Putting It Off

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Lorrie

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A few years ago I was in a really bad place in my life. One day I went to Mass. I was kneeling and praying, practically begging God to give me a sign on what to do with my life, which direction I should take, etc. About 5 seconds after I said those words 20-something nuns appeared from the crypt in our parish. They all filed past my pew with the last one stopping to make sure I was OK because I had tears streaming down my face (I was in shock). I told her what had just happened and her eyes welled up with tears. Our Bishop, who was with them, came over a minute later and the sister told him what had happened and he simply gave me a hug.

Was the fact that a large group of nuns appeared just as I was asking God what I should do with my life a coincidence? I don’t know. I tend to think that it wasn’t. I feel deep in my heart that I was (and still am) being called to religious life, yet I continue to put it off out of fear. Fear of giving up everything, fear of the unknown, fear of possibly not having enough faith to trust that God is pointing me in the right direction.

It’s funny because even though I’m so fearful, I’ve accepted where I’m supposed to be in the future. Not too long ago someone asked me where I see myself in ten years, I said that I would probably be a member of a religious order.

I must add that I’m aware that there are orders where I could be a member and still be able to lead a somewhat “normal” life. I guess what scares me is giving up how I live now, what I’m accustomed to.

Are any of you going through this? You feel you are being called to religious life but you find yourself putting it off?
 
Hi Lorrie,

I just wanted to say that you’re definitely not alone. I too have experienced what I believe to be very significant signs from God, but I’m also paralyzed by fear of taking that next step - although I think that next step for me is not far down the road (I’ve been struggling with my possible call for about 4 years). I’ll keep you in my prayers.

For me - and I’m sure your experience is the same - the idea of such a change in my life is simply overwhelming. I pray daily for more strength to just trust God.
 
Hi Dave,

After seeing 69 people read this and not reply I was beginning to think that I was all alone on the subject! Thank you so much for what you said, now I don’t feel as lonely. 🙂
 
Lorrie said:
Hi Dave,

After seeing 69 people read this and not reply I was beginning to think that I was all alone on the subject! Thank you so much for what you said, now I don’t feel as lonely. 🙂
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I don’t really have any advice, but I just thought I’d post and say may God Bless you in the discernment of your vocation.

I’ll say a prayer for you.
 
Lorrie,

Last year I was well on my way to the Franciscans. I met the Vocation director; I met the friars and toured their college in Washington. I got to know them, and inside there was a fear of a total life change. The decision is considerable because you have this one chance to make it right. It is much like marriage in this regard. Finally, when I submitted my application and before I gave my finally consent, I said no. I said no because it was the only religious group I knew.

My vocation director asked if I explored other religious groups, but I only gave a cursory glance at them. I believe the best way to approach a vocation is slowly. How slowly? Slow enough you forgot to notice the time you were in the laity from the time you became part of a religious community. I’m not saying join the perpetual discernment club, but spend some time reading and visiting religious communities (plural). Had I done this more thoroughly I would have avoided the drama above.

So, whether your intending to join or not investigate some communities (plural) anyway. Forget about your current standard of living. Chances are you’ll be better fed and enjoy better medical insurance anyway–unless of course you join the Poor Clares. On top of it you’ll have a loving community to support you if you take the time to get to know them. I mention all this to break you from the fear of change. The point of religious life is to grow closer to God and neighbor. However, you can do this in the laity as well as in a religious community depending on your calling.

If you can, avoid telling a vocation director you’re interested in religious life straight away. This will take a great deal of pressure off you. Many communities offer their quiet space for a modest fee to the public. After your visit, write down your reaction, then after a few weeks revisit the question. By doing this you kill some of the enthusiasm, which might contribute to a hasty decision. Eventually, one of these communities will pop out at you. How did you decide on a major in school? How did you know what your favorite subject was? Vocations can work in a similar way. These are the ordinary means. If of course you find the Virgin Mary resting at the foot of your bed, let us know. Please enjoy this privileged moment in your life. Religious discernment can be fun.

Tony
 
Lorrie, your story is so beautiful 😃 It sounds pretty obvious to me that God answered your question!.. (What kind of sisters were they?)

“The decision is considerable because you have this one chance to make it right.” Not to be rude, Tony, but this is manifestly untrue. The standard these days is a six-to-twelve-month postulancy, a year of canonical novitiate, sometimes another novitiate year, then several years of temporary vows. During all this time, one is perfectly free to leave. There may be a sense that one ought to stay where one has entered and of course it is not a decision to make lightly, but it isn’t quite a matter of “one chance.” My roommate’s sister-in-law spent two years in a convent, left (after novitiate or temporary vows), married (a man who had earlier done some time in seminary), is about to have her second baby 🙂 . Some religious join one Order but before final vows realize that it is not the right one for them and then change. Again, I am not saying one should take it lightly, only that one does have some flexibility for about seven years.

