Question about abortion and confesstion

[theresa287]

Hi everybdy! I wonder if you would please listen to my story and tell me what you think.

I was raised a catholic. I wouldnt say a perfect one, but we went to church most of the time. Since high school Ive been an on again off again catholic truth is more off then on. 6 years ago in the summer I was in one of my realy bad times and I went thru an abortion. It hurts a lot to talk about it even here there was a lot of pain I mean a lot of pain not only my body but my heart too and its never stopped hurting. This year has been one of my good years. Ive been going to a church where the regular priest is talking a lot about abortion and how bad it is and how its always bad no matteer what. They put up all kinds of anti abortion posters in the church and everything else you know what I mean! On Saturday the regular priest wasnt there and we had a substitute he was realy nice and ya might say carismstic. The service wasnt very traditional but I liked it. When he was preaching he talked about how we should love God with our whole hearts soul and mind and he said thats because God loves us like that and if we do something wrong God wants to forgive us. At the end he said that if anybody wanted to go to confession we could, I thought it would be ok to go to him cause I just knew I coulnt stand going to the regular priest. I mean I keep thinking about him yelling at me and everybody in church looking at me when I get out of the room Last time I went to confession was at confirmation when they made us go! So I was nervous and a little scared I went in and sat down and told the priest that I couldnt remember what I was supposed to do, but he said not to worry but just say what my sins are. that was a big one!!! I didnt even know where to start but he said I should just start with the big stuff. That was easy I mean it was easy because I know what the realy big stuff is my abortion but it was hard to say it cause I know what people in church are always saying about abortion being wrong and I know its wrong too so I just sat there and told him my story about my abortion. When I was all done he just looked at me and said real slow that God loves me and God wants me to be in peace and how nothing else matters and said that I was supposed to be in peace and that it wasnt a sin I know what our regular priest thinks about it!!! that its always wrong and I know what everybody in church says about it and I also know some catholics dont believe it but I never met a priest that said that says that so I just got all confused and upset cause I mean I know what I did was wrong I know I killed my baby and she wont come back so I left when he keep callng after me I just kept walking and didnt want anybody to see me. So whats next???

 

[katy]

Sorry about this experience. Did he give you absolution? If he did, the sin is forgiven no matter how oddly he spoke beforehand. And of course God loves you and wants to heal your soul of that sin. Perhaps it would be best to just go to another priest in confession and tell him what happened. You should be able to understand very clearly that you have received absolution and are in good standing with the church. Otherwise it may keep knawing at you.

 

[nicolep]

I’m terribly sorry you had this experience. It must take an incredible amount of courage to confess such a sin. On top of that it was dismissed and left you wondering what to do next. There are times that priests try too hard to make things easier on us. My current confessor says that he tries to make mercy flow from that room. That’s how it should be, but it can’t go too far. Saying that a sin isn’t a sin doesn’t help anyone.

As the previous poster said, I would go to another priest. You might want to make an appointment so you’ll have extra time to discuss anything. You can call the parish office and tell them you want to schedule a general confession. It would help to tell them how long you think you’ll need to make a good confession. Once at the confession explain what happened when you tried to confess before.

A good confessor won’t beat you up about it or act like it isn’t a sin. He will offer advise or suggestions if you want them.

Please don’t give up. I will be praying for you.

 

[krissy343]

I’m assuming that you walked out before getting absolution, or he wouldn’t have been calling you to come back. Whether or not the Priest thought it was a sin or not, once he granted you absolution, it would’ve been forgiven along with your other sins. I know it will be hard for you, but please go and confess again. I was away from the Church for about 15 years and my first few confessions were REALLY tough, but I know now that there is nothing that they haven’t heard.

I highly doubt that your regular priest would yell at you; give him a chance. Even if he does yell at you (which would be wrong) and grants you absolution, won’t it be worth it? I’d worry less about what the parishoners who heard him yelling thought and more about getting God’s grace back in your life. That’s much more important. Good luck and God Bless!

 

[TheDoctor]

Hi Theresa and welcome to the fourms. Thank you for having the courage to share your story with us. As a guy, I know I cannot begin to taste the depth of your pain, however I have known close friends who have gone throught this, so please allow me just a few points:

• I can see from your post how hurt you still are from this. WIthout being there, all I would ask is that you not judge the Priest.

