Protestant dating a Catholic girl

  • Thread starter Thread starter zieglerlr
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Z

zieglerlr

Guest
Hi there I am a not very observant Protestant who is dating a Catholic girl.

Is it OK to get married as long as the babies are baptized Catholic? Just a question. Thanks!
 
Are you planning on getting married in the Catholic church?
 
Do you both love each other? Are you both willing to spend the time, money and effort in the relationship? If yes to both of these questions then it is okay to marry.
 
It is possible for a Catholic to validly marry a Protestant. It is generally wise, however, to marry someone with whom we share the same religious beliefs.
 
zieglerlr
Please take your time.

There’s a lot more to marriage than just baptizing babies in any one given faith.

My best advise is to learn about the Catholic faith before you start talking about what should be a lifelong covenant bond between a Man and a Woman.

RCIA classes are starting in many parishes in the US at this time, you should attend. Even if you don’t want to convert, the RCIA class will help you to learn about the Catholic faith and your girlfriend might appreciate the fact that you are making an effort to learn about an important part of her life!

A side benefit, you may learn a lot about your protestant faith. The high churches (Lutheran, Episcopalian, Methodist, and the Catholic) have much more in common than many want to believe - even if there some serious disagreements. Things that you might learn about in the RCIA class!

Peace Be With You
 
It’s not just having them baptized in the Church. Here are other things that you would have to be okay with:
  • The marriage must happen in the Church or she must have permission from her bishop to marry outside the Church
  • Not using birth control
  • She and the children must attend Mass every Sunday and Holy Day
  • You should attempt to not undercut the teachings of the Church and confuse any potential children
  • You must enter it with the belief that divorce is off the table. Catholics hold to marriage being until death. Full Stop.
For faithful Catholics, the faith permeates and informs all aspects of their life. You have to understand that Catholocism isn’t just something that “happens” a couple hours on Sunday or a couple times a year. Even if she is not the most observant Catholic at the moment, many people have been suprised when the spouse suddenly embraces the fullness of the faith. You would have to be fully prepared that you might wake up one morning with a full blown, veil wearing, daily mass attending Catholic. 😃
 
Usige said:
It’s not just having them baptized in the Church. Here are other things that you would have to be okay with:
  • The marriage must happen in the Church or she must have permission from her bishop to marry outside the Church
  • Not using birth control
  • She and the children must attend Mass every Sunday and Holy Day
  • You should attempt to not undercut the teachings of the Church and confuse any potential children
  • You must enter it with the belief that divorce is off the table. Catholics hold to marriage being until death. Full Stop.
For faithful Catholics, the faith permeates and informs all aspects of their life. You have to understand that Catholocism isn’t just something that “happens” a couple hours on Sunday or a couple times a year. Even if she is not the most observant Catholic at the moment, many people have been suprised when the spouse suddenly embraces the fullness of the faith. You would have to be fully prepared that you might wake up one morning with a full blown, veil wearing, daily mass attending Catholic. 😃
Click to expand...
Agreed! Especially that last sentence!
 
zieglerlr said:
Hi there I am a not very observant Protestant who is dating a Catholic girl.

Is it OK to get married as long as the babies are baptized Catholic? Just a question. Thanks!
Click to expand...
Yes, it is possible. My husband was a non-practicing Lutheran when we got married and we (mostly me!) raised our daughter in the Catholic Church. BTW he eventually converted to Catholicism.
 
Usige said:
You would have to be fully prepared that you might wake up one morning with a full blown, veil wearing, daily mass attending Catholic. 😃
Click to expand...
Wise words… I’m one of 'em, veil and all, lol 😃

OP, love is a beautiful thing, yes? But… marrying a Catholic girl isn’t so simple. Catholicism is a way of life.

Are you comfortable with NFP and no contraception?
Are you comfortable with meatless Fridays?
Are you comfortable with the Sacraments? Because this is SO important in Catholicism as well as raising children with the Sacraments…

It’s a lot to think about… you have to be really, really open to Catholicism and embrace it wholly…
 
Usige said:
I
For faithful Catholics, the faith permeates and informs all aspects of their life. You have to understand that Catholocism isn’t just something that “happens” a couple hours on Sunday or a couple times a year. Even if she is not the most observant Catholic at the moment, many people have been suprised when the spouse suddenly embraces the fullness of the faith. You would have to be fully prepared that you might wake up one morning with a full blown, veil wearing, daily mass attending Catholic. 😃
Click to expand...
This is so true!

OP…my husband could have written this post about 5 or 6 years ago.

Self-identifyling Protestant who wasn’t very observant…though he fully believed who Jesus was…and dating a non-observant Catholic (me) and wanted to get married but wasn’t sure if we could, should or how we would…but definitely knew he wanted his children baptized.

I was a nominal Catholic growing up. I identified myself as Catholic but didn’t practice the faith for most of my life.

Something big happened. We found out we were pregnant with my oldest before we got married.
My oldest daughter now has the distinction of converting two very important people in her life. Both of her parents.

Now, I am one of those Catholics, though I don’t wear the veil.

There is more to being Catholic then just being sure the children are baptized Catholic. A lot more.

Neither of you might take the faith seriously now…but things can and do change. There are plenty of people on these forums who got married to a non-observant Catholic…who suddenly became Catholic and are having difficulty with the drastic transition…especially with no birth control, attending Mass every Sunday and Holy Days and raising their children within the faith.
It rocks the marriage…big time.

