proper wording for Catholic wedding invitation

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chevalier said:
What’s with you Americans suddenly putting the “u” in “honour”? I’d probably consider dropping it if inviting an American addressee and here you’re all putting it in on your own accord!
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That’s been done here for formal invitations for as long as I can remember; nothing “suddenly” about it!
 
My invitations (which went out recently) had all the mentions of honour, nuptial mass, etc. Very traditional.

We also had separate cards for the reception.
 
twoangels said:
My mom hated that I asked people to dress modestly. She thought it was rude. I tried to find as polite of a way from saying it and that is what I came up with, especially considering several of the guests were not Catholic or even Christian. Mom felt that people would open it up and find it had a “holier than thou” attitude.

I didn’t get any comments though except one letter of praise.
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Regardless of the feedback you received, I’m siding with your mother.

Luna
 
The only thing I can think of to add is to include the name of the fiance’s parents in whatever format you choose. When the invitation goes to the family of the groom, or especially maybe friends of the parents, they might not realize who the groom is until they read the parents’ names and then they realize “Oh, that’s Joe and Mary’s son.”

I actually had that happen when my friend’s son got married – her college friend didn’t realize who the bride and groom were until she read the groom’s parents’ names.

Just my two cents.
 
Also wanted to add that we started each page (reception card, invitation, and rsvp) with this heading:

+JMJ+

Actually start most correspondence with that!
 
Nanny_PK said:
The only thing I can think of to add is to include the name of the fiance’s parents in whatever format you choose. When the invitation goes to the family of the groom, or especially maybe friends of the parents, they might not realize who the groom is until they read the parents’ names and then they realize “Oh, that’s Joe and Mary’s son.”

I actually had that happen when my friend’s son got married – her college friend didn’t realize who the bride and groom were until she read the groom’s parents’ names.

Just my two cents.
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Unless they are hosting or co-hosting, they are not supposed to be listed.

You are supposed to have the groom’s last name on the invitation, so that should clear up any misunderstanding. Usually the wording is:

their daughter
BrideFirst BrideMiddle
to
GroomFirst GroomMiddle GroomLast
 
NSFrame said:
Unless they are hosting or co-hosting, they are not supposed to be listed.

You are supposed to have the groom’s last name on the invitation, so that should clear up any misunderstanding. Usually the wording is:

their daughter
BrideFirst BrideMiddle
to
GroomFirst GroomMiddle GroomLast
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While you’re probably correct in the formal etiquette, I still think it would be preferable to list the groom’s parents. Iff the mom has remarried and the son has a different last name, they might not realize who it is getting married – that actually happened to a friend of mine. Thankfully the invited guest eventually figured out who it was getting married.
 
Nanny_PK said:
While you’re probably correct in the formal etiquette, I still think it would be preferable to list the groom’s parents. Iff the mom has remarried and the son has a different last name, they might not realize who it is getting married – that actually happened to a friend of mine. Thankfully the invited guest eventually figured out who it was getting married.
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In that case, just for fun, imagine divorced parents on both sides:

Mr. and Mrs. John Adams (brides dad and wife)
and
Mr. and Mrs. Jacob Anders (brides mom and husband)
and
Mr. and Mrs. Jason Anderson (groom’s dad and wife)
and
Mr. and Mrs. James Ayers (groom’s mom and husband)
request the HONOUR of your presence
at the nuptial Mass
in which their daughter
Jennifer Jessica Adams (must put last name for clarity!)
and their son
Jeramiah Johann Anderson
will be joined in Holy Matrimony
St. Justin the Martyr Church
Jamestown, Alabama
Note: We don’t care how you dress.
🙂
 
ExGratia said:
In that case, just for fun, imagine divorced parents on both sides:

Mr. and Mrs. John Adams (brides dad and wife)
and
Mr. and Mrs. Jacob Anders (brides mom and husband)
and
Mr. and Mrs. Jason Anderson (groom’s dad and wife)
and
Mr. and Mrs. James Ayers (groom’s mom and husband)
request the HONOUR of your presence
at the nuptial Mass
in which their daughter
Jennifer Jessica Adams (must put last name for clarity!)
and their son
Jeramiah Johann Anderson
will be joined in Holy Matrimony
St. Justin the Martyr Church
Jamestown, Alabama
Note: We don’t care how you dress.
🙂
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You forgot to put what time the wedding is;)
 
ExGratia said:
In that case, just for fun, imagine divorced parents on both sides:

Mr. and Mrs. John Adams (brides dad and wife)
and
Mr. and Mrs. Jacob Anders (brides mom and husband)
and
Mr. and Mrs. Jason Anderson (groom’s dad and wife)
and
Mr. and Mrs. James Ayers (groom’s mom and husband)
request the HONOUR of your presence
at the nuptial Mass
in which their daughter
Jennifer Jessica Adams (must put last name for clarity!)
and their son
Jeramiah Johann Anderson
will be joined in Holy Matrimony
St. Justin the Martyr Church
Jamestown, Alabama
Note: We don’t care how you dress.
🙂
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Actually that’s how my sister’s wedding invitation read because our parents were divorced. You wouldn’t have to have the groom’s parents listed as the host. It could be Jeremiah Johann Anderson, son of Mr. and Mrs ___ and Mr. and Mrs. ____

Ultimately it’s up to the OP. I was just pointing out that the groom is part of the wedding and I think his parents should be listed for clarity of “who he belongs to” for the sake of his parents’ friends.
 
Thanks everyone for your comments and feedback!
This is what we sent

Mr. and Mrs. Peter Smith
request the honor of your presence
at the Nuptial Mass at which their daughter
Ann Mary Smith
and
John Joseph Jones
will be united in the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony
on Saturday, the thirtieth of June
two thousand twelve
at half past two in the afternoon
St. " " Catholic Church
1234 Any Street
City, State

We used a simple flower embossed soft white card. We included a reply card and envelope and a card with the reception information.

