question about marriage...

[WhitSunday]

Hi peoples!
I’ve been reading a lot of stuff on the forums about valid/invalid marriages, and I’m getting sort of confused. I wasn’t sure whether the terms only applied to Catholic-Catholic marriages or to Catholic-Christian marriages as well. I’m starting to wonder what status my parents’ marriage has, because my mom is Catholic, and my dad is sort of Protestant. (I say “sort of” because he’s been coming to Catholic Mass with us since basically forever, though he’s never formally converted.) They were married in a Protestant church. Neither had been married before that. We went to a Catholic church for most of my childhood, and my brothers and sisters and I have received the sacraments, though there was a period when we attended Protestant churches.
Our family has been returning to a much more orthodox Catholicism in the last few years, and a few questions have presented themselves to me.

 My question(s) are these: Is my parents' marriage actually considered a marriage? If not, what should they do about it? Also, does that make me and my siblings illegitimate or something?:eek: I know that's not as big of a deal as it used to be, but it's still gnawing at me. 

 Also, I'd love any suggestions on how to kindly tell my dad that he shouldn't receive communion because he's not actually Catholic. I feel like it's setting a bad example for my little brothers and sisters, because it's not consistent with what we're teaching them about Catholicicm. He's a good guy, and has always been supportive and encouraging of my faith, but I want him to be in line with the Church's teachings.

Any suggestions/answers would be super welcome.

 

[WhitSunday]

One more thing I forgot: my mom did talk to our parish priest before the marriage, and was told that it was okay…she said that he “gave his blessing” whatever that means.

 

[Dorothy]

First of all, it does not make you or your siblings illegitimate.

Sometimes permission is asked of the Catholic person in a marriage to a Protestant to be married in the Protestant church. If this permission is given by the bishop, then it is okay. In most cases it is not even asked of the bishop,… then it would not be a valid Catholic marriage.
The best thing for you to do is ask the questions you have put in your post of a priest. Then, you can discuss it with your parents. They sound like they want to do the right thing, but just don't know exactly what it is.

 

[Dorothy]

I just now saw your second message where you said that your Mom said she talked to her priest and he “gave her his blessing.”

I don’t know what that means either – further information needs to be gotten. Some priests are liberal and don’t want to deal with getting dispensations, etc. If that is the case, then rules were disobeyed.

 

[Sparki777]

Hi peoples!
I’ve been reading a lot of stuff on the forums about valid/invalid marriages, and I’m getting sort of confused. I wasn’t sure whether the terms only applied to Catholic-Catholic marriages or to Catholic-Christian marriages as well.

Any two, baptized Christians of ANY form of the faith who enter into marriage freely with full consent and no obstacles (such as a previous marriage that was not annulled) can have a valid marriage. My husband and I were married in the Assemblies of God as two people baptized in the Assemblies of God, and the Catholic Church considers our marriage to be valid.

I’m starting to wonder what status my parents’ marriage has, because my mom is Catholic, and my dad is sort of Protestant. (I say “sort of” because he’s been coming to Catholic Mass with us since basically forever, though he’s never formally converted.) They were married in a Protestant church. Neither had been married before that…My question(s) are these: Is my parents’ marriage actually considered a marriage?

Yes, if your mother received dispensation to marry your dad in the protestant church.

If not, what should they do about it?

They would have to have their marriage convalidated, which ought to be a very simple, short & sweet procedure, as they had no impediments to marriage when they were wed in the protestant church.

Also, does that make me and my siblings illegitimate or something?

Nope. Legal marriage = legitimate kids. Your parents marriage was legal no matter what, even if your mom didn’t get dispensation. So you kids are all legitimate.

Also, I’d love any suggestions on how to kindly tell my dad that he shouldn’t receive communion because he’s not actually Catholic…He’s a good guy, and has always been supportive and encouraging of my faith, but I want him to be in line with the Church’s teachings.

I would try asking him something like, “Say, Dad, since you always go to Mass and you’re practically Catholic anyway, why don’t you just make it official and get confirmed Catholic?”

The way I see it, he’s going to have one of four answers:

“I hadn’t thought about it.” – In which case you can recommend it and then gently tell him he’s actually breaking the rules by receiving Communion until he gets confirmed.

“Absolutely not! I would never become Catholic!” – In which case you can ask him why he would want to receive Communion in the Church if he is so against joining the Church.

“I want to, but I promised your grandmother/grandfather/great-uncle Smitty/whomever that I would never become Catholic.” – In which case you can either point out that whomever he made the promise to is dead and has figured out by now that there’s nothing wrong with Catholicism or, if the person is still alive, you can say something like, “Gee, Dad, I’ve never seen you let Great-Uncle Smitty control your life before now. I think it’s high time to do what YOU want to do. I’m sure there won’t be any long-term consequences.”

“I already did. You were really little, so I guess you don’t remember.” In which case, you can rejoice and stop worrying!

 

[puzzleannie]

Hi peoples!
I’ve been reading a lot of stuff onMy question(s) are these: Is my parents’ marriage actually considered a marriage? If not, what should they do about it? Also, does that make me and my siblings illegitimate or something? I know that’s not as big of a deal as it used to be, but it’s still gnawing at me.

the question is a big deal, as big as ever, but it is not your deal, but your parents’ and your mother appears to have worked through her priest so it is not an issue. Even if subsequently the marriage was ruled invalid that would not make you illegitimate. That is a civil law classification and has been abolished in most states. you may assume that if your mother is frequenting Mass and the sacraments she is receiving the pastoral counsel she needs through confession, and that of course is NOYB

 

[WhitSunday]

Thanks a bunch for your answers!! Your suggestions are very helpful and I’ll look into them.

Whit