Question about apologizing

[hopeforfaith]

SO i have did something wrong and i regretted it. But at that time i was too afraid toapologize. Now, after a year, i read somewhere in the bible that we should apologize before we are prosecuted. I wanted to apologize since after this easter. But am also dealing with evil thoughts. I was thinking, maybe i should finish dealing with the evil thoughts, and then come clean. But then i remembered that we should apologize as soon as possible. My friend said that if i rush it now, because i was originally thinking about writing an apology letter today and give it to the people affected tomorrow, I can’t really come up with anything good. SO she adviced me to think it over for a week and then write it to be really sincere. So… is it wrong?
Also, i read somewhere in a reconciliation pamplet that the apology should only go as for as an offense is known. How about if it is inappropiate and has existed as a rumor and the people that maybe affected suspects? But i don’t know if she knows and i don’t even know her? And actually, if i apologize to one person, it would hurt another one because… long story. Something about pretending to hate someone in order to please my friend. If i apologize to the person who had been affected, then i would hurt my friend. So… can someone help please?

 

[jazzbaby1]

It’s frustrating to want to do the right thing while you’re afraid that it might cause more damage. I feel for you. However, if you hurt someone through a falsehood or “pretending to hate” then, yes, you owe that person an apology. This can be agreat witness to your conversion for that person. If you fear that your friend will be hurt by your admission then you need to reconsider that friendship. We cannot remain in sin because we are afraid of the reactions of those around us. I wish you the best and I’ll be praying for you.

 

[NHInsider]

My thoughts, FWTW - tell the friend for whom you told the lie that you are going to apologize to the victim, because you are repenting of the lie and want to make it right. Assure that person that you are still their friend (assuming that’s true) but aren’t willing to lie/pretend on their behalf. Don’t make this an “asking for permission” - just a “heads up, I’ve made a decision” message.

Then tell the victim very briefly that you lied about them to support your friend, and you are sorry and have asked for God’s forgiveness and now you’re asking for theirs. Don’t go into details unless they ask. It’s entirely possible that this has not been as big a deal for the victim as it has been for you, or that they’ve already dealt with it and don’t want to think about it any more. You need to clean your slate, not fill theirs.

Also don’t be surprised if you get no response at all in return. People so seldom accept responsibility or apologize these days that people don’t really know how to respond when someone does.

 

[hopeforfaith]

Thanks, but actually apologizing after one week thing was actually another matter. I don’t know if delaying it so i can do it better is wrong.
And one more thing… i liked a girl before and i know that’s sick cause i am a girl too. I know i am wrong, i have confessed to God and now i am repenting from it. However, i don’t know if i should apologize because once i blushed when i was confronted. And then rumors spread. Besides, she has a girlfriend. However, is it inappropriate? Actually, i am not even sure if the girlfriend knows it. I don’t even know who she is. I don’t know her. And since there are rumors… do i need to apologize to the entire grade/school?

 

[hopeforfaith]

And one more thing, i have promised to pray whenever there are evil thoughts in my mind.
Then i started praying whenever there are evil thoughts but without drawing the cross because i thought it is okay to chant the Saint Michael prayer in my mind. But then after when i promised God i would draw the cross next time. I think if i do that in class, people will think i am weird. But after that i promised God not to care what anyone else thinks. But then i think it’s inappropriate to pray in class when your teacher is talking or it’s very noisy. But then sometimes i don’t because i don’t think i need to. You see… the evil thoughts still pop up but i don’t really get affected by them. Sometimes i may be bothered. I am recently repenting and i have asked God to protect me against evil thoughts. Oh man, i am so wrong.

 

[NHInsider]

Easy question first - it is perfectly ok to pray silently without any outward gestures, and in many circumstances (like in class) it is appropriate to not draw attention to yourself. When Jesus said we should go into our closets to pray in secret He didn’t mean it literally (Most people in that time didn’t even have closets). He did mean that your prayer should be between you and God and not for “showing off.”

Secondly, you don’t need to apologize to anyone for your feelings, only for words and actions. So I’d revise my advice and say “least said, soonest mended.” Even if you are afraid that you said or did something that started rumors and the rumors then caused hurt to someone, if it’s been a year it is probably better to let it go. You can confess it in Reconciliciation but bringing it up again in person may well create more hurt than leaving it forgotten. You can ask your confessor if he thinks it’s necessary to apologize directly.

