Protestant husband insists on getting a vasectomy against my wishes- can I get a legal separation?

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Here is a definition of troll from Wikipedia:
**In Internet slang, a troll (/ˈtroʊl/, /ˈtrɒl/) is a person who sows discord on the Internet by starting arguments or upsetting people,[1] by posting inflammatory,[2] extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community (such as a forum, chat room, or blog), either accidentally[3][4] or with the deliberate intent of provoking readers into an emotional response[5] or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.[6]

This sense of the word troll and its associated verb trolling are associated with Internet discourse, but have been used more widely. Media attention in recent years has equated trolling with online harassment. For example, mass media has used troll to describe “a person who defaces Internet tribute sites with the aim of causing grief to families.”[7][8]**

I did not stir up the argument and go stalking peoples past posts. That to me borders on harassment. I was asking a few specific questions about my situation as it relates to being Catholic. I am the original poster. Typically the troll is someone just stopping by to cause trouble. So please stop trolling. Hopefully this thread will be closed soon.
 
Steph,
I was going to PM you, but was unable. If you care to do so, you can set up your profile to receive private messages. I wanted to offer encouragement, but I think this thread is going south fast, so it will probably be locked soon. You can PM me if you like.

God bless.
 
steph410 said:
Here is a definition of troll from Wikipedia:
**In Internet slang, a troll (/ˈtroʊl/, /ˈtrɒl/) is a person who sows discord on the Internet by starting arguments or upsetting people,[1] by posting inflammatory,[2] extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community (such as a forum, chat room, or blog), either accidentally[3][4] or with the deliberate intent of provoking readers into an emotional response[5] or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.[6]

This sense of the word troll and its associated verb trolling are associated with Internet discourse, but have been used more widely. Media attention in recent years has equated trolling with online harassment. For example, mass media has used troll to describe “a person who defaces Internet tribute sites with the aim of causing grief to families.”[7][8]**

I did not stir up the argument and go stalking peoples past posts. That to me borders on harassment. I was asking a few specific questions about my situation as it relates to being Catholic. I am the original poster. Typically the troll is someone just stopping by to cause trouble. So please stop trolling. Hopefully this thread will be closed soon.
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You are getting answers you don’t like and attacking people because they don’t agree with you. Why did you ask whether you could legitimately leave your husband when you weren’t willing to hear that the answer is “no, a vasectomy, while it is a serious offense against a basic good of marriage, is not likely to be a legitimate reason for the wronged spouse to abandon the common conjugal life outright, particularly not when there is good reason to believe that the spouse wrongly choosing sterility began the marriage with an openness to life, as evidenced by the marriage having produced five children”?

Sin against one of the goods of marriage after the marriage is not automatically evidence of an invalid marriage. Even serious sin does not automatically render married life “too difficult”. Therefore, this sin does not automatically give legitimate cause for you to leave. Leaving without serious cause is itself a serious sin against marriage. If you don’t like hearing that, I am sorry, but we aren’t here to be told we are trolls simply because it upsets you that we aren’t reinforcing prejudices you have formed in favor of leaving your husband.

Please–we aren’t saying these things to upset you or attack you! We are begging you not to throw away a valid marriage. Please listen and reconsider your course of action. It would be a pity if you were to go through with what you are proposing, a real tragedy. 😦
 
Steph, no one on this thread is a troll. We are all saying about the same thing. I do feel that your treatment of Truth_Faith13 is over the top and I have reported your last response to her. 😦
 
I most certainly am not attacking anyone because I don’t like answers to my questions. I AM THE ONE BEING ATTACKED and borderline stalked. I will be contacting an administrator.
 
Whatever you do, please reconsider your plan to abandon your marriage. That would be a gravely wrong course of action, and it would cause a great deal of pain to your children, pain you have the power to spare them. You can endure this trial–please do it, for their sake and for your own!! I do not think you realize the pain you will be sparing yourself, but if for no one else, if not even for your own welfare, at least be willing to make this sacrifice for them.
 
steph410 said:
Interesting. Do you not think it is self-centered in the first place for my husband to choose to get a vasectomy against my wishes just because he doesn’t want more? He is Christian, although not Catholic specifically- I thought bible-believing Christians were supposed to trust in God and know he will provide for them. And to put others before themselves. I want the potential to have another baby in the future and he is selfishly crushing those hopes.
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I think we’ve moved on from the question of your husbands behaviour to that of yours, which is pretty much all this discussion can influence. (Let’s all agree the vasectomy, contrary to your wishes, is not a good act.)