Perhaps you mis-understood. Perhaps from your confession Father thought there was no knowledge or engagement of the will to make it a mortal sin or perhaps he was saying that while the abortion was sinful, your constantly beating yourself up over it was not. Perhpas he was just plain wrong and was trying to comfort and heal you. Perhaps he was young and just did not know the right words to say. Whatever, just let it go and don’t let it keep you from healing.

• If Father did give you absolution, then your sin is forgiven. If not,

 

[TheDoctor]

Hi Theresa and welcome to the forums. Thank you for having the courage to share your story with us. As a guy, I know I cannot begin to taste the depth of your pain, however I have known close friends who have gone thought this, so please allow me just a few points:

• I can see from your post how hurt you still are from this. All I would ask is that you not judge the Priest. Perhaps you mis-understood. Perhaps from your confession Father thought there was no knowledge or engagement of the will to make it a mortal sin or perhaps he was saying that while the abortion was sinful, your constantly beating yourself up over it was not or perhaps he was just plain wrong and was trying to comfort and heal you but did not know what to say. Please try to let it go and don’t let it keep you from healing.
• If Father did give you absolution, then your sin is forgiven. If not, then I would ask that you go back to reconciliation as soon as you can. I really really doubt that Father will yell at you - and if by some freaky chance he does, you know what? You will never hear it, because it will be drowned out by the sound of the Angels in Heaven rejoicing that a lost sheep has been found. We worship a just God, but one whose mercy and love for us is far far far greater than the justice we deserve.
• Please my dear sister, please, forgive yourself. I have heard nothing but good things about post-abortion support groups (Rachel’s Vineyard is one I believe?). If you have not called one, maybe it is time.

I will pray for you tonight God Bless You!

 

[Pax_Vobiscum_57]

Hi Theresa and welcome to the forums. Thank you for having the courage to share your story with us. As a guy, I know I cannot begin to taste the depth of your pain, however I have known close friends who have gone thought this, so please allow me just a few points:

• I can see from your post how hurt you still are from this. All I would ask is that you not judge the Priest. Perhaps you mis-understood. Perhaps from your confession Father thought there was no knowledge or engagement of the will to make it a mortal sin or perhaps he was saying that while the abortion was sinful, your constantly beating yourself up over it was not or perhaps he was just plain wrong and was trying to comfort and heal you but did not know what to say. Please try to let it go and don’t let it keep you from healing.
• If Father did give you absolution, then your sin is forgiven. If not, then I would ask that you go back to reconciliation as soon as you can. I really really doubt that Father will yell at you - and if by some freaky chance he does, you know what? You will never hear it, because it will be drowned out by the sound of the Angels in Heaven rejoicing that a lost sheep has been found. We worship a just God, but one whose mercy and love for us is far far far greater than the justice we deserve.
• Please my dear sister, please, forgive yourself. I have heard nothing but good things about post-abortion support groups (Rachel’s Vineyard is one I believe?). If you have not called one, maybe it is time.

I will pray for you tonight God Bless You!

What a compassionate and eloquent sentiment. The only thing I can add is the url for Project Rachel.

I’m so glad you came here.

 

[palmas85]

Hi everybdy! I wonder if you would please listen to my story and tell me what you think.

