Protestant girlfriend presenting herself for communion

[Moabiter]

Recently I attended mass with my protestant girlfriend. Upon returning to our pew after receiving communion I discovered she had also made her way to the front and received communion.

She asked me if she had done things right. I mumbled something evasively to the contrary. I was entirely surprised she had gone forward in the first place. Could hardly launch myself into a theological discussion then and there. I did not follow up after mass. Nor have I adressed the matter since.

Clearly I need to do so before taking her another time to mass. But how ought I do it?

I haven’t handled things well. Time I include this matter in my prayers.

I might add: I want to propose to her. We pray together at times, but I hope that we can have more spiritually in common. I’m willing to also attend her congregation (next to mass), but would be overjoyed if she were to convert. So we’d share a life within the Church (not that I’m properly living within the Church, but I want to!).

Naturally I do not want to “slam a door in her face” in a conversation about her ineligibility for communion.

I wonder:

Should I be up-front about my hope of her converting? Since I haven’t yet formally proposed (waiting for a seaside holiday) it seems to me a premature step. So I have left it at: “I hope we shall share as much spiritually as possible in our life together”. (More or less what I said in German).

To return to the sacramental matter: I recognised that ought not have gone to communion myself, as well. Need to go to confession (it’s been a year). Been way too casual. So today, I thought it best not to go to communion. One does see people just present themselves for blessing, arms crossed or the like. I decided to “try” that today. Well, the priest was confused what I was asking for and gave me communion on the tongue.

I was confused. He was confused (as he said when I later quickly asked him about the situation). Well, should have first informed myself before copying a practice I see in church. Now I have checked on the net and learnt that the Church frowns on the practice of presenting oneself for a blessing in such a manner.

Context: I’ve only fairly recently reembraced (in a fledgling way) Catholicism after going other ways since my adolescence. I really need proper spiritual guidance. Starved of Catholic fellowship. I’m struggling. My resolution: Make an appointment for confession and talk things over with the parish priest. I pray I find a devout Catholic small group or somesuch. I need to be more pro-active.

Please excuse my rambling post. One issue leads to another…

 

[pat41164]

Hi! So much here! Let’s start with this:

Recently I attended mass with my protestant girlfriend. Upon returning to our pew after receiving communion I discovered she had also made her way to the front and received communion.

It’s pretty clear cut — Most non-Catholics (there are exceptions, but she’s most likely not one) cannot receive communion. Enough said — and enough to tell her. Perhaps that might spur on her conversion, if she wants to share that moment with you going forward!

I’ve only fairly recently reembraced (in a fledgling way) Catholicism after going other ways since my adolescence. I really need proper spiritual guidance.

Easily solved as well. Call your parish office and tell them you are a Catholic who has returned home but needs spiritual guidance. A priest will be more than happy that you reached out and will sit down to talk to you about all your questions and concerns! And he’d do so probably as well if not better than anyone on this forum.

If I may add some personal experience — I married a man while Catholic in name wasn’t practicing and was barely faithful, as a confirmed agnostic. I thought his lack of faith wouldn’t make a difference in our marriage. Boy was I wrong! It was a very lonely marriage. A slightly different circumstance, but it did make me realize just how important it is to be on the same page with your partner in terms of faith. I’m no longer married to this man, and our differences in faith is one of the main reasons (the marriage has been annulled).

 

[joeybaggz]

Recently I attended mass with my protestant girlfriend. Upon returning to our pew after receiving communion I discovered she had also made her way to the front and received communion.

She asked me if she had done things right. I mumbled something evasively to the contrary. I was entirely surprised she had gone forward in the first place. Could hardly launch myself into a theological discussion then and there. I did not follow up after mass. Nor have I adressed the matter since.

Context: I’ve only fairly recently reembraced (in a fledgling way) Catholicism after going other ways since my adolescence. I really need proper spiritual guidance. Starved of Catholic fellowship. I’m struggling. My resolution: Make an appointment for confession and talk things over with the parish priest. I pray I find a devout Catholic small group or somesuch. I need to be more pro-active.

Please excuse my rambling post. One issue leads to another…

Sammy Davis sung a song called “I’ve gotta be me” in which there is a great truth in one of the lyrics. It is, “how can I be right for somebody else, if I’m not right for me?”

