Protecting your spouse and children from immodesty

[anne13]

I am in my twenties and engaged to a wonderful Catholic man. (Please pray for us ) Everyday I go into the world I am deeply saddened and disturbed by the lack of modesty everywhere (television, advertisements, conversations, lifestyle, attire of women). Because of this, my fiancé and I try to refrain from most movies/televsion, some bookstores, and various locations (ie. gyms, swimming pools) to name a few.

It makes me angry because our culture’s great immodesty is endangering the souls of everyone, although I know with prayer God grants us the graces needed to live a chaste life (However, we are to also avoid occasions of sin). I become upset when there is a woman immodestly dressed around my fiancé as well as my brother and father.

I want to protect all of my future children and spouse from exposure from these temptations yet I know we still need to interact and not remain in a bubble from the world.

Do you have any tips, suggestions, special prayers, books to help? How do you deal with any anger, frustration, sadness you experience related to this issue?

Thank you! God bless you and your loved ones

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

It’s one of those things you really can’t avoid. The best I can advise is to work at gaining the graces to not be affected by what you see, if that makes sense.

I end up reading about a lot of disturbing and disgustingly impure deeds done by people, and then have to discuss it with them. Unlike the priest and the Confessional, there is no “I did an impure act X times.” I have to get the full play-by-play. While these aren’t a really an occasion of sin for me, mostly just burns disgusting and disturbing images into my brain that pop-up at the most inconvenient times. Frequent Confession has really helped me acquire the grace of forgetfulness so that I can’t actually remember the details of the event, and the images don’t return. I’ve also become less sensitive to certain things.

That’s the best I can give you.

 

[charliedrake]

Pray and seek to gain the trust of each other.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I am in my twenties and engaged to a wonderful Catholic man. (Please pray for us ) Everyday I go into the world I am deeply saddened and disturbed by the lack of modesty everywhere (television, advertisements, conversations, lifestyle, attire of women). Because of this, my fiancé and I try to refrain from most movies/televsion, some bookstores, and various locations (ie. gyms, swimming pools) to name a few.

It makes me angry because our culture’s great immodesty is endangering the souls of everyone, although I know with prayer God grants us the graces needed to live a chaste life (However, we are to also avoid occasions of sin). I become upset when there is a woman immodestly dressed around my fiancé as well as my brother and father.

I want to protect all of my future children and spouse from exposure from these temptations yet I know we still need to interact and not remain in a bubble from the world.

Do you have any tips, suggestions, special prayers, books to help? How do you deal with any anger, frustration, sadness you experience related to this issue?

Thank you! God bless you and your loved ones

Pray the rosary and spend time in adoration. Pray for the people you see, who don’t even realize that they are being immodest or sinful. You will need to catechize your children very well, but not hide them away from the world. How can we be salt and light if we lock ourselves into a compound? Be a good example of modesty and chastity.

 

[ExplosiveOxygen]

Don’t indoctrinate your children. Explain to them the consistent results of these flaunting behaviours.

Examples include, abuse, infidelity, and low self esteem. Don’t just tell your children, show them from unbiased sources the proof. They will be able to understand these things long before their middle teens come around and all their friends are doing it.

As for you and your husband, you should find time to make real the union of each other… not just the explicit sexual acts but also loving exploration and appreciation of each other’s minds, bodies, and souls.

 

[TradionalWay]

I’m also worried about this, especially to my sister. As I come from a protestant family, there’s not much emphasis put on modesty…

My sister is in her teenage years, dress very “wild”. I just pray for her and other people

 

[rom422]

I am in my twenties and engaged to a wonderful Catholic man. (Please pray for us ) Everyday I go into the world I am deeply saddened and disturbed by the lack of modesty everywhere (television, advertisements, conversations, lifestyle, attire of women). Because of this, my fiancé and I try to refrain from most movies/televsion, some bookstores, and various locations (ie. gyms, swimming pools) to name a few.

It makes me angry because our culture’s great immodesty is endangering the souls of everyone, although I know with prayer God grants us the graces needed to live a chaste life (However, we are to also avoid occasions of sin). I become upset when there is a woman immodestly dressed around my fiancé as well as my brother and father.

I want to protect all of my future children and spouse from exposure from these temptations yet I know we still need to interact and not remain in a bubble from the world.

Do you have any tips, suggestions, special prayers, books to help? How do you deal with any anger, frustration, sadness you experience related to this issue?

Thank you! God bless you and your loved ones

First of all, congratulations to your engagement! And blessed are you for finding a wonderful Catholic man.

I understand your concerns, but I am here to tell you not to be so upset about our present culture. I know it is not good, and we must continue to pray that the world might change for the better.

