Question about men and sex

[cavyqueen]

Why are most men so sexually immoral? Why are they so desperate for sex that they feel the need to hurt and exploit women and so desperate for it despite all of the consequences of fornication (that also indirectly hurt other people) that make it obviously way more trouble than it’s worth? All for what? A tingly feeling in their private parts? I mean, I get sexually aroused too that doesn’t mean I’m going to act on it. Just like I get angry and feel the urge to punch somebody, that doesn’t mean I’m going to do it. How is fornication any different? Why is a tingly feeling in their private parts so important to men that they feel the need to cause all those negative consequences and on top of it they’ll get it anyway if they just wait? Why don’t they simply demonstrate self-control? It’s not that hard. I know the men in my family aren’t like that but I keep hearing that most men are- hopefully that’s just hype, but anyway, I wanna know the answers to those questions so I won’t feel so afraid, judgmental and stressed because if most men are so immoral then why should I even like, trust or respect them?

 

[mapleoak]

Hopefully, this question is being asked in sincerity out of ignorance. Helpful suggestions: Throw out the television, end the frequentation of the local bars, get involved in situations that decent people (both men and women) participate in. Ones perception of the world can become very tainted from the company one keeps.

In Christ - J.M.J.
mapleoak

 

[opticks]

I don’t understand why women can’t control their spending habits. I mean how hard is it to not buy everything in the store? Can’t they just walk in and buy one thing and be done with it? How about some self control? Can’t you just eat one scoop of ice cream and not the whole container?

Why do women watch immoral TV shows or read books that feature soft porn, gossip, and greed and somehow that is considered acceptable but if a guy looks at a Playboy it is scandalous and he is going to Hell?

 

[gmarie21]

I don’t understand why women can’t control their spending habits. I mean how hard is it to not buy everything in the store? Can’t they just walk in and buy one thing and be done with it? How about some self control? Can’t you just eat one scoop of ice cream and not the whole container?

Why do women watch immoral TV shows or read books that feature soft porn, gossip, and greed and somehow that is considered acceptable but if a guy looks at a Playboy it is scandalous and he is going to Hell?

Okay, I’m a woman and I HATE shopping (except buying cute little girl clothes for my daughter). But I do have to agree with your second paragraph. I think women are better liars to themselves. I had to go through serious withdrawl a few years back because I was living in a fantasy world all the time. I completely rid my life of romance movies for a few years. I was so addicted to finding “prince charming” that I never would view men the way God had created them. It is difficult for a man to live up to the perfect male characters found in movies. Once I stopped watching the romance films I stopped complaining about men and started noticing their unique design and appreciated them a lot more (including the men in my family). Now I can enjoy a romance movie without falling in love with the whole “prince charming” idea. However, I believe many (if not most) women are still addicted to this type of sin (same concepts as to why pornography is wrong, neither show the true dignity of how God created us).

 

[opticks]

gmarie,

psst…the first paragraph was sarcasm. I don’t actually believe that. I was just trying to communicate to the OP that she was making broad sweeping generalizations about men.

 

[gmarie21]

gmarie,

psst…the first paragraph was sarcasm. I don’t actually believe that. I was just trying to communicate to the OP that she was making broad sweeping generalizations about men.

Oh, come on, you know that there was some truth behind that sarcasm But I agree, sweeping statements about men are wrong (and seem to happen too frequently). Just like sweeping statements about women are wrong (but yet, they seem to happen less frequently from men). Maybe this statement is too sweeping:shrug:

 

[MichaelTDoyle]

Our sexuality is more than a tingly sensation. Everyone’s call to chastity is such a virtuous endeavor that it actually enhances our ability to follow the great commandment and love God and our neighbor.

 

[Eireann]

It might help if we weren’t exposed to nudity every single day of our lives.

The TV is full of it, turn a page in the newspaper there it is, my daughters so called teenage mags have stories portraying ? let me think of the word, oh yes it’s sex, sex, and sex. (yes I did confront her about them )

Women may feel exploited, but I don’t see why they sit on car bonnets to sell the car for the manufacturer.

