Question about conversion, marriage and the Eucharist

[knotanes]

I have a quick question about sacraments, because it looks like I will be converted and officially Catholic ahead of my husband (civil marriage only, for the moment) PLUS we won’t be married in the Church until later-- is it still okay to receive the Eucharist, if I am Catholic, but not in a Catholic marriage IF we “live as brother and sister” until we have a Catholic marriage and he is baptized and confirmed?

I’m sorry if I’m not clear on this technical point, but I would be very appreciative of any information you might have. Thank you.

 

[DJK100]

I have a quick question about sacraments, because it looks like I will be converted and officially Catholic ahead of my husband (civil marriage only, for the moment) PLUS we won’t be married in the Church until later-- is it still okay to receive the Eucharist, if I am Catholic, but not in a Catholic marriage IF we “live as brother and sister” until we have a Catholic marriage and he is baptized and confirmed?

I’m sorry if I’m not clear on this technical point, but I would be very appreciative of any information you might have. Thank you.

Hi I found this link that seems to apply to your question…

catholic.com/quickquestions/can-someone-who-wants-to-become-a-catholic-join-the-church-even-though-his-invalid-ma

Basically, I think it says that you can recieve communion if you choose to live like a brother and sister, until you get into a valid marriage .

But I would consult your priest on this issue because he might be able to help determine whether your marriage is actually already valid or convalidate your marriage (even before your husband converts) so you don’t have to worry about these issues. I think that might be an acceptable solution as many people engage in mixed marriages in the church and are allowed to marry as long as the couple promises to raise their childern catholic and be open to the churches teaches regarding marriage, contraception, family etc…

Like I said ask your priest about this. He might be able to help you.

 

[jimrob]

If neither of you were Catholic at the time you married, and you were both free to marry (within the Church’s rules) it is likely that the Church would regard your existing marriage as valid. The Church has always regarded marriage as being an arrangement between the individuals concerned and not something conveyed by a priest or deacon. The Church has particular rules for what constitutes a valid marriage for its members but cannot legislate for people who marry and have never been Catholic. Whether you were married in a church, chapel, government office or Tiki temple, the Church would regard you as married unless there was some compelling reason not to. After conversion, you may go through a ceremony of convalidation which expresses the sacramental aspect of marriage but regards you as married already.

Discuss it with your priest in case there is some matter that I have overlooked. If you are already married, and living a Catholic lifestyle, there would be no problems with receiving the sacraments.

 

[Luvtosew]

Well now I have a question how about lapsed Catholics who go back to the Church and they had a civil marriage, is that valid then since they were not involved in the Church at the time they married.

just curious, as it seems the CC is harder on Catholics than non Catholics.

also its good to say you live like brother and sister, but in your heart that is not the case,
but you are just reframing from relations, it is kinda like lying.

 

[DJK100]

Well now I have a question how about lapsed Catholics who go back to the Church and they had a civil marriage, is that valid then since they were not involved in the Church at the time they married.

just curious, as it seems the CC is harder on Catholics than non Catholics.

also its good to say you live like brother and sister, but in your heart that is not the case,
but you are just reframing from relations, it is kinda like lying.

I think it would depend on how lapsed. Like lapsed to the point of excommunicating yourself then the same issues would apply. Plus I think a previous poster said it best marriage is more to do with the people getting married and their intentions rathter than which way they get married.

 

[mamaslo]

A lapsed Catholic has the same requirements as a Practicing one…unless they got a dispensation then they are not allowed to recieve communion until the situation is made right.

I have lived as brother and sister for 2 plus years. Yes it IS possible. God did give us self-control. Inside and outside. When that fails, and we are sorry, we do have the sacrament of reconciliation. You cannot inject your own ideas into someone elses mind as to what would be a temptation…well you can try, but it would be utterly useless.

The hard part about the situation is not the absolutes, it is the relationship and how isolated to be. We can be friends with one another. It takes a lot of understanding and it does bring lots of misunderstanding. It is do-able though.

 

[Texas_Roofer]

I have a quick question about sacraments, because it looks like I will be converted and officially Catholic ahead of my husband (civil marriage only, for the moment) PLUS we won’t be married in the Church until later-- is it still okay to receive the Eucharist, if I am Catholic, but not in a Catholic marriage IF we “live as brother and sister” until we have a Catholic marriage and he is baptized and confirmed?