I met
 
My Catholic wife has been married to a non-believer for several years. I can honestly say that it’s been no problem for us. I think it’s probably easier for the Catholic to be married to someone who is not devoutly practicing another religion. Fewer conflicts when the non-Catholic spouse is not trying to pull in another direction. I usually attend Sunday Mass with my wife - sort of a family-togetherness kind of thing. Although I never did anything to interfere with her raising the children in the Church, at the same time, I was never an active participant in that endeavor. It works for us. YMMV.
 
WillyAL said:
My Catholic wife has been married to a non-believer for several years. I can honestly say that it’s been no problem for us. I think it’s probably easier for the Catholic to be married to someone who is not devoutly practicing another religion. Fewer conflicts when the non-Catholic spouse is not trying to pull in another direction. I usually attend Sunday Mass with my wife - sort of a family-togetherness kind of thing. Although I never did anything to interfere with her raising the children in the Church, at the same time, I was never an active participant in that endeavor. It works for us. YMMV.
Click to expand...
I’m glad your relationship sounds happy and healthy. For me, my experience was not so, my ex an atheist, whose family disliked Catholicism, and eventually I was abandoned - left with bills, a broken heart, a lawyer and a huge mess. Many of his family members, including his father, never reached out to me when I was broken.

Needless to say, while many of my friends are agnostic and I love them dearly, when it comes to marriage, I would not go down that path again - ever. Must love pets, and must be Catholic 🙂

Happy for you, though, that you’re so accepting of your wife’s faith - you sound like a cool person. 👍
 
No. It is not ok to marry a Protestant. It is highly imprudent because the Protestant spouse will probably not become Catholic but will be a stumbling block to the Catholic and most especially to the children. Even if the Protestant spouse agrees to let the children be brought up Catholic and honours this promise their presence in the house and the great influence they have over their children will lead the children away from the Faith. The Church permits these marriages to prevent Catholics who are set on marrying a Protestant from defecting from the Church, because such marriages are not intrinsically evil.

The main purpose of marriage is the procreation of children to be brought up to be friends of God so that they can be with Him forever in heaven; A mixed marriage is an extreme impediment to this. The secondary purpose of marriage is the sanctification of the spouses through their mutual love, but the love of a non-Catholic spouse and for a non-Catholic spouse is not likely to lead someone closer to God, so a mixed marriage is a serious impediment to both purposes of Christian marriage.
 
I am in RCIA now with my husband so I understand both the Protestant and Catholic mindsets and worldview.

Many issues have already been raised that you need to think long and hard about. One that I think is especially critical is the natural family planning (i.e., no artificial birth control) stance. Thankfully, this won’t ever be an issue for my husband, but there has been several recent threads involving couples of mixed beliefs that *thought *they were okay with the NFP. However, they find themselves years later in situations where either NFP is not reliable for them and/or where another pregnancy could be VERY dangerous for the wife’s physical and/or mental health. At that point, a HUGE problem arises because one side (usually the non-Catholic one) doesn’t want to forego marital relations and thinks, “What’s the big deal about birth control?” 🤷 You both REALLY need to be on the same page on this issue if marriage is in your horizon.

I’d also say that you really need to seek to understand her faith. I honestly cannot imagine a non-Catholic being so nonchalant (and uninvolved) about the religious upbringing of a child, a precious soul entrusted to you by God to nurture. Catholicism will permeate your home if she is serious about her faith. Again, though, you need to know and understand that faith, in advance of making a life-long commitment.

Start reading and researching it now so that you can have intelligent conversations with her about it. It never hurts to expand one’s mind, especially about an area that is so important to her.

(I’ll caveat this and add that I think once you do learn more about the tenets of the Catholic faith, you may find yourself on a fast track to the Catholic Church like my husband and I did 😉 )
 
slh3016 said:
I honestly cannot imagine a non-Catholic being so nonchalant (and uninvolved) about the religious upbringing of a child, a precious soul entrusted to you by God to nurture.
Click to expand...
I mean no disrespect, but from the perspective of a non-believer, my wife teaching the children about religion was exactly the same thing as teaching them about Mother Goose. Just different fairy tales from different books.
 
Y’all need to understand it’s not something that affects her/you for an hour on Sunday. It’s a worldview, it’s a lifestyle, it’s a different way of perceiving reality.

The life issues are probably going to be the biggest obstacle, if y’all’s relationship is anything like mine-- my husband is non-practicing Methodist. 😉 But there are a lot of other differences as well.
 
WillyAL said:
I mean no disrespect, but from the perspective of a non-believer, my wife teaching the children about religion was exactly the same thing as teaching them about Mother Goose. Just different fairy tales from different books.
Click to expand...
No disrespect taken 😉

When I use the world non-Catholic, I mean “non-Catholic Christian” (a/k/a Protestant, Orthodox). So, to clarify, I cannot imagine a Protestant or Orthodox Christian being nonchalant about their children being raised Catholic because if it’s good enough for their spouse and kids, why isn’t it good enough for them? 🤷
 
Keep in mind that many of the users on CAF may be more … um … observant than many other Catholics you may interact with personally. I suggest you look into what “married I the Church” includes, as it means more than just in the building.

Basically have a few conversations about what her Catholicism means to her and what she expects in a husband relative yo blue she chooses to live her faith.

And lastly, regarding future children. If you do agree to have them baptized Catholic you should discuss whether or not you have concerns about various “obligations”, confirmation, etc.
 
slh3016 said:
No disrespect taken 😉

When I use the world non-Catholic, I mean “non-Catholic Christian” (a/k/a Protestant, Orthodox). So, to clarify, I cannot imagine a Protestant or Orthodox Christian being nonchalant about their children being raised Catholic because if it’s good enough for their spouse and kids, why isn’t it good enough for them? 🤷
Click to expand...
Clarification noted and appreciated. 👍
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top