Quarter-life crisis

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george92

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hi all. i’m 20 and feel like my life is going nowhere. everyday i wake up thinking that something great is gonna happen but it doesn’t really. i pray a half hour today to God to lift this horrific mood but it doesn’t work. it feels like i’m just dragging around this 200-lb cinder block around with me. i was fortunate to land a job this summer but its off and on and its really annoying. i honestly feel He doesn’t have plans for a future for me even though i get outstanding grades in school. i’m just annoyed with my life. is this normal for people in their 20’s to feel like this? its a very difficult time.

can you guys give me advice to keep moving on? thanks i’d appreciate it.
 
george92 said:
hi all. i’m 20 and feel like my life is going nowhere. everyday i wake up thinking that something great is gonna happen but it doesn’t really. i pray a half hour today to God to lift this horrific mood but it doesn’t work. it feels like i’m just dragging around this 200-lb cinder block around with me. i was fortunate to land a job this summer but its off and on and its really annoying. i honestly feel He doesn’t have plans for a future for me even though i get outstanding grades in school. i’m just annoyed with my life. is this normal for people in their 20’s to feel like this? its a very difficult time.

can you guys give me advice to keep moving on? thanks i’d appreciate it.
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I think most of us feel like that at 20. I did. But the Lord does have a plan for you. Wait on Him and keep praying.
 
george92 said:
hi all. i’m 20 and feel like my life is going nowhere. everyday i wake up thinking that something great is gonna happen but it doesn’t really. i pray a half hour today to God to lift this horrific mood but it doesn’t work. it feels like i’m just dragging around this 200-lb cinder block around with me. i was fortunate to land a job this summer but its off and on and its really annoying. i honestly feel He doesn’t have plans for a future for me even though i get outstanding grades in school. i’m just annoyed with my life. is this normal for people in their 20’s to feel like this? its a very difficult time.

can you guys give me advice to keep moving on? thanks i’d appreciate it.
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Go see a doctor and get a physical, and describe your mood. You might be depressed. IMO, a 20-year-old young man should not feel that he is dragging around a 200-lb. cinder block.

Then, go and talk to your spiritual director or your priest, not in the confessional but with a personal appointment. If you get along with your parents, talk to your dad and/or mom about what’s going on with you. Are you on summer break from college? If so, it’s sometimes hard to adjust to “real life” again.

I will tell you that when I was 25 (that is considered “quarter-life” by the way, so you’re jumping the gun) I did have a period of life re-evaluation, but I had not gone to college at that point and was in a job that supported me but was not my dream job. That questioning period did lead me to get my BA but it took the next 10 years. So you could do some discernment about your direction in life and things can improve from where you are now.

But young one, you are just starting out in life. This is the time when you will have the MOST energy to do what you want to do and what God wants you to do. Don’t take it for granted. Get out and DO stuff.

Start with your doctor. 🙂
 
Dear friend in crisis,

Do not let this transitional “feeling” disturb and distract you from the final goal, which is to make it to Heaven.
You feel like you are going “nowhere” and yet if you persevere in pleasing God you know where you are going. The comings and goings ups and downs while we are here are just a preparation for the definitive test.
So lead a good life, try to make the most of it in the “good” sense and be ready for the final test hope you make it with full grades eh 👍
I hope and wish for you that this is not 1 quarter of your life and you can live much more always following Jesus’s example and lead.

Peace
 
Is it normal: Yes and No. When I was in my 20s I was confused, working off a bad childhood, frightened (although I masked it with being a very tough girl), and pretty much thought my life would not ever “come together”. But, what does that really mean? If we look at ourselves in relationship to the world view of success, not many of us “succeed”. If we look at ourselves in relationship to the absurd postures of “forever after” presented to us, ad nauseam, by the media (movies, TV, etc.), not many of us “succeed”. However: if we see ourselves as unique creatures, unlike anyone ever born, unlike anyone who will ever be born; and if we take time to fairly analyze our gifts and our shortcomings with the hope of improving those shortcomings (as they pertain to our relationship with God, ONLY), well then: your 20s are the time of discovery (self discovery and learning discernment regarding others) and perhaps, even, adventure (following a course of academic study that is challenging, for example). I always thought it absurd, and still do, that academia expects people so young to know what avenue of study to pursue, where their academic strengths lie, etc. Few know that.

Unless you are suffering from serious depression and the persistent thoughts that you have no worth and are of no purpose, it’s normal. If, however, your self devaluation involves serious depression, suicidal thoughts, hopelessness, despair, etc., well then you need to engage these things in therapy and discuss them with a good confessor.