I was raised a catholic. I wouldnt say a perfect one, but we went to church most of the time. Since high school Ive been an on again off again catholic truth is more off then on. 6 years ago in the summer I was in one of my realy bad times and I went thru an abortion. It hurts a lot to talk about it even here there was a lot of pain I mean a lot of pain not only my body but my heart too and its never stopped hurting. This year has been one of my good years. Ive been going to a church where the regular priest is talking a lot about abortion and how bad it is and how its always bad no matteer what. They put up all kinds of anti abortion posters in the church and everything else you know what I mean! On Saturday the regular priest wasnt there and we had a substitute he was realy nice and ya might say carismstic. The service wasnt very traditional but I liked it. When he was preaching he talked about how we should love God with our whole hearts soul and mind and he said thats because God loves us like that and if we do something wrong God wants to forgive us. At the end he said that if anybody wanted to go to confession we could, I thought it would be ok to go to him cause I just knew I coulnt stand going to the regular priest. I mean I keep thinking about him yelling at me and everybody in church looking at me when I get out of the room Last time I went to confession was at confirmation when they made us go! So I was nervous and a little scared I went in and sat down and told the priest that I couldnt remember what I was supposed to do, but he said not to worry but just say what my sins are. that was a big one!!! I didnt even know where to start but he said I should just start with the big stuff. That was easy I mean it was easy because I know what the realy big stuff is my abortion but it was hard to say it cause I know what people in church are always saying about abortion being wrong and I know its wrong too so I just sat there and told him my story about my abortion. When I was all done he just looked at me and said real slow that God loves me and God wants me to be in peace and how nothing else matters and said that I was supposed to be in peace and that it wasnt a sin I know what our regular priest thinks about it!!! that its always wrong and I know what everybody in church says about it and I also know some catholics dont believe it but I never met a priest that said that says that so I just got all confused and upset cause I mean I know what I did was wrong I know I killed my baby and she wont come back so I left when he keep callng after me I just kept walking and didnt want anybody to see me. So whats next???

There is no real easy way to say this, and I hope that you understand. I know that the posters that have answered your question are trying to make this as easy as possible for you. If I am wrong in what I am going to say here then I truly hope that some one who knows will correct me.

You had an abortion. The Church and God takes that very seriously. In fact they take it so seriously that by having and abortion or even assisting in one, you incur the penalty pf excommunication. There is no easy way to put it. In that state you cannot receive any of the sacraments which includes the sacrament of reconciliation. I refer you the the Catechism and Code of Canon Law

2272 Formal cooperation in an abortion constitutes a grave offense. The Church attaches the canonical penalty of excommunication to this crime against human life. “A person who procures a completed abortion incurs excommunication latae sententiae,” [CIC, can. 1398] “by the very commission of the offense,” [CIC, can. 1314] and subject to the conditions provided by Canon Law. [Cf. CIC, cann. 1323-1324] The Church does not thereby intend to restrict the scope of mercy. Rather, she makes clear the gravity of the crime committed, the irreparable harm done to the innocent who is put to death, as well as to the parents and the whole of society. [1463]​

1463 Certain particularly grave sins incur excommunication, the most severe ecclesiastical penalty, which impedes the reception of the sacraments and the exercise of certain ecclesiastical acts, and for which absolution consequently cannot be granted, according to canon law, except by the Pope, the bishop of the place or priests authorized by them. [Cf. CIC, cann. 1331; 1354-1357; CCEO, can. 1431; 1434; 1420] In danger of death any priest, even if deprived of faculties for hearing confessions, can absolve from every sin and excommunication. [Cf. CIC, can. 976; CCEO, can. 725] [982]​

In order to be accepted back into the Church you have to go to your local Bishop and he will either hear the confession extend absolution and welcome you back into the Church or he will assign a Priest to do it or send you to a Priest that has the authority to do it. A Priest, without this authority given him by the Bishop cannot lift the excommunication.

Go see the Bishop. Please. I’ll be praying for you.

 

[LilyM]

There is no real easy way to say this, and I hope that you understand. I know that the posters that have answered your question are trying to make this as easy as possible for you. If I am wrong in what I am going to say here then I truly hope that some one who knows will correct me.

You had an abortion. The Church and God takes that very seriously. In fact they take it so seriously that by having and abortion or even assisting in one, you incur the penalty pf excommunication. There is no easy way to put it. In that state you cannot receive any of the sacraments which includes the sacrament of reconciliation. I refer you the the Catechism and Code of Canon Law

2272 Formal cooperation in an abortion constitutes a grave offense. The Church attaches the canonical penalty of excommunication to this crime against human life. “A person who procures a completed abortion incurs excommunication latae sententiae,” [CIC, can. 1398] “by the very commission of the offense,” [CIC, can. 1314] and subject to the conditions provided by Canon Law. [Cf. CIC, cann. 1323-1324] The Church does not thereby intend to restrict the scope of mercy. Rather, she makes clear the gravity of the crime committed, the irreparable harm done to the innocent who is put to death, as well as to the parents and the whole of society. [1463]​