You seem to be headed in the right direction. Another poster suggested making an appointment with a priest to help you sort out a lot of things. It is good advice. Another suggestion might be to seek out the RCIA program at your parish. It is a good place for reverts (people who have been baptized Catholic, but have been “away” from the faith for a prolonged period.

As to the approaching Communion with arms crossed over the chest, this is a practice I have seen in a number of churches. It is intended for small children who the parents wish for them to be included, but have not properly received first communion. The children receive a blessing from the minister but not communion itself. It’s a gentle way of preparing the little ones for the day they will first receive.

As to your protestant girlfriend receiving. No it should’t happen but in this case I don’t think the end of days is coming because of it. It is a bone of contention among many protestants that they feel excluded and all they want is to share in fellowship. Well, that is why a lot of churches have coffee and donuts after mass. As a means of fellowship in which all attendees are welcome to partake. The best explanation I could give, (and I would do it gently) is that when a Catholic approaches Communion, the priest or Eucharistic minister hold forth the host or the cup and says, “The body/blood of Christ” to which the communicant answers, “Amen” That amen is a faith response to the entire congregation present that says the receiver believes that the sacred species (bread or wine) is the actual body and blood of Christ as the Catholic Church universally believes. A person belonging to a denomination or any divergent point of view would be bearing false witness if he/she stated Amen. I doubt your girlfriend meant any harm and just wanted to be included, but the Eucharist is the pinnacle of our belief as Catholics; are entire faith is encapsulated in the sacred mystery. Paul’s words,“he who partakes unworthily eats and drinks condemnation unto himself.”

As to her conversion. First get yourself right with the Church. Then be gentle and get a good explanation for her. Then, if you think it is right, invite her to investigate the faith alongside you. From your post, it sounds like your girlfriend may well be amenable to the idea. Your uneasiness at this incident seem t be being used by the Holy Spirit to spur you on back to the faith. And maybe, just maybe, bring another along with you .

By the way, a good read for any member of the Protestant faiths that might consider converting is “Rome Sweet Home” written by Scott and Kimberly Hahn. It tells the journey of two decided anti Catholic protestant ministers and how they came to realize the beauty and truth of the Catholic Church.

Shalom

 

[ClearWater]

Just make sure you are not marrying her with the thought of converting her. You have to accept her as she is without trying to change her.

 

[Crusaderbear]

Use this as a opening to discuss all the differences of Catholicism - the true presence, children must be brought up catholic, mass attendance is mandatory, no contaception, and any others I have forgotten. If she is understanding, then continue with a proposal (or furthering your relationship). She made a mistake out of a lack og understanding, help her understand.

 

[Moabiter]

Thanks, everyone, for your advice. I’ve now made an appointment with my parish priest.

As for my desire for Catholic fellowship, I found out that the local Dominican lay group is open to all comers. Previously I thought our parish lacked regular long-term spiritual small groups for adults (apart from a Christian meditation group, which just isn’t for me (and appears to be rather heterodox)).

I want to also acqaint myself with a weekly prayer circle elsewhere in the Berlin archdiocese.

Sammy Davis sung a song called “I’ve gotta be me” in which there is a great truth in one of the lyrics. It is, “how can I be right for somebody else, if I’m not right for me?”

You seem to be headed in the right direction.

I live with bipolar disorder. But I’ve made great strides in recent years. I’m grateful to God that may depressive episodes are far less pronounced these days. I can “manage” them. They no longer dominate/ruin my life. Turning towards the Catholic faith has certainly helped me, but unfortunately do in depressive phase still often shut God out.

I believe I am now right for myself, as for a significant other. So a good year ago I entered the dating scene. Considered myself ready, in all my imperfection.

My girlfriend and I got acquainted via a Christian dating site.

Faith is important to both of us. We pray together and often talk about faith-related matters. I think we have something precious there. Even without being in the same denomination. I am grateful.

 

[Moabiter]

Another poster suggested making an appointment with a priest to help you sort out a lot of things. It is good advice. Another suggestion might be to seek out the RCIA program at your parish. It is a good place for reverts (people who have been baptized Catholic, but have been “away” from the faith for a prolonged period.