Also biker magazines have women selling them, does the woman come with the car, motorcycle, tractor, etc; I don’t think so.

Walk down the street, yes another woman on a billboard, selling tractor tyres, the list is endless.

And immodesty in dress don’t help either, then again some of the men could cover up too.
I even heard from a teenager that women look at men’s butts, that was an eyeopener for me.

Some men would get excited looking at a woman’s ear-lobe, not all, but we could do with a helping hand by covering up and not wearing skin tight clothes.

My rant. over you’ll be glad to know. out of sight, out of mind.

 

[LilyM]

And immodesty in dress don’t help either, then again some of the men could cover up too.
I even heard from a teenager that women look at men’s butts, that was an eyeopener for me.

Some men would get excited looking at a woman’s ear-lobe, not all, but we could do with a helping hand by covering up and not wearing skin tight clothes.

My rant. over you’ll be glad to know. out of sight, out of mind.

Accurate on both points - women are certainly very visual as well (and looking at guy’s butts ain’t the half of it!) And if you want the most important culprit, blame women who opt into the idea of being objects for men.

 

[Subrosa]

For my part, me being a m-a-n, I know that temptation is real. I’ve done most of what the second poster has suggested. I don’t go to bars, unless I must (I am a musician), I turn off the TV shows that use sex as a ratings tool, my reading consists of music theory and religious writings, among others.

My first reaction to the OP was to get defensive and start thinking of ways to show that women are pretty much the same as men, but you know this already.

So, the OP question is really about sexual immorality. I remember, as a young boy, digging out my older brother’s Playboy magazines. Then, the women were pretty and forbidden. Now, I am saddened by thier choices. Men, for thier part, are naturally attracted to these women and spend money on that interest. That is why the women do what they do in magazines and the like. It is a quid pro quo relationship.

Sexual immorality is recorded in the book of Genesis, so we know that it is an age old issue. It is not about to go away anytime soon.

We must do what we need to do by making our personal choices. I choose God.

Subrosa

 

[Eireann]

Accurate on both points - women are certainly very visual as well (and looking at guy’s butts ain’t the half of it!)

I’m sure, don’t go there.

And if you want the most important culprit, blame women who opt into the idea of being objects for men.

Can’t say I’d put all the blame on them, some women that get involved in prostitution see no-other way out, they get caught in a vicious circle.

Men do exploit them, especially in the porn industry, then some women don’t seem to care if they’re exploited or not. (pimps )

In the end it could be the men’s souls that are exploited, Saint Rose of Lima could have stopped the traffic with her looks.

She asked God to take away her beauty, and she cut her hair, because she said it would drag men’s souls to hell.

Not saying we have to be that drastic, but covering up might help.

 

[rayne89]

Why are most men so sexually immoral? Why are they so desperate for sex that they feel the need to hurt and exploit women and so desperate for it despite all of the consequences of fornication (that also indirectly hurt other people) that make it obviously way more trouble than it’s worth? All for what? A tingly feeling in their private parts? I mean, I get sexually aroused too that doesn’t mean I’m going to act on it. Just like I get angry and feel the urge to punch somebody, that doesn’t mean I’m going to do it. How is fornication any different? Why is a tingly feeling in their private parts so important to men that they feel the need to cause all those negative consequences and on top of it they’ll get it anyway if they just wait? Why don’t they simply demonstrate self-control? It’s not that hard. I know the men in my family aren’t like that but I keep hearing that most men are- hopefully that’s just hype, but anyway, I wanna know the answers to those questions so I won’t feel so afraid, judgmental and stressed because if most men are so immoral then why should I even like, trust or respect them?

Ofcourse you hear about that stuff, nice guys aren’t nearly as facinating right? What about the amazing things men do. Men are heros and protectors. They run into burning buildings to save complete strangers and fight wars to protect people they’ll never even see. This is going to sound strange but have you ever seen the movie “Blackhawk Down”? I remember thinking while I was watching that movie men where just absolutely amazing people. How do they do things like that? I could never do it, I don’t think 99% of women could do it. Put your life on the line in the face of near certain death?