I’m sorry if I’m not clear on this technical point, but I would be very appreciative of any information you might have. Thank you.

If either of you pledged marriage to a third person there is a problem. If your current marriage is the only time either of you pledged marriage you should be okay. The Church recognizes Natural Marriages, which includes varies conditions. The best advice is to schedule a review with the Priest or parish marriage ministry

 

[Joe_5859]

Well now I have a question how about lapsed Catholics who go back to the Church and they had a civil marriage, is that valid then since they were not involved in the Church at the time they married.

This is what Canon Law says:

Can. 1117 The form established above must be observed if at least one of the parties contracting marriage was baptized in the Catholic Church or received into it -]and has not defected from it by a formal act/-], without prejudice to the prescripts of can. 1127, §2.

Note that the one clause was struck from Canon Law per Benedict XVI’s 2009 motu proprio Omnium in Mentem.

So even fallen away/inactive Catholics are subject to Canon Law in this regard (i.e. in the requirement to get married in a Church before a representative of the Church and with two witnesses). This alleviates the burden of diocesan Tribunal offices having to decide whether a lapsed and returning Catholic technically “defected” from the faith or not when deciding issues of nullity.

 

[NewEnglandPriest]

I have a quick question about sacraments, because it looks like I will be converted and officially Catholic ahead of my husband (civil marriage only, for the moment) PLUS we won’t be married in the Church until later-- is it still okay to receive the Eucharist, if I am Catholic, but not in a Catholic marriage IF we “live as brother and sister” until we have a Catholic marriage and he is baptized and confirmed?

I’m sorry if I’m not clear on this technical point, but I would be very appreciative of any information you might have. Thank you.

If neither of you were Catholic at the time of the marriage then you are in a valid marriage. The marriage will become a sacrament once you are both baptized (there is no need to renew the vows).

The only exception to this would be if one of you has a prior marriage where the spouse from that marriage is still alive…

 

[1ke]

I have a quick question about sacraments, because it looks like I will be converted and officially Catholic ahead of my husband (civil marriage only, for the moment) PLUS we won’t be married in the Church until later-- is it still okay to receive the Eucharist, if I am Catholic, but not in a Catholic marriage IF we “live as brother and sister” until we have a Catholic marriage and he is baptized and confirmed?

I’m sorry if I’m not clear on this technical point, but I would be very appreciative of any information you might have. Thank you.

If you are validly married, you do not need convalidation, you do not live as brother and sister, etc.

Your current marriage is valid if neither of you had a prior marriage ( and don’t have an Impediment like being first cousins or something).

 

[SonCatcher]

If you are validly married, you do not need convalidation, you do not live as brother and sister, etc.

Your current marriage is valid if neither of you had a prior marriage ( and don’t have an Impediment like being first cousins or something).

Even further: OP, you don’t say here what faith tradition you and your husband are coming from. If you are both baptized Christians and your marriage is valid (first marriage for both, no impediments) then it is already a sacrament!

 

[puzzleannie]

I have a quick question about sacraments, because it looks like I will be converted and officially Catholic ahead of my husband (civil marriage only, for the moment) PLUS we won’t be married in the Church until later-- is it still okay to receive the Eucharist, if I am Catholic, but not in a Catholic marriage IF we “live as brother and sister” until we have a Catholic marriage and he is baptized and confirmed?

I’m sorry if I’m not clear on this technical point, but I would be very appreciative of any information you might have. Thank you.

you need to work through this in an interview with the priest, and in your individual confession before you receive the other sacraments. The short answer is yes, if the priest gives permission, and yes you are right that is the pastoral counsel he would give. But you can’t get that permission here you need to talk to your priest. There are too many variables to have a relevant discussion here if an individual situation. If you were both free to marry and neither is baptized Catholic, presumably your civil marriage is valid, but without knowing all the facts we cannot say definitely.

Well now I have a question how about lapsed Catholics who go back to the Church and they had a civil marriage, is that valid then since they were not involved in the Church at the time they married.

just curious, as it seems the CC is harder on Catholics than non Catholics.

that is because the baptized Catholic is bound by Catholic canon law on marriage. Everyone is bound by natural law (cannot marry again if a previous spouse is still living, no incest etc.)

also its good to say you live like brother and sister, but in your heart that is not the case,
but you are just reframing from relations, it is kinda like lying.

you have no way of knowing what is in someone’s heart so you cannot possibly make such a statement. Newsflash: there are dozens of situations that arise during marriage which make it impossible to have sexual relations at times. This is only one of them.

