Question about confessions of love/(I like you)

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chuckbobb

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sooo I am fourteen an have had a crush on a girl since sixth grade. I want to tell her that I like her but I’m not sure of I should. Jason Evert cautions against dating while in high school saying “enjoy life as a single while you can” my mother agrees and said something to the effect of “you should wait the feeling might pass” the girl I have a crush on is not dating and I don’t plan on my confession to start a relationship (I do have the opinion that you shouldn’t date until at least age 18) she is Catholic.

Thank you for all of your answers
God bless
-Chuckbobb:)
 
Hello-

As the dad of a 14 year old young man - and a former 14 year old myself - I suggest you keep keep your feelings to yourself. While you appear to be mature, she is still young and may not react to your confession in a good way. Live life and have fun. This will pass if you are able to fill your mind with other 14 year old stuff.

God Bless!
 
dconklin said:
Hello-

As the dad of a 14 year old young man - and a former 14 year old myself - I suggest you keep keep your feelings to yourself. While you appear to be mature, she is still young and may not react to your confession in a good way. Live life and have fun. This will pass if you are able to fill your mind with other 14 year old stuff.

God Bless!
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Right.
 
chuckbobb said:
sooo I am fourteen an have had a crush on a girl since sixth grade. I want to tell her that I like her but I’m not sure of I should. Jason Evert cautions against dating while in high school saying “enjoy life as a single while you can” my mother agrees and said something to the effect of “you should wait the feeling might pass” the girl I have a crush on is not dating and I don’t plan on my confession to start a relationship (I do have the opinion that you shouldn’t date until at least age 18) she is Catholic.

Thank you for all of your answers
God bless
-Chuckbobb:)
Click to expand...
Don’t rush things. This is where you have to take it slow.
 
You’ve had a crush on her since 6th grade and you don’t have evidence that she has a crush on you, too? Either she doesn’t feel the same as you do or else she does and has elected not to tell you. Let sleeping dogs lie and continue to be a good friend and a young man she has reason to admire. There is no good in telling her just yet.

When you think you are old enough to ask classmates to a dance, ask her. Do NOT tell her you have had a crush on her since 6th grade, just ask her out when you think you’re old enough for that kind of thing. Then see what happens. If she says, “no, thank you,” and all you’ve done is to ask her to a dance rather than suddenly confess what could sound to her like a five or six year obsession. By holding back, you will have at least preserved the friendship.

If you two decide to get serious and you confess that you’ve had a crush on her since 6th grade, then she’ll find the revelation sweet, charming and flattering, rather than scary. Never confess what sounds like an obsession until you’ve established yourself as a normal person in a relationship. When the crush has turned into something real, then you can let the cat out of the bag.

If she confides in you that she thinks no one will ever want her, it is OK to say, “c’mon…I met you in 6th grade, and I thought you were the prettiest one. Of all the girls I know, you’re one of the ones I know will find somebody. There is no question in my mind.” Use the past tense, though, until you are on good ground for a real relationship, or until she says, “Well, would* you *date me? Because I don’t want to find ‘somebody’ unless I can find somebody like you.’” Then you can say, “I promised myself I wouldn’t start dating until I’m 18, but if you’re still available when I am, then yes, I would date you.”
 
EasterJoy said:
You’ve had a crush on her since 6th grade and you don’t have evidence that she has a crush on you, too? Either she doesn’t feel the same as you do or else she does and has elected not to tell you. Let sleeping dogs lie and continue to be a good friend and a young man she has reason to admire. There is no good in telling her just yet.

When you think you are old enough to ask classmates to a dance, ask her. Do NOT tell her you have had a crush on her since 6th grade, just ask her out when you think you’re old enough for that kind of thing. Then see what happens. If she says, “no, thank you,” and all you’ve done is to ask her to a dance rather than suddenly confess what could sound to her like a five or six year obsession. By holding back, you will have at least preserved the friendship.

If you two decide to get serious and you confess that you’ve had a crush on her since 6th grade, then she’ll find the revelation sweet, charming and flattering, rather than scary. Never confess what sounds like an obsession until you’ve established yourself as a normal person in a relationship. When the crush has turned into something real, then you can let the cat out of the bag.

If she confides in you that she thinks no one will ever want her, it is OK to say, “c’mon…I met you in 6th grade, and I thought you were the prettiest one. Of all the girls I know, you’re one of the ones I know will find somebody. There is no question in my mind.” Use the past tense, though, until you are on good ground for a real relationship, or until she says, “Well, would* you *date me? Because I don’t want to find ‘somebody’ unless I can find somebody like you.’” Then you can say, “I promised myself I wouldn’t start dating until I’m 18, but if you’re still available when I am, then yes, I would date you.”
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Sounds like very good common sense.
 
The thing about why. Alright. Here it is straight up. The part about relationships you should pick up at some point is that there’s a bit more than just facts and truth going on.

I mean from your point of view, you’ve had a while to build the kind of feelings you have now. You’ve had a while to grow that. And to become comfortable with it. And to imagine that as solid.

