Puberty and Autism

[jmj777]

Going through it with my nonverbal 12 yr old son with autism. School says " body awareness behavior" (my terminology as I didn’t want to be too graphic) is natural and should be treated as a positive thing. However, my Catholic-minded way of thinking says it should not be accepted and allowed. I understand it is the normal course of growing up, but have extreme reservations on telling him to do that in the privacy of his room (as per his special instruction teacher).

Please note, our son speaks in two word phrases, is unable to tell us daily events, and just started being able to attend Mass with us. In other words, he would not understand if we explained the morality of it all.

To other parents with special needs children, please advise how you coped with puberty. How did you reconcile your conscience/faith with dealing with your children’s “behavior” in a positive way?

Peace.

+JMJ+

 

[lalindsay225]

I wish I could help you, but my son is only ten and not yet exhibiting those behaviors. I’ll be following this thread with interest to see the (name removed by moderator)ut of others. God bless.

 

[FrenzyJen]

Is he able to grasp the concept of “there’s some things that we just don’t do”

Like, what do you do when he picks his nose? You just tell him to stop, right? No explanation needed. I would just treat it like that.

 

[90Domer]

My opinion, and yes I know your pain, is that you may cause him more stress by trying to enforce a morality he does not understand. Also, erections at that age are also very painful. Very hard to explain why it is wrong to alleviate that pain.

Personally, God gave special kids to special parents. Not everyone can parent a special needs child. I think we as parents have to cut ourselves a break. I am sure that God understands, as I do feel our kids will be the first to get the Heaven.

 

[JamesTheJust]

My little brother is going through a similar stage. I would suggest stopping it whenever possible, each time with a stern warning.

 

[Cricket2]

I am not a special needs parent, but I have worked with disabled adults for years. Most of them functioned at the level of two to five year old children. This means that none of them could possibly understand all the teachings relative to the subject you mention. This lack of understanding or capacity to understand means that they have no culpability in acting on these urges.

As staff we would make sure that they did understand such behavior was something that should occur in the privacy of their rooms and not in public. There was no point in trying to instill in them a sense of guilt for this self discovery or shame. They simply did not understand the whole concept. I suspect the same could be said for your son.

Personally I think making more of this issue than that would be more harmful than otherwise. Teaching the need for maintaining privacy is about the best that can be done, as well as the need to not give into this urge in pubic situations. How well your son can understand this will be something you have to figure out for his own well being.

I can say, due to a court case I had to be involved in, that the courts could care less about one’s mental capacity to understand this issue when it comes to improper public behavior related to sexual expression. One disabled man I worked with landed up with a suspended jail sentence for indecent exposure and the only thing that kept him out of the jail system was the fact that I could testify that he was not mentally capable of understanding what he had done was wrong. Still he had to do community service for the charges and had that sentence hanging over his head afterwards.

I am sure you may know about “behavior modification programs” that will help your son learn how to handle this. If not, ask the individuals responsible for part of his psychological care and behavior issues to assist you so your son does not develop undue anxiety over this behavior and discovery.

 

[jmj777]

My son does have a behavior modification plan in school (special needs school), but that only addresses his noncompliance issues and aggressive outbursts. The school has a plan to help him cope with these issues.

His teachers and therapists do not see a need to address THIS issue as they believe it is completely natural and normal. When it happens in school, they tell him, “that is for private time at home,” and never make it a negative response.

I have not made it an openly acceptable behavior at home and find myself at a crossroads.

The teacher stressed that we need to give him a safe place for such behavior so that he wouldn’t do it in public; so that he learns that home is the place for that. Just like what Cricket was mentioning.

I know we redirect him when he picks his nose and tell him to stop, but that doesn’t have the same negative social implications as acting inappropriately in public as he gets older. I can always help him blow his nose, but there’s nothing I can do to help or stop this difficult behavior. Telling him to stop without providing a safe avenue may make him very confused about what to do.

I guess my question is would I be morally culpable if I accept this behavior and give him a safe place? By no means would I encourage it, but could I redirect him to his room so that he doesn’t do it in the presence of his siblings? We have 3 other children.

Peace.

+JMJ+

 

[Lamentation]

…Also, erections at that age are also very painful.

:ehh:

I (and I would suspect many guys with me) would to have to disagree with you there, from personal experience.

In fact, one might go so far as to say you’re completely wrong.

 

[ATeutonicKnight]

:ehh:

I (and I would suspect many guys with me) would to have to disagree with you there, from personal experience.

In fact, one might go so far as to say you’re completely wrong.

I, too, was completely baffled when I read that sentence. I might just be an isolated case, but I have never once experienced pain while having an erection. In fact, I’m pretty sure experiencing pain due to an erection is most probably a reason to go to the doctor.

 

[momcrom]

From a parent who has been in your shoes with an autistic child, my best advice is to use terms that he can understand at his current emotional and intellectual level. Do you have certain phrases that you use concerning behavioral issues? With my autistic son, we have always used the words “appropriate” or “inappropriate” when we were working on any behavioral issues.

When he started going through puberty, I was given reading material on how to deal with puberty. I read one chapter and threw it away. Suggestions included getting him into a daily routine for masturbating (a time and place that would be OK for him to do it), and even went as far as having his “special place” set up for him with a magazine and some lotion.



Needless to say, that material found its way into the garbage very quickly.

So I just used the phrase “inappropriate behavior” to teach him that touching himself was not acceptable. It worked well for us at a time when he didn’t really understand the concept of WHY it was not acceptable. Now he’s a few years older, and more able to understand the concept of morals, so we are going to be delving more into deeper issues of morals, sin, respecting your body, etc.

Don’t be too hard on yourself if you can’t deter the behavior. Puberty is hard enough to tackle with a typical child… but when you’re dealing with special needs, it can be a nightmare. Just do the best you can!