I know you don’t feel like a “child”, I certainly didn’t at your age. At 20, I went off by myself to Europe and toured the cities as if I had an umbrella of protection around me (which I may have had, because despite the risky behavior, I survived!) I thought I was grown up, I thought I was fully capable of making “adult” decisions (all of which were wrong by the way lol). BOY was I wrong. You’re not a child, but neither are you mature enough to be able to have the perception of experience to counter balance the experience of perception. Stop obsessing, start trusting, and live according to your faith. An entire lifetime is before you. Every single decision you make now will affect that lifetime, for good or bad.
 
Please see a doctor to see if you might be depressed.
What do you enjoy doing?
What would you like to do or study as a career?
Do you have any urge to travel, see the country or other countries?
Learn a new language, make new friends, learn a new sport?
What really excites you?
Work on discovering what you enjoy and what you are called to do.

Are you getting some exercise every day? If not, that might be a way to avoid feeling depressed. Human beings are made to move, but too many of us sit in front of screens or TVs all day.If nothing else, take a walk for half an hour every day. Or play basketball!
 
I’m at the quarter life point as well bro. Right now I’m on a huge break between studying and I’m taking the time to relax, ease my mind a bit and get my priorities straight (and hopefully save a little money in the process). Are you studying at the moment? I highly recommend reading before bed and trying to fit in a Rosary at least once a day. Being someone brought up on movies and video games, I’ve only recently (past couple years) found reading a be a very productive and beneficial pastime. As long as you stick to History, Philosophy etc. and keep away from cheap novels and fiction, it’s incredibly rewarding, (and it no longer feels as if I’ve wasted my entire day no matter how unconstructive it’s been). If you want someone to chat to hit my inbox. Peace
 
Viki63 said:
Please see a doctor to see if you might be depressed.
What do you enjoy doing?
What would you like to do or study as a career?
Do you have any urge to travel, see the country or other countries?
Learn a new language, make new friends, learn a new sport?
What really excites you?
Work on discovering what you enjoy and what you are called to do.

Are you getting some exercise every day? If not, that might be a way to avoid feeling depressed. Human beings are made to move, but too many of us sit in front of screens or TVs all day.If nothing else, take a walk for half an hour every day. Or play basketball!
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Yes, yes, yes! Thanks for mentioning this! Also hard physical WORK is good for clearing the mind! Males especially benefit from doing hard work or hard exercise every single day.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Yes, yes, yes! Thanks for mentioning this! Also hard physical WORK is good for clearing the mind! Males especially benefit from doing hard work or hard exercise every single day.
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a team sport is always a cure for the poor-me blues. no whining self-introspection allowed when you’ve got to get off the bench and get in the game.
 
Fairwinds said:
a team sport is always a cure for the poor-me blues. no whining self-introspection allowed when you’ve got to get off the bench and get in the game.
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Or for those not athletically inclined - wash, clay-bar, and wax your car in the same day. Guaranteed to give you a good workout AND lead to extreme satisfaction with the result. But you have to do all 3 on the same day, the clay-bar pulls all the grit out of your paint but you have to wax it right after that or you will get more grit in and ruin the result.
 
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It is definitely normal George and there are many people in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s who do not know what they wish to truly do as either a job or vocation.

It is a great start to pray The Holy Rosary twice daily in order to find out from Jesus and Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus; this will fully open up your Heart to God inviting Him to flow His Divine Love and Wisdom through you.

Focussing on His Stations of The Cross is the way to go, reflecting on all that Jesus endured dying on His Cross for us. This opens up your Heart more quickly bringing you closer and closer to Jesus.
 
Emotions can be stronger when you are in your 20’s and it is easy to get discouraged.

If it is too bad, talk to somebody. However, what you are describing sounds like some periods I have gone through.

It is great that you are keeping your grades up. That gives you options.

Your post reminded me of the way it was when I was young and trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I did not figure it out until I was 23.

Up to that time, I could only see “the next step”. I believe I was able to see “the next step” because I at least tried to stay in church and not miss Mass.

When I was 23 I was in graduate school and I still had not found what I wanted to do. Then I met someone in my current profession and I knew instantly that that is what I wanted to be. So, if you keep doing the right thing (study, keep grades up, make time for God), then you will figure it out.

