Question about a half-sibling

[JTD_Eagle1]

I have recently found out that I have a half-sibling(same father, different mother), but my parents have never told me and this is the first time I am ever telling anyone. I have met this person a few times, but my parents have never told me who they are or how my dad knows them. I have asked my dad once or twice about who they are, and he quickly changes the subject, as if I am not supposed to know about this person. My dad was in his mid 20s when this person was born, and the mother only in her late teens. Now my dad is in his 60s, and am wondering if he was ever going to open up and tell us, I do not even know if he ever told his parents, as my grandfather is gone but grandmother still living. I do not know how much interaction he had with them growing up, as I was only 2 when they graduated high school, but I have seen some pictures of my dad with them on certain occasions. For a while, this person lived a few hours away, and my dad only saw them once or twice a year. However, I have heard that recently they moved closer, and he is seeing them more. This person is married, has a toddler, and due again in a few months.

I do not know what to do, as I am keeping silent about this, but i am the youngest in my family and in my early 20s, i am wondering if my father ever will tell us.

I would appreciate some advice on how i should approach the issue,
Thanks and God Bless

 

[Convert2013]

I am one that generally tackles situations head on. Sometimes that has been good, other times …not so much. Since you mentioned that you’ve approached the subject in the past but he quickly changes the subject, it shouldn’t be a suprise to him if you bring it up again.

My suggestion would be to tell him that you have to ask him something and you don’t want the subject changed, just a straight answer. While you have his attention, ask flat out if that person is his child! It’s a yes or no answer, right!?

Does your Mother know? That she could also provide insight?

 

[crystal_waters]

-]/-]How do you a tually know this person is a half sibling…if your parents and nobody in your family has told you that this person is your half sibling then how do you know they are…if you are basing it on rumours you have heard then it may not be true…if i was you before trying to make your father admit to being this persons dad too id arrange a sibing dna test to see if you are half siblings…and if it comes back that you are half siblings then maybe show the results to your parents and proceed from there…

Also before you approach your parents then consider that your parents my deliberately keeping the half sibling out of their life…e.g if the half sibling was conceived in an affair then they may not want the reminder of that and may have decided to cut all contact…so tread carefully…

 

[Joe_5859]

I guess I’m not sure what you mean. You recently found out about this, but then you say your parents never told you and your Dad won’t talk about it. How did you find out? How certain are you about it?

Talking to a priest or a trusted friend will probably yield you better advice than anything I can offer you.

 

[JTD_Eagle1]

-]/-]How do you a tually know this person is a half sibling…if your parents and nobody in your family has told you that this person is your half sibling then how do you know they are…
Also before you approach your parents then consider that your parents my deliberately keeping the half sibling out of their life…e.g if the half sibling was conceived in an affair then they may not want the reminder of that and may have decided to cut all contact…so tread carefully…

I have found out from various sources, not my parents. Once I was going through e-mails, and I stumbled across one my dad wrote to them, and he ended it with “dad”. that was the first i learned about it. And once I was looking for a paper, and I noticed some official court papers indicating that he was the natural father. other stuff as well…
no, he is not keeping the person out of his life, as he sees them once in a while and calls them. I will tread carefully and continue to not say anything.

 

[JTD_Eagle1]

So much depends on your relationship with your parents and especially your father. Do you generally have an open and loving relationship about other things?

If I may ask, how do YOU feel about this? Do you feel betrayed? Curious? Excited? Anxious? How much time have you had to adjust to this news? Do you have other siblings or family members that would be impacted perhaps young children that wouldn’t understand?

.

I have had very mixed emotions. I have kind of known for about 4-5 years, but have forgotten about it for the most part. But within the last year or so, I have found out for certain. No, there are no young children in my family, I am the youngest and in my early 20s. However, i don’t know how some people, especially in-laws, in my family would react to this. I don’t think anybody else in my family has any clue, but I have never brought it up. I know a few families with a similar situation, and the half-sibling was treated as an equal in the family, the opposite in this case.

 

[Joe_5859]

So much depends on your relationship with your parents and especially your father. Do you generally have an open and loving relationship about other things?

