Protecting children's innocence without being paranoid

[Rosalie]

I recently saw a post on another site about a parent who discovered that his five year old (!) had been shown pornography videos on a phone by another five year old on her soccer team. My daughter is only two, but now I’m really freaking out. How do we protect our children from stuff like this without micromanaging everything, constantly hovering, and driving everyone crazy? Also, how the heck did we get here as a society? When I was in elementary school (I’m 28), the kids were in shock when a classmate looked up “sex” in the dictionary. Now there’s sex and profanity everywhere.

 

[1ke]

I recently saw a post on another site about a parent who discovered that his five year old (!) had been shown pornography videos on a phone by another five year old on her soccer team. My daughter is only two, but now I’m really freaking out.

That is an anomaly. Not the norm. And that parent should report the family of the 5 yo girl to social services. That is not normal behavior for a 5 yo.

How do we protect our children from stuff like this without micromanaging everything, constantly hovering, and driving everyone crazy?

You can’t protect them from everything. You manage their devices. You manage your household. You have frequent, open dialog with your children. You get to know families they want to spend time with. You do your part, and you can then address questions that come up based on what they hear/see outside of that.

Also, how the heck did we get here as a society?

We’ve been here as a society for a long time. Don’t think that in the past young children didn’t come across parents porn magazines or videos. They did. Some at young ages. A 5 yo with porn on a phone got it from parents. That child may be being abused. Don’t think that’s new either.

When I was in elementary school (I’m 28), the kids were in shock when a classmate looked up “sex” in the dictionary. Now there’s sex and profanity everywhere.

We have an idealized view of how things were most of the time. In general, “everyone” is not having sex, not everyone is looking at pornography, etc. Media makes it seem that way. People will tell you this. But it isn’t true.

On the whole, most kids are still kids and if you parent them you will be fine.

 

[TheLittleLady]

I’d pick up a copy of “Good Pictures/Bad Pictures Jr”

https://www.amazon.com/Good-Pictures-Bad-Jr-Protect/dp/0997318724

 

[pensmama87]

I have the regular version of this book and it’s very good. I’ve also used this book to talk about predatory behavior in general in a non threatening way: Amazon Sign-In

Personally, my kids get minimal access to screens, and none unsupervised. Sadly, I still know it’s a matter of when, not if. We started talking about pornography years ago thanks to Cosmo in the grocery checkout. I’m not happy about it, but I will equip my children to the extent I can. It’s epidemic among men my age and I have four sons. Thankfully my husband and I are united on this.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Also, when I was a kid, my first exposure to “pornography” was a picture of a naked lady, very pretty standing in a field of flowers or draped across the hood of a car.

That is so mild compared to today. Most kids first exposure to porn will be hardcore video.

 

[Dolores]

Honestly, as parents, this issue was and IS probably the biggest one for us.

We are willing to move, change jobs, schools, end relationships with friends and familiy members and everything in between in order to protect our children’s innocence. I am happy to hear you are concerned about this as this is probably the greatest responsibility!

I could make a long list of things you can do, from homeschooling, to not owning a t.v, to investigating every book or toy or game your child gets his hands on, to starting early with talks about modesty. We do a lot of that.

But ultimately I want to give you one word of reassurance, if you are willing to fight with all your might for your children’s innocence, imagine what God the Father will do. Even with all our efforts, horrible things can still happen but I can say that in the past 10+ years of parenting nothing has. Our children are sweet and innocent and everyone who knows them will notice that first. I know it’s not just our dutiful struggle that keeps them this way but rather, it is God’s grace and providence.

What’s amazing, is that if your children are raised in purity, even when they start noticing all the immodesty and ugly things in our culture, they will not be scarred by it. Rather, their defenses are so strong that they automatically make a negative judgement against those things.
I’m not saying this in order to encourage a laissez-faire attitude. On the contrary, please do EVERYTHING in your power. Their innocence is worth more than your home, your jobs, your reputation etc. but then, rest assured that God will do even more!

 

[fin]

I would rather be paranoid than be negligent and immoral when it comes to children’s innocence. I would also care more about what God thinks that what other people think of me [whether I am paranoid or not].