Question about engagement and wedding cost

[Xantippe]

I would suggest a little caution with wedding cost stats, as they tend to be generated by the Bridal Industrial Complex.

Also, the averages may look a lot different than the medians.

 

[alice24]

This. The so-called wedding cost stats are used by couples or friends of couples often like “did you know a wedding need to cost X $” - and then this money is spent because they think everyone spends this or because someone told them they need to do.

 

[starlady]

I think we totaled well under $10,000. Maybe a $5,000 limit? My parents helped us with some things because they wanted to and they definitely understood what it is to start off marriage with not a lot. It was very kind and generous of them.

Our decorations were very simple, but they were still lovely. We used a lot of those “fairly lights” and small vases with faux lavender and grasses.

I only spent about $100 on the dress, but that is because I wore my grandma’s dress, and the money was spent on having it slightly modified and fitted.

The nice thing is that we got married in my rural hometown, where people don’t really use limos, fancy food, or any of those things. The food was still delicious and the parish hall rental was a great rate for a large area.

What you spend depends largely on your budget and the venue/city where it takes place. It is certainly very possible to have a beautiful wedding for much less.

 

[HopenHappiness]

Hi,

I have been going to weddings for 40 years. They ranged from over the top expensive to bare bones. And just recently we attended a wonderful wedding where two lost souls who had given up hope because they thought they were damage goods from their childhoods and found each other out of all odds just when they resigned to being single for the rest of their lives because they hit 35. This was the best wedding I ever attended because the love they had for each other and it just oozed out of them. You felt good being around them and their wedding pictures turned out beautiful with every picture showing the love in their eyes and body language.

Both had nothing, and took 2 years to save up $2000.00, for that she went to the close out sale at the bridal shop. Asked a friend who was a budding caterer to do their wedding reception which was held at a wonderful VFW Hall that was lakeside and got married by the lake. They found a photographer that was a friend of family who at a graduation took a Stolen moment picture that they loved of them. They asked that photographer what they would charge to shoot their wedding. Unknown to them, he never shot a wedding before so they made a deal where the photographer would shoot the wedding for free in exchange for the rights to use their photos in their business. And they didn’t know at the time, he actually shoots with his wife, so they got two for the price of one with two different perspectives of the wedding. And the pictures turned out phenomenal.

Cake was baked by a family friend of a friend for cost, Pretty but simple engagement ring and simple bands. They had another friend who was friends with an owner of a limo company, so they got it for the cost of the driver. And for the DJ they used a friend who always wanted to be one, and he did a good job.

With a little creativity you can have the wedding of your dreams and not break the bank. If you have to go into hawk for the wedding, it is not a good way to start off a marriage in debt.

 

[alice24]

it is not a good way to start off a marriage in debt

This.
The costs after the wedding were higher than we thought, for example. Appartment search, furniture (even all our very nice things are from a secondhand-social warehouse) and paperwork (new identity cards etc.)
Fortunately, wedding gifts were useful (money or household items) and we went off with a black zero. I am glad we hadn´t spent more.

 

[pianistclare]

Please don’t forget a stipend for the priest included in a heartfelt letter to him for working with you. Not just a thank you card with your name and a check. Sincerity means so much to them

 

[AdamP88]

I was talking to a friend yesterday who told me I should have at least $15,000

That is a lot of money to spend on one day. I think people spend crazy amounts of cash on weddings these days. $15,000 could be a deposit for a house.

I did my wedding for less than €5000. If you spend the most on the venue and honeymoon and then do stuff like invitations, flowers, favours etc yourself you can save thousands.
Most people who attended said to me afterward that is was one of the nicest weddings they could remember because of the personal touches.

 

[starlady]

LaughingBoy1503:

I was talking to a friend yesterday who told me I should have at least $15,000

That is a lot of money to spend on one day. I think people spend crazy amounts of cash on weddings these days. $15,000 could be a deposit for a house.

I did my wedding for less than €5000. If you spend the most on the venue and honeymoon and then do stuff like invitations, flowers, favours etc yourself you can save thousands.
Most people who attended said to me afterward that is was one of the nicest weddings they could remember because of the personal touches.

We didn’t spend crazy amounts on invitations/decorations/etc. either, and my parents said that several people told them later that it was truly a beautiful wedding because the focus was on the sacrament, not so much on all the extravagance.

That being said, I don’t think it’s wrong to want a beautiful wedding, but I know that there are lots of ways the cost can be kept down.

 

[AdamP88]

We didn’t spend crazy amounts on invitations/decorations/etc. either, and my parents said that several people told them later that it was truly a beautiful wedding because the focus was on the sacrament, not so much on all the extravagance.

That being said, I don’t think it’s wrong to want a beautiful wedding, but I know that there are lots of ways the cost can be kept down.

We were the same…the most time spent planning was definitely planning the mass and music at mass.

Beautiful weddings don’t have to cost the moon and stars.

 

[AdamP88]

Here’s a few pics from my wedding. The Church was already beautiful so not much decoration was needed.

The hotel we booked had a lovely garden for photos.

Our spending was roughly as follows:

Church Decor and Flowers: 150
Suits and dress: 400
Hotel and meal: 3000
Entertainment: 450
Bride’s hair and make-up: 150
Honeymoon: 800 (Air bnb apartment beside the Vatican plus return flights Dublin to Rome)

Church music was organised by a musician friend as a present and the priests were also friends.
My dad and I did the flowers for the bride and the roses for the groomsmen.

