Question about Catholic wakes and funerals

[Tommy999]

Hi all,
I was just curious if/when the deceased is eulogized in a normal Catholic funeral Mass.

I heard somewhere where the focus of the Catholic funeral Mass is more on God and the living (family and loved ones) than on the person who died. Is that the case or did I misunderstand?

Secondly, if the funeral Mass does not focus much time on the life of the deceased, are eulogies given some time during the wake or is there is another time when friends and loved ones can share stories about how the person who died and how she/he influenced their lives?

Note: I am used to funerals where immediate family members and maybe a close friend or two are allowed to speak for a few minutes toward the end of the service so I was just curious if there is a time or place for that sort of thing in a Catholic funeral or wake,

By the way, can you describe what takes place at a typical wake? Does someone literally stay awake with the body of the deceased around the clock at the funeral home until the funeral takes place? I am curious because I have never experienced one before.

 

[FrDavid96]

Hi all,
I was just curious if/when the deceased is eulogized in a normal Catholic funeral Mass.

I heard somewhere where the focus of the Catholic funeral Mass is more on God and the living (family and loved ones) than on the person who died. Is that the case or did I misunderstand?

Secondly, if the funeral Mass does not focus much time on the life of the deceased, are eulogies given some time during the wake or is there is another time when friends and loved ones can share stories about how the person who died and how she/he influenced their lives?

Note: I am used to funerals where immediate family members and maybe a close friend or two are allowed to speak for a few minutes toward the end of the service so I was just curious if there is a time or place for that sort of thing in a Catholic funeral or wake,

By the way, can you describe what takes place at a typical wake? Does someone literally stay awake with the body of the deceased around the clock at the funeral home until the funeral takes place? I am curious because I have never experienced one before.

Eulogies are forbidden at Catholic funeral Masses.

They might happen in the funeral home, at the cemetery, at a meal afterwards, or other times, but they are always forbidden at the funeral Mass. Yes, there should be a homily (preaching) at the funeral Mass, but the focus is always to be on the Passion, Death, and Resurrection of Christ (and yes, that’s a very broad topic that may include other aspects of the faith, by all means). Mentioning the deceased or incorporating something about their lives into the homily is permitted, but not to the point where it takes the focus away from Christ.

The term “wake service” is one of those terms that’s a holdover from days past. In the past people would quite literally stay awake all night to make sure that the deceased was indeed deceased. Now that medical science is better able to determine if a person has actually died, and especially after embalming, there’s no need to stay awake so see if they breathe or move. We still use the term, though.

Most non-Catholics also have wake services. Depending on regional vocabulary, they’re sometimes called “calling hours” or “visiting hours” or “receiving hours” etc. etc.

Sometime during those calling hours, the priest will go to the funeral home and lead a brief prayer service. Usually it’s a service of the Word; a few prayers and some readings from Sacred Scripture. Most (probably) Catholic services will also include praying the Rosary.

 

[Tommy999]

Eulogies are forbidden at Catholic funeral Masses.

They might happen in the funeral home, at the cemetery, at a meal afterwards, or other times, but they are always forbidden at the funeral Mass. Yes, there should be a homily (preaching) at the funeral Mass, but the focus is always to be on the Passion, Death, and Resurrection of Christ (and yes, that’s a very broad topic that may include other aspects of the faith, by all means). Mentioning the deceased or incorporating something about their lives into the homily is permitted, but not to the point where it takes the focus away from Christ.

The term “wake service” is one of those terms that’s a holdover from days past. In the past people would quite literally stay awake all night to make sure that the deceased was indeed deceased. Now that medical science is better able to determine if a person has actually died, and especially after embalming, there’s no need to stay awake so see if they breathe or move. We still use the term, though.

Most non-Catholics also have wake services. Depending on regional vocabulary, they’re sometimes called “calling hours” or “visiting hours” or “receiving hours” etc. etc.

Sometime during those calling hours, the priest will go to the funeral home and lead a brief prayer service. Usually it’s a service of the Word; a few prayers and some readings from Sacred Scripture. Most (probably) Catholic services will also include praying the Rosary.

Thanks for the explanation and clarifications, FrDavid96. Much appreciated. I’m not sure where I got the idea that Catholics made sure there was someone with the deceased person’s body the whole time, but I was obviously mistaken. Thanks again for putting things in perspective.

