Protestants and divorce

[tomarin]

Does anyone know what is or what are the rationales offered by Protestant denominations for allowing divorce if traditional, orthodox Christianity in the West never allowed it? Is it a side-effect of downplaying or denying the sacramental nature of marriage?

I ask in order to understand, not to lecture or moralize.

 

[lizaanne]

I have always wondered this myself. It’s not as if the Catholic Church has exclusive rights to the Sixth Commandment - it applies to everyone.

It is an interesting question.

~Liza

 

[Xavierlives]

Does anyone know what is or what are the rationales offered by Protestant denominations for allowing divorce if traditional, orthodox Christianity in the West never allowed it? Is it a side-effect of downplaying or denying the sacramental nature of marriage?

I ask in order to understand, not to lecture or moralize.

Well this is one of the reasons I will never practice family law (unless it is adoption).

I cannot answer for all protestants, but divorce is viewed as a legal and spiritual union. The Church cannot stop divorce, though. The Bible clearly makes provisions for divorce so its use should not be shunned for Biblical reason. It should be shunned for non-Biblical reasons and I have known a few men and women who were shunned for the non-Biblical use of divorcement. The problem is marriage creeped into the civil law and creeped out of religion. Don’t get me wrong, many Christians marry understanding this is a union made by God, but many without God still marry. Now the church is dealing with common-law marriages, marriages conducted by other faiths, etc. I’m not sure how the CC deals with those thing. Regardless, I have not seen any protestant church to be accepting of it.

 

[tomarin]

The Bible clearly makes provisions for divorce so its use should not be shunned for Biblical reason. It should be shunned for non-Biblical reasons and I have known a few men and women who were shunned for the non-Biblical use of divorcement.

What are the scriptural passages you’re referring to? And doesn’t Christ say very clearly “let no man tear asunder what God has joined together”?

 

[4Squarebaby]

What are the scriptural passages you’re referring to? And doesn’t Christ say very clearly “let no man tear asunder what God has joined together”?

True, but I wonder is a civil authority who records a couple’s disolving relationship the man tearing it asunder? Or did the husband and wife do that and the judge and clerk just recorded the deed?

Now after the couple has torn itself apart then what? Do we lie to ourselves about the beginning of a relationship as the Republic of the Philippines does when it issues civil annulments? Do we accept the couples confession and allow them to move on with life and choose another partner? Do we tell them for the rest of their lives don’t you dare look at another you sinner?

 

[tomarin]

True, but I wonder is a civil authority who records a couple’s disolving relationship the man tearing it asunder? Or did the husband and wife do that and the judge and clerk just recorded the deed?

That’s an interesting point. Certainly I’m familiar with married couples who appear to have been “divorced” for years (in a spiritual and social sense) even though they live under the same roof.

Now after the couple has torn itself apart then what? Do we lie to ourselves about the beginning of a relationship as the Republic of the Philippines does when it issues civil annulments? Do we accept the couples confession and allow them to move on with life and choose another partner? Do we tell them for the rest of their lives don’t you dare look at another you sinner?

Even the Catholic Church allows for annulments, which some people see as a kind of divorce. (I’m sorry I don’t have a better answer, but I don’t pretend to have all the answers.)

 

[Janet1983]

Does anyone know what is or what are the rationales offered by Protestant denominations for allowing divorce if traditional, orthodox Christianity in the West never allowed it? Is it a side-effect of downplaying or denying the sacramental nature of marriage?

I ask in order to understand, not to lecture or moralize.

Well there is some information given in Scripture about divorce. First of all there is God’s view on divorce:
Malachi 2:16 (NASB)
“For I hate divorce,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the LORD of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”

There is however a law about divorce in the Old Testament.
Deuteronomy 24:1 (NASB)
"When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house,

The explanation for this paradoxon can be found in the words of our Lord Jesus Christ:
Matthew 19:6-9 (NASB)
“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”
They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?”
He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way.
“And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

Looking at this it becomes clear that the Lord hates divorce, but that in a case of infidelity there is a legal way to divorce a partner. This is however not because God wilt it that way, but because the people are hard of heart.
I therefore dislike divorce and I see it as wrong. I do however agree that in some cases like infidelity there is not much of another way than divorce if the partners are so hard of heart. In all other cases there should be a way to work this problem out even though there has been infidelity.
After the initial falling in love loving somebody is a decision we can make. After the initial hype is over we have to decide to love somebody or not. Some people are blessed with partners that are completely incompatible to them. This will help them become more like Jesus Christ by loving someone who is not deserving of this love. We will not always find the right partner we would wish to have, but we will find the partner God wants us to have.
While working on a marriage we learn to forgive each other, even though the partner might not be deserving of our forgiveness… God forgives us so much more however. A marriage is a way to become more like God wanted us to be in the first place.