1463 Certain particularly grave sins incur excommunication, the most severe ecclesiastical penalty, which impedes the reception of the sacraments and the exercise of certain ecclesiastical acts, and for which absolution consequently cannot be granted, according to canon law, except by the Pope, the bishop of the place or priests authorized by them. [Cf. CIC, cann. 1331; 1354-1357; CCEO, can. 1431; 1434; 1420] In danger of death any priest, even if deprived of faculties for hearing confessions, can absolve from every sin and excommunication. [Cf. CIC, can. 976; CCEO, can. 725] [982]​

In order to be accepted back into the Church you have to go to your local Bishop and he will either hear the confession extend absolution and welcome you back into the Church or he will assign a Priest to do it or send you to a Priest that has the authority to do it. A Priest, without this authority given him by the Bishop cannot lift the excommunication.

Go see the Bishop. Please. I’ll be praying for you.

Most all bishops (I’d bet there aren’t any that haven’t done this in the US) have given the faculty to ALL their priests to lift excommunications for abortion in the confessional WITHOUT having to refer the penitent anywhere else.

Of course any priest who lacks this faculty would themselves voluntarily tell the penitent that they need to see the Bishop. The penitent doesn’t need to seek out the Bishop unless they have been specifically instructed to do so by their priest.

To say otherwise, and suggest as you have done, creates a whole lot of totally unnecessary work and angst for all concerned - as if our Bishops at least don’t have enough to do already without being bothered with issues that they have delegated to their priests!

 

[palmas85]

Most all bishops (I’d bet there aren’t any that haven’t done this in the US) have given the faculty to ALL their priests to lift excommunications for abortion in the confessional WITHOUT having to refer the penitent anywhere else.

Of course any priest who lacks this faculty would themselves voluntarily tell the penitent that they need to see the Bishop. The penitent doesn’t need to seek out the Bishop unless they have been specifically instructed to do so by their priest.

To say otherwise, and suggest as you have done, creates a whole lot of totally unnecessary work and angst for all concerned - as if our Bishops at least don’t have enough to do already without being bothered with issues that they have delegated to their priests!

I spoke with two Priests that I know personally and they both told me that not all of the Bishops delegate this authorityto all of their Priests. Some Bishops do but not all by any stretch. Many only delegate it to one or two priests in the diocese. Since the Priest this poster visited seemed as much in the dark as she was it seemed that he did not have this authority.

You make it seem as if I was trying to hurt this poster. I wasn’t. This is serious business, and while being touchy feely is great, it isn’t always the best policy and from everything I have been told and everything that I have read, she would need to speak with the Bishop. And, if as you said the authority had been passed down to all of the priests in her area then there was really no harm done in her verifying that fact.

Please don’t assume that I just pull answers out of the air on these things.

Edit: I did check deeper. In 1988, a Pontifical commission did decree that if a woman who received an abortion was unaware of the automatic excommunication she would not incur the penalty. That also applied for several other reasons for which an abortion may be done as well.

Hopefully the poster fell into this category and the whole thing is moot. I do find it troubling though that no one else even brought the issue up. I wonder how many people actually know about the authomatic excommunication…

 

[nicolep]

I do find it troubling though that no one else even brought the issue up. I wonder how many people actually know about the authomatic excommunication…

I know all about automatic excommunications. However, an internet forum is not the place to put something like that on someone. As I mentioned in my post, her next best step in my opinion was to see another priest. A priest, and a priest alone, is in the position to offer another step if necessary.

To the OP, these forums are sometimes good at offering support. However, everything here should be taken with a grain of salt. None us don’t know everything. The Project Rachel link is a fabulous contribution. My opinion, and it can be dismissed as such, is that you should see a priest inside a confessional. If he doesn’t have facilities to forgive you, he will send you to a priest who can. Please don’t get discouraged by some posters’ or priests’ remarks. You’re on the right track and I applaud your courage.

 

[palmas85]

I know all about automatic excommunications. However, an internet forum is not the place to put something like that on someone. As I mentioned in my post, her next best step in my opinion was to see another priest. A priest, and a priest alone, is in the position to offer another step if necessary.

To the OP, these forums are sometimes good at offering support. However, everything here should be taken with a grain of salt. None us don’t know everything. The Project Rachel link is a fabulous contribution. My opinion, and it can be dismissed as such, is that you should see a priest inside a confessional. If he doesn’t have facilities to forgive you, he will send you to a priest who can. Please don’t get discouraged by some posters’ or priests’ remarks. You’re on the right track and I applaud your courage.

