Protestant with Questions

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Misty1980

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Hi, I’m a questioning Protestant thinking of converting to Catholicism. I have a theological problem related to my marriage.

I was raised Baptist, made a profession of faith, and was baptized. I left the church, but tried to live as much the way I thought Jesus taught.

I have two young children and know we should be in church. I don’t want to go back to the Baptists so I’ve been reading about other denominations.

My husband is twice divorced. While I was taught divorce was wrong, I was never taught it was wrong to marry a divorced person. I went into marriage innocently, not realizing it was problematic until recently. I realize this hinders me from entering the Catholic church.

I understand that annulment is a possibility for the previous marriages, know my husband wouldn’t go along. His past marriages are a barrier that I can’t fix. I’ve read that the next option is living as “brother and sister,” but this is another problem. Inevitably, he would divorce me. We know divorce is wrong, another sinful state.

I am stuck between two rocks here. I am interested in exploring the Catholic faith and possibly joining. My husband’s past marriages prevent me from being acceptance, and the alternative would just lead me into another state of sin, swapping out one for another.

I have read that there is no salvation outside the church. I have been taught that salvation comes through Jesus’s grace. I do believe Jesus is the ultimate answer and authority, but it bothers me. I feel cheated by a Christian tradition that failed to teach me that marrying a divorced person was wrong in God’s eyes. I honestly went into this marriage innocently, thinking I had done everything right, putting myself into a position where I cannot be accepted into a faith that seems to teach that I cannot be saved unless I am accepted. Is this what the Catholic church teaches?

I guess what I’m looking to ask is: If my marriage prevents me from acceptance into the church, does that mean that I’m shut off from salvation? Do all Protestants just go straight to hell because we aren’t members of the Catholic church?
 
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You need to call the nearest parish office and set up an appointment with the priest. He can answer all your questions and lay out a plan for you. Your marriage shouldn’t be an impediment to entering the church and there are options that you’ll have. Seek out the priest!
 
Just to add that divorce in itself is not wrong according to the Church, as it’s sometimes necessary to divorce before civil law problems like custody of the children, ownership of the house, etc. can be settled. It’s marrying again after a divorce that is wrong assuming that the marriage has not been annulled…
 
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I echo Pattylt’s post. Talk with a priest in the diocese where you live, and get specific information on possible paths of action. There can be surprising options.
 
Hi Misty,

I think it’s best for you to speak with the local Catholic pastor about your desire to become a Catholic and your husband’s prior civil marriages.

Yes, they currently present an obstacle, but hopefully not an insurmountable one.
Misty1980 said:
I understand that annulment is a possibility for the previous marriages, know my husband wouldn’t go along. His past marriages are a barrier that I can’t fix.
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Have you actually spoken to him about it? Or are you just assuming?

We don’t know anything about your husband— is he baptized, unbaptized, was he a Catholic and if so were either of those marriages in the Church, were either of his exes married before they married him, were either of his exes Catholic? Etc?

SO many variables which could impact how this process moves forward.

Maybe he will surprise you and be willing to at least investigate the options if he knows becoming a Catholic means that much to you.

In the meantime, keep studying and don’t go down this path of thinking it is hopeless. Take things one step at a time.

First step, talk to your local pastor about the details.
 
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Pattylt said:
You need to call the nearest parish office and set up an appointment with the priest.
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Definitely!
Misty1980 said:
We know divorce is wrong, another sinful state.
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Not necessarily.
Misty1980 said:
I have read that there is no salvation outside the church.
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That’s a little more complex than how you might be understanding it. Don’t worry about this issue at the moment. The Catholic Church does not teach that everyone who is not Catholic goes to hell; what we mean is that everyone who gets to heaven has help from the Catholic Church (whether they know it or not). Again, it’s a little more nuanced than that, but meet with a priest about the marriage matters first.
 
Hello Misty.

I’m sorry about your predicament, but, as the good people here have already pointed out, I’m sure that a priest will aid you to resolve it in a positive way.

Can I just ask: was your husband married in church, or were they civil unions?
Also, your husband doesn’t come from a Catholic background does he?

The answers to these questions could make a large difference.

God bless you.
 
They were civil unions. And my husband does not come from any particular religious background at all.
 
He isn’t Catholic, and I’m pretty sure none of the exes are either. Both weddings took place in city parks. I did try explaining some of this to him, but he started to get defensive so I backed off. I know the quickest way to make someone hate religion is to force the issue.
 
I can recommend the book Annulment: The Wedding That Was by Michael Smith Foster.

I suggest you read it, and then get him to read it if possible.

Annulment may not be the only option, dissolution of the bond in favor of the faith may also be possible, depending on baptismal status your spouse and the exes.
 
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Hi Misty,

So sorry it’s tough for you.

So he was never baptised?

If he’d been baptised Catholic, then it would have been very quick and simple. He would not even require an annulment. Catholics are bound to form in marriage; therefore civil unions are invalid due to the total defect of form. He would just need a declaration which takes a few months and costs nothing but a small donation.

As it is, if he’s not a baptised Catholic then he is not bound to the Catholic form. I believe that this means the Church cannot annul either as they have no grounds to do so by Canon law. I could be wrong - and I’ll check - but I think that this is the case.

There are alternatives, however, so don’t despair.

I’ll get back to you about this.

God bless you all.
 
Can a non-Catholic marriage be annulled?

Would it even need to be annulled?
 
the church presumes all marriages are valid. So yes, even if not a Catholic the prior marriages need to be examined for validity.
 
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You’re right in that validity is assumed, but only on the grounds of the form it was celebrated under. The Church acknowledges differing legal forms, and only holds jurisdiction over its own particular form and norms (this applies differently to different Rites, as the Eastern RIte Churches have their own Canon law).
I don’t believe the Church has or claims the authority to overide non-Catholic forms or norms as those under them are not bound to the Catholic Church.
The Church cannot annul anything outside of its jurisdiction as I understand it.
 
UGCC said:
As it is, if he’s not a baptised Catholic then he is not bound to the Catholic form. I believe that this means the Church cannot annul either as they have no grounds to do so by Canon law.
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The marriages of non-Catholics are regularly examined by Catholic tribunals. Sometimes, these marriages are declared invalid. The basis for such a judgment would certainly be a “ground” or “grounds” that are seen as part of the natural law and therefore apply to all marriages, not just the marriages of Catholics.

For example, all marriages possess the essential property of unity (commonly called fidelity). If two non-Catholics marry but one or both actively exclude this property from their marital consent, then a Catholic tribunal could declare the marriage invalid because of this defect in their consent. This could only happen if a Party to the marriage asked the Church for a judgment.

Dan
 
UGCC said:
The Church cannot annul anything outside of its jurisdiction as I understand it.
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an annulment is a declaration that no marriage existed. The Church can declare that a non-Catholic marriage did not exist after examination.

If a divorced non-Catholic wishes to marry a Catholic the non-Catholic must seek an annulment from the Catholic Church.
 
paperwight said:
Just to add that divorce in itself is not wrong according to the Church, as it’s sometimes necessary to divorce before civil law problems like custody of the children, ownership of the house, etc. can be settled. It’s marrying again after a divorce that is wrong assuming that the marriage has not been annulled…
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Divorce is grave matter. However, if OP’s husband divorces her because she wants to regularize their marriage, it is no fault of hers. Divorce is also “one-and-done” and can be forgiven in the confessional, if not pre-approved by pastor/bishop for reasons.
 
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