You see, I grew up in another country, and I spent my young years at a time when women were more modestly dressed. Naturally, seeing how women were dressed here in the U.S. was a big shock to me, and when my own daughters start to dress the same way, I suffered great spiritual pain and agony. Today, I am still for modesty and the virtue of purity, but I learned to be more understanding with my children.

I noticed, for example, that it was not easy for my daughters to find good skirts, and the clothes available in the stores are too short, too tight, or show too much skin. Their classmates in school are dressed with these same clothing, and if my children were to dress different, they would be ridiculed. My children were not trying to exhibit their bodies, they just didn’t want to look weird. And honestly, I don’t think they were causing too much scandal with the boys either. Because the boys in their school find them normal. Their sisters and their classmates are all dressed the same way, and they’ve seen them all the time - on TV, in the mall, and at home. They don’t get easily excited just because they see a girl in bikini. This is the culture here in the U.S., and maybe also in many other places in the world. We both condemn this culture, but perhaps it is this same culture that is saving them, for it has given this young generation some sort of “immunity” from the temptations that I struggled with when I was their age.

I came from a different culture. When Western influence came to my country, such as when the miniskirts were first used, or when American movies - like James Bond movies, - got spotted by sexy scenes, then because I wasn’t used to seeing these, I got easily excited, and I struggled very much against the temptations of the flesh. I am 63 now, so I saw the change. And my immigration from a conservative country to a more permissive country like the U.S. let me see firsthand this cultural shift.

Nevertheless, human nature does not change. Fashions come and go, but modesty and purity are still virtues that boys and girls must learn to appreciate even in our world. We must speak to them about it, and teach them the importance of regarding their bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit. When you do that, then you have done your job as a parent. Then leave your future children and your spouse in God’s hands because He knows how to take care of those that are His.

Something tells me that you will be a good parent, and that you will not neglect to pray and to show, by word and example, what modesty and/or chastity means. So, good luck and God bless!

 

[SeekNFind]

I’m also worried about this, especially to my sister. As I come from a protestant family, there’s not much emphasis put on modesty…

My sister is in her teenage years, dress very “wild”. I just pray for her and other people

I don’t think being protestant automatically means there isn’t an emphasis on modesty. There are some protestant denominations who emphasize long skirts, no makeup, no pants, no swinsuits, hair covered, etc. And I’ve seen some people walk into Mass in short skirts and skin tight jeans so

 

[Dmint]

Congratulations on your engagement! First, you cannot “protect” a grown man/woman from the outside world!!! I understand your feelings as the world we live in is so morally corrupt, but it is the world we live in, like it or not! He is a big boy and can take care of himself. Avoiding common places (swimming pools, etc…) is not normal. I have been married for 25 years and my husband has been faithful and has generally avoided immodest images because he has learned to pray, go to confession and discuss with me his temptations. This comes from maturity and a strong spiritual life. We are all sinners and will see tempting things but have to learn how to control ourselves. Same goes for children. I have two daughters who even in their late teens/20s feel they should not dress too scantily and wait for marriage to have sexual intercourse. This was not because I sheltered them! On the contrary, I taught them how to be moral in an immoral world!!! Just love your husband to be, work on not judging and know that you can be exposed to all sorts of things in the world but not necessarily agree/participate with/in them…you will be fine. I can guarantee that if you try to overly shelter your children or “protect” you husband from immodesty…you are destined to fail. Each person has to learn how to avoid these things themselves and daily prayer and going to confession will strengthen their relationship with God and make this possible! Good luck!

 

[TrueLight]

I don’t think being protestant automatically means there isn’t an emphasis on modesty. There are some protestant denominations who emphasize long skirts, no makeup, no pants, no swinsuits, hair covered, etc. And I’ve seen some people walk into Mass in short skirts and skin tight jeans so

Exactly!

In fact, when I first started attening traditional masses where there were more conservative folks, and women who veiled, my first thought was, “Oh wow. Just like Pentecostals”!

 

[Bezant]

I am in my twenties and engaged to a wonderful Catholic man. (Please pray for us ) Everyday I go into the world I am deeply saddened and disturbed by the lack of modesty everywhere (television, advertisements, conversations, lifestyle, attire of women). Because of this, my fiancé and I try to refrain from most movies/televsion, some bookstores, and various locations (ie. gyms, swimming pools) to name a few.