If I may ask, how do YOU feel about this? Do you feel betrayed? Curious? Excited? Anxious? How much time have you had to adjust to this news? Do you have other siblings or family members that would be impacted perhaps young children that wouldn’t understand?

Perhaps your father is a bit embarrassed or ashamed and does not know how to approach you so he is avoiding the subject. It’s not an easy topic to bring up that you had a child out of wedlock and start sharing the story. I will keep you in my prayers. Life is a gift, your sister is a gift and her life is a gift no matter how she got here! I hope for the best for all your family. God bless.

This is very true. A lot depends on the relationship with the parents.

For me, I cannot imagine not bringing it up. I certainly wouldn’t broadcast it to the whole family. But I’d ask my Dad about it. It makes sense for him to be secretive if he thinks you don’t know. But finding out that you do know would seem to change things.

Of course, you (JTD_Eagle1) know your dad better than any of us, so you are in a better position to discern how to handle it.

 

[JTD_Eagle1]

This is very true. A lot depends on the relationship with the parents.

For me, I cannot imagine not bringing it up. I certainly wouldn’t broadcast it to the whole family. But I’d ask my Dad about it. It makes sense for him to be secretive if he thinks you don’t know. But finding out that you do know would seem to change things.

.

I would say I have a good relationship with both my parents. I am not sure if he ever even told his parents, as his dad is deceased. He has kept it a secret for all these years. However, I know my mother knows.

 

[SMHW]

I have recently found out that I have a half-sibling(same father, different mother), but my parents have never told me and this is the first time I am ever telling anyone.
.
.
.
I do not know what to do, as I am keeping silent about this, but i am the youngest in my family and in my early 20s, i am wondering if my father ever will tell us.

I would appreciate some advice on how i should approach the issue,
Thanks and God Bless

I don’t know what advice to give you but here are some things to consider:

• Your father thought it best not to mention this child to any of you.
• Your mother (if you are correct that she knew) did not chose to mention it.
• This half sibling has not chosen to contact you.

While I don’t think it is reasonable for your father to think this could stay hidden forever but I do think that you should respect his desire for privacy. I’m not saying don’t ever discuss this with him. I’m just saying that you should be sensitive to the feelings of both of your parents and this sibling.

 

[JTD_Eagle1]

I don’t know what advice to give you but here are some things to consider:

• Your father thought it best not to mention this child to any of you.
• Your mother (if you are correct that she knew) did not chose to mention it.
• This half sibling has not chosen to contact you.

While I don’t think it is reasonable for your father to think this could stay hidden forever but I do think that you should respect his desire for privacy. I’m not saying don’t ever discuss this with him. I’m just saying that you should be sensitive to the feelings of both of your parents and this sibling.

This sibling has not contacted me, or any body else in the family, and I think this person thinks that we don’t know about it. One time I was talking to them, before i knew exactly who they were, and they did not mention anything that we are half-siblings. But they do know about everybody in my family, and mentioned that they were over my house a few times.

 

[JTD_Eagle1]

Thank you for clarifying,

I think it might be time to talk to your father. Although it might be fair to give him a heads up rather than blindside him. Perhaps tell him on the phone that you want to talk to him in a nice way, about your sister that you discovered and just ask a few innocent questions. Then tell him you want to talk to him after supper that evening. That would be fair because it would give him a few hours to gather his thoughts and he won’t be caught totally off guard. You can tell him you found the emails and the papers.

In all fairness to you she has not been totally hidden in the shadows because your father had her in his life and you even met her!
Your father has probably kept this secret out of shame perhaps? It’s hard to tell. Maybe your mother was involved, would this kind of thing have been an embarrassment to her? Again, hard to tell. Just make sure you approach this with kindness and love. God bless you and please be assured of my prayers.

That would be difficult, as I am still in college and live at home with my parents. I don’t know much about this person, as they are 15-16 years older than me. I do know that they have been over my house a few times, and have only seen this person when my dad would meet them at event, and I would be there. My mother would not have been involved, as this person was born before my dad met her.

Once, my dad was talking on the phone with them, and I was present, and he told them he didn’t want to talk about it then, and changed the subject.