Protestants - divorce and remarriage

[JackieMom]

Do the Protestant denominations restrict remarriage after a divorce, or is one essentially permitted to “remarry” as often as one likes? Is there any annulment process? I know LDS have their temple unsealings, but I don’t think of that as a valid Christian sect.

 

[benjohnson]

If you have a bunch of time, here’s all 50 pages about LCMS divorce and remarairage. lcms.org/Document.fdoc?src=lcm&id=318

I’ve been told that it’s simular to how the Orthodox treat the subject, but I very well could be wrong. I think were Catholics would annul a mariage, we would allow a divorce as per scripture. Where we differ substantially, is that if a marriage is truly impossible for non-scriptiral reasons, then we would allow a new marriage after the pastor dicerns if this is the right thing to do for the sake of the paritioners soul. In that we view the divorce as a one-time sin and not an ongoing sin of adultery if there was no other alternative.

 

[Publisher]

Most Protestants do not have a “codified allulment” process. For most Protestants. one is married period…there is not that finely crafted distinction made that allows a marriage of years and decades to be annuled because one spouse decides at some time either during the ceremony they didn’t realize or know they were to be entering into a life long covenant relationship between them and their chosen spouse before God some years later and thus NOW have the means of leaving one’s chosen spouse and having the marriage “annuled” as Catholics do…in most Protestant circles I am acquainted…there are “knowing smiles” and “raised eyebrows” when we hear "Catholics don’t believe in divorce nor is divorce allowed’ when most of us have Catholic friends and family members who have “married” then “found” an impediment to that marriage when they wanted out of it and filed for an “annulment” and now free to “remarry”.

Most of us, IMO…at least in the circles I am acquainted view Catholic “annulment” processes as “divorce” no matter what it is called by the ecclesial community that publishes the 'annulment papers" and makes the “decree of annullment”.

Many of us realize errors in judgement are made for those who are young and tow people “grow out of the marriage” instead of “grow into” the marriage. We realize that sometimes the people in the marriage are no longer the same people a decade later…and find no need to…“play” word games and religious buzz words to “invalidate” a marriage…most of us believe that while divorce is wrong and should never happen…life does happen…people grow apart…violence and infidelity do occur…a marriage may end long before there is an eccleiastical pronouncement of “nullity” or a civil decree of “disoluttion”…divorce occurs. It is the decision of each person to make for themselves how they wish to proceed and it is God and them that must reconcile their differences toward “divorce”.

In more conservative traditions a divorced person…or a person of an “annulled marriage” may not hold offcie within the local body of believers…in most Mainline traditions, divorce is never celebrated…and remarriage is allowed because “life happens”. It happens, so there is no use denying “we don’t believe in divorce” so we’ll call it “annullment.” instead.

I realize THAT is not the Catholic “official position”…but when “life happens” for Catholics and a “marriage” is no longer considered “valid”…it is “annulled”…most Protestants do not view it as such…for most of us, a “decree of nullity” for a Catholic is the Catholic version of “divroce”…softened by calling it an “annulment” thereby adhering to the “letter of the law” of “no divorce allowed”.

Not an indictment of Catholic belief…just how many…if not most of us view the Catholic position, not withstanding how Catholics view it themselves.

 

[Evania]

Annulment isn’t necessarily a “Catholic divorce”. The Church is viewing that a “sacramental” marriage never took place. If two people were sacramentally married, that doesn’t mean that they may not obtain a divorce, but they may not get remarried in the Catholic Church because they are still married in the eyes of God to their former spouse. Jesus touches on this in the Bible in the famous passage about divorce. What God has joined together, no man may tear apart.

As for Protestants, I don’t believe they have sacraments, so I’m not sure if or how a sacramental marriage would apply to them. They can get their marriage blessed by the Church if they happen to convert, but I’m pretty sure that if they were previously married and divorced before converting to the Catholic Church, then the marriage that they had with their former spouse wouldn’t be recognized as a sacramental marriage that would need to be annulled.