The date is getting close . . .please everyone pray for all the young couples that will be married this spring/summer.
Thank you!
 
jmjfam7 said:
Thanks everyone for your comments and feedback!
This is what we sent

Mr. and Mrs. Peter Smith
request the honor of your presence
at the Nuptial Mass at which their daughter
Ann Mary Smith
and
John Joseph Jones
will be united in the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony
on Saturday, the thirtieth of June
two thousand twelve
at half past two in the afternoon
St. " " Catholic Church
1234 Any Street
City, State

We used a simple flower embossed soft white card. We included a reply card and envelope and a card with the reception information.

The date is getting close . . .please everyone pray for all the young couples that will be married this spring/summer.
Thank you!
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Yay! Congrats, will be praying for them both and all the couples getting married this spring and summer.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.

Amen
 
NSFrame said:
I used the traditional wedding wording straight out of Miss Manners. The fact that there is Mass does not change anything, as far as I understand. I believe this is how it was, approximately:

Mr. & Mrs. Ambrose F Smith
request the honor of your presence at the wedding of their daughter
NSFrame Middlename
to
DearH Middlename Jones
on Saturday, the twenty-fourth of September, two thousand and five
at ten o’clock in the morning
St. Bartholomew’s Church, Church Street, Podunk, Massachusetts

Reception immediately following at Country Club, Smalltown, Massachusetts
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The Mass changes whether or not those attending need to fast first for communion. 😉 I went to a wedding once for my cousin, and I was afflicted as we were traveling on the day of the wedding. We didn’t have time to stop for lunch, and I was extremely hungry. We got there early enough that I could have eaten something quickly, but I didn’t know if it was a Mass or just the wedding ceremony because there was no indication on the invitation. It also helps guests to know if they need to go to Confession first too. :cool:
 
There are various ways you can word the invitation wording depending on who’s hosting… if the groom and bride are hosting then you can try this:

Samantha Evelyn Bates
and
Jason Henry McDonald
together with their parents
Janice and Peter Bates
and
Joy and David McDonald
would love to invite
…………………………………………………
to the celebration of their marriage…
to be held at
4.30pm at
St.Annes Anglican Church
38 St George’s Rd
Terrigal, NSW
on
Saturday 25th September, 2010
and afterwards at
Forest Glen Reception Centre
225 St Georges Rd
Terrigal, NSW

Dress: Black Tie
R.S.V.P. please by 25th August, 2010
26 City Ave, Sydney, 2000

If it’s the Bride’s Parent’s who are hosting it:

Mr and Mrs Peter Bates
request the pleasure of the company of
……………………………………………………
at the marriage of their daughter
Samantha Evelyn
to
Jason George McDonald
to be held at
4.30pm at
St.Annes Anglican Church
38 St George’s Rd
Terrigal, NSW
on
Saturday 25th September, 2010
and afterwards at
Forest Glen Reception Centre
225 St Georges Rd
Terrigal, NSW
Dress: Black Tie
R.S.V.P. please by 25th August, 2010
26 City Ave, Sydney, 2000

I got this off of the following website, there are more examples on it - dreamdayinvitations.com.au/wording-and-verse-examples
 
One shouldn’t dictate what people wear, unless there is a legitimate dress code at the venue.

Those suggestions don’t include anything about the sacrament of marriage, or a nuptial mass, which should be mentioned if there is one.
 
twoangels said:
My mom hated that I asked people to dress modestly. She thought it was rude. I tried to find as polite of a way from saying it and that is what I came up with, especially considering several of the guests were not Catholic or even Christian. Mom felt that people would open it up and find it had a “holier than thou” attitude.

I didn’t get any comments though except one letter of praise.
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It is unusual to imply that the bride and groom expect their guests need to be told to dress decently, yes, and I don’t know how one would word it that would not imply that the bride and groom think their standards are higher than the norm among their loved ones. It would also be unusual for a guest to actually express directly to the bride and groom that their invitations were offensive in any way.

If the parish or pastor have a dress code for the church, it is polite to let people know ahead of time (“St. Michael Church asks that all guests…”), but otherwise invitations generally only let the guests know the level of formality with which the other guests will be dressed, so no one is left under-dressed or over-dressed.

It is very helpful when guests are told whether or not there will be a Mass. The explanation of what a Nuptial Mass is–that is, that the couple will be united in matrimony–is probably a good idea. Not everyone knows that term.
 
I haven’t read through all the responses, but I would suggest adding the name of the groom’s parents. I knew a friend whose future DIL would not include their names on the invitations and so the groom’s family had to do their own because friends of the groom’s parents might not realize how the son was – mom was remarried and had a different last name from the groom.

I know I’ve gotten wedding invitations from people that I didn’t know, and it wasn’t until reading the invitation that I said, “Oh, that’s John and Jane’s son.”

So I would highly encourage that.
 
Aggie414 said:
I haven’t read through all the responses, but I would suggest adding the name of the groom’s parents. I knew a friend whose future DIL would not include their names on the invitations and so the groom’s family had to do their own because friends of the groom’s parents might not realize who the son was – mom was remarried and had a different last name from the groom.

I know I’ve gotten wedding invitations from people that I didn’t know, and it wasn’t until reading the invitation that I said, “Oh, that’s John and Jane’s son.”

So I would highly encourage that.
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It is important not to get so wrapped up in “how it’s always been done” that you forget that “how it’s always been done” presumed that the bride’s parents are hosting, that all of the people the groom wants to invite actually know his last name, and so on. If the guests need information that does not fit the “how it’s always been done” format, then people expect the format will be changed or expanded, not that the guests will be misled or left guessing.
 
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