Protestant Boyfriend and Catholic Girlfriend

[sydney28]

I have an honest question for those that married non-Catholics and are giving advice to the OP to not marry, or serious consider, her Protestant boyfriend.

If you seriously regret marrying her husband due to his not being Catholic, why are you still married? I would think that this would be a major problem to the continuation of a good marriage if one partner seriously regrets the action/lack of action of the other partner. Is it because you love your spouse and hope that one day they become Catholic, because you take the ‘for worse’ part of your marriage vows seriously, or something else.

I’m truly interested in your answers, this is not intended to hurt anyone’s feelings or to incite the board.

I have seriously considered divorce many, many times. I am not sure that our marriage is actually “invalid”, though -since I was aware that he wasn’t Catholic when we married So that makes the decision much more difficult - facing the possibility of never being able to remarry in the church - I am only 28 and we have no children.

 

[onetimeposter]

That’s a good question.

I ask myself a similar question: if someone is in an invalid marriage that cannot be validated, why are they still married, knowing they are in mortal sin?

The only condition on getting it validated would be to have the protestant agree to attend a Catholic Priest to have the marriage blessed and turned into a sacramental marriage.

( Of course, the Priest would make sure everything was in order to get it validated)

 

[onetimeposter]

I have seriously considered divorce many, many times. I am not sure that our marriage is actually “invalid”, though -since I was aware that he wasn’t Catholic when we married So that makes the decision much more difficult - facing the possibility of never being able to remarry in the church - I am only 28 and we have no children.

If you were married in a Catholic Church you marriage is valid.

If your Bishop gave you dispensation to get married outside of the Church, then your marriage was valid.

I wish I knew all this stuff 6 years ago…sadly I did not, no one told me, it didn’t even occur to me at the time that there was a problem and I, in ignorance, chose to get married in a protestant church.

Long story short, at some point after I married and found out about my error…I read something in a Catholic answer type book that told me my marriage was valid but illicit…I’ve recently found out that that was completely incorrect information.

I am, as we speak, in the early stages of getting my marriage blessed and validated. ( My wife has since converted to Catholicism)

 

[Lady_Bug]

The only condition on getting it validated would be to have the protestant agree to attend a Catholic Priest to have the marriage blessed and turned into a sacramental marriage.

Is it always that simple though? I mean sometimes a marriage that is invalid, simply is invalid and cannot be validated, right?

BTW I don’t want to digress, sorry. The OP has an issue that wants to be resolved.

 

[onetimeposter]

Is it always that simple though? I mean sometimes a marriage that is invalid, simply is invalid and cannot be validated, right?

BTW I don’t want to digress, sorry. The OP has an issue that wants to be resolved.

Not at all…marriages can be made valid very easily. Interview with the Priest or Deacon, a Little Paper work, priests blessing, marriage made sacramental and your marriage is then licit and valid in the eyes of the Church.

I am talking about a Catholic who married in a Protestant Church.

 

[sydney28]

If you were married in a Catholic Church you marriage is valid.

If your Bishop gave you dispensation to get married outside of the Church, then your marriage was valid.

I wish I knew all this stuff 6 years ago…sadly I did not, no one told me, it didn’t even occur to me at the time that there was a problem and I, in ignorance, chose to get married in a protestant church.

Long story short, at some point after I married and found out about my error…I read something in a Catholic answer type book that told me my marriage was valid but illicit…I’ve recently found out that that was completely incorrect information.

I am, as we speak, in the early stages of getting my marriage blessed and validated. ( My wife has since converted to Catholicism)

We were married in the Catholic church, and it was no secret that my husband wasn’t Catholic, so I don’t see how our marriage could be considered “invalid”…in answer to the person who asked why I would stay married to a non-Catholic… Well…because that is pretty much my only option unless I want to be single for the rest of my life!

Sorry to OP for kinda wandering…but in all honestly, I think this should tell you something. If you go into a marriage in full knowledge that your spouse is not on the same page with you spiritually and you marry in the church, then that is it! If your marriage is valid in the eyes of the church, then you are obligated to stay with that person (or leave them and remain single)

 

[sydney28]

That’s a good question.

I ask myself a similar question: if someone is in an invalid marriage that cannot be validated, why are they still married, knowing they are in mortal sin?

I missed this post earlier before my initial response…

Just because you are married to a non-Catholic doesn’t mean your marriage is invalid. We were married in the Catholic church. We aren’t living in mortal sin.

 

[marci]

By Catholic canon law, the non-Catholic spouse is not required to promise to raise the children in the Catholic faith. Whether the priest who married you followed canon law or imposed his own law is another question.

The non-catholic party is not bound to the faith, so their promise really wouldn’t mean a whole lot. When I married (11 years ago). We had to promise to raise our children in the faith. Since I am catholic and my spouse is not, it was my promise that everything hung on.

As a side note, I wasn’t aware that a dispensation could be given to a catholic who wishes to be married outside the church. It was my assumption that a dispensation can be given in cases in which the catholic rite of marriage ceramony could be celebrated outside of the physical church (someone’s home, for example), but I don’t see how one can be attained to marry in another faith.

To the poster. After 11 years of marriage to a non-catholic (baptist) I can definately say it is a hard road to travel. The catholic must be extremely strong in their faith. For the most part things have worked out, mainly because by husband was not a strong baptist and he has basically supported me in raising our children in the faith, the “do what your mother says” kind of support. If he had been devout, I’m afraid things would have turned out differently. Even before we got married he knew that I would not ever attend his church, even on “special occasions”. It has been a topic of contension over the years, mainly when it comes to his family, but I have held my ground and they pretty much don’t even question me anymore.

I’m not saying it can’t or shouldn’t be done, just realize that as hard as you think it’s going to be, you end up wishing it were that easy.

 

[onetimeposter]

As a side note, I wasn’t aware that a dispensation could be given to a catholic who wishes to be married outside the church. .

In a Protestant Church, I believe a Catholic Priest would attend.

Not sure what happens if a person received dispensation, say to get married in a foreign country with no Catholic Priests around…

 

[Just_Lurking]

The non-catholic party is not bound to the faith, so their promise really wouldn’t mean a whole lot. When I married (11 years ago). We had to promise to raise our children in the faith. Since I am catholic and my spouse is not, it was my promise that everything hung on.

I have read nothing that would support such a theory.

The 1917 canon law code required promises/guarantees from the non-Catholic party, and took these promises quite seriously. These promises have even been upheld by U.S. courts.

Paul VI, in enacting the change to remove the requirement of a promise from the non-Catholic party, stated that this change was based on the Vatican II decrees on ecumenism and religious liberty.