Pure Love vs. "falling in love"

[sacredheart333]

We are created in the image and likeness of God, and sometimes are attracted to another person.…to see Christ in another person is a blessing. How are we supposed to let Christ love others through us without our love getting in the way. I keep “falling in love” and don’t mean to.

 

[Gods_Peace]

:shrug:Love vs Infatuation?

 

[Inquiringperson]

If you’re asking love vs infatuation, then I think that loving someone means caring about them more than you care about yourself and infatuation doesn’t make you care about that person as much.

I’m a young one so I may be wrong. The elderly should be able to answer correctly.

 

[Wowbagger]

How are we supposed to let Christ love others through us without our love getting in the way. I keep “falling in love” and don’t mean to.

I don’t see this as a contradiction. Falling in love with somebody is a great opportunity to discover and embody Christ’s love of that same person. Right?

 

[thetruth0flife]

We are created in the image and likeness of God, and sometimes are attracted to another person.…to see Christ in another person is a blessing. How are we supposed to let Christ love others through us without our love getting in the way. I keep “falling in love” and don’t mean to.

I think that in my opinion you should seperate “true love” from “respectful kind of love.”

In my opinion those who are pure of heart are able to distinguish better the diference in the kinds of love that exist. Try to have a saintly life and your will in the realm of love will be stonger. I don’t know if I expain myself well but I hope this advice helps out.

Try to see how you view others as ‘friends’, ‘brothers’ or simply as your ‘cousins.’ Good luck and I hope that you become stable in your love affairs. Blessings.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

If you’re asking love vs infatuation, then I think that loving someone means caring about them more than you care about yourself and infatuation doesn’t make you care about that person as much.

I’m a young one so I may be wrong. The elderly should be able to answer correctly.

Who you callin’ “elderly,” Junior??



We prefer “Forum Wise Ones,” thank you.

 

[mcrow]

Who you callin’ “elderly,” Junior??



We prefer “Forum Wise Ones,” thank you.

I’m not a “young one” anymore but I learned at an early age that you stay away from age where there are women around. lol.

 

[mcrow]

As for the OP:

I think you really have to learn what “true” love is and know how to tell if you are just infatuated.

To be true love, you must know the person. You should be able to answer most questions about their personality background and quirks. You should know where they shine and what warts they may have and love them the same either way. If someone seems too perfect, chances are you don’t know them too well.

True love is very hard to explain because it is different for everyone.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I think most male-female relationships start out with at least some infatuation. True love happens when the infatuation starts to die off, you’ve had your first argument, and you find yourself caring more about what happens to the other person than you care about yourself.

 

[Inquiringperson]

Who you callin’ “elderly,” Junior??



We prefer “Forum Wise Ones,” thank you.

Ok then.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Ok then.

Don’t let it happen again.

:nunchuk:

 

[sacredheart333]

When it starts to feel like infatuation I know I am doing something wrong. All of these instances are born from me being attracted to the holiness in the other person, but then it becomes selfish. Then I want to run and hide because I don’t want to love them with my human love, but with Christ’s Love. Then I have to go through a “spriitual love fast” which feels like a break up. But Jesus uses us to love others so how do we blend it just right? Or how do we mature throught the infatuation when it starts to rear it’s ugly head? Whether it is me doing it to someone, or them doing it to me?

 

[chevalier]

I don’t see this as a contradiction. Falling in love with somebody is a great opportunity to discover and embody Christ’s love of that same person. Right?

Saints have compared the love between God and a human to the love between a man and a woman. But I believe such comparisons shouldn’t be made lightly. They personally make me very uneasy.

Note: fascination or even infatuation isn’t necessarily “falling in love” yet. You can see a person of your own sex so nice to look at that you can’t stop, but without feeling carnal desire. You can be strongly influenced by such a person, in fact in a way akin to “butterflies in your stomach”, and yet that doesn’t make one homosexual. Therefore just because the object of such a fascination happens to be of the opposite sex shouldn’t automatically mean that we’re necessarily dealing with some kind of sexual (in the large sense) interaction.

For the record, delight (fascination) is not impure. Lust is impure, when we turn another person into a mere object of our sexual satisfaction.

Finally, you may want to read Love and Responsibility by Karol Wojtyła, i.e. the late Blessed John Paul II.

I think most male-female relationships start out with at least some infatuation. True love happens when the infatuation starts to die off, you’ve had your first argument, and you find yourself caring more about what happens to the other person than you care about yourself.

I believe it’s true love too if you stay infatuated despite all the arguments.

But there’s one woman in the life of man that loves him and sees him as lovable despite all the arguments. That woman is mother.

 

[sacredheart333]

Note: fascination or even infatuation isn’t necessarily “falling in love” yet. You can see a person of your own sex so nice to look at that you can’t stop, but without feeling carnal desire. You can be strongly influenced by such a person, in fact in a way akin to “butterflies in your stomach”, and yet that doesn’t make one homosexual. Therefore just because the object of such a fascination happens to be of the opposite sex shouldn’t automatically mean that we’re necessarily dealing with some kind of sexual (in the large sense) interaction.

For the record, delight (fascination) is not impure.