I am glad that you know all about them. Obviously some don’t. I re-read the original post and the Priest told the poster it wasn’t even a sin. Now why do you suppose the Priest would say something like that? There is something wrong with the picture. To me it seems this Priest, wasn’t sure of what he was doing and I doubt , just my opinion mind you, I sincerely doubt that he had authority to do this. To tell someone that having an abortion is not a sin, isn’t only being untruthful, it is promoting heresy.

Since Priests don’t advertise what they can and cannot do, I offered what I felt was the best advice available. Speak to the one person that she knows can take care care of this and that is the Bishop. If when she calls they direct her to someone else, then that is appropriate.

And telling someone that their soul may be in grave danger isn’t as you said"laying it on someone" It is showing the appropriate concern for someone who may be in jeopardy.

I’m sorry that you cannot see that.

 

[nicolep]

And telling someone that their soul may be in grave danger isn’t as you said"laying it on someone" It is showing the appropriate concern for someone who may be in jeopardy.

I’m sorry that you cannot see that.

Internet theologians are abundant! It’s amazing how much all of us know better than the priests. I see posts like that all of the time. Yes, the priest was wrong for saying it wasn’t a sin. However, the OP obviously knows that’s not correct. She seems know her soul is in danger or she wouldn’t have tried to confess it in the first place. I recall something about not judging the state of someone’s soul…

Honestly, I wish people wouldn’t post about their sins. There are always people who react in a way that’s hurtful to the OP. I’m not at all saying that you did. Having been in a similar situation on these forums, posts such as these can damage an already fragile person.

 

[TheDoctor]

Theresa - hopefully you are still here and hopefully you know that the comments in the thread were done in charity and out of a sincere desire to help.

That being said, there may have been some comments that may have caused you to re-think a decision to go back to confession. Please, if that is the case, don’t be swayed.

I mentioned that one of my friends has dealt with this. They did not know about automatic excommunication but they did not receive for years because they felt unworthy of forgiveness. Finally, with trepidation and fear but with courage in the love of God, they went to confession. Father was gentle and kind. Yes, it was a sin, but he asked her to trust the fate of her little one to the loving arms of God and he, through the power of Jesus, lifted this burden from her.

The Sunday after confession when she went to receive, it was one of the most wonderful experiences of her life. She said that she felt the presence of Jesus and it was as if He was saying “Where have you been? I have been waiting for you so long - I am so happy to have you back with Me!”

Talk to your priest. Lean on your friends. Come back and post again if you need to. You are not alone.

 

[theresa287]

There is no real easy way to say this, and I hope that you understand. I know that the posters that have answered your question are trying to make this as easy as possible for you. If I am wrong in what I am going to say here then I truly hope that some one who knows will correct me.

You had an abortion. The Church and God takes that very seriously. In fact they take it so seriously that by having and abortion or even assisting in one, you incur the penalty pf excommunication. There is no easy way to put it. In that state you cannot receive any of the sacraments which includes the sacrament of reconciliation. I refer you the the Catechism and Code of Canon Law

2272 Formal cooperation in an abortion constitutes a grave offense. The Church attaches the canonical penalty of excommunication to this crime against human life. “A person who procures a completed abortion incurs excommunication latae sententiae,” [CIC, can. 1398] “by the very commission of the offense,” [CIC, can. 1314] and subject to the conditions provided by Canon Law. [Cf. CIC, cann. 1323-1324] The Church does not thereby intend to restrict the scope of mercy. Rather, she makes clear the gravity of the crime committed, the irreparable harm done to the innocent who is put to death, as well as to the parents and the whole of society. [1463]​

1463 Certain particularly grave sins incur excommunication, the most severe ecclesiastical penalty, which impedes the reception of the sacraments and the exercise of certain ecclesiastical acts, and for which absolution consequently cannot be granted, according to canon law, except by the Pope, the bishop of the place or priests authorized by them. [Cf. CIC, cann. 1331; 1354-1357; CCEO, can. 1431; 1434; 1420] In danger of death any priest, even if deprived of faculties for hearing confessions, can absolve from every sin and excommunication. [Cf. CIC, can. 976; CCEO, can. 725] [982]​

In order to be accepted back into the Church you have to go to your local Bishop and he will either hear the confession extend absolution and welcome you back into the Church or he will assign a Priest to do it or send you to a Priest that has the authority to do it. A Priest, without this authority given him by the Bishop cannot lift the excommunication.