 

[robwar]

Do the Protestant denominations restrict remarriage after a divorce, or is one essentially permitted to “remarry” as often as one likes? Is there any annulment process? I know LDS have their temple unsealings, but I don’t think of that as a valid Christian sect.

There is not an annulment process in any Protestant group. While views on divorce and remarriage do vary between different groups, it is safe to say most all permit divorce and then remarriage. I think it is safe to say that only the strictest “quiver full” style fundamentalist completely frown upon divorce for any reason. Protestantism does not view marriage as a sacrament like Catholic and Orthodox so if a Protestant is divorced and then remarried will not prevent them participating in the Church. More conservative oriented groups would frown upon divorce unless there was adultery or abuse which they would claim is Biblical based on some the writings of St. Paul plus the fact that in the OT, adultery resulted in a death sentence which does end the marriage. Before I became a Catholic, I attended Bill Gothard seminars (he is one of a founding leaders in the quiver full movement)
In his seminars, he taught against divorce for any reason and if divorced, no remarriage. Of any Protestant teacher, he in the very vaguest way had the closest marriage/divorce/remarriage teachings to the Catholic Church and he is an extreme fundamentalist and not pro-Catholic. I hope this helps in your understanding.

 

[Indifferently]

Until 2002 the Church of England did not permit any sort of remarriage, and has been historically very strict about the matter. Edward VIII had to abdicate the throne for his desire to marry Mrs Simpson, and the Archbishop of Canterbury’s intervention.

In 2002 the liberal governing body allowed remarriage in some cases, but many priests and bishops still do not allow it.

 

[Indifferently]

Which I do not approve of. But this, along with the Orthodox teaching of economy with regards to remarriage, is still rather more honest than the Roman Catholic “annulment” farce. Rest assured, to God, the secrets of all hearts are open.

 

[ltwin]

Do the Protestant denominations restrict remarriage after a divorce, or is one essentially permitted to “remarry” as often as one likes? Is there any annulment process? I know LDS have their temple unsealings, but I don’t think of that as a valid Christian sect.

Pentecostal denominations typically permit remarriage after divorce in only a few biblically sanctioned circumstances. Traditionally, these standards were applied strictly, but today individual congregations are likely to be more forgiving, especially if they are independent from any wider denominational governance. It depends on the local church, which may have wide latitude in determining its own standards for membership, and the local pastor, who may have wide latitude in determining who he will marry or not. When it comes to ordained and licensed ministers, however, the denominations usually enforce their standards very tightly.

The Assemblies of God in the USA’s position on remarriage and divorce for laity is the following: The AG disapproves of Christians divorcing for any cause except “fornication and adultery”. Where these circumstances exist or where a Christian has been divorced by an unbeliever (“the Pauline privilege” of 1 Corinthians 7:10-15), the AG allows “the question of remarriage to be resolved by the believer in the Light of God’s Word”. For Christians who were divorced and remarried before their conversion, it is recommended that local AG churches receive them as members. The position is explained more fully in the position paper on Divorce and Remarriage.

In the AG, one’s marital status can affect one’s qualifications for ministry. The Assemblies of God will not license or ordain divorced and remarried persons if either partner has a former spouse living unless for specific exceptions. Exceptions include if the divorce occurred prior to an applicant’s conversion or for “scriptural causes” such as a former spouse’s marital unfaithfulness or the abandonment of a Christian by a non-Christian partner. The Executive Presbytery (one of the AG’s highest leadership bodies) has authority to issue ecclesiastical annulments in cases involving conditions which prevent “the creation of a valid marriage union”, such as fraud. There is no ecclesiastical annulment process for lay marriages.