       :thumbsup:

That is so unbelievably helpful. I have experienced this with men and women and it has not been sexual at all. (Seeing others respond to me this way and me to others.) I have never seen it put so eloquently into words. I have felt shame over it, but there was no lust. I feel like I can breathe again. Thank you Holy Spirit.

 

[thetruth0flife]

Thank you Holy Spirit.

I think that what you guys are falling into is to just simply have a ‘warm connection of peace or brotherhood with individuals.’

Sorry if I seem to get in the way. Peace and good for everyone in here. Amen

 

[sacredheart333]

I think that what you guys are falling into is to just simply have a ‘warm connection of peace or brotherhood with individuals.’

Sorry if I seem to get in the way. Peace and good for everyone in here. Amen

Love is simple…so thankyou for breaking it down for us. Not in the way at all…

 

[thetruth0flife]

Love is simple…so thankyou for breaking it down for us. Not in the way at all…

Your welcome. Blessings.

 

[chevalier]

When it starts to feel like infatuation I know I am doing something wrong. All of these instances are born from me being attracted to the holiness in the other person, but then it becomes selfish. Then I want to run and hide because I don’t want to love them with my human love, but with Christ’s Love. Then I have to go through a “spriitual love fast” which feels like a break up. But Jesus uses us to love others so how do we blend it just right? Or how do we mature throught the infatuation when it starts to rear it’s ugly head? Whether it is me doing it to someone, or them doing it to me?

It is normal to desire your (intended, prospective etc.) spouse and the proper method to increase your agape love for your spouse is certainly not by killing the eros love, or the desire. You won’t love a man more or even more purely if you pretend that he’s ugly or he smells.

In fact, you won’t really love any person better if you suppress the realisation that he or she is nice to look at (again, even if that person is of your own sex!) or even attractive. Doesn’t every mother think her son is handsome? Even if no other woman would think that?

Finally, infatuation does not have an ugly head. Lust does. Infatuation can have a stupid head (like an airhead) but not an ugly one.

For the record, I routinely experience at least a mild degree of sort of a crush on nearly every female friend I have or have had (as well as a couple of marvels of creation, especially in the external form, whenever I go outside for a prolonged time, e.g. on subway) and I believe this is normal (as in not even everybody experiences it, but normal in the “medical” sense). They sure as heck are all lovely girls very much worth loving. Obviously, not all of them would be happy with me or I with them and certainly I can’t have them all (or more than one), not like I’d even want to, and they can’t have both me and some other guy (e.g. the guy they want to spend the rest of their lives with). In such situations, you don’t blame yourself, you just smile, try to turn it into something good and move on. Basically just don’t start lusting. Lusting means feeding a desire to use that person selfishly for your own gratification. Noticing a person’s physical beauty or even desireability as a mate (in abstract terms or even for you specifically) is long long way from there.

 

[sacredheart333]

It is normal to desire your (intended, prospective etc.) spouse and the proper method to increase your agape love for your spouse is certainly not by killing the eros love, or the desire. You won’t love a man more or even more purely if you pretend that he’s ugly or he smells.

In fact, you won’t really love any person better if you suppress the realisation that he or she is nice to look at (again, even if that person is of your own sex!) or even attractive. Doesn’t every mother think her son is handsome? Even if no other woman would think that?

Finally, infatuation does not have an ugly head. Lust does. Infatuation can have a stupid head (like an airhead) but not an ugly one.

For the record, I routinely experience at least a mild degree of sort of a crush on nearly every female friend I have or have had (as well as a couple of marvels of creation, especially in the external form, whenever I go outside for a prolonged time, e.g. on subway) and I believe this is normal (as in not even everybody experiences it, but normal in the “medical” sense). They sure as heck are all lovely girls very much worth loving. Obviously, not all of them would be happy with me or I with them and certainly I can’t have them all (or more than one), not like I’d even want to, and they can’t have both me and some other guy (e.g. the guy they want to spend the rest of their lives with). In such situations, you don’t blame yourself, you just smile, try to turn it into something good and move on. Basically just don’t start lusting. Lusting means feeding a desire to use that person selfishly for your own gratification. Noticing a person’s physical beauty or even desireability as a mate (in abstract terms or even for you specifically) is long long way from there.

That is so beautiful and funny. What do you do when you notice someone else noticing your loveliness?

 

[chevalier]

That is so beautiful and funny. What do you do when you notice someone else noticing your loveliness?

That doesn’t actually happen often, you know, and, by the way, thank you for a very nice compliment. :tiphat:

I don’t really have much trouble with appreciation from men because, for obvious reasons, I wouldn’t be interested in them “like that”, so if anything, we’re going to be pals and there’s either going to be more or less time to spend together. With ladies it’s trickier and sometimes I suffer when I mistake friendly or totally disinterested appreciation for more personal interest. Or when I read personal interest (and as as criminal trial lawyer and translated (I have two professions) I guess I can read that kind of thing pretty well (not in the least because interest in another person is one of the easiest things to read in body language)) and it turns out it was just momentary interest by a lady I was putting bigger hopes in, then it can be said and painful, but otherwise I just try to take it at face value, I guess. Always a good idea to take a reality check and get yourself in prayer, thank God for all the lovely people and for the opportunity to put something good in their lives (as a tool anyway because whatever is good comes ultimately from God anyway!). Sometimes it’s like just trust God and tomorrow will be a good day.