Putting Someone Out of my House

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Mrs_Sally said:
Akiliane, you are a single adult man. This woman should not be living with you without some kind of chaperone. Since you are 30ish, I’m going to hazard that little bro and his girlfriend are in their 20s. That is, they are old enough to plan for marriage and their own home.

You’ve gotten some good advice up thread. Particularly about finding this woman another place to live and making sure she and your brother are getting proper counseling for how they will handle the baby. Your bother needs to be working or in school. And really the girlfriend can be too. Most of us worked during pregnancy. Do either of them have a job?

In the near term, the best situation may be for the girlfriend to live with your mom and your brother to live with you.
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Mrs Sally,you hit the nail on the head.:clapping::yyeess::flowers:
 
Mrs_Sally said:
Akiliane, you are a single adult man.

In the near term, the best situation may be for the girlfriend to live with your mom and your brother to live with you.
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Aaaaaaa-men.

Where is the OP, anyway?
 
Mrs_Sally said:
Akiliane, you are a single adult man. This woman should not be living with you without some kind of chaperone. Since you are 30ish, I’m going to hazard that little bro and his girlfriend are in their 20s. That is, they are old enough to plan for marriage and their own home.

You’ve gotten some good advice up thread. Particularly about finding this woman another place to live and making sure she and your brother are getting proper counseling for how they will handle the baby. Your bother needs to be working or in school. And really the girlfriend can be too. Most of us worked during pregnancy. Do either of them have a job?

In the near term, the best situation may be for the girlfriend to live with your mom and your brother to live with you.
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The OP is a guy?!? Oh, heavens! Yes, the girlfriend should not be staying with him. In that case, a simple, “I don’t know what I was thinking; I can’t have a woman I’m not married to living alone with me in my house and I’m certainly not going to have the two of you shacking up here” will suffice. The brother can stay with him, but not his girlfriend. The suggestion to see if she can live with the parents with the brother at his house is reasonable.

Should the brother be paying him? Well, he’s going to owe him, that’s for sure!
 
Akiliane said:
About two weeks ago, my little Brother asked me if his pregnant girlfriend could stay at my place because she has no where to go.

I feel bad for her, but I don’t trust her for some reason. I’m not gonna just throw her out without a warning. I will give her some time. But I want her to leave before Ash Wednesday… Am I wrong for feeling this way?
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Your wording does not take into account the unborn child needs someplace to live AND is your little nephew or neice.

Time for a family meeting, which includes grandparents of the child and the child’s father.

By the way, where is her family?
 
Mrs_Sally said:
Akiliane, you are a single adult man. This woman should not be living with you without some kind of chaperone. Since you are 30ish, I’m going to hazard that little bro and his girlfriend are in their 20s. That is, they are old enough to plan for marriage and their own home.

You’ve gotten some good advice up thread. Particularly about finding this woman another place to live and making sure she and your brother are getting proper counseling for how they will handle the baby. Your bother needs to be working or in school. And really the girlfriend can be too. Most of us worked during pregnancy. Do either of them have a job?

In the near term, the best situation may be for the girlfriend to live with your mom and your brother to live with you.
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This whole situation is turning into a mess!!! And I’m the bad guy now because I want them out… My brother tried to fight me last night, and my Mom calls me in rant defending this girl she knows absolutely nothing about.
They seem to feel like I’m obligated to do this for them. I had to stand up and defend myself respectfully to my Mom because of the way she was talking to me like I’m a child.
It just really honestly makes me not want to deal with my family, which I have been considering. I love them. But It would be healthier if I just did not deal with them. All I was trying to do is be generous & help. But now it’s gotten pretty ugly…
 
CAROLOFTHEBELLS said:
By the way, where is her family?
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No one knows much of anything about this girl… She won’t discuss her family, which makes me uneasy. All I know is that her Mother doesn’t even wanna deal with her, she won’t even give her to her. Nobody will let her live with them… And that raises a big red flag.
 
EasterJoy said:
The OP is a guy?!? Oh, heavens! Yes, the girlfriend should not be staying with him. In that case, a simple, “I don’t know what I was thinking; I can’t have a woman I’m not married to living alone with me in my house and I’m certainly not going to have the two of you shacking up here” will suffice. The brother can stay with him, but not his girlfriend. The suggestion to see if she can live with the parents with the brother at his house is reasonable.

Should the brother be paying him? Well, he’s going to owe him, that’s for sure!
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I honestly just want them both to leave! I wish I could tell the whole story. So everyone can really see more insight into this situation. My Mother should not have sent them here…
 
Akiliane said:

“My brother tried to fight me last night, and my Mom calls me in rant defending this girl she knows absolutely nothing about.”

Your mom can take them both in, then. (Don’t say that, though.)

Try this phrasing on for size, “I don’t think this living situation is going to work out. How long do you need to find a new place? I can host you for another day or two [or some longer period of time if that’s actually feasible], but you’re going to need to find a more permanent solution as soon as possible. I can’t host you long term.” And then stick to it.

Be easy on your mom, as she’s probably been told goodness-knows-what by your brother. Just be calm and explain that while you’re glad you could help, they need to move on now. Don’t get into a discussion of the girlfriend’s personality or character or history. They can’t live with you indefinitely, so they might as well move out now.
 
Akiliane said:
No one knows much of anything about this girl… She won’t discuss her family, which makes me uneasy. All I know is that her Mother doesn’t even wanna deal with her, she won’t even give her to her. Nobody will let her live with them… And that raises a big red flag.
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That she does not want to talk about her family is not necessarily a red flag. There are a lot of people in this world who are only sane because they got away from their family of origin.

You are the wrong person to take in a pregnant woman. Have your mom take her, and you take your brother.
 
Akiliane said:
No one knows much of anything about this girl… She won’t discuss her family, which makes me uneasy. All I know is that her Mother doesn’t even wanna deal with her, she won’t even give her to her. Nobody will let her live with them… And that raises a big red flag.
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Your brother doesn’t know much of anything about a woman he got pregnant?
 
You seem to have trouble setting boundaries and saying no. You never should have taken in this couple.
 
PaulfromIowa said:
You seem to have trouble setting boundaries and saying no. You never should have taken in this couple.
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Yes you are right… But my mother called me on three way with my brother… So they basically manipulated me… Which is why we have this big wedge between us now… But I should have just said no from the start…
 
Give them two days to move on. Just say, “This isn’t working for me.” There’s no answer to that. What can they possibly say–“It is working for you”?

Move them out, help them move out, and take them to a nice lunch the day you move them. But–move them out.

I would not even host your brother, as you said he was fighting with you. If you had a good relationship, it would be different, but living together is not working for you. This is just not a workable situation.
 
I agree with everyone else that you need to get this girl out. I know people will probably bash me for saying this, but this girl is your brothers problem to handle, not yours. You were bullied into this situation by your brother and your mother. This girl is a stranger to you and not your responsibility. You have tried it out and it is not working. Tell them so, and set a date that they need to have her out by.

May God bless you and guide you.
 
Well, I think the child is related to you, so you should not think of the woman as just a stranger. However, your brother needs to take responsibility for his baby and the mother of his child. It seems he was irresponsible in creating the child with someone he does not know much about. He needs to step up. You may be an uncle, but you are not the dad, he is.

Is he living with you too? I thought he was living at your parents.
 
Call the crises pregnancy places in your area. Explain the situation that you were able to help short term but that she now needs a long term place to stay. There are hopefully group homes or other another appropriate place for her.

She or even brother - depending on his job - maybe eligible for rent assistance etc. if her family and your mom or her boyfriend can’t step up to help better, you don’t have to be the only one.
 
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