Go see the Bishop. Please. I’ll be praying for you.

Thanks for your honesty but I still have some questions.
I dont understand something, you said that because I was excommunicated I cant receive any of the sacramsnts , not even reconciliation but then you said I have to go to the Bishop and he would hear my confession. If I cant go to reconciliation how can I go to confession with the bishop? I said I’m not much of a catholic but I thought reconciliation was just a new word for confession how are they different? I dont even know how to go see the bishop and I know hes realy busy do you think he’ll even see me?
I know excommunication is a big deal I saw an old movie one time where somebody got excommunicated. The priests went to the church and they all had lit candles then they said something in latin and all together they turned the candles upside down and smashed them on the floor. Did they do that for me? How did they know? I thought the priest wasnt supposed to tell anybody else? Is it different when somebody has an abortion?

 

[mercygate]

Thanks for your honesty but I still have some questions.
I dont understand something, you said that because I was excommunicated I cant receive any of the sacramsnts , not even reconciliation but then you said I have to go to the Bishop and he would hear my confession. If I cant go to reconciliation how can I go to confession with the bishop? I said I’m not much of a catholic but I thought reconciliation was just a new word for confession how are they different? I dont even know how to go see the bishop and I know hes realy busy do you think he’ll even see me?
I know excommunication is a big deal I saw an old movie one time where somebody got excommunicated. The priests went to the church and they all had lit candles then they said something in latin and all together they turned the candles upside down and smashed them on the floor. Did they do that for me? How did they know? I thought the priest wasnt supposed to tell anybody else? Is it different when somebody has an abortion?

Honestly! People throw so much stuff at you that it is a wonder you are still here.

It’s dreadful when you go to confession with a “biggie” – that you KNOW is a mortal sin – and the priest says “it’s not a sin.” God’s love is HUGE, bigger than any sin you could ever commit. Your penitence is the fruit of His grace. Look around for a priest who understands moral theology and the sacrament of penance [aka: confession, reconciliation].

The excommunication for abortion is what they call “latae sententiae” – a fancy term for automatic. No declaration needs to be made. As was mentioned up-thread, most priests can lift this. And yes: you CAN go to confession because you have repented.

God love you. Have you ever heard of Rachel’s Vineyard? This organization holds retreat weekends for women (and also for men) whose lives have been wounded by abortion. THEY know what you have been through and how to help you reconcile with God and the Church.

May God give you healing and peace. The first step towards both is where you ARE: recognizing that abortion is intrinsically evil.

:hug3: :tissues:

 

[EasterJoy]

What a compassionate and eloquent sentiment. The only thing I can add is the url for Project Rachel.

I’m so glad you came here.

I absolutely agree with looking into a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat.

I also agree that the priest who heard your confession may have heard something that gave him the impression that you lacked one of the components necessary to commit a mortal sin. A mortal sin is not just a gravely wrong act…that is, it is not enough that you have done something that is always gravely wrong. A mortal sin must also be a sin whose gravity you fully appreciated and that you chose without coersion. If the priest thought you were coerced or felt trapped, he might have rightly judged that you did not sin, that you are not the one ultimately responsible for it. That would not make what you did right. It only makes it not a mortal sin. A priest might very easily give a homily against abortion and then turn around and tell a penitent whose abortion was not truly her fault that she did not sin.

At any rate, I think the priest who heard your confession is very aware that your baby was not the only victim of your choice to have an abortion. Whether or not you sinned in getting that abortion, you are still a victim of it, just as surely as your child was.

That is why I hope you’ll find a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat, or something similar. You will not find a bunch of people telling you that abortion is not wrong. In fact, Project Rachel has become a ministry of Priests for Life. You will find people helping you heal from the damage that your abortion did and from the tremendous losses that you have been suffering ever since.

Even if you don’t think you deserve to escape that suffering–it is very hard to let go of that–the people who love you and need you to get your connection with God back deserve that. You all need that. I hope you’ll consider it.

God bless you, and hang in there.