If he does not want more children, but you do in the future, are you suggesting that your wish should override his?

In response to another of your posts, did you stop loving your husband at some point in the past, or will the love be turned off if he goes through with the vasectomy? What kind of love is this that is so conditional, so controlled by events? Please don’t answer by telling us about your husband…
 
steph410 said:
Again. Here I see the sexism. You are condemning me here because I would want a separation. And yet, my HUSBAND is the one that is choosing to get a vasectomy against my wishes. He is initiating this entire problem. I see the hatred of women all over the place here. A man can choose to do whatever he wants, his wife be damned. But is the woman chooses to do something about it, she is not respected in the same way.
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Steph - his deed is beyond our reach. We can only offer our thoughts on how you can deal with the situation. The conversation would differ if it were your husband posting, rather than you.
 
steph410 said:
I most certainly am not attacking anyone because I don’t like answers to my questions. I AM THE ONE BEING ATTACKED and borderline stalked. I will be contacting an administrator.
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You are calling people names. Jesus tells us to turn the other cheek. We are called to forgive, and to even love our enemies.

You sound like a very young woman who is frustrated and feels trapped. You’ve had 5 children in a row, which takes a toll, you are in a loveless marriage. These are deep personal problems. You sound like you are isolated in your problems. Please reach out to someone near you. An internet posting site will not give you the in depth help you need!
 
Rau said:
I think we’ve moved on from the question of your husbands behaviour to that of yours, which is pretty much all this discussion can influence. (Let’s all agree the vasectomy, contrary to your wishes, is not a good act.)

If he does not want more children, but you do in the future, are you suggesting that your wish should override his?

In response to another of your posts, did you stop loving your husband at some point in the past, or will the love be turned off if he goes through with the vasectomy? What kind of love is this that is so conditional, so controlled by events? Please don’t answer by telling us about your husband…
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This is an important point. No one wants to minimize how wrong it is for the OP’s husband to do what he is proposing to do. No one is proposing that she relax her efforts to turn him from what he intends to do. We all hope that he won’t do it, for his sake as well as for hers.

She is also right about this, of course: children are one of the goods for which marriage exists, and openness to children is not an optional part of the marital act. We are only saying that the decision to choose sterility after marriage does not have to doom the marriage. This is a wrong that can be forgiven, a wrong that can be endured for the sake of the marriage, and a wrong, that if turned from, a couple can get past. It is one of the worst things in “for better or for worse”, but it is one of the things that a spouse may have to endure, unfortunately. It is worth the effort to get past this wrong, and it can be done.

We are only saying that this wrong does not justify the wrong of abandoning the marriage. The OP is duty-bound to try to get past her husband’s sins, to get past “the worst”. If she cannot do that, this is a pastoral question for her to discern with help from her priest, but she does need to try before concluding she cannot get past it. She says she is stubborn–that means she has a strong will, that she can do what she decides to do. That is not a bad character trait! It is simply one she must master. Stubborn saints are an irreplaceable force for good. They just have to put their stubbornness to work for God, for doing what is good, for enduring and overcoming trials, and not for anything else.
 
Country_Gal said:
… you are in a loveless marriage…
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I would not conclude that. Spouses that are having difficulties are tempted by the evil one to believe that, to believe that where there is conflict there is no love. That is not true. It can seem true, but it very rarely is. Oh, how many couples realize too late how much love they threw away in despair because of a conflict that blinded them to what they had!! 😦

One of the most important prayers I ever learned was, “Lord, you love him, because I can’t do it.” I have never gone without aid when asking that of God. If you want to love someone and you can’t do it, or if you have lost the desire to love someone you ought to love, someone you are commanded to love, ask for help. It sounds simple-minded, but it is so important that it cannot be said too often. When we want to love and can’t, God will help us. We do have to ask, sometimes, though.
 
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