Well, I’m German and live in the archdiocese of Berlin.

In 2013 I attended Easter Vigil in St. Peter’s. At the time I had a pretty protestant outlook (attended evangelical services). I was only nominally a Catholic.

Frankly, like a certain fellow-German visiting Rome five centuries before, I found (at the time) the whole atmosphere far too worldly. I just saw it as a rather bombastic pope-cult event. All those waves of applause, pageantry, heck, even in the diplomatic section (where I was seated) plenty were filming the thing with their ipads stretched up.

I wondered: Where was Jesus in all of this?

I’ve since mellowed in regards to people showing joy at seeing the Holy Father. But back then I was seriously put off. So I was close to severing my residual formal ties to the Church.

But I thought I should first give the matter proper consideration. Seek out the best case for remaining Catholic. And then decide. Give Catholicism a fair hearing, so to speak. For I had never encountered an adult-oriented case for Catholicism.

Well, I talked then to a priest, enrolled in a “faith course” in another parish, attended mass, read up.

That Pentecost I found my inner peace in church. Embraced Catholicism. I’m still haven’t warmed really to Marian devotion, but facing a statue of Mary I really felt a sense of having found a spiritual haven for life. Having come home.

I’ve sought instruction in the shape of the aforementioned “faith course” and also an Alpha course in my parish. Their emphases were on a general introduction to Christianity. They didn’t really touch on what sets Catholicism apart from wider Christianity. I appreciated these, but was looking for instruction on what is peculiar to Catholicism.

So I asked whether I could tag along in the baptism/confirmation course offered by our parish. I wasn’t eligible for going on the retreat and a couple of other meetings reserved for the baptism/confirmation candidates, but the classes I attended were pure theology lectures. No prayer, no fellowship. A very intellectual approach. Perhaps on account of the priest being Dominican? Well, I appreciated the university-style theology lectures (church history and all), but it left the question as to how to live a Catholic life unanswered. I felt rather bad for the other catechumens. Particularly as I suspect such a super-intellectual approach was over-the-head of most participants.

I don’t mean to complain. I find we Catholics often complain too much instead of being ourselves pro-active. Just sharing that the three courses I enrolled in were - judging by what I’ve read about the RCIA program you have in the US - nothing like the latter.

Now, the Jesuit faith information centre here is apparently in charge of kinda a central initiation/instruction program. I have no idea what that’s like. But otherwise each parish (or now I guess I have to say mega-parish) seems to do its own thing.

General observation: My impression is that American Catholicism puts are far greater emphasis on what sets our denomination apart from others.

 

[Moabiter]

As to your protestant girlfriend receiving. … The best explanation I could give, (and I would do it gently) is that when a Catholic approaches Communion, the priest or Eucharistic minister hold forth the host or the cup and says, “The body/blood of Christ” to which the communicant answers, “Amen” That amen is a faith response to the entire congregation present that says the receiver believes that the sacred species (bread or wine) is the actual body and blood of Christ as the Catholic Church universally believes. A person belonging to a denomination or any divergent point of view would be bearing false witness if he/she stated Amen.

Starting a conversation on what her understanding of the sacrament is seems indeed a rewarding approach.

I’m not sure she has a theologically firm view. She might be open to the Catholic understanding.

Perhaps we could jointly look into this theological matter.

As to her conversion. First get yourself right with the Church. Then be gentle and get a good explanation for her. Then, if you think it is right, invite her to investigate the faith alongside you. From your post, it sounds like your girlfriend may well be amenable to the idea. Your uneasiness at this incident seem t be being used by the Holy Spirit to spur you on back to the faith. And maybe, just maybe, bring another along with you.

Yes, I need to first work on myself. Improve my prayer life, read scripture more consistently, attend mass without fail, find Christian fellowship/instruction, confess, be more loving.

I pray for us sharing ever more spiritually. I mean to learn how better to explain the Catholic specifica. And be in all things gentle and charitable.

By the way, a good read for any member of the Protestant faiths that might consider converting is “Rome Sweet Home” written by Scott and Kimberly Hahn.