 

[puzzleannie]

Well now I have a question how about lapsed Catholics who go back to the Church and they had a civil marriage, is that valid then since they were not involved in the Church at the time they married.

just curious, as it seems the CC is harder on Catholics than non Catholics.

that is because the baptized Catholic is bound by Catholic canon law on marriage. Everyone is bound by natural law (cannot marry again if a previous spouse is still living, no incest etc.)

also its good to say you live like brother and sister, but in your heart that is not the case,
but you are just reframing from relations, it is kinda like lying.

you have no way of knowing what is in someone’s heart so you cannot possibly make such a statement. Newsflash: there are dozens of situations that arise during marriage which make it impossible to have sexual relations at times. This is only one of them.

 

[Matthew_Holford]

I have a quick question about sacraments, because it looks like I will be converted and officially Catholic ahead of my husband (civil marriage only, for the moment) PLUS we won’t be married in the Church until later-- is it still okay to receive the Eucharist, if I am Catholic, but not in a Catholic marriage IF we “live as brother and sister” until we have a Catholic marriage and he is baptized and confirmed?

I’m sorry if I’m not clear on this technical point, but I would be very appreciative of any information you might have. Thank you.

You’ve not provided sufficient information about your situation for a good answer to be given. You could pose these questions to whoever organises your RCIA classes or a priest. If you want an answer from here you need to explain why you say you will be married in the Church at some future time.

 

[knotanes]

You’ve not provided sufficient information about your situation for a good answer to be given. You could pose these questions to whoever organises your RCIA classes or a priest. If you want an answer from here you need to explain why you say you will be married in the Church at some future time.

Sorry, I was just asking to ask. I’m curious how this will work, since the person in charge of RCIA said I would become Catholic before my husband and we’re not doing the marriage prep or convalidation at the same time as RCIA. So, I’m wondering how on earth I would be able to take communion in the Catholic Church, if we’re not in a Catholic marriage… I just don’t quite see how that’s going to work??

Sorry if I seem confused, but I haven’t gotten much information, myself, despite asking about the marriage situation multiple times. Basically, I’ve been told we can do that separately at any time we like … ???

My husband doesn’t come from a faith, and needs to be baptized. I come from the Lutheran faith and don’t need to be baptized. He is a catechumen and I am a candidate.

The last time we attempted to get through RCIA the marriage situation, baptism, etc. was all part of the same process and planned to be taken care of at Easter Vigil. At this parish we’re going separately and the marriage thing is listed under “whenever”…

I’m horribly confused. I need to make a call, but I’ve had a hard time communicating with this parish since we arrived. I’m not sure why… it just hasn’t been as easy as it has in the past. I miss our old parish very much.

 

[1ke]

Sorry, I was just asking to ask. I’m curious how this will work, since the person in charge of RCIA said I would become Catholic before my husband and we’re not doing the marriage prep or convalidation at the same time as RCIA. So, I’m wondering how on earth I would be able to take communion in the Catholic Church, if we’re not in a Catholic marriage… I just don’t quite see how that’s going to work??

Sorry if I seem confused, but I haven’t gotten much information, myself, despite asking about the marriage situation multiple times. Basically, I’ve been told we can do that separately at any time we like … ???

My husband doesn’t come from a faith, and needs to be baptized. I come from the Lutheran faith and don’t need to be baptized. He is a catechumen and I am a candidate.

The last time we attempted to get through RCIA the marriage situation, baptism, etc. was all part of the same process and planned to be taken care of at Easter Vigil. At this parish we’re going separately and the marriage thing is listed under “whenever”…

I’m horribly confused. I need to make a call, but I’ve had a hard time communicating with this parish since we arrived. I’m not sure why… it just hasn’t been as easy as it has in the past. I miss our old parish very much.

You need to talk to the priest directly, not the RCIA coordinator. The RCIA coordinator seems to be misinformed regarding marriage.

Have either of you been married before? Have you submitted a case for nullity to the tribunal or otherwise had to deal with a prior marriage?