My uncle has a fancy car so we got him to drive us from the mass to the hotel.

Invitations and favours were a DIY job

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[Clementine14]

This really varies a lot. I don’t remember exactly how much we spent. We paid for a lot of things ourselves, but my parents paid for the actual reception/lunch. My dress was only a couple hundred dollars, and was very nice. The church was already decorated, but we did spend some money on mine and the bridesmaids’ bouquets, etc. Our photographer was actually one of the biggest expenses, but it was one of those things that was important to me so we spent (I think) about $700. We have some great pictures.

There are definitely ways to keep costs low, but it depends on what you want. Some of the little things can add up really quickly. The church fees, flowers, dress, rings, tux rental, cake, honeymoon…most of it can be as cheap or as expensive as you want it to or can afford.

One thing I would recommend being on the same page about from the start is how many people you want to invite. The list has a way of growing, and if you set limits at the beginning it will help to have an agreement. Depending on how much $$ per plate you are spending if you are at an actual wedding venue, it can get expensive really quickly. Ours was a fairly smallish (around 50 people) wedding, which is what we wanted, and our venue and budget could not accommodate everyone bringing dates, etc. People might complain, so be prepared for that. If you have an unlimited budget and space it’s not a problem, but if you do have to set limits some guests can get rude. It’s good practice for the future, when you have to learn early how to say “This is what we have decided.”

 

[shainski]

This is an impossible question to answer. The costs would vary depending on so many things - and where you live.

Now, you will spend whatever amount of money you set aside for the day. Because every single thing that is involved with weddings seems to have a whole industry behind it. Whether you are talking about a photographer, a videographer, flowers, dress, tuxedo, limo, music, food, reception hall, catering, cake, rings, invitations, rehearsal dinner, bachelor/bacherlorette parties, honeymoon and on and on and on.

Someone once told me that they had offered to pay for the flowers for someone’s wedding (I think a niece or something). In her mind, she was thinking it might be $400 to $500. But the couple had spent 10 times that on just flowers. (and every one of the things that I mentioned above could become a huge cost if you wanted the best)

So what you really need to do is determine what is really important to you. Everything else is just the fluff that goes around it.

On one end, you could just figure out what the cost of the church is going to be - and that is your low end of cost. From there figure out what is important - prioritize those things. Figure out who you absolutely insist should be at your wedding - and then realize that everyone else that you add is going to add some cost.

Then realize that there are a lot of pressures that will be pulling you to spend more.

I do know what we spent - but it shouldn’t really be relevant to anyone else’s wedding. I’m from a big family - we got married at an older age - so there were a lot of people at our wedding - and both my wife and I wanted to make sure we invited everyones’ children. We wanted our wedding day to be a great celebration, and we wanted all the nieces, nephews and friends to have parts in that celebration. A lot of people cut costs by eliminating people from their list - and that is fine. But there will be pressures to make your list bigger than you originally intended.

 

[AdamP88]

This is an impossible question to answer. The costs would vary depending on so many things - and where you live.

I guess this is partly true. To be honest though I’m a firm believer that you can control the cost of the wedding rather than leaving it to arbitrary factors.
I also think it can be better to do some stuff DIY. You’re going to be more invested in doing your wedding mass book or invitations than some graphic designer.

If the OP wants to PM me I would be willing to help you out with stuff.

 

[JetteZ]

Sure, but DIY can still be costly, it depends on what you decide to do and how many people you ate doing it for. I made our save the dates, invites, bonbonerie, the 8 bajilion cookies we had at the reception… still spent a lot of money.

 

[Irishmom2]

Yes, but you really had what you wanted, yes? I bet it was very special because of all of your DIY.

 

[Xantippe]

Sure, but DIY can still be costly, it depends on what you decide to do and how many people you ate doing it for. I made our save the dates, invites, bonbonerie, the 8 bajilion cookies we had at the reception… still spent a lot of money.

I’d also add that some of us would be happier not doing either the DIY or pay-for-it versions of whatever, but just skipping it if possible.

 

[alice24]

I’d also add that some of us would be happier not doing either the DIY or pay-for-it versions of whatever, but just skipping it if possible.

This is what we have done, and more bad reaction than a few silly questions was not the result - we skipped much deco, had chocolate-pomegranade fudge and sandwiches instead of a big buffet and didn´t cared about "“what people do at weddings”

 

[Irishmom2]

I wish Pinterest was around when I got married. I would have done more of my own stuff.
Just hoping when my daughter gets married someday we have enough time to create all of the things we both like, lol!

 

[JetteZ]

I’d also add that some of us would be happier not doing either the DIY or pay-for-it versions of whatever, but just skipping it if possible.

Absolutely. We’re Italian so, traditionally, we do weddings BIG and when you are marrying the youngest of 4 whose siblings already have kids (some of whom are as old as you!) it makes a “just close family and friends” wedding into triple digits really fast, lol.

We could have skipped some of the favors, food, and other traditions; but, we wanted them. If you can afford to do what you want, or you want to skip some things, skip all things, and use your money for something else - it’s all good in my book. I do think the planners need to keep their guests in mind and have reasonable expectations; like, if don’t have a noon pot luck, outdoor wedding in ultra hot and humid August don’t be hurt when people start leaving at 3. We’re melting.

 

[AdamP88]

True. I spent money too. But definitely less money than if I’d gotten a designer or a company to do them. I made up the mass books in Microsoft Word and printed them in my university with my printing account.