I understand the distinctions you are seeking to make. I may not agree that there is a distinction between what a Protestant calls a “divorce” and a Catholic calls an “annullment”…but I understand YOU do. I think the whole “Protestants allow divorce while Catholics don’t” has a lot to do with our understanding of the terms used. From a Protestant view “annulment” is just a “nice word” for “divorce” among Catholics…it is a word used to make a distinction between the “letter” of the law and the “spirit” of the law, so to speak.
“If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck” it may as well be a duck for all intents and purposes. Whether one declares their marriage is over through “divorce” or one declares their “marriage” is over because it “really never happened” even though they lived as man and wife for 30 years and raised three children together…is “hair splitting” to most Protestants.
I understand why “annullment” is OK with Catholics and why “divorce” is not…I don’t accept the distinctions necessarily as readily as Catholics do. Two people who pledged themselves in marriage to one another…are married…whether they understood all the ins and outs to the “nth” degree at the time does not necessarily make the marriage “null and void”…to many of us it is a distinction of “legalism”…that’s why it’s difficult to discuss marriage and divorce when one doesn’t draw such a fine distinction between “divorce” and “annullment”. It’s not an indictment on either tradition…they are just different.
Hi Publisher:
I think maybe you are thinking of marriage in the civil sense and not the Spiritual sense. People sometimes get married, have children, and appear to have perfect marriages and there are things unknown to you and I that are un-Spiritual about their marriages. The Church believes that this initiates out of less than “valid” marriage. That is marriage that is not “blessed”. To be blessed or consecrated by the Church certain things must happen. Both people must be of age to legally marry according to civil law. Both people must be baptized. Both people must fully and consciously consent to the marriage. Both people must intend to have a faithful, fruitfull (bear children) marriage. Both people must intend to raise said children in the catholic faith. And the intended couple are counseled on these matters. The couple is then married in a catholic Church (unliess given permission to marry outside the Church), by a catholic priest.
All of these things make the marriage two things: Valid and Sacramental.
If all of these things are present, one will most likely not be granted a decree of nullity. If one or all of these things are absent, then there is an inquiry as to whether the marriage was at least “valid”. That is, outside the Church, but still a marriage in the eyes of God.
This inquiry is not an inquiry into the present state of the marriage, but rather the state of the marriage at the time of consent. This is very important. If a couple lives seemingly happily until today, one of two things could be present: They could have been miserable the whole time - say one or the other married just for financial gain, or they just plain grew apart.
Either way, they may be granted a decree of nullity if the Tribunal believes the marriage was invalid at the time of consent for one of the reasons stated above because that would make a marriage less likely to ever last in spite of what you and I see on the surface.
Take my case for instance, I was married for eight years and had a child. I was never happy. From day one, I was treated badly and all I wanted to do was get out but I couldn’t. I had a small child and wanted a family life for him.
But…I came from a divorced family. My father divorced my mother when I was young. So shortly after I decided that my marriage was not the way most marriages were, I knew I could eventually get divorced. That is compounded by the fact that I was “unchurched” as a child. I didn’t know the Biblical sense of marriage, only the civil sense of marriage. I thought divorce was just what people do to get out of marriages.
So, I’m not baptized and not raised in church. I was married at a young age and had a very skewed sense of marriage.
Do you think my marriage was doomed from the beginning?
It’s okay, you can say yes. Why? Because God really never was a part of my marriage. That is why marriages should be valid (done by two Baptized people in church) and sacramental (by the catholic Church and by a priest if you are catholic).
The catholic Church considers most marriages outside the Church valid. It is not as easy as one might think to get even a marriage outside the Church annulled. The hardest ones to get annulled are the marriages where both were catholic at the time of marriage and they were married by a priest in the Church.
You can sort of kiss your annullment good-bye in that case. That would be like the Church saying it performs invalid, unsacramental marriages.
Blessings,
HC
