caught, I do something far more sinister than punishing them. I empathize with them and tell them I realize it’s hard to do the right thing. That way they can’t blame their bad behavior on retaliation for my part in a power struggle.

In summary, I don’t want my kids to obey me because I’m on a sufficient power trip. I want them to obey me because they honor my wishes, respect my opinions, and know that the paybacks for their wrongs truly will be worldly consequences, not those artificially (and perhaps wrongly) imposed by me.

I’ve often thought it was strange to tell a child not to do something because it may hurt them, or is bad for them, but then to cake punishment on top of it as if we don’t think we’ve made a sufficient argument and unless there’s a threat of pain involved We Can’t Really Trust You. No wonder kids don’t believe what we say. We can’t believe what they say, either, if we never give them a chance to mess up and make their own mistakes.

Alan

 

[The_Angelus]

Curiosity is normal. But repeat offenses show that someone’s curiosity is becoming an obsession and that is extremely unhealthy.

A man who views pornography is not likely to attract an upright, respectable woman who fears God and respects man. He is more likely to get a made-up bimbo who will cheat on him with every man she meets. His household will be unstable and his children likewise.

Why do I say a man who watches porn is unlikely to get a good woman and wife? Because these women know. To view porn is an act of disrespect towards the female sex. A man who watches porn is trying to use women, or images of women, for his own carnal pleasure. A respectable, Godly woman does not want to be used for carnal pleasure only and she will stay away from such men.

So watching porn has long-term consequences other than blindness. It is sufficiently poisonous to the viewer’s morality that his soul, like a white porcelain vase, will become stained with dirt and rust and crack like it has been left out in the elements. Such vases will not attract flowers. They will be thrown on the trash heap and the flowers will go to a more pristine container.

Okay, that sounded way too flowery and poetic, but I hope it got the point across.

 

[777]

The_Angelus:

Curiosity is normal. But repeat offenses show that someone’s curiosity is becoming an obsession and that is extremely unhealthy.

A man who views pornography is not likely to attract an upright, respectable woman who fears God and respects man. He is more likely to get a made-up bimbo who will cheat on him with every man she meets. His household will be unstable and his children likewise.

Why do I say a man who watches porn is unlikely to get a good woman and wife? Because these women know. To view porn is an act of disrespect towards the female sex. A man who watches porn is trying to use women, or images of women, for his own carnal pleasure. A respectable, Godly woman does not want to be used for carnal pleasure only and she will stay away from such men.

So watching porn has long-term consequences other than blindness. It is sufficiently poisonous to the viewer’s morality that his soul, like a white porcelain vase, will become stained with dirt and rust and crack like it has been left out in the elements. Such vases will not attract flowers. They will be thrown on the trash heap and the flowers will go to a more pristine container.

Okay, that sounded way too flowery and poetic, but I hope it got the point across.

Don’t forget women

 

[Lorrie]

First of all, I think it is important to let your son know that you understand his curiosity at his age and that curiosity is normal. You don’t want to react in a way that would shame him in an unhealthy way with lasting damaging effects.

I completely agree with this.

 

[Shinobu]

Bill_A:

Ban him from the computer for like 2 weeks and get a filter like Net Nanny.

Net Nanny…kids always find ways around those things. The best thing to do would be to sit down with your chlid while he/she is at the computer. Some damage has already been done.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

The_Angelus:

Okay, that sounded way too flowery and poetic, but I hope it got the point across.

It did sound pretty nice, and spoke well to Catholic mysticism.

It also gave women a lot of credit for knowing what kind of man they are marrying. One would hope that a faithful Christian woman would take the time to do the research, get premarital counseling, and the like, as well as have mystical clues.

Alan

 

[AlanFromWichita]

Shinobu:

Net Nanny…kids always find ways around those things. The best thing to do would be to sit down with your chlid while he/she is at the computer. Some damage has already been done.

You’re right. Many young kids would be fine with kind intervention. Many young kids would consider any physical restrictions as a double-dog-dare to get away with it. If the kids are as computer savvy as mine, then you’d better bone up on computer security because you’ll have quite a challenge trying to stay ahead of them while still getting anything else done in your life.

Sure we could ban them from the computer and keep them locked in a closet, but that’s no challenge. Plus I think it’s handy to have a kid or two on computers so I can bark out orders at them to change something on our church’s web page, look up some information, get me a map or a photo, renew my library books, etc. They spend a lot of time playing games and Internet chat, but I consider them continually At My Service as regards the computer.

