I have some experience with what you’re saying, but I can only wish I understood it enough to give you an answer. Have you heard Andrew Peterson’s
The Silence of God? I’ve found it helpful. He has a couple more I’ve found quite apt at times like this:
The Rain Keeps Falling and
Sower’s Song. This man clearly knows what you’re talking about, too!
I go to Mass, daily, and I am mentally present. While the Mass itself can be subjectively helpful, when one is in this state its help is mostly in the objective sense, which must be trusted but may or may not be perceived - and therefore doesn’t necessarily address the conscious questions this problem raises in the moment. We trust that over time we will be more closely conformed to Christ; however, this does not usually happen appreciably in just 25 or 55 minutes. So don’t worry if Mass also seems silent to you right now. Just do the best you can. Keep showing up, listen, and wait. The waiting will end.
I wonder if the waiting is part of the reason for the silence – to stretch us.
I’ve had these verses on my bathroom mirror for a while. I hope you find them helpful.
Jesus said to his disciples:
"
Amen, amen, I say to you, you will weep and mourn,
while the world rejoices;
you will grieve, but your grief will become joy.
When a woman is in labor, she is in anguish because her hour has arrived;
but when she has given birth to a child,
she no longer remembers the pain because of her joy
that a child has been born into the world.
So
you also are now in anguish.
But I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice,
and no one will take your joy away from you.
On that day you will not question me about anything.
~John 16: 20-23
I’ll pray for you at adoration tomorrow.
