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Gregorian12
Guest
I’ll try to make this brief. I am a Protestant but I’m interested in dating a girl at work but she is a Catholic. What is the general attitude of the Catholic Church toward this?
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Confiteor_Deo
Guest
It is against Church precept for a Catholic to marry a non-Catholic and it is highly discouraged by the Church. However, the Bishop can give dispensation to allow a mixed marriage under certain conditions.
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Rbaker
Guest
You could convert to catholocism
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Robyn_p
Guest
The only thing the Church requires is that the non-Catholic must agree to let the Catholic spouse raise the children as Catholics. Otherwise there’s no issue.
As the poster above me said, the bishop does need to grant a dispensation, but the pastor of the parish is the one that handles that so it’s not something you need to really worry about. Mixed marriages are pretty common these days so most bishops grant it easily.
As the poster above me said, the bishop does need to grant a dispensation, but the pastor of the parish is the one that handles that so it’s not something you need to really worry about. Mixed marriages are pretty common these days so most bishops grant it easily.
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Robyn_p
Guest
The Church discourages those kind of conversions. If he is genuinely convinced that Catholicism is true, then obviously he should, but converting for a spouse usually just leads to problems down the road.
I know I would rather marry a man who took his faith seriously and wouldn’t convert unless he believed than someone who only became Catholic because of me.
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Don_Ruggero
Guest
Well, what a perfectly dreadful welcome you’ve received thus far. One is explaining to you about marriage when you have not decided to ask this young woman on a date yet and the other person wants you to convert.
As a priest, I would like to just say welcome first of all. We are glad you’ve stopped by.
When it comes to dating, there are Catholics who do not feel comfortable dating someone who is not Catholic. Others are of a very different mind, however, and enjoy socializing with a variety of different people. It really depends upon the person.
There are a great many Catholics who dated (and are very happily married to) non-Catholics and they have various ways of making a marriage relationship work where the husband and wife have different faiths. I have worked with these couples over the years.
I have seen happy marriages with two Catholic spouses and very unhappy marriages with two Catholic spouses. The same is true with one Catholic and one non Catholic – and I have even had requests for prayers as a Catholic priest by two unhappy non-Catholics!
But here we are back to talking about marriage when the issue is asking someone to go out with you.
I would suggest you ask the young lady if she might like to keep company with you. Since we don’t know her, we can’t really speculate what she might answer. But she very well could say yes. “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” You certainly will not offend her by asking her out, simply because you are non-Catholic.
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brian_custer
Guest
it is probably not going to work out if your intent is to steer your “catholic girl” away from her faith
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Robyn_p
Guest
:doh2: You’re right. We did kind of get a bit ahead of ourselves huh? I was already mentioning future children…
Sorry about that OP. Hope we didn’t scare you off.
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brian_custer
Guest
there are millions of catholics and millions of protestants who could just date one another in their own faith
the catholic church has issues with marrying outside of our faith
so why cause problems? if you are not willing to convert
my advice and i mean this charitably leave the “catholic girls” alone and date w/in your own faith system
ok. shipmate?
the catholic church has issues with marrying outside of our faith
so why cause problems? if you are not willing to convert
my advice and i mean this charitably leave the “catholic girls” alone and date w/in your own faith system
ok. shipmate?
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Robyn_p
Guest
Why so hostile? He just asked a legitimate question.
He can date her. If faith ends up being too big of an issue for either one of them then they can just break up. But according to the Church, it’s not necessarily a deal breaker and it doesn’t have to be.
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Confiteor_Deo
Guest
It’s probably best that this issue is settled prior to them starting to date. In one extreme case in my area, a couple broke up because of religious differences and the girl & her family were brutally murdered and their house was burnt down. This is an extreme case, but it goes to show that these things need to be resolved prior to dating since it is difficult to break up with someone over religion after having dated them for some time.
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Confiteor_Deo
Guest
I agree. I have seen many mixed marriages have trouble raising the children Catholic, and the children often have religious indifference when they grow up. The Church doesn’t forbid mixed marriages for no reason.
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Robyn_p
Guest
If someone actually murdered an entire family after breaking up, their religious differences were the least of their problems.
But sure, you should probably talk about it and be on the same page before getting serious. But the OP hasn’t even been on a date with her yet. He can get to know her a little more before that.
