Question about Divorce

[Clearwater14]

Sorry, I meant there was no absolute right I guess that’s what I thought the original poster meant, as if there was a list hope that makes sense what I was trying to say.

**To the original poster: ** Thank you for clarifying and I am deeply sorry for your heartbreak. I believe what you need at this time is probably not a lecture on official church teaching but compassion and love. Naturally you feel betrayed! It is rather a “technicality” that your husband has not had official intercourse with another woman, he has kissed them, talked to them behind your back, touched their breasts and had them grind on his lap. You must feel betrayed emotionally and sexually because you have been lied too and your husband has broken his vows to you.

Forgiveness is something you can choose to try to do, however I must ask you if your husband is remorseful. That is a big first step. Again, I am so sorry please be assured of my prayers.

I believe my husband is remorseful now (after he got caught and realized how much pain he had caused me). He didn’t think he was cheating. He defined it as “poor judgement & wrong decisions”. He has stopped going to these places. He dropped his sinful friends. He stopped going to lunch/dinner with female co-workers. He has cried multiple times and says he still loves me and wants our marriage to work out!

 

[Clearwater14]

We are always called to forgive so I would encourage you to take your time and work with your priest and counselors on that.

Separation should be a last resort if your husband continues in his behaviors.

I don’t think it’s been mentioned in the thread but just to be clear a separation/civil divorce does not equal “ok to get married again”.

This is the same thing my Pastor told me. Thank you for your response.
God Bless!

 

[Clearwater14]

The Canon Law states:

As I understand it, Canon Law encourages the “innocent spouse” (a term used later) to forgive an adulterous spouse,** but if they did not condone the adulterous behaviour, then the innocent spouse has the right to separation **UNLESS (a) they consented to the adulterous behaviour, (b) they caused the adulterous behaviour (the canon law isn’t clear on what would constitute “cause”, so this might be a discussion to have with your priest if you are concerned) or (c) they have committed adultery themselves (hypocrisy is bad).

I hope that helps.

What does the word condone mean in the first sentence? Thank you for your help.

 

[casslean]

What does the word condone mean in the first sentence? Thank you for your help.

Know that the behaviour was occurring and permit it to continue without objection. It does not sound like you have condoned this behaviour.

 

[Clearwater14]

Know that the behaviour was occurring and permit it to continue without objection. It does not sound like you have condoned this behaviour.

Thank you for clarifying this for me. No, i was not aware of what my husband was doing.

 

[Dreamisover]

I am almost in the exact same position, right down to the length of the marriage. You will be in my prayers. I fully fully understand where you are coming from. I am so heartbroken and scared but everything is pointing towards forgiveness and mercy. All things are possible through God so I am hanging on tight. Prayer and church are my only moments of peace. We need to trust God!

 

[Clearwater14]

Dreamisover,

I am so sorry that you are experiencing the same betrayal from your husband as I did. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. It is traumatic, hurtful and shocking. So shocking that I am “stuck” and “confused” on what to do and how to move forward.

I am sorry to hear about your situation. In a way, it comforts me, because I am not alone. My heart goes out to you.

Please tell me what happened to you…

Sincerely,

Clearwater…

 

[Dreamisover]

Hi Clearwater,
I’m so happy you posted back. I am feeling really low right now. I just realized how our talks of love and retirement were all a lie. I feel like I was forced to stay because I didn’t have the knowledge of what was truly going on because of his lies. My story is the same. Lies, porn, lusting, strip clubs and alas, physical contact! Like your story, apparently it did not go all the way, but will I ever truly know? I am closer to God than ever, but so unsure if this journey is mine to walk alone. I pray every day, all day to forgive and repair. I trust God but the pain is unbearable. Someone stole my life!
Prayers for both of us!
I have learned to say the rosary properly and it gives me great peace

 

[Clearwater14]

Finally someone who understands how I feel. You have described exactly how I feel.

Did your husband have lap dances too? How many times did he go to strip clubs? How did you find out about it? How did you find out about the touching? What type of sexual contact did he have?

Yep! Same thing… I don’t think my husband had intercourse, but the sexual contact he had with the strippers is still cheating…

I am praying for you…

Clearwater

 

[polki]

It seems like the divorce rate is skyrocketing. What justifies a divorce in the Catholic Church’s eyes? I know that divorce is permitted for adultery, but what actually defines adultery? Is looking at porn or kissing another woman considered adultery? If so, does this justify a divorce. Is a one night stand considered adultery? What if your husband repents and asks for forgiveness? Should a wife forgive a one night stand? Sometimes adultery isn’t black and white. There seems to be many gray areas of adultery. For example a husband that cheats over and over again has a bigger sin than a husband who does it just one time and regrets it. Can you please explain what justifies divorce and when should a wife forgive her husband and stay married? Thank you!

The Church does not permit divorce. It is only required if you wish to file for an annulment.

 

[Dreamisover]

I don’t think I should get too descriptive on the forum so let’s just say, he touched too much!
He panicked when I wanted to use his cell phone and that was the start of it all. Slowly, secrets trickled out. I would feel unsettled and begin with the questions and eventually he couldn’t take it and would make another confession. I was also doing a lot of praying for guidance at that time. I’m still hoping for a remorseful apology. We have committed to five months and then will look at how we feel. If we need more time after that, I’ll look at it again. I need to see and “feel” his commitment to God. If he is committed to God, I know he will be capable of “real” love. This means he will have to continue to pray with me, attend church, visit our priest and actually act in a Christian way. How did you find out?
Blessings

 

[Clearwater14]

I don’t think I should get too descriptive on the forum so let’s just say, he touched too much!
He panicked when I wanted to use his cell phone and that was the start of it all. Slowly, secrets trickled out. I would feel unsettled and begin with the questions and eventually he couldn’t take it and would make another confession. I was also doing a lot of praying for guidance at that time. I’m still hoping for a remorseful apology. We have committed to five months and then will look at how we feel. If we need more time after that, I’ll look at it again. I need to see and “feel” his commitment to God. If he is committed to God, I know he will be capable of “real” love. This means he will have to continue to pray with me, attend church, visit our priest and actually act in a Christian way. How did you find out?
Blessings

Dreamisover,

I tried to send you a private message but your message inbox is full. You have to delete some of your messages so you can receive new messages.

Thanks!

Clearwater