Another major Pentecostal denomination, the Church of God (Cleveland, Tennessee), has a similar position on divorce. In its Book of Discipline, Church Order, and Governance (2012), it holds that the only biblical reason for divorce is fornication (Matthew 5:32; 19:9). “Should divorce occur, the church should be quick to provide love, understanding, and counsel to those involved. The remarriage of divorced persons should be undertaken only after a thorough understanding of and submission to the Scriptural instructions concerning this issue (Matt. 19:7-9; Mark 10:2-12; Luke 16:18; Romans 7:2, 3; 1 Cor. 7:2, 10, 11).” It also says: “All parties who have put their companions away for the cause of fornication, having been divorced and remarried, provided they are otherwise qualified, are eligible for membership in the Church of God.”

When it comes to applicants for ordained ministry: “No applicant whose former spouse is living, or whose spouse’s former spouse is living, shall be considered eligible for ministerial credentials except in cases where the divorce occurred because of the infidelity of the former spouse (see Matt. 19:9); or that the divorce occurred prior to conversion (see 2 Cor. 5:17) or due to abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (see 1 Cor. 7:15).”

 

[Publisher]

Annulment isn’t necessarily a “Catholic divorce”. The Church is viewing that a “sacramental” marriage never took place. If two people were sacramentally married, that doesn’t mean that they may not obtain a divorce, but they may not get remarried in the Catholic Church because they are still married in the eyes of God to their former spouse. Jesus touches on this in the Bible in the famous passage about divorce. What God has joined together, no man may tear apart.

As for Protestants, I don’t believe they have sacraments, so I’m not sure if or how a sacramental marriage would apply to them. They can get their marriage blessed by the Church if they happen to convert, but I’m pretty sure that if they were previously married and divorced before converting to the Catholic Church, then the marriage that they had with their former spouse wouldn’t be recognized as a sacramental marriage that would need to be annulled.

Oh completely understand that IS THE Catholic position. Many if not most of us also question the “annulment” as not being a divorce for similar reasons concerning your other sacraments.

A child who is baptized doesn’t know the ramifications of their baptism…but “grace” is still bestowed…only as an adult are the “full blessings” of baptism realized because now understanding has occured.

Same with confirmation…an 8 year old child has no full understanding of the significance of the sacrament until later on in life…providing they continue in the tradition.

Marriage seems to be the same in some of your minds…there aren’t too many of us that enter into marriage realizing the full ramifications of marriage until a life lived in marriage is experienced. Since the bride and groom “marry one another” before God and the priest is a witness to it…there must come a time in the marriage when the full ramifications of marriage and all that it entails is finally understood…it would seem to me…and others…that even if there was some “impediment” of commitment at the time their vows were exchanged…if they were involved in the faith, a “sacramental” marriage would eventually be established as they grew in commitment and love toward one another…even if by intellectual ascent with no love present…and since it is God who joins them together thru their mutual commitment to one another as husband and wife…it “boggles” the mind how a marriage that brought forth children thru mutal commitment any “impediment” could be present to “invalidate” their marriage commitment since they “marry each other” before God…it would seem to me a sacramental marriage eventually “occurs” in Reality.

While “annulment” of a 30 year marriage sure appears to be “divorce” to those not privy to the in’s and out’s of Catholic understanding.

Do Catholics divorce and remarry? Of course…divorce among Catholics is no less than the national average…one’s faith tradition doesn’t seem to have any effect on divorce rates.

 

[AbideWithMe]

Oh completely understand that IS THE Catholic position. Many if not most of us also question the “annulment” as not being a divorce for similar reasons concerning your other sacraments.

A child who is baptized doesn’t know the ramifications of their baptism…but “grace” is still bestowed…only as an adult are the “full blessings” of baptism realized because now understanding has occured.

Same with confirmation…an 8 year old child has no full understanding of the significance of the sacrament until later on in life…providing they continue in the tradition.