If not, you are MARRIED. You do not convalidate your marriage. Neither of you has an impediment to the sacraments.

On what basis are you being told your marriage needs convalidation?

 

[Castello]

Sorry, I was just asking to ask. I’m curious how this will work, since the person in charge of RCIA said I would become Catholic before my husband and we’re not doing the marriage prep or convalidation at the same time as RCIA. So, I’m wondering how on earth I would be able to take communion in the Catholic Church, if we’re not in a Catholic marriage… I just don’t quite see how that’s going to work??

Sorry if I seem confused, but I haven’t gotten much information, myself, despite asking about the marriage situation multiple times. Basically, I’ve been told we can do that separately at any time we like … ???

My husband doesn’t come from a faith, and needs to be baptized. I come from the Lutheran faith and don’t need to be baptized. He is a catechumen and I am a candidate.

The last time we attempted to get through RCIA the marriage situation, baptism, etc. was all part of the same process and planned to be taken care of at Easter Vigil. At this parish we’re going separately and the marriage thing is listed under “whenever”…

I’m horribly confused. I need to make a call, but I’ve had a hard time communicating with this parish since we arrived. I’m not sure why… it just hasn’t been as easy as it has in the past. I miss our old parish very much.

If this is the first marriage for either one of you and if neither of you was every baptized Catholic, then, there is no need for convalidation. You are validly married.

 

[joanofarc2008]

Take a deep breath - go see your priest - everything may actually be fine.

 

[Matthew_Holford]

Sorry, I was just asking to ask. I’m curious how this will work, since the person in charge of RCIA said I would become Catholic before my husband and we’re not doing the marriage prep or convalidation at the same time as RCIA. So, I’m wondering how on earth I would be able to take communion in the Catholic Church, if we’re not in a Catholic marriage… I just don’t quite see how that’s going to work??

Sorry if I seem confused, but I haven’t gotten much information, myself, despite asking about the marriage situation multiple times. Basically, I’ve been told we can do that separately at any time we like … ???

My husband doesn’t come from a faith, and needs to be baptized. I come from the Lutheran faith and don’t need to be baptized. He is a catechumen and I am a candidate.

The last time we attempted to get through RCIA the marriage situation, baptism, etc. was all part of the same process and planned to be taken care of at Easter Vigil. At this parish we’re going separately and the marriage thing is listed under “whenever”…

I’m horribly confused. I need to make a call, but I’ve had a hard time communicating with this parish since we arrived. I’m not sure why… it just hasn’t been as easy as it has in the past. I miss our old parish very much.

As others have posted, too, the question is why is your marriage an issue?

Catholics, and only Catholics, are bound by the Catholic Church’s purely ecclesiastical (church) laws on marriage. One of these laws is canonical form. Only Catholics are bound by canonical form. For a Lutheran (you) and a non-Christian (your husband) a civil marriage ceremony would be considered perfectly valid by the Church. Once your husband is baptised the marriage would become a sacrament. Both spouses must be baptised for marriage to be a sacrament.

The only issue that might arise with marriage is if either one or both of you has been previously married and the former spouse is still alive. That issue could not be resolved by convalidation alone. Whichever of you might have a former spouse would need a declaration of marriage nullity (commonly called an annulment).

You seem to be suggesting that you only need a convalidation. What reason, if any, have you been given for this? If neither you nor your husband have been previously married there should be no issue. As non-Catholics a civil ceremony was a valid way to marry.

 

[SonCatcher]

My husband doesn’t come from a faith, and needs to be baptized. I come from the Lutheran faith and don’t need to be baptized. He is a catechumen and I am a candidate.

Then, presuming this is the first marriage for both of you and there are no impediments, you have a perfectly valid, natural marriage recognized by the Catholic Church. When your husband is baptized, your marriage will automatically become sacramental with no further action.

Welcome home!

The last time we attempted to get through RCIA the marriage situation, baptism, etc. was all part of the same process and planned to be taken care of at Easter Vigil. At this parish we’re going separately and the marriage thing is listed under “whenever”…

I’m horribly confused. I need to make a call, but I’ve had a hard time communicating with this parish since we arrived. I’m not sure why… it just hasn’t been as easy as it has in the past. I miss our old parish very much.

Sorry you have had such a difficult time communicating with your parish. Keep persevering as the end is worth it.