Peace be to you, and love with faith, from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
In Him,
Janet

 

[lizaanne]

Even the Catholic Church allows for annulments, which some people see as a kind of divorce. (I’m sorry I don’t have a better answer, but I don’t pretend to have all the answers.)

This is ABSOLUTELY NOT A DIVORCE of any sort! A declaration of nullity ONLY declares that no valid marriage EVER existed on the day of the wedding. It never does and never will un-do anything. If a marriage is valid it remains that way until death do they part. The Catholic Church NEVER EVER dissolves a valid marriage. Period.

~Liza

 

[Publisher]

This is ABSOLUTELY NOT A DIVORCE of any sort! A declaration of nullity ONLY declares that no valid marriage EVER existed on the day of the wedding. It never does and never will un-do anything. If a marriage is valid it remains that way until death do they part. The Catholic Church NEVER EVER dissolves a valid marriage. Period.

~Liza

Understood…but the reality of divorce still exists among Catholics…and to remove the “stigma” of “divorce” that Catholics have…annulments are for all practical purposes “undo” the “marriage that never occured” by declaring the marriage “null”.

For most Protestants when a Catholic claims they never allow divorce…we acknowledge that for all practical purposes…anullment is a “Catholic divorce”…we understand there is no divorce policy in play…but whether “annulled” or “divorced” two people who pledged their lives to one another have their relationship, which everyone understood to be a marriage, ended.

The misused role of annulment IN the Catholic church have most Protestants rolling their eyes when we hear…“Catholics do not beleive in divorce.”…it just seems to get practiced as much among Catholics as it does among Protestants. Whether that is a “fair” assesment or not is a totally different issue.

 

[lizaanne]

Ok - let’s try this AGAIN.

Understood…but the reality of divorce still exists among Catholics…and to remove the “stigma” of “divorce” that Catholics have…annulments are for all practical purposes “undo” the “marriage that never occured” by declaring the marriage “null”.

WRONG. The Tribunal does not “undo” anything. If a marriage is determined to be valid the couple is not free to marry. A divorce is a civil action, and has nothing to do with a valid sacramental union. If a Catholic has a civil divorce they are still considered to be in a valid marriage UNLESS the Tribunal determines that the marriage was invalid at the time of the vows.

For most Protestants when a Catholic claims they never allow divorce…we acknowledge that for all practical purposes…anullment is a “Catholic divorce”…we understand there is no divorce policy in play…but whether “annulled” or “divorced” two people who pledged their lives to one another have their relationship, which everyone understood to be a marriage, ended.

This is only due to ignorance of the process and what a declaration of nullity actually means, and what the process accomplishes. Just because people are misinformed does not make it real.

The misused role of annulment IN the Catholic church have most Protestants rolling their eyes when we hear…“Catholics do not beleive in divorce.”…it just seems to get practiced as much among Catholics as it does among Protestants. Whether that is a “fair” assesment or not is a totally different issue.

In what way is the process of seeking a declaration of nullity “misused”? Please provide hard documentation and not your own opinion or hearsay.

I can’t help it if Protestants choose not to inform themselves and jump to conclusions. Just because someone thinks something does not make it true.

~Liza

 

[BrianH]

This is ABSOLUTELY NOT A DIVORCE of any sort! A declaration of nullity ONLY declares that no valid marriage EVER existed on the day of the wedding. It never does and never will un-do anything. If a marriage is valid it remains that way until death do they part. The Catholic Church NEVER EVER dissolves a valid marriage. Period.

~Liza

A LEGAL marriage took place though. So the only thing they can dissolve is the religious component. You know, if Protestants had an annulment process as well…I mean, why not?

 

[rinnie]

This is ABSOLUTELY NOT A DIVORCE of any sort! A declaration of nullity ONLY declares that no valid marriage EVER existed on the day of the wedding. It never does and never will un-do anything. If a marriage is valid it remains that way until death do they part. The Catholic Church NEVER EVER dissolves a valid marriage. Period.

~Liza

This is what happened when I brought up this quetion a year or so again. It turned into an annulment issue. Protestants insisted that a Catholic annulment was the same as a protestant divorce.

They could not accept that an annulment meant you had grounds and proof that there was never a true marriage in the first place.

In the defense of Protestants, they also would have grounds for an annulment. Not just Catholic’s would be accepted. Many Protestants could have a marriage annulled the same as us as far as reasoning. BUt the question never got a answered from scripture point of view as far a making a divorce right in the eyes of God.