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FractalFire
Guest
I really wish some of you would stop using this type of language. When you treat all other Christians (particularly Protestants) as part of some “other faith system”, how can you be surprised when some other Christians treat you as part of “another faith” (namely by insisting that you aren’t Christian at all)? Protestants, Catholics, Orthodox, etc are all part of the Christian faith system – even though one or more of the groups is by definition wrong in some aspects, all retain the key parts of the faith that identify one as Christian. Thus, from the perspective of this Christian, the OP would indeed be dating “in his own faith system,” just with a member of another branch (radically different though they may be, they are still spiritually closer than the gulf between a Christian and non-Christian).
Regardless, as the OP can see, attitudes among Catholics are somewhat varied, but in my experience on this site typically range from negative to slightly positive (albeit skeptical). As a very conservative community, however, the opinions on CAF do not reflect the consensus view of all Catholics, though I suspect they are more reflective of the positions held by the most devoted Catholics.
Some concerns to look for in the future would be as follows:
- Catholics need a dispensation to marry sacramentally outside the church (not a big problem, typically).
- Catholics are required or at least strongly pressured to raise their children in the Catholic church, presumably without much influence from other Christian creeds (though in practice it seems to rarely end up this way because the other parent also has authority to teach the children).
- Many Catholics object to birth control methods Protestants do not typically find objectionable (ie. condoms), which may cause arguments later on.
- Catholics may hold some theological views you find objectionable (a good way to find out would be to regularly read this site).
. You will need to talk to the individual before you make any judgments about whether she will or will not be able to date you. It would be unfortunate to pass up a good match because of the opinions of other people…
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retire_early
Guest
You can date Catholic girls if they want to date you. The problem is*, *if the relationship eventually heads towards marriage, then the non-Catholic spouse is often not very supportive of the Catholic spouse’s practice of their faith.
When I was young, I was planning to marry my sweetheart who was non-Catholic, but my dad took me aside at one point and advised me to “look around” for a good Catholic partner. He was trying to not be pushy and antagonize me, but I could sense the heartfelt urging in his request. I eventually followed his advice and when I was older, I could look around and see many instances where a coupling of non-Catholic and Catholic either led to the Catholic drifting away from their faith, or at least having a harder time practicing their faith and raising the children to be faithful Catholics (“why do I have to go to church? Dad doesn’t”).
Of my brother’s four children, the three that married non-Catholics have all drifted away from their faith and the one who married a Catholic is a faithful mass-goer and sends his children to the Catholic school.
Having a committed Catholic spouse is a real spiritual and emotional support for a Catholic.
When I was young, I was planning to marry my sweetheart who was non-Catholic, but my dad took me aside at one point and advised me to “look around” for a good Catholic partner. He was trying to not be pushy and antagonize me, but I could sense the heartfelt urging in his request. I eventually followed his advice and when I was older, I could look around and see many instances where a coupling of non-Catholic and Catholic either led to the Catholic drifting away from their faith, or at least having a harder time practicing their faith and raising the children to be faithful Catholics (“why do I have to go to church? Dad doesn’t”).
Of my brother’s four children, the three that married non-Catholics have all drifted away from their faith and the one who married a Catholic is a faithful mass-goer and sends his children to the Catholic school.
Having a committed Catholic spouse is a real spiritual and emotional support for a Catholic.
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Robyn_p
Guest
And I’ve seen many where the kids are solid Catholics, and both the husband and wife love each other deeply. It all depends. My own dad was Protestant and married to my mom for 12 years before converting. If they hadn’t have gotten married, my siblings and I wouldn’t be here, and he would never have even considered Catholicism. Which is why the Church doesn’t absolutely forbid mixed marriages. Sometimes God brings two people from different backgrounds together for a reason.
But again, like Father said in this thread, we’re talking about marriage when the OP hasn’t even been on a date with her yet. He really just needs to talk to her and get to know her more first. We can’t really say whether it’s a bad idea or not. That’s between them.
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Church_Militant
Guest
No position officially, but don’t think about proselytizing her out of her faith.
Also get used to doing Catholic things and also realize that if you marry without converting, you do so with the understanding that the children are raised in the Catholic Church, no ifs ands or buts, okay?