Yeah there are jerks out there, just like there are shallow, manipulative, back stabbing women. And unless you are speaking of rape, the women who are involved with these men need to use their own self control, men aren’t fornicating with themselves. The problem is many women are attracted to these “bad boys” and then they cry foul when they act badly.

 

[FredWentworth]

I’m sure there is a good Darwinist explanation for why we men lust. I certainly know I’m not alone in finding women very attractive and it would be unhealthy if I didn’t. I can’t believe that Catholic women seriously want to marry a man who is frigid and vice versa sure applies. Men also enjoy violence, sports and like cars. I’m sure there is an explanation for this too … Seriously, I think you need to read your Old Testament. If such heroes as King David and Solomon lusted, you can be pretty sure your boyfriend and husband does, even if they hopefully don’t stray.

Having just got home from holidays in the South/Bible Belt (!) with an airplane full of 20-something girls in low cut pants and visible thongs, some displaying tattoos and ‘tramp stamps’ for all to see, I can’t believe women do not have similar sexual feelings. It takes 2 to hook up.

Also, the point on why women overspend is worth exploring. But if a woman is a single adult, that is her business and she will have to deal with the consequences of maxxing out her plastic with her bank.

FW

 

[setter]

Why are most men so sexually immoral? …Why don’t they simply demonstrate self-control? It’s not that hard. I know the men in my family aren’t like that but I keep hearing that most men are- hopefully that’s just hype, but anyway, I wanna know the answers to those questions so I won’t feel so afraid, judgmental and stressed because if most men are so immoral then why should I even like, trust or respect them?

A big reason why many adolescent and young adult males see sexual activity before marriage as an age of rite, a competitive endeavor, a pleasure for the taking, is the breakdown of family, more specifically the lack of healthy men to men relationship bonding. Blame the absent and distant fathers of those men who engage in self-gratifying sexual behavior and who disconnect sexuality from marriage and child bearing.

Boys are dependent upon adult men (preferably fathers) to temper, manage and develop chastity. They need adult role models and bonding by association and relationship to know and develop the virtues of self-mastery and chastity. I am sure that this was present amongst the men in your own family.

A good way to get insight in a male that you are interested in, have him tell you about the closest male relationships that he had growing up and now, and what made it close,and how he treats his mother and other women in his life.

 

[1ke]

Why are most men so sexually immoral? Why are they so desperate for sex that they feel the need to hurt and exploit women and so desperate for it despite all of the consequences of fornication (that also indirectly hurt other people) that make it obviously way more trouble than it’s worth?

In a word: Feminism

First, I would dare to say that “most” men are not in this category. There are “more” men in this category to day than 100 years ago.

A hundred years ago, there was a segment of men who exploited women, and a segment of men who ran around. There was also a segment of women who accomodated them. They were called “loose women” and “working girls”.

Today, this is not the case. Feminism’s goal was not to demand men behave better, but to demand that women can behave as badly.

That is the goal of feminism: women acting like men.

Well, feminist have gotten what they wanted. Because now, men do not expect women to act like ladies. Women have told men it’s ok to “hook up”, “shack up”, and move on. Women have taught this to their sons. Women have OK’ed it by their actions.

So, why blame men for responding to what women are demanding by their bad behavior?

It’s tough to be a “nice girl” these days, because men are confused by that.

I am talking “men” in the general, secular society. Practicing Catholic men are a different story as their consciences are illuminated by the Holy Spirit and the Church.

There are certainly wonderful men out there if you look for them. But, as to why the majority are the way they are: women must look to themselves.

 

[pumpkinbeast]

I think a lot of guys don’t think that treating women this way hurts them. I think they are told that women who are flaunting themselves in immodest clothing want to be treated like that, and they have no better example! They are also told to reach out and grab pleasure for themselves. The pleasure is the important part of life, so exploit it!

But it is DEFINITELY possible to find a true man (Not a prince charming, though they have some elements of this type of character) who doesn’t give into lust. I ask my boyfriend every night, “How were you today for sexual temptation?” We’ve been doing this for a month or so now, and so far his only responses have been ‘fine’ ‘good’ and ‘work too hard to even think about it’. We’re doing this as a bit of a safe-guard, in case he ever ends up struggling, he’ll have someone to be accountable to, to pray for him, and to help him get back on track with the Lord.

