Question about child

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BUDDYBUDDY25

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I have expressed concerns in another thread about a legal issue that I am unfortunately going through with a former landlord.

That landlord is also a parent in my son’s class. He’s 8.

This woman went to have lunch with her child and approached our son at school asking him questions about our living situation.

My attorney suggested I call the principal. I did. She said that our son should know that anytime she approached him … He was supposed t immediately go to a teacher.

My husband then called the principal independently and then called the cops… In order to get the upper hand on the legal situation. M

Now, I’m getting the cold shoulder when I volunteer at the school. Did my husband cross the line?
 
YES HE DID.

Apparently even strangers are alarmed at your living situation.
That you cannot see the forest for the trees is a shame.
You started a new thread because you don’t like what people have been telling you in the many other threads.

Calling an attorney every time someone does not agree with your shoot from the hip parenting should be an indicator to you.
Calling an attorney instead of dealing with the issues your child suffers under is also indicative of your commitment to the relationships you are supposed to be monitoring.
You should observe whether or not your husbands constant litigation seeking makes your lives any better or rather, complicates every issue. It must certainly deplete the few resources you claim that he earns.

I await the process server.
 
No I did not start this because I couldn’t take the info in the other thread. I just felt it was a separate issue. I thought your post to me here and in the other thread… Were spot on. And now it’s my job to fix the mess I’ve gotten myself into.

My issue in this particular thread is wth do I do now?

The landlord was wrong to talk to our son privately. I called the principal and she was going to handle it. From there the actions were my husband…acting alone. But I have to pay the price. I should clarify the landlord was seeking out our son to get our new address. She’s psychotic. She approached our son because she also wanted to know if we were moving. She should have asked adults.

I am just paranoid now. It’s a big mess and I have to pick up the pieces.
 
BUDDYBUDDY25 said:
No I did not start this because I couldn’t take the info in the other thread. I just felt it was a separate issue. I thought your post to me here and in the other thread… Were spot on. And now it’s my job to fix the mess I’ve gotten myself into.

My issue in this particular thread is wth do I do now?

The landlord was wrong to talk to our son privately. I called the principal and she was going to handle it. From there the actions were my husband…acting alone. But I have to pay the price. I should clarify the landlord was seeking out our son to get our new address. She’s psychotic. She approached our son because she also wanted to know if we were moving. She should have asked adults.

I am just paranoid now. It’s a big mess and I have to pick up the pieces.
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So people cannot speak to our children? Did anything she say HARM your child?
nope. It certainly does not warrant litigation.
She is NOT psychotic. Stop slandering everyone who does not agree with you. This inflammatory language is not helping you. You have learned form your husband that lashing out works. It does not. This is a universal truth. Aggression never turns out well.
Maybe you really think she crossed the line. Sounds like she is desperate to fight your lawsuit against her. How is it that she needs to know your location? If your attorney is all that effective, all parties involved should be communicating. As you have been told MANY times by MANY people, It’s your husband’s obsession with suing people that puts you in these situations. Get it? HE starts it. Every time.

Read the past threads.
Rinse.
Repeat.
The situations never change.
You don’t like your husband.
You feel superior.
He’s kind of a jerk.
He believes that litigation will solve his financial woes without working for a living.
You child takes the fallout.
I don’t get what you don’t get about it. It’s always the same, different characters.

Read the past threads.
Rinse.
Repeat.

Then take action.

Get on with it already.
 
BUDDYBUDDY25 said:
No I did not start this because I couldn’t take the info in the other thread. I just felt it was a separate issue. I thought your post to me here and in the other thread… Were spot on. And now it’s my job to fix the mess I’ve gotten myself into.

My issue in this particular thread is wth do I do now?

The landlord was wrong to talk to our son privately. I called the principal and she was going to handle it. From there the actions were my husband…acting alone. But I have to pay the price. I should clarify the landlord was seeking out our son to get our new address. She’s psychotic. She approached our son because she also wanted to know if we were moving. She should have asked adults.