Marriage seems to be the same in some of your minds…there aren’t too many of us that enter into marriage realizing the full ramifications of marriage until a life lived in marriage is experienced. Since the bride and groom “marry one another” before God and the priest is a witness to it…there must come a time in the marriage when the full ramifications of marriage and all that it entails is finally understood…it would seem to me…and others…that even if there was some “impediment” of commitment at the time their vows were exchanged…if they were involved in the faith, a “sacramental” marriage would eventually be established as they grew in commitment and love toward one another…even if by intellectual ascent with no love present…and since it is God who joins them together thru their mutual commitment to one another as husband and wife…it “boggles” the mind how a marriage that brought forth children thru mutal commitment any “impediment” could be present to “invalidate” their marriage commitment since they “marry each other” before God…it would seem to me a sacramental marriage eventually “occurs” in Reality.

I think Publisher is making a good point. I don’t want to derail the thread, though.

 

[Adamski]

Until 2002 the Church of England did not permit any sort of remarriage, and has been historically very strict about the matter. Edward VIII had to abdicate the throne for his desire to marry Mrs Simpson, and the Archbishop of Canterbury’s intervention.

In 2002 the liberal governing body allowed remarriage in some cases, but many priests and bishops still do not allow it.

What about the founder of your church
Henry the 8th

 

[Adamski]

I have been to a half a dozen focus on the family marriage conferences and over half the people there are on there second or third marriage. It’s getting crazier and crazier there last year they spent half the time talking about “blended families”, that is code word for remarried with kids. Then you get in the small groups and the husband will say thier ex was a non believer or now they are born again so before it wasn’t a valid marriage because they weren’t a beliver. It’s completely crazy the word games they play. It has gotten at lot worse in the last 5 years. I have noticed a lot of evangicals leave Christianity completely after there second divorce. Before my conversion back to the church my wife would always threaten divorce if I did the littlest thing that upset her. Then one day before I had returned to the church as she said it I don’t know what came over me but I burst out “if you leave I’m becoming a catholic priest to follow Jesus” she never talked about divorce again. And now December 2012 we had our marriage blessed in the catholic church !

 

[Publisher]

As far as Protestants go…we would decide our own “process of annullment” and decide whether our “marriage” had “truly occured” or not and make the decision to legally disolve the 'marriage that never truly occured" and decide for ourselves whether we would marry again. Mostl Protestant traditions would accept that decision after counseling and much discussion.

A Friends couple who decided to legally disolve their “marriage that never really occured” would have to be “put under the care of the Meeting” for a time, and if decided to marry within the Meeting, would need to go thru a “clearing” process by a committee of “weighty Friends” who would counsel them on what makes a good marriage. The Meeting may refuse to take their marriage “under it’s care”.

 

[ltwin]

Oh completely understand that IS THE Catholic position. Many if not most of us also question the “annulment” as not being a divorce for similar reasons concerning your other sacraments.

A child who is baptized doesn’t know the ramifications of their baptism…but “grace” is still bestowed…only as an adult are the “full blessings” of baptism realized because now understanding has occured.

Same with confirmation…an 8 year old child has no full understanding of the significance of the sacrament until later on in life…providing they continue in the tradition.

Marriage seems to be the same in some of your minds…there aren’t too many of us that enter into marriage realizing the full ramifications of marriage until a life lived in marriage is experienced. Since the bride and groom “marry one another” before God and the priest is a witness to it…there must come a time in the marriage when the full ramifications of marriage and all that it entails is finally understood…it would seem to me…and others…that even if there was some “impediment” of commitment at the time their vows were exchanged…if they were involved in the faith, a “sacramental” marriage would eventually be established as they grew in commitment and love toward one another…even if by intellectual ascent with no love present…and since it is God who joins them together thru their mutual commitment to one another as husband and wife…it “boggles” the mind how a marriage that brought forth children thru mutal commitment any “impediment” could be present to “invalidate” their marriage commitment since they “marry each other” before God…it would seem to me a sacramental marriage eventually “occurs” in Reality.

While “annulment” of a 30 year marriage sure appears to be “divorce” to those not privy to the in’s and out’s of Catholic understanding.

Do Catholics divorce and remarry? Of course…divorce among Catholics is no less than the national average…one’s faith tradition doesn’t seem to have any effect on divorce rates.