But this girl? She probably hasn’t spent more than a minute thinking about you. So you’ve got to play this the long way around. You’ve actually got to get her thinking about you like you’ve been thinking about her. Without letting her know that you’re doing that. And without letting her know how you feel.

If you do it any other way she’ll either get pushed back because it’s too far from where her thoughts are right now so it’s too fast a jump. Or she’ll have a power over you that you don’t need to give right now.

So just be a splendid guy. A thoughtful guy. A clever sort. But don’t play for her directly. Play with those around her first. Watch her surroundings and be friendly to those first. Then later build up your strength with her. She’ll by then have had time to think things over a bit about you. And maybe she’ll like you by then. And maybe she won’t. But maybe you’ll also be close enough to 18 at that point to find out more directly.

Peace guy. Good luck.

-Trident
 
I forgot some details:
we are… gosh… I’d say we know each other but socially at this point we cant be anything but “oh her? yeah I know who she is…” I’m not sure of her feelings I am pretty good friends with her younger brother (I feel really bad about this but) I have not told him about my feelings (every time I try I just don’t have the backbone). also she is 35 days younger than me. I see her at Mass, a co-op, and a charismatic group that my parent’s are in. so I we see a good amount of each other. over all I see her at least three times a week, which kinda ruins all attempts to forget her
🤷…
yup
God bless
Chuckbobb
 
It is probably best to keep it to yourself and just be a really good friend. I know that’s hard, but it is best for both of you. Think of it as an extended act of interior mortification, and maybe offer it for her faith and for your family.
 
Trident_H said:
The thing about why. Alright. Here it is straight up. The part about relationships you should pick up at some point is that there’s a bit more than just facts and truth going on.

I mean from your point of view, you’ve had a while to build the kind of feelings you have now. You’ve had a while to grow that. And to become comfortable with it. And to imagine that as solid.

But this girl? She probably hasn’t spent more than a minute thinking about you. So you’ve got to play this the long way around. You’ve actually got to get her thinking about you like you’ve been thinking about her. Without letting her know that you’re doing that. And without letting her know how you feel.

If you do it any other way she’ll either get pushed back because it’s too far from where her thoughts are right now so it’s too fast a jump. Or she’ll have a power over you that you don’t need to give right now.

So just be a splendid guy. A thoughtful guy. A clever sort. But don’t play for her directly. Play with those around her first. Watch her surroundings and be friendly to those first. Then later build up your strength with her. She’ll by then have had time to think things over a bit about you. And maybe she’ll like you by then. And maybe she won’t. But maybe you’ll also be close enough to 18 at that point to find out more directly.

Peace guy. Good luck.

-Trident
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^^^Great advice^^^
 
chuckbobb said:
I forgot some details:
we are… gosh… I’d say we know each other but socially at this point we cant be anything but “oh her? yeah I know who she is…” I’m not sure of her feelings I am pretty good friends with her younger brother (I feel really bad about this but) I have not told him about my feelings (every time I try I just don’t have the backbone). also she is 35 days younger than me. I see her at Mass, a co-op, and a charismatic group that my parent’s are in. so I we see a good amount of each other. over all I see her at least three times a week, which kinda ruins all attempts to forget her
🤷…
yup
God bless
Chuckbobb
Click to expand...
Whatever you do, do NOT tell her brother. Oh, trust me–if you have a sister then think about it!–but do NOT tell anyone in her family before you tell her. Never, never, never.

You need to give a woman a chance to decide what to do with interest you show her. If she wants to just stay friends and act as if nothing was ever said because she feels as if you’re a wonderful person and yet another brother to her rather than a romantic interest, how can she do that if you told her brother, her mom, or her dad everything? If you tell their family first, you’re taking some of her control of her life and her “story” away from her. Don’t ever do that.
 
chuckbobb said:
I forgot some details:
we are… gosh… I’d say we know each other but socially at this point we cant be anything but “oh her? yeah I know who she is…”
Click to expand...
OK, well, get to know her more as a friend before you even think about “liking” her.
 
Trident_H said:
The thing about why. Alright. Here it is straight up. The part about relationships you should pick up at some point is that there’s a bit more than just facts and truth going on.

I mean from your point of view, you’ve had a while to build the kind of feelings you have now. You’ve had a while to grow that. And to become comfortable with it. And to imagine that as solid.

But this girl? She probably hasn’t spent more than a minute thinking about you. So you’ve got to play this the long way around. You’ve actually got to get her thinking about you like you’ve been thinking about her. Without letting her know that you’re doing that. And without letting her know how you feel.

If you do it any other way she’ll either get pushed back because it’s too far from where her thoughts are right now so it’s too fast a jump. Or she’ll have a power over you that you don’t need to give right now.

So just be a splendid guy. A thoughtful guy. A clever sort. But don’t play for her directly. Play with those around her first. Watch her surroundings and be friendly to those first. Then later build up your strength with her. She’ll by then have had time to think things over a bit about you. And maybe she’ll like you by then. And maybe she won’t. But maybe you’ll also be close enough to 18 at that point to find out more directly.

Peace guy. Good luck.

-Trident
Click to expand...
👍
 
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