Finally, it sounds like you are worrying about a same-sex attraction. I am not an expert on this but I know that it is not uncommon for kids to experience these feelings as they are going through their teenage years without their actually being homosexual. And since you mention being in school I would imagine you are still young. So I would suggest that you take your concerns to God in prayer but not conclude that you are going to have these attractions forever. Most important, remember that even if this does turn out to be part of who you are, it does not make you “bad” or “wrong,” any more that you would be “bad” if you were born with a missing leg or some other physical problem. Catholics understand that same-sex attraction is “disordered” but it is only when someone carries out their feelings in non-marital sexual activity that this is sinful. And we all have to struggle with impure thoughts at times, especially when we are teens. We all have to surrender our hearts and minds to God and ask Him to protect us and purify us. So by all means ask the Lord for His grace, but do not let Satan trick you into thinking that you are evil just because of your feelings. We are all sinners, we all need God’s grace, and Jesus died for all of us. He loves you and wants you to live in His grace.

 

[hopeforfaith]

Thanks. =] But i still have so many questions. I promised not to do anything when i am praying like scratching my nose and opening my eyes while i pray. Then i don’t know if i can do it or not, so i prayed to God saying that i don’t take back my promise, if it’s right i will fulfill it and please help me to find the right answer, and please forgive my ignorance. So… what should i do, actually? And should in reconciliation, if something is quite revealing and you know, isn’t too inappropriate to really say it out loud. Then should i put it in a more subtle way? And when should i go to weekly confession, i mean… how do i know if i need it or not? Answers appreciated. Thanks a lot!

 

[NHInsider]

Thanks. =] But i still have so many questions. I promised not to do anything when i am praying like scratching my nose and opening my eyes while i pray. Then i don’t know if i can do it or not, so i prayed to God saying that i don’t take back my promise, if it’s right i will fulfill it and please help me to find the right answer, and please forgive my ignorance. So… what should i do, actually?

You need to stop stressing and relax. I know that sounds a bit flip and it’s easier to say than to do - but seriously. God loves you - loves you so much that He was willing to give up everything and live and die for you, to make it possible for you to have a loving relationship with Him. He is not worried about things like scratching your nose - why should you be? Don’t set yourself up with impossible standards and then feel guilty about not meeting them. Just take some time to hang out with Him - it can be reading Scripture, or sitting in front of the Tabernacle, or under a tree somewhere quiet just thinking about Him and telling Him you want to be His loving child and to serve Him as He wishes to use you. And it doesn’t have to be a long time, either - a few minutes is good, especially in the beginning (most of us haven’t had much practice being quiet. . . . )

God made you, and declared you “good.” Sin interferes with your relationship with God, and can separate you from God, that’s why Jesus died, so we can have that relationship again and be “good” - because of His grace, which is a gift, not because of anything we do. (“Grace” comes from the word for “free.”) When we try to obey and please God, it’s because we are responding to the grace He has given, not because we’re trying to earn it.

And should in reconciliation, if something is quite revealing and you know, isn’t too inappropriate to really say it out loud. Then should i put it in a more subtle way? And when should i go to weekly confession, i mean… how do i know if i need it or not? Answers appreciated. Thanks a lot!

Whichever is easier. Priests are trained not to be shocked at what they hear in confession, so it’s probably better to just say it and get it over with - especially since you seem to have a little of what is called “scrupulosity” which basically means you feel guilty a lot and worry about doing/saying things just right - so if you try to come up with a way to say hint at something without saying it, I bet you’ll worry later that you haven’t actually been forgiven.

Frequent confession is usually a good thing (sometimes when someone is quite scrupulous a confessor will recommend that they go less frequently). You are only REQUIRED to go if you commit a mortal sin, which has to be both serious and intentional and freely chosen. But less serious sins also weaken our relationship with God, and the grace of reconciliation always strengthens us, so it is good to go more often. (Think of it like washing - if you get something disgusting on your hands you MUST wash them before you eat, but even if you’ve just been out and about it’s a good idea to wash first, even though it probably wouldn’t make you sick if you didn’t.) If you feel led to go weekly and can get there, by all means go. But don’t feel guilty if you go monthly or every few weeks instead. . . .

Memorize this verse:

“We love Him because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19)