I personally never got the whole Catholic annulment thing. My cousin is Catholic. He got married and had a child. And then he and his wife got a divorced. They are still friends and get along fine now, which is great for their child. Meanwhile, my cousin has gotten remarried.

I would never want to be rude and inquire about such a subject with him, but I don’t understand how someone being married in the Catholic Church and even having children together can somehow say with their church’s approval that they were not married and then get remarried to someone else.

I’m not judging him. There are other people in my family who have been divorced and got married again. I love them all the same, but it confuses me how Catholics criticize Protestants for tolerating divorce and remarriage when from the way it looks to me they do too, they just call it annulment.

 

[VivienneJ]

My comments relate to Protestant denominations in South Africa, which may differ from USA.

Anglicans: in cases where one or both are divorced there is paperwork that has to be submitted to the Bishop, followed by an interview with the Bishop. The paperwork covers matters pertaining to the first marriage such as provision for children, if there are any; financial responsibilities; also reason/s for the divorce and what steps have been taken to prevent the same issues arising in this marriage. The Bishop can refuse permission for an Anglican marriage to take place. (Also note that one of the requirements for marriage in the Anglican church is that marriage preparation has been done, either with the priest or the one offered by the Family And Marriage Association of SA.)

Other denominations, divorce and remarriage is simply allowed, although most do not allow their “clergy” to be divorced. There is a recognition of the importance of trying to hold the marriage together, with counselling given to try to maintain a marriage rather than running off to the divorce courts; but, from what I’ve seen, if you meet and want to marry someone else there is no concern about what might have gone before.

I personally never got the whole Catholic annulment thing. My cousin is Catholic. He got married and had a child. And then he and his wife got a divorced. They are still friends and get along fine now, which is great for their child. Meanwhile, my cousin has gotten remarried.
…

I’m not judging him. There are other people in my family who have been divorced and got married again. I love them all the same, but it confuses me how Catholics criticize Protestants for tolerating divorce and remarriage when from the way it looks to me they do too, they just call it annulment.

Itwin, the word annulment is what gives rise to the confusion here, because it is assumed that annulment ‘wipes out’ a marriage in the same way as a Decree of Divorce ‘wipes out’ a marriage.

There are certain requirements for a valid Catholic marriage to take place - all must be present at the time the marriage takes place. It does sometimes happen that it is later discovered that some (or even just one) of these were not “present” when the marriage was “contracted” this means that it was not a valid marriage - in fact was not a marriage at all.

Annulment does not automatically follow divorce for a Catholic, the annulment is only granted if it is found that something essential was missing at the time the “marriage” took place. What has happened between the marriage and the divorce has no bearing on this at all; so having one or more children does not make the marriage valid if something was missing when the “marriage” took place.

 

[Publisher]

I personally never got the whole Catholic annulment thing. My cousin is Catholic. He got married and had a child. And then he and his wife got a divorced. They are still friends and get along fine now, which is great for their child. Meanwhile, my cousin has gotten remarried.

I would never want to be rude and inquire about such a subject with him, but I don’t understand how someone being married in the Catholic Church and even having children together can somehow say with their church’s approval that they were not married and then get remarried to someone else.

I’m not judging him. There are other people in my family who have been divorced and got married again. I love them all the same, but it confuses me how Catholics criticize Protestants for tolerating divorce and remarriage when from the way it looks to me they do too, they just call it annulment.

One of my best friends is Catholic…welll…not a practicing Catholic anyway…he was raised Catholic. His sister IS very much into the church…after 25 years of marriage and 6 children, she decided she never had a “sacramental marriage” with her “not real husband”…so filed for an annullment. She put her brother, my friend, down as a contact and witness. He received some papers to fill out and attest to the “impediment” of her first marriage.