Her English is pretty poor. Anglophone literature would be too much of a chore. Anglophone audio or film material is iffy. She wouldn’t understand everything.

So any material has to be in German, I think.

It tells the journey of two decided anti Catholic protestant ministers and how they came to realize the beauty and truth of the Catholic Church.

I’ve in the past listened to him giving his conversion story.

My girlfriend isn’t anti-Catholic. The only reservation she’s voiced in regards to Catholic parishes that she has a sense that there’s less spiritual fellowship. Less of a small group culture. That these aren’t as close-knit communities.

She has a point there, doesn’t she? At least in my experience. All the more reason why I want to find Catholic fellowship. Be pro-active there.

I don’t think a theological question such as infant baptism (which she has reservations about) would be an insurmountable obstacle to her becoming Catholic. It’s more of a matter whether she could feel really at home in a Catholic parish. Fellowship. Spiritual. Social.

 

[Moabiter]

Just make sure you are not marrying her with the thought of converting her. You have to accept her as she is without trying to change her.

We pray together.

For me that’s essential. I couldn’t do without that.

Denominational commonality was never a must, for me. Otherwise I wouldn’t have started dating her in the first place.

But sharing a denomination would be such a blessing. So I think we ought to explore that possibility.

She will be moving in the coming months to Berlin, to live with me. So we’ve already been looking for a new congregation for her.

I’ve told her that I want as much as spiritual commonality as possible and would be willing to attend her new congregation with her together, while also going to mass.

Right now she’s looking at congregations in broadly the evangelical spectrum. But hey, why should a Catholic parish not be on the table, if we’re looking at various denominations?

I feel a bit bad about her already moving to a new city for me. It’s undoubtedly the better alternative, but then also Catholic conversion would mean she’s making far more changes in her life than I am on account of this relationship.

 

[Jerusha]

Her English is pretty poor. Anglophone literature would be too much of a chore. Anglophone audio or film material is iffy. She wouldn’t understand everything.

So any material has to be in German, I think.

You might benefit from that book, too. You could bookmark various segments which could be relevant to her situation and read them to her in a running translation.

 

[Moabiter]

Use this as a opening to discuss all the differences of Catholicism - the true presence, children must be brought up catholic,

Hm, to date I thought I might leave that topic until after we’re engaged.

In any case, I first want to explore with her if we could have a future in the same denomination.

I think she’d be willing.

mass attendance is mandatory, no contaception,

Well, we’re sleeping together. Contracepting. I’d like for us to at least explore NFP.

I’m not on the straight and narrow. I recognise the beauty in waiting.

I fall short of what is God’s will for me in so many ways.

 

[peter26]

Well, we’re sleeping together. Contracepting.

Just a pointer, when you go to confession you need to have a firm intention of amendment. If you are cohabiting, sleeping together when not married and using contraception, you would have to intend to stop doing all these things to be validly absolved. Now clearly getting married solves the first two problems. But you need to stop with the contraception.

 

[Moabiter]

Just a pointer, when you go to confession you need to have a firm intention of amendment. If you are cohabiting, sleeping together when not married and using contraception, you would have to intend to stop doing all these things to be validly absolved.

We’re not yet cohabiting. But she’s moving in in April.

What’s wrong with cohabiting as such?

Now clearly getting married solves the first two problems.

We’d need an annulment first on account of her first marriage. I understand we’d have a case.

What about the interim?

But you need to stop with the contraception.

We both want kids. But we’re really not ready to get pregnant before next year.

She’s not the most organised of persons and worries she’d mess up NFP. I offered to do things as a couple once we move in.

 

[peter26]

We’re not yet cohabiting. But she’s moving in in April.

What’s wrong with cohabiting as such?

We’d need an annulment first on account of her first marriage. I understand we’d have a case.

What about the interim?

Essentially cohabiting is an occasion of sin. You have already said you are sleeping together, so it is clear that living together will increase this temptation.

We both want kids. But we’re really not ready to get pregnant before next year.

She’s not the most organised of persons and worries she’d mess up NFP. I offered to do things as a couple once we move in.

Well you know until you get married you shouldn’t be intimate anyway. But using artificial contraception is just adding in an extra sin. I tell you this for your own good.