Don’t worry, there are real, strong, true, Godly men out there! A true man, I think is like Jesus: gentle, understanding, caring to most, but not afraid to take action and get angry when injustice is about, and not afraid to stick up for the truth. Pray, and God will bring them into your life, either just as friends, or a little bit more!

 

[bilop]

You also have to ask, why are women so immoral b/c after all, who are the men fornicating with?

We all all tempted b/c of our fallen nature, and modern society certainly doesn’t encourage restraint.

 

[Cat]

I don’t agree that mens’ fascination with sex is a recent thing.

To say that a woman should wear more clothes is putting the blame on women. There are many situations in which a woman will NOT be able to be fully clad; e.g, figure skating. Look at the history of women’s costume in figure skating. The skimpy outfit is NOT for the purpose of turning a guy on. It’s to help reduce wind resistance so that the woman can do the triple and yes, even the quad jumps.

What’s wrong with that? And there are a lot of other sports in which a woman is going to be quite nekkid. My comment to men is GET OVER IT.

I believe, from history, that a man would be fascinated with women if the woman wore clothing on every inch of their bodies and heads.

Back in the Victorian days, a woman’s ANKLE was an erotic trigger for a man. If a woman raised her skirts above the ground, a man would get turned on.

A woman’s naked HAND was also an erotic trigger.

This isn’t new. Men are created BY GOD to be turned on by visual stimulation. That’s why it’s so hard for them to just “set sex aside.” Women are everywhere, and if there are no women, men will fantasize about them or see them in trees, water, food, whatever. It’s the way God made them. It’s not wrong.

But it must be controlled. I agree with whoever said above that control must be taught to men by their fathers or by another chaste man. Unfortunately, men are taught mixed messages from their toddlerhood. Many men (and women) are sexualized as young children by many things, including the clothes that their parents buy for them. And as the man grows up, he receives messages that women WANT him, WANT sex. After all, that’s what many of the TV shows, movies, and songs on the radio are all about, right?

Then when some old religious fuddy-duddy tries to tell the teenage boy that he must have sex only in marriage, the boy doesn’t buy it. After all, he’s been indoctrinated from BIRTH that sex is just an itch, a good feeling that can be gratified, just like eating Doritos or drinking Bud. Those religious zealots are WRONG, in his view.

Again, a good father or other close male role model can really help counteract all that bad teaching. It’s not possible to avoid the teaching, unless you want to chain your children to a wall in your fortress and never let them experience “the big bad world.” I think many parents could make a start by NOT BRINGING CABLE TV INTO THEIR HOMES, and not allowing video games (which often contain women with fantastically designed figures and faces). But maybe it wouldn’t make a difference, since these things are available outside of the home. Men have been reading comic books for a hundred years, and these have amazing stacked women. So it’s nothing new. It just needs to be controlled.

 

[Mirdath]

Looking over this thread, it seems almost everyone is trying to put the blame on the other group. ‘It’s women!’ ‘It’s men!’ ‘No, it’s women!’ ad nauseam.

It’s people, okay? People in general like to have sex, enjoy admiring or even lusting after other people – it isn’t restricted to ‘just women’ or ‘just men’.

 

[setter]

In a word: Feminism

That is the goal of feminism: women acting like men.

So, why blame men for responding to what women are demanding by their bad behavior?

There are certainly wonderful men out there if you look for them. But, as to why the majority are the way they are: women must look to themselves.

Blame men because if men were acting like men and loving the women in their lives as Christ loves the Church, His Bride, then women would not be looking emancipate themselves from their traditional roles to get their need for affirmation, security, empowerment in a false feminism.

The fundamental blame resides with men, and the response of women to the lack of real men [relationships and modeling] in their lives is . One must not forget the natural law order of creation: A woman is made to respond to a man’s initiative, or lack there of. It goes back to the Garden – where was Adam when Eve was being seduced by the serpent? Bottom line: Men need to be men, so that women can be women ~ that precarious interdependence predicated first and foremost on men being and acting like real men.