After a long conversation with him calling her on her…“story” she wanted him to cooberate he did so with much pressure frim his family…his sister had met another man she had falen in love with…she sought an annullment…my friend went ahead and agreed that there was an “impediment” to the first “marriage”…after much pressure from his Catholic family…after a large donation to the diocese from her parents the process of annulment went through without a hitch…she has since married the man of her dreams…he decided if she wanted to re-marry after 25 years of “not really married and six children”, he agreed to cooberate her story…annullnemt granted…she re-married…I don’t get it either…

I have a difficult time understanding how an adult couple, involved in the Catholic church to the extent of being RCIA instructors could have their marriage annulled. I guess it happens…Protestants go through the same mental gymnastics to justify their divorces and remarriages…just don’t have to pay the annullment fees or what have you to have it done…

 

[achmafooma]

Do the Protestant denominations restrict remarriage after a divorce, or is one essentially permitted to “remarry” as often as one likes? Is there any annulment process? I know LDS have their temple unsealings, but I don’t think of that as a valid Christian sect.

I certainly can’t speak for all Protestant groups, but before I entered I to full communion with the Catholic Church I was a member of the United Methodist Church. The UMC officially frowns on divorce and views it as a sort of necessary evil. But when it occurs, it is not considered an impediment to remarriage.

In practice, individual Methodists may divorce and remarry pretty much at-will. This disconnect with the Scriptural teaching on marriage is part of why my wife and I began looking for a different faith community, and we eventually became Catholics together. (And I say this with much love and respect for our Methodist brethren; we were both Baptized as Methodists and maintain a deep affinity for the UMC – I hope nobody takes offense!)

 

[CatholicSheila]

One of my best friends is Catholic…welll…not a practicing Catholic anyway…he was raised Catholic. His sister IS very much into the church…after 25 years of marriage and 6 children, she decided she never had a “sacramental marriage” with her “not real husband”…so filed for an annullment. She put her brother, my friend, down as a contact and witness. He received some papers to fill out and attest to the “impediment” of her first marriage.

After a long conversation with him calling her on her…“story” she wanted him to cooberate he did so with much pressure frim his family…his sister had met another man she had falen in love with…she sought an annullment…my friend went ahead and agreed that there was an “impediment” to the first “marriage”…after much pressure from his Catholic family…after a large donation to the diocese from her parents the process of annulment went through without a hitch…she has since married the man of her dreams…he decided if she wanted to re-marry after 25 years of “not really married and six children”, he agreed to cooberate her story…annullnemt granted…she re-married…I don’t get it either…

I have a difficult time understanding how an adult couple, involved in the Catholic church to the extent of being RCIA instructors could have their marriage annulled. I guess it happens…Protestants go through the same mental gymnastics to justify their divorces and remarriages…just don’t have to pay the annullment fees or what have you to have it done…

Just because someone decided to lie about their ‘marriage’ (or lack thereof) doesn’t mean an annulment is the same as a divorce. If she had to lie, then it actually shows that you can’t have an annulment just because you want one. If she lied, I would imagine that her annulment is not valid and she may in fact have had a sacramental marriage and is therefore living in sin with her current husband.

I know a number of people who have wanted to remarry and have done so outside the Church because they couldn’t get an annulment. The Church ruled their marriage was real. There was also one lady in my RCIA group that ended up not coming into the Church because she had married a divorced Catholic, and he couldn’t obtain an annulment. The Church does not give annulments just because someone asks for it - at least not in my diocese.

 

[Indifferently]

What about the founder of your church
Henry the 8th

Henry had his marriage annulled. He did not ‘found’ the Church of England either, which goes back at least to 597 AD and perhaps before. His attitude to marriage was just as decadent and liberal as the power hungry popes of the age. But the English Reformation did not happen until after his death.

 

[Adamski]

Henry had his marriage annulled. He did not ‘found’ the Church of England either, which goes back at least to 597 AD and perhaps before. His attitude to marriage was just as decadent and liberal as the power hungry popes of the age. But the English Reformation did not happen until after his death.

Did he personally annulle his marriage before or after he had his whives beheaded? Since the king of England is the head of te church since the revolt of the 1500’s