If I was to add anything I would say:
  1. Try to stay physically fit.
  2. Talk to people and investigate professions you are considering.
The reason I am glad I found your post is that I am looking at my “next career” as I am approaching retirement age for my current one.

I cannot see the whole picture.

However, I think I can see the “next step”.

So I just need to give that a little more effort.

peace
 
The responsorial psalm from today’s mass may help (RSVCE):

The Joy of Forgiveness

A Psalm of David. A Maskil.

32
Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven,
whose sin is covered.
2 Blessed is the man to whom the Lord imputes no iniquity,
and in whose spirit there is no deceit.
3 When I declared not my sin, my body wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
4 For day and night thy hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was dried up[a] as by the heat of summer.Selah
5 I acknowledged my sin to thee,
and I did not hide my iniquity;
I said, “I will confess my trangressions to the Lord”;
then thou didst forgive the guilt of my sin.Selah
6 Therefore let every one who is godly
offer prayer to thee;
at a time of distress,** in the rush of great waters,
they shall not reach him.
7 Thou art a hiding place for me,
thou preservest me from trouble;
thou dost encompass me with deliverance.[c]Selah
8 I will instruct you and teach you
the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my eye upon you.
9 Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding,
which must be curbed with bit and bridle,
else it will not keep with you.
10 Many are the pangs of the wicked;
but steadfast love surrounds him who trusts in the Lord.
11 Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous,
and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!**
 
My heart goes out to you - I remember those days. Being young is sort of like having won the lottery but not knowing what to spend the money on. It’s easy to get sort of paralyzed. No shame in getting some advice and help if the grey cloud doesn’t seem to budge.

If you’re nearing your senior year that sometimes ramps up the pressure to decide and the fear of making the wrong decision.

For me, artistic expression was helpful along with spiritual direction. And exercise has much to recommend it. Maybe volunteer work would be a good way of not getting in a trap of excess introspection. I probably should have done some of that myself back then.

Animals are great too if you like them - they give you something to interact with and get into a routine with, be responsible for, enjoy fun lighthearted moments with, get exercise, etc. If you aren’t sure you can have a pet of your own in this transitional time, maybe you could volunteer at a rescue or shelter.

Know that we are vulnerable to making mistakes when we’re young (as in up to about age 100 :D) and that God is merciful - but also really make a promise to yourself that you won’t seek out escapes from the bad times in things that will cause you regrets later. The obvious ones such as sex, booze, drugs, but also things like relationships that are okay but dead-end, or worrying, or anything that drags you down.
 
It’s a very tough time…no doubt about it.

My early twenties were far more difficult to navigate then my teens.
There is so much uncertainty…yet you feel like you need to have everything figured out right now. You’re on your own more and far more is expected of you.

Some of the other posters have made some fantastic points.

I highly recommend working out. It really helps clear your head.
It’s so beneficial.
Before I got married and settled down (and my finances changed drastically) I always budgeted for my gym membership and I’d go work out often.

Now…I just go for frequent walks.

Keep up the grades. Keep networking and meeting people. Try not to worry so much about landing a dream career and having it all right when you graduate.

Take it all one step at a time. Pray a lot. Go to adoration if there is adoration available.
I’m blessed to belong to a parish with perpetual adoration. It’s a great way to clear your head.
 
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God’s Spirit is in my heart,
He has called me and set me apart.
This is what I have to do,
what I have to do.

He sent me to give the Good News to the poor,
Tell prisoners that they are prisoners no more,
Tell blind people that they can see,
And set the downtrodden free
And go tell everyone the news that the Kingdom of God has come,
And go tell everyone the news that the Kingdom of God has come.

Just as the Father sent me,
So I’m sending you out to be
My witnesses throughout the world,
The whole of the world.

Don’t worry what you have to say,
Don’t worry because on that day
God’s Spirit will speak in your heart,
Will speak in your heart.
 
Good luck, mate. I want you to be strong and rise above your situation.

Personally, I have never understood the “God has a plan” mentality. God gave us life. He gave us women. He gave us the world. He gave us direction, and Laws, and Jesus, and the Bible.

Then, great men and women have proven all the above correct by achieving Sainthood.

The way I see it? There is no plan. Or if there is, it sure as heck ain’t worth waiting around, sitting on our hands for. Act. Get moving. It’s YOUR life to live, YOUR choices to make.

Didn’t God give us free will? Aren’t we individuals? What is this “plan” business, then? Are you going to feel the rush of God, and see yourself start doing stuff on autopilot? You’ll be waiting forever, mate!