But I did learn a very rewarding and wonderful thing. Many Protestants of all faiths view marriage the same as we do. They also believe if it is a true marriage you must stick it out,and if you are indeed married in the eyes of God you cannot divorce either. They like us agree that you can indeed separate but cannot remarry until after death.

 

[tomarin]

This is ABSOLUTELY NOT A DIVORCE of any sort! A declaration of nullity ONLY declares that no valid marriage EVER existed on the day of the wedding. It never does and never will un-do anything. If a marriage is valid it remains that way until death do they part. The Catholic Church NEVER EVER dissolves a valid marriage. Period.

I understand and agree but I also suspect it’s hard to make everyone share our point of view (even with caps).

Didn’t Henry VIII have a strong case for annulling his marriage to Catherine of Aragorn yet obviously the decree of nullity was not granted – and this had nothing to do with Catherine’s relationship with her kinsman Charles V and his influence over the Pope? I’m willing to say that in cases like this power distorted the way these things are supposed to operate (because the Church is made up of men, who are fallen). Imagine if Henry had been given that decree of nullity, how Western history might have proceeded? There likely would not have been a Reformation (which would have been, in my opinion, a good thing).

GKC, if you’re reading this, can you tell me whether I got the history right?

 

[tomarin]

But I did learn a very rewarding and wonderful thing. Many Protestants of all faiths view marriage the same as we do. They also believe if it is a true marriage you must stick it out,and if you are indeed married in the eyes of God you cannot divorce either. They like us agree that you can indeed separate but cannot remarry until after death.

So there is some overlapping ground? That’s cool.

 

[Jars_of_Clay_1]

This is ABSOLUTELY NOT A DIVORCE of any sort! A declaration of nullity ONLY declares that no valid marriage EVER existed on the day of the wedding. It never does and never will un-do anything. If a marriage is valid it remains that way until death do they part. The Catholic Church NEVER EVER dissolves a valid marriage. Period.

~Liza

Hi Liza:

I’m wondering what criterion the Catholic Church uses to determine if a marriage can be annulled? I’m asking because I know of a couple married for about 25 years, 5 adult children and their marriage was annulled.

Any idea how annullments are granted? I asking because I really don’t know. Yes, I could ask my friend, but it’s painful for her. Lots of healing needs to take place, she’s pretty bitter about the whole thing and her children have turned their back on the Catholic Church.

Thanks.

 

[Usbek_de_Perse]

This is ABSOLUTELY NOT A DIVORCE of any sort! A declaration of nullity ONLY declares that no valid marriage EVER existed on the day of the wedding. It never does and never will un-do anything. If a marriage is valid it remains that way until death do they part. The Catholic Church NEVER EVER dissolves a valid marriage. Period.

~Liza

Get real. One of the things I find scandalous about the Catholic church is the ease with which divorces or declarations of nullity are obtained, and the capricious grounds that can be used. For example, a person baptised in a Catholic church is generally able to get a declaration of nullity if his/her marriage happened outside the Catholic church. A couple of non-Catholics, married outside the church can come into the church and find their marriage is considered valid and not be elligible for a declaration of nulity.

 

[JonNC]

Does anyone know what is or what are the rationales offered by Protestant denominations for allowing divorce if traditional, orthodox Christianity in the West never allowed it? Is it a side-effect of downplaying or denying the sacramental nature of marriage?

I ask in order to understand, not to lecture or moralize.

Hi tomarin,
Below I’ve included a link to the Lutheran view of divorce, from the LCMS website. In it there is another link that goes into greater depth. I don’t think the Lutheran view of what a sacrament is (instituted by Christ, involving a physical element, etc) has anything to do with it. I can’t speak for other Protestants.

lcms.org/pages/internal.asp?NavID=2128

Jon

 

[rev_kevin]

This is ABSOLUTELY NOT A DIVORCE of any sort! A declaration of nullity ONLY declares that no valid marriage EVER existed on the day of the wedding. It never does and never will un-do anything. If a marriage is valid it remains that way until death do they part. The Catholic Church NEVER EVER dissolves a valid marriage. Period.

~Liza

What does the CC consider a valid marriage?

 

[tomarin]

Hi tomarin,
Below I’ve included a link to the Lutheran view of divorce, from the LCMS website. In it there is another link that goes into greater depth. I don’t think the Lutheran view of what a sacrament is (instituted by Christ, involving a physical element, etc) has anything to do with it. I can’t speak for other Protestants.

Thanks for the link!

 

[tomarin]

For example, a person baptised in a Catholic church is generally able to get a declaration of nullity if his/her marriage happened outside the Catholic church. A couple of non-Catholics, married outside the church can come into the church and find their marriage is considered valid and not be elligible for a declaration of nulity.

But isn’t a marriage that takes place outside the Church by definition invalid?