Purity vs. Jealousy

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PureLove123

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Hey there. So my girlfriend and I are trying to be in a pure relationship and praying for the gift of chastity. However, we’ve both never have been in one, since we’re only 17. I’m struggling a bit.
Personally, I’m getting jealous feelings about another guy friend she’s close with. To be honest, I feel kind of dumb. He’s a guy I spend a lot of time at youth group with and he’s a really holy guy in general. But for some reason I just keep feeling jealous when they hang out.
I’m not sure to if I’m praying about it too little, or just not in the right way, or being stubborn, but jealousy is not of love, how do you end this feeling?
Also, any tips on courting or chaste relationships in general?
 
Since you like this other guy, do you feel that you are not as attractive (in whatever ways attract her) as him? Do you feel that she would be better off with him and you don’t like that? If you feel that way, I can understand that you might be in fear of separation even though you are not married.

Is it more that you are worried about losing her, or just don’t like the idea that she might be spending time with another?

Alan
 
PureLove123 said:
Yeah, I guess that’s it, a fear of losing her.
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I can’t tell you about that too much. I’ve lost and it hurt. That said, I finally met my wife 25 years ago (at age 26), and it was magic that transcended my “first love” who, btw, was not Catholic. And my wife is like me a cradle Catholic, so that makes things much simpler.

We now have six excellent children, ages 12-23, and our lives together keep getting better. We had both been torn up in our past when we were your age, but believe me, once you find what you want and make that promise to stay together, that’s the beginning of something magic.

I hope it helps. If you can look at a lifetime of serving God in your vocation – whatever it may be – then maybe what happens now will have less of a grip on your emotions. (Believe me, as a formerly severe bipolar “case” I know some things about emotions.) Enjoy your time together, force yourself to quit worrying so you can relax when you are with her – because if you are anxious she will “smell it,” and instinctively she could become attracted to the emotionally “stronger” of the two men to make her life together. 😉

Alan
 
The way to stay chaste is to make all dates in a public place. If you invite her over to watch TV make sure your parents are home.

Also, limit your time together. Even if you are in a restaurant, after 5 hours, temptation has more than enough time to set in. When you are with her perhaps limit the time. No dates over 5 hours long sort of thing (of course you can decide the time frame)

As for jealousy, that is a tricky one. If you feel threatened by this guy stealing her, then you need to build your self esteem so that you will know you are a catch whether your girlfriend sticks around or not.

However, there is another side ot the coin. I truly believe that when you agree to be someone’s girlfriend/boyfriend, you do promise to limit your time with other members of the opposite sex. For example, if your girlfriend loves to play tennis (and you don’t) she might have a great tennis opponent who is a guy. if she plays tennis, after the game makes 5 minutes of small talk and then leaves, she did nothing wrong.

However, if after the game they go grab a bite to eat, she has betrayed you.

Here is the catch. It is not fair at 17 to expect someone to limit their time with others. At 17, it is normal to want to hang out with members of the opposite sex. I guess in a nutshell I am saying you are too young to expect a commitment from her

CM
 
cmscms said:
However, there is another side ot the coin. I truly believe that when you agree to be someone’s girlfriend/boyfriend, you do promise to limit your time with other members of the opposite sex. For example, if your girlfriend loves to play tennis (and you don’t) she might have a great tennis opponent who is a guy. if she plays tennis, after the game makes 5 minutes of small talk and then leaves, she did nothing wrong.

However, if after the game they go grab a bite to eat, she has betrayed you.
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I am afraid that is just terribly insecure. There is no reason why a person should not have friends of the opposite sex, even close friends - when they are in a relationship. Being childish and saying someone has betrayed you because she goes and gets a coffee or a bite to eat after a game of tennis with her friend is absurd.

In that hypothetical scenario, it would not be her who had betrayed you, but you who had betrayed her by having such little faith or trust in her.

👍
 
JohnDamian said:
I am afraid that is just terribly insecure. There is no reason why a person should not have friends of the opposite sex, even close friends - when they are in a relationship. Being childish and saying someone has betrayed you because she goes and gets a coffee or a bite to eat after a game of tennis with her friend is absurd.

In that hypothetical scenario, it would not be her who had betrayed you, but you who had betrayed her by having such little faith or trust in her.

👍
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Well John, we obviously have different opinions. Making a promise to stay faithfull is acted out in actions. Everyone has moments of weakness which is why one should not get to comfortable with someone when they are committed to someone else. I never said don’t let your boyfriend/girlfriend spend time with members of the opposite sex. I said make sure there is a pure motive that would not easily cross a line

And just becuase you trust your partner does not mean you can trust who they are with. I have often been out (for whatever reason) with other women’s husbands. These woman totally trust their husbands and these husbands have totally honourable intentions. The problem is I develop feelings for these men and I don’t want to do anything wrong. The second I suspect the married man could be a temptation I refuse to get in his car alone

CM
 
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