Question about God Parent(s) selection not-qualifying

[Cougini]

So I have run into a problem that I didn’t expect with preparing my 5 week old daughter for Baptism. My family lives over here in Pasco WA and our Parish has a pretty strict ruling of when Baptisms can occur.

Apparently, there are only 4 times a year that the church will conduct Baptisms. The next upcoming event will be the middle of February.

I selected the God Parents as a good friend of mine who I work with (male) and then our neighbor who works at the Catholic Elementry School (female). Both have spouses who aren’t Catholic.

The male who I selected to be the God Father was baptised a Catholic and is already serving as a God Father for a distant relative of his.

Apparently, we can’t select him to be a God Father for our daughter because he was divorced and re-married with the 2nd wedding… it wasn’t recognized by the Cathoic church because the 1st marriage wasn’t annulled.

What’s irritating me about this is the concept of having a person who is a God Father for one… now not being able to be the God Father for another.

He is definitely a “born again Catholic” and takes being a God Father VERY SERIOUSLY to his current God Son.

Is this really happening? Is our Catholic faith not allowing a Catholic God Father of one to be a God Father for another due to a 2nd marriage?

This just doesn’t seem right.

Please hit me with some feedback on this.

Thanks.

 

[Chatter163]

Seems right to me. One ought to be a Catholic in good standing to be a sponsor, and clearly someone in an invalid marriage is not in good standing. Sorry.

 

[1ke]

Apparently, we can’t select him to be a God Father for our daughter because he was divorced and re-married with the 2nd wedding… it wasn’t recognized by the Cathoic church because the 1st marriage wasn’t annulled.

Well, of course, he is in a state of mortal sin. Canon law requires Catholics who serve as sponsors to be practicing the faith that they are witnessing to in the role of sponsor.

A person who is divorced and remarried is committing adultery and is barred from the sacraments by their actions until they correct their situation.

What’s irritating me about this is the concept of having a person who is a God Father for one… now not being able to be the God Father for another.

Well, you are irritated at the wrong thing. Be irritated at your adultery-committing friend.

Obviously he was in a position to be godparent at one time, but is no longer. That was his own doing.

He is definitely a “born again Catholic” and takes being a God Father VERY SERIOUSLY to his current God Son.

Is this really happening? Is our Catholic faith not allowing a Catholic God Father of one to be a God Father for another due to a 2nd marriage?

Your friend is not allowing himself to be a godparent because he is an adulterer. He needs to fix his situation and return to the sacraments. You are in a huff over the wrong thing.

This just doesn’t seem right.

Please hit me with some feedback on this.

Thanks.

Here’s your feedback:

Adultery is a mortal sin. Your friend is committing adultery. I think you should be concerned about his soul and not his serving as a godparent. How “born again” and “serious” could he be about his faith if he would violate God’s law by committing adultery?

 

[joandarc2008]

He cannot be a God father because he cannot receive the Sacraments himself. How would he raise your child in the faith in which he cannot practice. Yes, he is a God parent - but what kind of example is he as he is comitting adultery. What he should do at this point is work on seeing if he can receive a decree of nullity for his first marriage and then convalidating his current marriage. Then he will be able to receive Sacraments - he will also be eligible to be your child’s Confirmation sponsor.

 

[jmcrae]

I selected the God Parents as a good friend of mine who I work with (male) and then our neighbor who works at the Catholic Elementry School (female). Both have spouses who aren’t Catholic.

Just FYI, you only need one god parent.

Apparently, we can’t select him to be a God Father for our daughter because he was divorced and re-married with the 2nd wedding… it wasn’t recognized by the Cathoic church because the 1st marriage wasn’t annulled.

The Church can’t “annul” marriages - it can only “find them null” - or not. This isn’t just a matter of paperwork not having been filled out - this man is married to one woman until death they do part (the one he married the first time), and playing house with another woman.

He is definitely a “born again Catholic” and takes being a God Father VERY SERIOUSLY to his current God Son.

As others have pointed out, he wouldn’t have taken up with a second woman, if so. Good, serious Catholics don’t remarry after a divorce. They don’t even consider dating, until after the first marriage has been found null by the Marriage Tribunal.

 

[NewEnglandPriest]

The male who I selected to be the God Father was baptised a Catholic and is already serving as a God Father for a distant relative of his.

Apparently, we can’t select him to be a God Father for our daughter because he was divorced and re-married with the 2nd wedding… it wasn’t recognized by the Cathoic church because the 1st marriage wasn’t annulled.

What’s irritating me about this is the concept of having a person who is a God Father for one… now not being able to be the God Father for another.

As has been pointed out, in order to be a sponsor/Godparent one needs to be in full standing with the Church. Someone who is married outside the Church is not in full standing.
You say that he was allowed to be a Godfather for another child. Perhaps that was prior to his 2nd marriage?

He is definitely a “born again Catholic” and takes being a God Father VERY SERIOUSLY to his current God Son.

Perhaps this can be an opportunity for him to recognize that he should sit down with his parish priest and straighten out his marital situation.

Is this really happening? Is our Catholic faith not allowing a Catholic God Father of one to be a God Father for another due to a 2nd marriage?

Since he’s in an irregular marriage, he’s not in a position to be an example of living the Catholic faith. But he can attempt to straighten this out.

Please hit me with some feedback on this.

Technically, you only need one Godparent. So you could just have one official Godparent and have this gentlemen serve as a mentor in the life of your child.

 

[Cougini]

I guess I’m still a little lost on what the standing would be on him being a God Father in the first place. In no way am I trying to support the divorce, but did his divorce in any way remove him from being a God Father as he was declared?