I am just paranoid now. It’s a big mess and I have to pick up the pieces.
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I’ve noticed on your other threads that you are hesitant about moving your son’s school again. I have to say that I would care a lot less about “stability” if my son was being harassed by other children’s parents.

Yes, your husband was wrong to do what he did. There’s no reason for him to call the cops.

You can’t just endlessly run away from your problems, but I have to think Xantippe’s suggestion in the other thread to do a trial separation is a great idea - move yourself and your son to a new place, you control the rent, the interactions with the landlord, and the school stuff. Hammer out that agreement with an attorney and then live your life without having to clean up your husband’s messes all the time. Let him clean up after himself for once.
 
Oh my gosh, where is the like button on CAF?

Really, everything that has been said here to you, OP, is spot on.

Now really, you must take control and not be a victim of your husband any longer. He can continue to ruin his own life if that is his wish, but you must take control of your life and the life of your son.
 
Yes I agree – spot on.

The problem that I have now…is recognizing how to deal with this behavior – as my husband is still a figure in our son’s life.

Case in point – he just told me that he and our son ran into the landlord and her son in CVS this afternoon and that he just stared her down. I said – you didn’t at least say hello and move on by? He said “no, why would I?” I said, because we have a son watching these actions. He said – I’m not going to say hello to this nutjob – just to pretend that everything is okay.

He just did that in front of our son… So, how do I “fix” that? I can’t. I’m not there…I am at WORK. And our son…just learned all about the lawsuit because my husband told him over and over.

How do I protect him? He’s 8…
 
BUDDYBUDDY25 said:
Yes I agree – spot on.

The problem that I have now…is recognizing how to deal with this behavior – as my husband is still a figure in our son’s life.

Case in point – he just told me that he and our son ran into the landlord and her son in CVS this afternoon and that he just stared her down. I said – you didn’t at least say hello and move on by? He said “no, why would I?” I said, because we have a son watching these actions. He said – I’m not going to say hello to this nutjob – just to pretend that everything is okay.

He just did that in front of our son… So, how do I “fix” that? I can’t. I’m not there…I am at WORK. And our son…just learned all about the lawsuit because my husband told him over and over.

How do I protect him? He’s 8…
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Step one: Separate from your husband.

Once that happens you can address the other problems.
 
Yes, I think my choices are being made for me…HE is making them.

He just called to tell he found out that the Landlord’s company is sponsoring a school fundraiser and he wanted to call the school and the organizers to ask them for an explanation as to why they would knowingly accept money from a company that has a police report filed against them.

I told him I didn’t think that was a good idea. He may do it anyway. He’s becoming more of a loose cannon.
 
BUDDYBUDDY25 said:
Yes I agree – spot on.

The problem that I have now…is recognizing how to deal with this behavior – as my husband is still a figure in our son’s life.

Case in point – he just told me that he and our son ran into the landlord and her son in CVS this afternoon and that he just stared her down. I said – you didn’t at least say hello and move on by? He said “no, why would I?” I said, because we have a son watching these actions. He said – I’m not going to say hello to this nutjob – just to pretend that everything is okay.

He just did that in front of our son… So, how do I “fix” that? I can’t. I’m not there…I am at WORK. And our son…just learned all about the lawsuit because my husband told him over and over.

How do I protect him? He’s 8…
Click to expand...
You know how to protect him; take him and flee as far away as possible from your husband. To do anything less is going to confuse him and cause resentment toward BOTH of you.
 
So is this what you are going to do now?

You are willing to acknowledge that people’s advice makes sense, but you ignore it, and report back here with the latest thing your husband did. Meanwhile, your kid is witness to more lunacy.

Okay. That makes about as much sense as everything else you have said.

Continue to play the victim because he is your son’s father, or because you love him for some reason. Continue to make excuses for why you can’t put any other numerous examples of options to work that people have suggested.

What I don’t understand is why you keep coming to this forum and telling your story over and over, different threads, different names, different details each time if you are unwilling to follow through with any changes that people have suggested.

Please, just answer that for us.
 