For my father, who was Presbyterian, there was a time from about 4pm to 9pm the day before the funeral when the family was present at the funeral home to receive visitors. I can see where that time would be appropriate for the kind of activity I was asking about, although people kind of came and went and there was not a common time when a lot of visitors were together like at a funeral, but I understand and respect the Catholic way handling it.

 

[FrDavid96]

Thanks for the explanation and clarifications, FrDavid96. Much appreciated. I’m not sure where I got the idea that Catholics made sure there was someone with the deceased person’s body the whole time, but I was obviously mistaken. Thanks again for putting things in perspective.

Just about everyone used to do that (except Jews and Moslems who are required to bury the body as soon as possible). Premature burial was a very real problem until recent decades. It wasn’t just Catholics, but people of all religions used to keep an eye on the body of a loved one to be sure that the person was actually dead before proceeding to the burial.

You weren’t mistaken. That really is the origin of “wake” or “wake service” or “waking the body” etc.

Now that we embalm (almost always) it seems strange to us that a “dead” body might wake up again. 100 years ago it actually happened quite often.

For my father, who was Presbyterian, there was a time from about 4pm to 9pm the day before the funeral when the family was present at the funeral home to receive visitors. I can see where that time would be appropriate for the kind of activity I was asking about, although people kind of came and went and there was not a common time when a lot of visitors were together like at a funeral, but I understand and respect the Catholic way handling it.

Catholics typically have open visiting hours also (how much time is up to the family to decide). The only difference is that there’s usually a designated time for communal prayer.

 

[Neofight]

Hi all,
I was just curious if/when the deceased is eulogized in a normal Catholic funeral Mass.

I heard somewhere where the focus of the Catholic funeral Mass is more on God and the living (family and loved ones) than on the person who died. Is that the case or did I misunderstand?

Secondly, if the funeral Mass does not focus much time on the life of the deceased, are eulogies given some time during the wake or is there is another time when friends and loved ones can share stories about how the person who died and how she/he influenced their lives?

Note: I am used to funerals where immediate family members and maybe a close friend or two are allowed to speak for a few minutes toward the end of the service so I was just curious if there is a time or place for that sort of thing in a Catholic funeral or wake,

By the way, can you describe what takes place at a typical wake? Does someone literally stay awake with the body of the deceased around the clock at the funeral home until the funeral takes place? I am curious because I have never experienced one before.

You are confusing a non-liturgical funeral service with a funeral mass.

 

[acadiANNA]

My family had 24-hour wakes one or two nights before the funeral. It was respect for the person so the body would not be left alone in the funeral home. Those were the only hours left to be with the deceased. One family broke the tradition and we either have viewing hours ending at 9 or 10 pm the evening before the funeral or viewing hours and Mass and burial on the same day.

 

[Allegra]

Thanks for the explanation and clarifications, FrDavid96. Much appreciated. I’m not sure where I got the idea that Catholics made sure there was someone with the deceased person’s body the whole time, but I was obviously mistaken.

It isn’t uncommon for friends and family members to pray for the soul of the deceased over night. That might be where you got the idea from. That isn’t required though.

Eulogies are not supposed to be done during the Mass, but it’s common for some priests to let it slide if family members are persistent. I’ve cantored at many funerals and seen eulogies many times. Sometimes, they are given before the Mass officially begins, or after it is officially over. I don’t think they should be encouraged as I’ve heard some really horrific eulogies that just amount to the survivors complaining about what a scumbag the departed person was. I’ve also seen one family member blame another family member for the person’s death. People say bizarre things when in grief. Best to just pray for their soul according to the rubrics.

 

[Phemie]

Fr. David is correct in his explanation but the rubrics (the rules) mention ‘eulogy’ only as it applies to the priest, there is nothing in the rubrics about someone else not giving a eulogy. In fact, in the US Funeral Rite the rubrics allow for a family member or friend to speak of the deceased at a point during the funeral liturgy, whether that liturgy stands alone or is incorporated into a Mass. More often than not, what is said is a eulogy – sometimes it could be mistaken for a canonization.

In the Canadian Funeral Rite that time for a family member or friend to speak of the deceased is incorporated into the Funeral Vigil liturgy that normally takes place at the funeral home the night before the funeral. That’s not to say that eulogies never happen during a Canadian Catholic funeral. It all depends on how much the priest wants to stick to the rules.

As for ‘wakes’, it all depends on where the body is kept before the funeral. Funeral homes usually have ‘viewing hours’ (around here it’s 2-4 pm and 7-9 pm). I’ve not known any family to extend the time they spend there much beyond those times.

But there are still families who don’t avail of the funeral home and have the wake in the home or in the church. In those cases there is someone with the body around the clock. I experienced that type of wake a lot when I was a kid in the 50s and 60s. If there was an ongoing wake at a home we passed as we walked home from school we often stopped in to pay our respects. It certainly exposed us to death at a very young age.

Although the wake of a cousin was held in our living room when I was 2, my first memory of such was when I was 4: my 3 year old brother and I knelt by my maternal grandfather’s casket, in the living room of his home, and said a prayer out loud. That scenario was repeated a few months later at my paternal grandfather’s wake, held at my aunt’s house, and then again and again over the years.

The first ‘funeral home’ wake I recall was for my dad’s stepmother when I was in high school in the late 60s. My parents mentioned what a blessing it was not to be constantly surrounded by people for 3 days and how great it was to get away from it by going home and just being with family.

 

[Tommy999]

Fr. David is correct in his explanation but the rubrics (the rules) mention ‘eulogy’ only as it applies to the priest, there is nothing in the rubrics about someone else not giving a eulogy. In fact, in the US Funeral Rite the rubrics allow for a family member or friend to speak of the deceased at a point during the funeral liturgy, whether that liturgy stands alone or is incorporated into a Mass. More often than not, what is said is a eulogy – sometimes it could be mistaken for a canonization.

In the Canadian Funeral Rite that time for a family member or friend to speak of the deceased is incorporated into the Funeral Vigil liturgy that normally takes place at the funeral home the night before the funeral. That’s not to say that eulogies never happen during a Canadian Catholic funeral. It all depends on how much the priest wants to stick to the rules.

As for ‘wakes’, it all depends on where the body is kept before the funeral. Funeral homes usually have ‘viewing hours’ (around here it’s 2-4 pm and 7-9 pm). I’ve not known any family to extend the time they spend there much beyond those times.

But there are still families who don’t avail of the funeral home and have the wake in the home or in the church. In those cases there is someone with the body around the clock. I experienced that type of wake a lot when I was a kid in the 50s and 60s. If there was an ongoing wake at a home we passed as we walked home from school we often stopped in to pay our respects. It certainly exposed us to death at a very young age.

Although the wake of a cousin was held in our living room when I was 2, my first memory of such was when I was 4: my 3 year old brother and I knelt by my maternal grandfather’s casket, in the living room of his home, and said a prayer out loud. That scenario was repeated a few months later at my paternal grandfather’s wake, held at my aunt’s house, and then again and again over the years.

The first ‘funeral home’ wake I recall was for my dad’s stepmother when I was in high school in the late 60s. My parents mentioned what a blessing it was not to be constantly surrounded by people for 3 days and how great it was to get away from it by going home and just being with family.

Thanks for the good info, Phemie of how things *are *done and how things *were *done in the past at Catholic wakes and funerals.

I was especially interested in knowing the Catholic way of allowing family and friends to eulogize the deceased family member, because we really liked how that went at my parent’s funeral (protestant funeral) and was trying to visualize if, how, and when that sort of thing would be allowed as part of the Catholic funeral/wake proceedings.

Since my parents were both well regarded by the family and in the community, we enjoyed that part of the funeral service and some of the stories shared were very touching, but I’ve also been to a few protestant funerals where a long-winded family member of friend went on and on and on to the point where everyone was fidgeting in their seats wanting it all to be over or to have the pastor grab a big hook and pull them away from the podium .

 

[Tommy999]

… I’ve heard some really horrific eulogies that just amount to the survivors complaining about what a scumbag the departed person was. I’ve also seen one family member blame another family member for the person’s death. People say bizarre things when in grief. Best to just pray for their soul according to the rubrics.

Yikes, I have never witnessed that in the funerals I’ve attended but I guess anything is possible and I don’t doubt your word on it, as it sounds like you have participated in many funerals as a cantor.

I had always thought that people would abide by the old adage that if you can’t say something good about a person, you shouldn’t say anything at all. I guess not all people follow that.

 

[otjm]

I can’t speak to the rules; only that I have been to way too many funerals where someone in the family has to get up, just before they take the body (or urn) out at the end of the Mass, and give a eulogy.

My mother threatened to kick the side of the casket, were we to do such; so when my two brothers and I met with the pastor last April for my mother’s funeral, the priest asked us which one of us would like to get up and say something at the end.

When we related the above, he gave us a bit of a funny look, and we emphatically repeated ourselves.

She went out with a simple wood casket, courtesy of the Trappists of New Melleray
Abbey, a concelebrated funeral with 8 priests, and no, she did not kick the side of the casket.

 

[Tommy999]

I can’t speak to the rules; only that I have been to way too many funerals where someone in the family has to get up, just before they take the body (or urn) out at the end of the Mass, and give a eulogy.

My mother threatened to kick the side of the casket, were we to do such; so when my two brothers and I met with the pastor last April for my mother’s funeral, the priest asked us which one of us would like to get up and say something at the end.

When we related the above, he gave us a bit of a funny look, and we emphatically repeated ourselves.

She went out with a simple wood casket, courtesy of the Trappists of New Melleray
Abbey, a concelebrated funeral with 8 priests, and no, she did not kick the side of the casket.

I think it was great that you honored your mother’s wishes.

That way she didn’t have to kick the side of the casket or any other part of anyone’s anatomy.

 

[CB_Catholic]

In certain areas of the country, the wake is still observed. My husband’s family hails from the mountains of West Virginia, and it is still practiced there. Where they live the funeral home is quite a distance, but the bodies still are embalmed and either brought to the church or the home for the wake, which lasts all night, and people take turns sitting. My poor 16 year old son was chosen to sit in that little church in a hollow in the mountains of W. Va. for a couple of hours during the night, which freaked him out, although someone else was there for his great-grandmother’s funeral.

At Grandmother’s funeral, the morning after the wake, the body was carried from the church up the side of a mountain to the community cemetery, which had to be nearly 200 years old. At the bottom of the hill was a turkey farm, and the turkeys followed us for a while pecking around our feet. The hill (mountain) was rather steep and I could not make it in my heels, so I had to walk barefoot. The poor pallbearers were actually carrying that casket up that hill.

Once up that hill, the preacher gave a sermon, and I mean a sermon. All about heaven and hell, etc. Really fire and brimstone, and at least 1/2 hour long. Then the body was lowered into the grave and the pallbearers buried it. Then we went back down that hill and back to the house for a feast, the enormity of which was of biblical proportions.

That and another family member’s funeral in the hills were the most unusual funerals I have been to. But I would love to go back and take a walk around that old cemetery.

 

[acadiANNA]

I told Father that I had someone who was going to say something about the deceased at the Funeral Mass. Father said that he doesn’t do that because it is embarrassing for the family if he announces, “If their is anyone who would like to say a few words about ______”, there are times when no one responds. My first thought was that maybe it would extend the length of the Mass. I told him someone had already agreed and would do it. Father did allow it, but right now I can’t remember if it was after the homily or elsewhere.

 

[Phemie]

I’d never experienced eulogies at Catholic funerals until I came to this parish 17 years ago and I have to admit that I hate them with a passion. But after 17 years here I understand that the various churches/denominations/ecclesial communities are intertwined by mixed-marriages at rates I’d never experienced before.

When one parent is Catholic and one isn’t and the kids are familiar with both religions’ traditions there is often a desire to bring non-Catholic traditions into Catholic liturgies and over the years this has been allowed by priests wishing to be pastoral. It doesn’t make for good liturgy. A famous example of this is the televised funeral of former Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau where his son Justin, a drama teacher, spoke in such a way that people were calling for his election to parliament the next day. (He kept them waiting another 8 years before running for office and he’s now the leader of the Liberal Party of Canada.) Calgary’s Bishop Henry referred to this in a letter to his diocese on the topic of eulogies in Catholic funerals , “It was good television. Some would even say good politics. Nevertheless, it was also bad liturgy.”

If eulogies were the only thing we had to worry about I wouldn’t feel too bad. But the audiovisual presentations we are often treated to after the homily or in the period after Communion, the set-ups in the sanctuary that I’ve seen in my parish (a full-sized tent, spruce trees, bench and snowshoes for a youngish man who’d loved being out ‘on the land’) are much more disturbing.