 

[mercygate]

I absolutely agree with looking into a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat.

I also agree that the priest who heard your confession may have heard something that gave him the impression that you lacked one of the components necessary to commit a mortal sin. A mortal sin is not just a gravely wrong act…that is, it is not enough that you have done something that is always gravely wrong. A mortal sin must also be a sin whose gravity you fully appreciated and that you chose without coersion. If the priest thought you were coerced or felt trapped, he might have rightly judged that you did not sin, that you are not the one ultimately responsible for it. That would not make what you did right. It only makes it not a mortal sin. A priest might very easily give a homily against abortion and then turn around and tell a penitent whose abortion was not truly her fault that she did not sin.

At any rate, I think the priest who heard your confession is very aware that your baby was not the only victim of your choice to have an abortion. Whether or not you sinned in getting that abortion, you are still a victim of it, just as surely as your child was.

That is why I hope you’ll find a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat, or something similar. You will not find a bunch of people telling you that abortion is not wrong. In fact, Project Rachel has become a ministry of Priests for Life. You will find people helping you heal from the damage that your abortion did and from the tremendous losses that you have been suffering ever since.

Even if you don’t think you deserve to escape that suffering–it is very hard to let go of that–the people who love you and need you to get your connection with God back deserve that. You all need that. I hope you’ll consider it.

God bless you, and hang in there.

Good points all. What is troubling with the OP’s confession experience is that she came away with the impression that the priest had said “abortion is not a sin.”

When we know something is “intrinsically evil” and we are not sufficiently subtle of mind to make the distinction between objective sin and subjective culpability, this can be painfully confusing.

In a way, there is nothing more comforting than to have a priest confirm: “Yes, what you did was sinful” . . . and then explain the nuances of the moral theology as he moves on to pronounce the beautiful words of absolution.

 

[EasterJoy]

Good points all. What is troubling with the OP’s confession experience is that she came away with the impression that the priest had said “abortion is not a sin.”

When we know something is “intrinsically evil” and we are not sufficiently subtle of mind to make the distinction between objective sin and subjective culpability, this can be painfully confusing.

In a way, there is nothing more comforting than to have a priest confirm: “Yes, what you did was sinful” . . . and then explain the nuances of the moral theology as he moves on to pronounce the beautiful words of absolution.

OK, but when a priest hears a confession and realizes that the penitent is not morally culpable, is he supposed to lie and tell her that she is? Elective abortion is always gravely wrong, but it is not always a sin. There is more to culpability than simply identification of the act that took place.

The distinction between having committed a bad act and being guilty of committing a sin is not such a fine point. It is one that should be covered in one’s first preparation for the sacrament. A person who has reached the age of reason necessary to commit a sin at all will have subtleness of mind to understand it. If you can’t yet appreciate the difference between acts you have chosen and acts you were forced into, how can you have the capacity to sin at all? Sometimes, though, remembering that the distinction applies to us does require our hearts to let go of the enormity of what we have done in favor of the realization that we are not as free from outside influence as we want to think we should be.

It is like victims of crime who blame themselves. When we see it happen to someone else, we can see there is no blame. When we are the victims, it is another story. Then we are the ones who beat ourselves up with “Why didn’t I resist more strongly?”, “Why was I in that situation in the first place, wasn’t that my fault?”, “If I were holy, wouldn’t I have died before I let him do that?”, “Couldn’t I have fought harder?”, and, worst of all, “Maybe he’s right; maybe I really did want it”. A woman can be violated by coerced abortion, just as surely as she can be violated by rape. It may even be harder for her to see that she is not at fault. In either case, when a mistaken sense of guilt is affirmed, it can reinforce this second violation that the victim is carrying out against herself.

Now, none of us can say whether she is guilty or not. It isn’t our business. We know she is a victim. We should let her know that the priest may actually have been right, but that, right or wrong, there is help for her. She deserves help in getting out of that pit, no matter how she got there.

 

[M0nkey]

So whats next???

I would go to the first priest that speaks ill of abortion for a confession, you ought to remind him about charity and how some people in the congregation may be experiencing healing from an abortion. God is willing to forgive us when we enter the confessional, but we still have to bear the cross of the consequences for what we have done.

I would pray the rosary and speak out to let people know of the evils of abortion.