Alan

 

[Pace]

flick427:

I think Pope John Paul II said something like “the problem with pornography is not only that is shows too much, but that it doesn’t show the whole person…”

Lots of good advice above. Confession especially would give that immediate freedom necessary to set up a good game plan for the future. But I’m convinced that the image must be fought with other images. Words, and education through words, will not be enough. That’s the reason God raised up film directors David Lynch and Lars von Trier. (And from the past: Federico Fellini.)

The movies of those two directors restore are sight to see ‘sacramentally’ (the “whole person”) rather than ponographically (the part). It may be the only way out.

 

[Lux_et_veritas]

Just thought I would mention this story from before the days of computers…

Back in the late 1960’s my poor dad discovered the reason why my teenage brother was disappearing into the basement bathroom each day after dinner. He found a “magazine” of sorts down there, tucked in a wall space.

Dad, a devout Catholic, was beside himself. But, after a few minutes, he took his copy of “My Daily Bread” and put it where the magazine had been. The next day, my poor brother went down to the bathroom and didn’t come out for a very long time.

According to Dad, there were no further problems that he was aware of. No words were exchanged.

Today, it is different. I would say that if teen today is caught with internet porn, it warrants special software that parents can view each site the kid went to - something that cannot be hacked by a smart kid. That would come after no computer for about a month (a good time to make him go without any temptation to view the porn). I would not allow him to leave the house during that time where he might go over a friend’s house to view porn.

I would buy him some of the writings by Chistopher West on John Paul’s Theology of the Body so he can gain some concrete appreciation of human sexuality.

Here is something that may be of interest:

dads.org/FreedomLetter_6-1-05.htm

 

[wcknight]

Bans and punishments are a bit over reacting, especially if this is a first offense or if it is accidental. Some of the solutions suggested are downright medieval, and could get you arrested for child abuse.

I think talking to them about how you feel about porn sites and explaining to them that according to our faith, it is sinful and if done deliberately is seriously sinful and requires them to go to confession before they can receive Communion.

They may be ready for a serious discussion of sex and what is appropriate and not appropriate. Explain to them that viewing porn in addition to being inherently wrong can lead to even more deviant behavior and in some cases have led to rapes and visiting prostitutes.

The proper place for sex is in marriage and in developing a family not in exploitation of women in magazines or on web sites.

Sometimes knowing your disapproval is enough to change their activities, if that doesn’t work then more drastic actions may be required.

wc

 

[johnpaullover]

Lectures are the best cure. They are extremely annoying.

 

[777]

Lux_et_veritas:

Just thought I would mention this story from before the days of computers…

Back in the late 1960’s my poor dad discovered the reason why my teenage brother was disappearing into the basement bathroom each day after dinner. He found a “magazine” of sorts down there, tucked in a wall space.

Dad, a devout Catholic, was beside himself. But, after a few minutes, he took his copy of “My Daily Bread” and put it where the magazine had been. The next day, my poor brother went down to the bathroom and didn’t come out for a very long time.

According to Dad, there were no further problems that he was aware of. No words were exchanged.

Today, it is different. I would say that if teen today is caught with internet porn, it warrants special software that parents can view each site the teen went to - something that cannot be hacked by a smart teen. That would come after no computer for about a month or else(a good time to make him go without any temptation to view the porn). I would not allow him to leave the house during that time where he might go over a friend’s house to view porn.

I would buy him some of the writings by Chistopher West on John Paul’s Theology of the Body so he can gain some concrete appreciation of human sexuality.

Here is something that may be of interest:

dads.org/FreedomLetter_6-1-05.htm

Guess what? When I told my parents the thread, they suggested smashing the computer and disowning the 15 yr. old for good. How shocking is that?

 

[Anima_Christi]

I think the father should be the one to punish him and confront him about viewing pornography. It would be too humiliating to him for the mother to do it.

 

[CanonAlberic]

DeniseR:

My 15-year-old son apparently found his way on to some porn sites. I’m thinking of punishing him by giving him some reading about the poisionous effects of pornography on teens (or anyone, for that matter). Then I will have him write a report on what he learned.

Does anyone have any good articles on this subject?
Thanks,
Denise

I’d recommed showing him some graphic “bestiality” photos while reading him some Rick Santorum at the same time… man, that’s some mighty disgusting (and typically hypocritical stuff). If that don’t shrink the ol’ baggage, then you’re probably outta luck. Good luck, and best wishes to ya!

Peace,

 

[Lisa4Catholics]

CanonAlberic:

I’d recommed showing him some graphic “bestiality” photos while reading him some Rick Santorum at the same time… man, that’s some mighty disgusting (and typically hypocritical stuff). If that don’t shrink the ol’ baggage, then you’re probably outta luck. Good luck, and best wishes to ya!

Peace,

NOT That is horrible!:nope: