I studied theology from 1968 to 1972. Paul VI issued *Humanae vitae* in 1968. During that time I had to give a talk on Paul VI’s teaching on contraception to a group of 125 young married and single women. I was a deacon and I was quite nervous. As I gave my lecture to the women spelling out that contraception was intrinsically evil and that they could in no way use contraceptives in their married life and be good Catholics, I could see many women wrinkling their faces and folding their arms in a defiant posture. At the end of the lecture, I asked, “Are there any questions?” And boy, were there ever! I thought that they were going to stone me. But then something interesting happened. A woman asked a question which revealed a very grave problem with contraception. She stated that when her husband wanted sex he had to have it. Perhaps she was proclaiming her voluptuousness. She could not tell him to wait until next week for sex; she was not going to do that. So she had to use contraceptives. I was wondering how to respond to her question when another woman stood up and questioned her. She asked, “If your husband has to have sex whenever he wants it, what would he do if you have to go to hospital for a while or he has to go on trips for his work?” This question forms the basis of this next part; listen very carefully.
Paul VI warned that if people practised contraception in marriage, a “wide and easy road would thus be opened up towards conjugal infidelity and the general lowering of morality” (*H.v*., no. 17). Society has moved in the past decades from accepting contraception to also accepting divorce, remarriage, and premarital sex. Society is now in the process of accepting homosexual life styles and homosexual marriages. Paul VI indeed was a prophet.
So what did Paul VI know from God that the rest of the world did not know? Paul VI knew about the mystery of the relationship between a man and a woman and the mystery of evil. Let us take a clear look at these mysteries.
Many a husband and wife have wondered why the good God made women with a menstrual cycle. Certainly, it was for regulating birth. But it was also so that the man and the woman could come to know each other and learn self-control in married life. If a couple wants to have a baby, or to temporarily avoid having a baby for a serious reason, that couple will have to pay close attention to the woman’s body and her menstrual cycle. The man and the woman will not simply be able to come together and have sex. Indeed, he will have to get to know his wife. He will have to know, how she feels, when she is in a mood, what makes her happy and what makes her sad, whether she is fertile or not, and when she wants to have sexual relations. He will have to get romantically involved with his wife reminiscent of his courtship of her before they married. In doing this the husband will find out many things about his wife. This knowledge will confirm the many good things he knew about her and reveal even more wonderful things about her which he never knew before. The woman will also get to know her husband at a much deeper level. God created the menstrual cycle so that the man and the woman would get to *know each other intimately*.
And when the couple comes to know each other as God intended, the man will know the best time for him to refrain from sexual relations if they choose to avoid a child for a serious reason. This waiting to have sexual relations will have a good by-product. It will strengthen the self-control of each partner, especially the husband. So another important reason why God placed cycles in the woman’s reproductive life is to teach the couple to have the *self-control* which is so crucial for their eternal salvation.
One of the most important elements in married life is *trust *between husband and wife. I am referring here to trust that one’s partner will not betray the marriage bond by having an affair with another person. When a couple trusts that their partner will not have an affair, then the partners can put their mind on other things. They can focus on the wonderful things about one another and their children. Then the marriage and family will blossom.
But this trust between husband and wife about conjugal fidelity must be based on **reality**. It is based on the fact that the partners know each other intimately. They know that each of them can control their sexual desires in relation to the other. How does each know this about his or her partner? Because the partners see each other controlling their sexual desires in relation to their own sexual needs. For example, the wife knows that her husband can resist her own beauty and control his sexual desires when it is necessary. Thus, if the wife is in hospital or away from her husband for a long period of time for some legitimate reason, she is at peace for she knows her husband does not have to have sex just when he wants it. She knows that he can control himself and that he will not be seeking the neighbour woman for sexual favours.