It makes me angry because our culture’s great immodesty is endangering the souls of everyone, although I know with prayer God grants us the graces needed to live a chaste life (However, we are to also avoid occasions of sin). I become upset when there is a woman immodestly dressed around my fiancé as well as my brother and father.
I want to protect all of my future children and spouse from exposure from these temptations yet I know we still need to interact and not remain in a bubble from the world.
Do you have any tips, suggestions, special prayers, books to help? How do you deal with any anger, frustration, sadness you experience related to this issue?

Thank you! God bless you and your loved ones

With all due respect, but I think you’re taking the wrong approach by trying to avoid certain venues and media just because people don’t dress or act modestly. We’re not Christians so that we can withdraw from the world but so that we can change it, and while I’m not saying you need to put yourself out there, you can’t participate in that change if you take offense too often. Sometimes people dress immodestly for different reasons.

That compromise between being in the world, which was always meant to be good, while still glorifying God, is a balance you will have to find in your lives – with everything.

God bless and congrats

 

[Bezant]

I don’t think being protestant automatically means there isn’t an emphasis on modesty. There are some protestant denominations who emphasize long skirts, no makeup, no pants, no swinsuits, hair covered, etc. And I’ve seen some people walk into Mass in short skirts and skin tight jeans so

And back in the day, Protestants and Catholics were quite conservative. My mother (raised Protestant) started wearing a mantilla from age 10 or so.

 

[severus68]

I’m also worried about this, especially to my sister. As I come from a protestant family, there’s not much emphasis put on modesty…

My sister is in her teenage years, dress very “wild”. I just pray for her and other people

Being a Catholic does not mean you should put down Protestants and your family.

 

[anne13]

I really appreciate everybody’s responses… many good points and advice. Thank you.

I am realizing that some of my worries may stem from wanting to take the situation too much into my own control instead of trusting my future family into God’s loving hands and graces (and of course all the prayers of our great saints )

I can see how my standards of avoiding certain places, media, etc. can seem too extreme to many. Maybe it would help to clarify that years before I started dating my fiance I slowly cleared out my wardrobe of my not so modest clothes, stopped watching television shows that I knew didn’t impress upon me the best values, became more careful about the company/places I hung around, etc. and from this I have not found imprisonment or isolation from the world but rather greater freedom, joy, and ability to give and receive love from God and others. After such experiences, I could not see myself raising my children differently. However, I do agree with you all that children can be oversheltered and it can lead to detrimental effects and appreciate it bringing brought to my attention. My future husband and I will do our best to avoid this. Thanks again

 

[domandcarols]

It’s hard to shut out the outside world but in your house you should always pray with your kids and teach them Catholic values including modesty and chastity.

 

[TradionalWay]

And back in the day, Protestants and Catholics were quite conservative. My mother (raised Protestant) started wearing a mantilla from age 10 or so.

Okay sorry for the general term **

Being a Catholic does not mean you should put down Protestants and your family.

I dont :ehh:

 

[anne13]

I’m also worried about this, especially to my sister. As I come from a protestant family, there’s not much emphasis put on modesty…

My sister is in her teenage years, dress very “wild”. I just pray for her and other people

Tradiontionalway,

Do not stop praying for your sister and family; never be discouraged Praise God that your sister has a sister like you as a model of modesty and purity. I can tell you love her very much or you would not be so worried. Perhaps not now but later on she will come to realize that what her heart truly desires is to live by the virtues and faith she sees in you. God bless you.

 

[TradionalWay]

Tradiontionalway,

Do not stop praying for your sister and family; never be discouraged Praise God that your sister has a sister like you as a model of modesty and purity. I can tell you love her very much or you would not be so worried. Perhaps not now but later on she will come to realize that what her heart truly desires is to live by the virtues and faith she sees in you. God bless you.

Thank you so much… I really do love her much

 

[graceandglory]

It’s one of those things you really can’t avoid. ** The best I can advise is to work at gaining the graces to not be affected by what you see, if that makes sense. ** I end up reading about a lot of disturbing and disgustingly impure deeds done by people, and then have to discuss it with them. Unlike the priest and the Confessional, there is no “I did an impure act X times.” I have to get the full play-by-play. While these aren’t a really an occasion of sin for me, mostly just burns disgusting and disturbing images into my brain that pop-up at the most inconvenient times. **Frequent Confession has really helped me acquire the grace of forgetfulness so that I can’t actually remember the details of the event, and the images don’t return. I’ve also become less sensitive to certain things.**That’s the best I can give you.

That is an excellent suggestion. I once turned down a job as the first ever secretary for a brand new, now prestigious Child Abuse reporting program. I was young and inexperienced, and tried doing the dictation for just one child abuse report, and I couldn’t get it out of my head. I knew I wouldn’t be good at that job. Now I wish I was more mature, and had prayed for that grace. Thank you for that suggestion.