For that matter… I have witnessed him being a better God Father than many who serve for others. To jump in support of those who haven’t been through divorces, but are poor God Fathers yet be in opposition to someone who made his mistake in divorce, but has been a GREAT God Father seems a little awkward.

Very good point on only needing to have one God Parent though. I hadn’t thought along those lines.

To all of you who responded… thank you. May you all be blessed and continue to offer your valuable (name removed by moderator)ut to those who have questions and need guidance.

 

[NewEnglandPriest]

I guess I’m still a little lost on what the standing would be on him being a God Father in the first place. In no way am I trying to support the divorce, but did his divorce in any way remove him from being a God Father as he was declared?

No, it doesn’t remove him from being a Godfather however he’s not really fulfillings his duties. The problem is not the divorce, the problem is the marriage outside of the Church.

For that matter… I have witnessed him being a better God Father than many who serve for others. To jump in support of those who haven’t been through divorces, but are poor God Fathers yet be in opposition to someone who made his mistake in divorce, but has been a GREAT God Father seems a little awkward.

Once again, the problem is not the divorce. The issue is a marriage that took place outside of the Church.
A Godparent is supposed to be someone who will be an example of living the Catholic faith. One “fails the test” (so to speak) when they publicly live a life that is contrary to Church law. Its not a judgment of his soul, only God can do that, but Church rules/laws are made to give us guidelines and order.

 

[1ke]

I guess I’m still a little lost on what the standing would be on him being a God Father in the first place. In no way am I trying to support the divorce, but did his divorce in any way remove him from being a God Father as he was declared?

One is not “removed” as a sponsor. It is a point-in-time situation. At the point in time that this other child was baptized, this person stood as the sponsor and witnessed the baptism. That is recorded in the baptismal record.

Unfortunately, this person has now started living a life that is not in keeping with the moral law. Therefore, he cannot stand as a sponsor to *others *until he has rectified the situation.

For that matter… I have witnessed him being a better God Father than many who serve for others. To jump in support of those who haven’t been through divorces, but are poor God Fathers yet be in opposition to someone who made his mistake in divorce, but has been a GREAT God Father seems a little awkward.

Divorce is not his problem. Committing adultery is his problem. Do not be so quick to overlook the fact he is committing a mortal sin and putting his soul in jeopardy.

Being a godparent isn’t about giving presents or being a “nice” person or even an “involved” person. It is about being a holy witness for CHRIST. A person who is committing a public and perpetual mortal sin is not a good witness, not being holy. They are, in fact, a very poor witness.

 

[jmcrae]

I guess I’m still a little lost on what the standing would be on him being a God Father in the first place. In no way am I trying to support the divorce, but did his divorce in any way remove him from being a God Father as he was declared?

Being civilly divorced, in and of itself, is not a sin - often, it is the only remedy for situations where one of the spouses is making daily life intolerable for the other. However, divorce only provides legal recourse for separation and equitable division of property - it cannot end the marriage. They two are still married in the eyes of God - the only thing a divorce can do is allow them to separate their finances, arrange custody for their children, and allow them to live in different places. Neither of them can re-marry - they remain married (even though living separate lives) until one of them dies.

After a divorce, they can seek an investigation by the Marriage Tribunal, to discern whether a true marriage exists - if the Marriage Tribunal finds that no true marriage exists in their case, then the parties can marry for the first time (assuming that the Tribunal doesn’t also find one or both of them to be incapable of marriage) - but until the Tribunal has completed its investigation and has made its ruling (one way or the other - they are just as likely to find that a true marriage exists, in which case neither party may attempt a second marriage) there can be no consideration of any kind of romantic involvement with third parties - which means, no dating, no flirting, and certainly no second marriage outside the Church.

For that matter… I have witnessed him being a better God Father than many who serve for others. To jump in support of those who haven’t been through divorces, but are poor God Fathers yet be in opposition to someone who made his mistake in divorce, but has been a GREAT God Father seems a little awkward.

And again, the mistake was not the divorce - the ongoing and ever-repeating mistake is that he is living as if in marriage with a second woman, and deceiving her to think that she is his wife.

 

[kenofken]

So I have run into a problem that I didn’t expect with preparing my 5 week old daughter for Baptism. My family lives over here in Pasco WA and our Parish has a pretty strict ruling of when Baptisms can occur.

Apparently, there are only 4 times a year that the church will conduct Baptisms. The next upcoming event will be the middle of February.

I selected the God Parents as a good friend of mine who I work with (male) and then our neighbor who works at the Catholic Elementry School (female). Both have spouses who aren’t Catholic.

The male who I selected to be the God Father was baptised a Catholic and is already serving as a God Father for a distant relative of his.

Apparently, we can’t select him to be a God Father for our daughter because he was divorced and re-married with the 2nd wedding… it wasn’t recognized by the Cathoic church because the 1st marriage wasn’t annulled.

What’s irritating me about this is the concept of having a person who is a God Father for one… now not being able to be the God Father for another.

He is definitely a “born again Catholic” and takes being a God Father VERY SERIOUSLY to his current God Son.

Is this really happening? Is our Catholic faith not allowing a Catholic God Father of one to be a God Father for another due to a 2nd marriage?

This just doesn’t seem right.

Please hit me with some feedback on this.

Thanks.

You got a pretty tough parish out there. I became a godparent for one of my brother’s kids and I’m pagan! I didn’t think that was supposed to be remotely possible, but there you have it. Nobody ever even asked me about my faith or personal life or anything. My brother knows that I’d do whatever I could to follow his wishes as regards religious education of the kids etc. On the other hand, as far as I know he’s basically agnostic if not downright atheist and his wife and her family, who were the impetus for the baptism, are nominal Catholics at most. Apparently your first mistake was going to a parish where someone had read the Catechism or Canon Law…