Submit to God in all things that you do. If you do Good, then recognize that it was God who allowed it and inspired it. If you do Bad, then recognize that it was a failure on your part. All Glory to God in the Highest.

But: It’s your life. If you wait for something to happen to you, you’ll be waiting forever. God gave you the air in your lungs. Now ACT. MOVE! Look inside yourself to see what it is that you want out of life, and then start reaching out and making it happen.

Hooaah.
 
george92 said:
hi all. i’m 20 and feel like my life is going nowhere. everyday i wake up thinking that something great is gonna happen but it doesn’t really. i pray a half hour today to God to lift this horrific mood but it doesn’t work. it feels like i’m just dragging around this 200-lb cinder block around with me. i was fortunate to land a job this summer but its off and on and its really annoying. i honestly feel He doesn’t have plans for a future for me even though i get outstanding grades in school. i’m just annoyed with my life. is this normal for people in their 20’s to feel like this? its a very difficult time.

can you guys give me advice to keep moving on? thanks i’d appreciate it.
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You pray a half hour each day? 👍 Wow.

Even though your cross weighs you down too! “62” is impressed with “20”! And has some of the same feelings and problems believe it or not.

ONE little thing since you asked for advice, mention moods, lack of energy etc. And it is a GREAT thing. NOT like scolding, carping, or the sometimes shameful habit older people have of outbidding the young in a “you think YOU’VE got problems …” contest.

It’s this: IN that half hour of prayer, make at least 5 minutes (I suggest the first five or the last five) of your prayer …*** PRAISE!*** To do that right, one must look for something to praise God about. Let’s see, what COULD that be? Nope, can’t think of a thing - back to my moaning self-indulgent, almost not-a-prayer, petitions in an attitude of “YOU’RE God Almighty … why don’t you DO something?!” < A sure fire starter for a perversely pleasurable (but ultimately harmful) pity party I tend to throw for myself when I am not discerning or wise.

Praise the Lord for sounds, sights, tastes, birds, the happiest person in your life, your Mom or another loved one you are lucky to have. The beauty of the bird flitting through the branches outside your window … that you can see and enjoy (while many poor prisoners or hospital bound folk have no windows now). OR …

If you REALLY can’t shake the blues … offer them UP to the Lord as a sacrifice … and dedicate that sacrifice for the benefit of another you know. That friend in trouble. That family situation that you can’t solve and the people you know who NEED to be blessed even more than you do, etc.

For your homework, what do you LOVE about being age 20?

Lol. I actually remember BEING 20 … and it is a rough time. Sounds so silly now, but I mourned that I was not a teenager anymore (I’m OLD!) and that I was STILL not 21 (WHEN will that happen if ever)? I was part man … but living at home and going to JC. Working but not full time. Had my own money … but not SO much. Some of what used to be free, I had to buy myself (meals at work, college etc.). The excitements of being old enough to work and drive and vote were SUPER for about a week, then normal. 🤷

It seemed like I was forever “in process” and though I could imagine the end of the tunnel and see encouraging traffic signs - the light was not yet in sight. I had the young man’s desires to have a girlfriend now, with the excitement of becoming more (engaged, married etc.) and looking forward to my own/our own apartment or home. I felt that there was little time to celebrate the substantial accomplishments I was racking up (tough college units, a work record, learning how to stand on my own in the adult world - and take part in it - and with the powers I had, finally being able to help others) instead of always just myself.

At 20 I learned to control my environment more - play music that lifted me up and made me happy (if that’s what I wanted to be), or which foods got me going. REALLY enjoying and thanking God for the warmth, taste and perk-up of a simple cup of coffee and the moments it took to savor it.

Well George, I’ve done it … rattled on like the old warhorse at the cracker barrel … telling everyone 50% more than they can listen to … 😃 … but hopefully you get a nugget or two out of the gold mine … and not just dirt and darkness. 😉
“For I know the plans I have for your,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
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Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.
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Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7
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http://www.laurel-and-hardy.com/fil...m/004/0/6431002/il_340x270.391317530_cygo.jpg
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
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i just fell like i will never feel like me again. i’m really looking forward to getting out of my early 20’s. every day i just wake up with confusion which eventually leads to misery. i have no idea what i want to be or where i want to be let alone the patience to accept it. i’m just tired of other people and them bragging that they have it “all figure out” in which they don’t. it just feels like i’m tormented.

i’m just tired of trying . like nothing came of it to begin with.
 
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