Well, legally I can’t just take him and “flee as far away as I can from my husband”…

That just isn’t okay… whichever way I try to slice it.

And I am at work…on a break…trying to keep it together. Thanks to many, many people here …I am getting excellent advice.

I WILL put this advice to work. I have another appointment with a family law attorney…and I will go from there. I have to be smart about this…cause Lord knows my husband isn’t going to roll over and play dead.

Thank you for the advice. I am taking it in…and putting it to use.
 
BUDDYBUDDY25 said:

“Well, legally I can’t just take him and “flee as far away as I can from my husband”…”

That’s right–there are appropriate legal channels.

“I WILL put this advice to work. I have another appointment with a family law attorney…and I will go from there. I have to be smart about this…cause Lord knows my husband isn’t going to roll over and play dead.”

Yes, but as you’ve seen, his behavior has been increasingly erratic and there are lots of people who are going to be able to testify to that. I suspect that he is not going to be able to effectively pursue his interests with regard to custody and legal separation, which is a good news/bad news thing. It’s good, because it means that you will probably get the upper hand. It’s bad, because it would be nice if your son had a more functional father.

But that means that you have to act like a functioning, reasonable adult or you won’t be able to reap the legal benefits of your husband acting like a nut. So, don’t get swept into the crazy.

Best wishes!
 
You list your faith as Catholic.

Why do I get the impression that you do not sincerely believe that God wants what is best for all of you?
Otherwise you would not fight all your gut instincts to get away.
yes, get away.
The man is GLARING at women outside of the home?
For the love of God, he needs help.
As do you.
As does your son.

When are you going to accept that God can heal all things?
But you must COOPERATE with God.
Translated:
seek good advice.
take said advice.
You can save your marriage, but if you tarry too long…he will become unable to change his ways.
That’s just the way it is.
Mine never did.
He’s dead now.
The girls still cry over him.
But they resent what he did to us.
His memory is forever tarnished.
Is it better to have a dad that can admit he needs help and needs to change?
Is it better to have a mom that admits she needs help and needs to change?
All of the above.
The longer you wait…the harder it is for the child.
In not taking care of the marriage, you neglect the child.
You seem to think that because he is young, he is not affected. that the physical absence of his father is what will harm him. Not if dad is litigious, angry, lazy, or uninterested in his mother.
This is a dangerous assumption.
My question at present:
ARE YOU AFRAID OF YOUR HUSBAND?
 
Am I scared of him? I’m nervous about his emotional drama.

I requested a separation a few years ago and he threatened suicide. He also threatened suicide when our son was first born because I told him our dog had to live outdoors because she was turning aggressive.

So no I’m not scared in the physical sense… But I worry about his manipulation.
 
BUDDYBUDDY25 said:
Am I scared of him? I’m nervous about his emotional drama.

I requested a separation a few years ago and he threatened suicide. He also threatened suicide when our son was first born because I told him our dog had to live outdoors because she was turning aggressive.

So no I’m not scared in the physical sense… But I worry about his manipulation.
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I think that ship has sailed. He has perfected his manipulation tactics.
A person that threatens suicide to keep you in line…
this is bad.
Call a battered women’s shelter. NOW. You will be surprised at how many professional women are there. This happens to women in all walks of life. they are professionals. You need to hear the similar stories of other women, since you won’t take mine to heart.
You should be scared. This man is holding all the cards, and you my friend, are going to lose this game you are playing.
Unless you act.
 
oh gosh. I just re-read you last post.

He threatened suicide over keeping a dog outside for the safety of his newborn baby?

THIS WAS YOUR INDICATOR.

How could you have ignored that?
HOW?

There are no more words…
 
I actually kicked him out when he did that…but I had a 3 week old baby and I was scared. I called his mother and told her that she had to handle him…and she did.

He somehow came out of it…and I ended up giving the dog a new home… He never actually apologized…

But THAT was the moment everything started going down hill.

I had NEVER been more sure of leaving him than at that time. My Mom suggested I let him back…and I did…

And it continued from there…
 
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