Further, I am not an expert, just a college kid in discernment, but I would take it a little more seriously than Tony suggests. If you’re like me (there are a LOT of options for women!) you’ll need all the time you can get paying attention to find a community. Like he says, it’s prolly good to look at more than one community, but someone else told me “It’s not like buying a car!” You don’t have to secondguess yourself TOO much if you find somewhere “from which wild horses could not pull you away” (Sr Mary Michael SSF’s phrase). If you’re not sure, though, don’t rush. This is what I tell myself when I worry about it:

“God must want me to know where I should enter, because if I don’t find out, I can’t do it!”

Also, they say that God doesn’t just call you generically to religious life then you have to do the math yourself to pick a community, but rather that He does have one in mind for you, which I find comforting. Obviously you might have to look around to find it though.
 
To me that experience sounds exactly how God can “talk” to us in life. And in situations like the above, I do not believe in coincidence. I have had many similar type experiences (though not with vocation discernment.)

NoPlaceLikeRome had some great advice too. Research a bit, pray a lot, but don’t let the variety of choices prolong your decision forever.
 
heard some advice once on a discernment retreat, from St. Ignatius, that one way to help decide is to imagine yourself in the vocation you are thinking of in 5, 10, 20, 50 years from now and try to see yourself. of course the advice was more detailed than this, but that is the gist. then try to imagine yourself in the “alternative” vocation. the idea is that one of these mental exercises will seem more of a “fit” than the other. I think the hesitation to take the next logical step is just human nature (think of all the men who can’t seem to take the step to propose marriage).
 
You guys have given some wonderful advice! So much of what has been said makes a good deal of sense. I appreciate all of your responses. 🙂

Lorrie
 
There are many approaches to religious life. I received a packet from the Franscians with all kinds of tricks and tactics. Some somewhat complicated. They were like trying to get around a bout of insomnia. You wear some warm socks, cram a pair of earplugs in, turn on a fan, cover the windows with an afghan and drink a warm glass of milk. After all the remedies, you only managed to make yourself uncomfortably awake. Though any vow is serious, you’ll do all the better not worrying about it. As the LORD jesus said many times and John Paul II even more, “Be not afraid.”

Tony
 
thanks, Lorrie, for posting your experience here - i can relate it somehow also to my discernment process that i am just about to start. i have experienced similar things, signs in my life and seeing that other people have had similar events affirm my ‘suspicion’ about my possible calling to religious life.
 
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately since I’m sort of in the same position as you - being afraid to take that next step. I’ve decided to boil it down to the basic elements of the fear. Rather than feeling overwhelmed by all the thoughts that cross my mind about a possible vocation (ie. loss of career, choosing not to have a family etc.), I’ve decided right now to simply focus on increasing my trust in God. I’m confident that through prayer I’ll one day be able to confidently say, Lord, I truly do trust in you completely - my life is in your hands.
 
Lorrie, your experiences really reind me of mines.
Me, too when thinking about my future see myself in religious life/priesthood, but would like to postpone the decision.
On the other hand, in my present situation hwen I am jobless aftr graduation from university there are some hints as if God wanted me to do what I also want, but not know.
Pray hard and be open to the signs the Lord has been showing you.
 
Dave said:
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately since I’m sort of in the same position as you - being afraid to take that next step. I’ve decided to boil it down to the basic elements of the fear. Rather than feeling overwhelmed by all the thoughts that cross my mind about a possible vocation (ie. loss of career, choosing not to have a family etc.),** I’ve decided right now to simply focus on increasing my trust in God. I’m confident that through prayer I’ll one day be able to confidently say, Lord, I truly do trust in you completely - my life is in your hands.**
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This was so nice to read, Dave, especially the part in bold. Even though I’m a devout Catholic and my faith is pretty strong, I still have problems trusting in God 100%. I don’t think it’s an easy thing to do. Like you said, all I can do is pray fervently and I I’m sure everything will fall into place sooner or later.
 
NoPlaceLikeRome said:
(What kind of sisters were they?)
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I’m not completely sure. I know they were from TN. I think maybe Nashville? Our Bishop that we had (we are Bishop-less right now:o) has a sister in the order that was there visiting that day (hence him being there). I want to say that they were Dominicans, but I’m not sure.
 
To all of you who have replied, thank you for all the advice, truly. And to those that are in the same boat as me I will definitely keep you all in my prayers.
 
Lorrie said:
This was so nice to read, Dave, especially the part in bold. Even though I’m a devout Catholic and my faith is pretty strong, I still have problems trusting in God 100%. I don’t think it’s an easy thing to do. Like you said, all I can do is pray fervently and I I’m sure everything will fall into place sooner or later.
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I don’t know that ANYONE ultimately gets entirely to 100%. Even among religious and priests, this is a lifelong struggle, most likely,
 
Lorrie said:
I’m not completely sure. I know they were from TN. I think maybe Nashville? Our Bishop that we had (we are Bishop-less right now:o) has a sister in the order that was there visiting that day (hence him being there). I want to say that they were Dominicans, but I’m not sure.
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The sisters of St. Cecilia? Also known as the Nashville Dominicans?

Please do watch this video on the Sisters of St. Cecilia if you haven’t!

It’s a wonderful order.

-Rob
 
Lorrie, I admire you.

I am praying for you.

Why don’t you just come to Alabama? Then I would know a sister…😃
 
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