Also get used to doing Catholic things and also realize that if you marry without converting, you do so with the understanding that the children are raised in the Catholic Church, no ifs ands or buts, okay?
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Church_Militant
Guest
Seeing as they’ve been doing that to us for almost 500 years now I’d say deal with your own first and then see where it goes.
I can’t count all the times I’ve been jumped on by n-Cs because I’m a Catholic and I well remember a certain Presbyterian lady at a youth Bible study “witnessing” to my sainted Mom and then telling me “She’s so lost”. I never went back…
Pretty much correct.
- Many Catholics object to birth control methods Protestants do not typically find objectionable (ie. condoms), which may cause arguments later on.
- Catholics may hold some theological views you find objectionable (a good way to find out would be to regularly read this site).#2 is actually that n-Cs are required to agree that the children are raised in the church and they must understand that going in and agree.
Keep in mind the above if you ever seriously date a Catholic woman. Later on in your dating process, these questions can and should come up so you can anticipate any problems they might cause you. Otherwise, it is not necessary to bring them up immediately
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Don_Ruggero
Guest
I confess I am rather stunned by some of the answers in this thread.
The Church is a good mother who is lovingly attentive to her children’s well being – but she doesn’t say “no” to keeping company with non-Catholics. And neither should we. Some of my best friends are not Catholic, actually. I certainly would not appreciate someone saying to my non-Catholic friends that they should only be friends with non-Catholics and leave me to Catholics. Obviously, I’m not dating. But I still get to make the decision of who is my friend and who I socialise with
This young man and this young woman actually work together. She can make the decision of whether or not she wants to be friends and date him. If he finds the courage and decides to ask her, then it’s up to them to sort it out. I think everyone here has done enough to discourage the poor man.
As for marriage…let’s let them get through their first date before we try to marry them off.
When it comes to Canon 1124, it’s funny. I still talk about drawing up a dispensation (to the original poster, if you haven’t been frightened away, this is what we’re talking about for the permission for a Catholic to marry a non-Catholic Christian). The young “kids” will, to a person, say: “But Father! We haven’t called it that in years.” Well, yes. The new Code is only 30 years old. Some habits die hard.
It’s a permission for a Catholic to marry a baptized non-Catholic. And all my siblings needed it, actually. Funny how love ends up working.
The Church is a good mother who is lovingly attentive to her children’s well being – but she doesn’t say “no” to keeping company with non-Catholics. And neither should we. Some of my best friends are not Catholic, actually. I certainly would not appreciate someone saying to my non-Catholic friends that they should only be friends with non-Catholics and leave me to Catholics. Obviously, I’m not dating. But I still get to make the decision of who is my friend and who I socialise with
This young man and this young woman actually work together. She can make the decision of whether or not she wants to be friends and date him. If he finds the courage and decides to ask her, then it’s up to them to sort it out. I think everyone here has done enough to discourage the poor man.
As for marriage…let’s let them get through their first date before we try to marry them off.
When it comes to Canon 1124, it’s funny. I still talk about drawing up a dispensation (to the original poster, if you haven’t been frightened away, this is what we’re talking about for the permission for a Catholic to marry a non-Catholic Christian). The young “kids” will, to a person, say: “But Father! We haven’t called it that in years.” Well, yes. The new Code is only 30 years old. Some habits die hard.
It’s a permission for a Catholic to marry a baptized non-Catholic. And all my siblings needed it, actually. Funny how love ends up working.
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Don_Ruggero
Guest
Truer words…
It’s so seldom now that I read something and burst out in hysterical laughter…it happens only a few times a year at this stage of life…but you win the crown or whatever the prize is for achieving it.
It seems to me the young man is very thoughtful in considering the feelings of the young woman and whether it could offend her sensibilities or be problematic for her if he, as a non Catholic, were to ask her on a date. I think that’s very considerate. I’m not so sure what he may think of Catholics at this point…
Some of what I have read reminds me of the morbid and irresistible urge people have to disgorge on to expectant mothers every horror story they have ever heard about pregnancy complications followed up by things they have heard go wrong in delivery…even as the poor woman is looking at them with a look of ever growing horror and only wants to go about her day in peace.
In any event, thank you RobynP for the best laugh I have had thus far in 2016.
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