Question about men and sex

[catholicmessage]

Well ok, sorry. I don’t know what it’s actually like to be a guy so I just assumed that they had to. I guess what I’m say is, if they were to solve it through sin, than couldn’t they at least pick the lesser of the two evils seeing as masturbation has virtually no consequences compared to actual sex.

Masterbation has the consequence of eternal separation from God if it is not confessed. It is a mortal sin, just the same way fornication is.

Men do not “need to release” sexually. This is ridiculous. They will not “explode” or anything similar. Sexual sins are a temptation. They can be overcome through the use of the will. The human will can be far stronger than the urges of sin.

 

[JimG]

I think it’s true that men are generally more prone to lust. And when it come to fornication, they are more apt to seek it out. And women are more inclined, especially in recent times, not to use the word “no.” Why is that?

 

[hilde_the_dog]

The OP wrote" I wanna know the answers to those questions so I won’t feel so afraid, judgmental and stressed because if most men are so immoral then why should I even like, trust or respect them?"

In the beginning GOD created us first and without sin. And like all creation is was judged good. Love the sinner hate the sin.

 

[setter]

Looking at Genesis, they were both complicit; Adam knew what the fruit was before he ate it. The story of the fruit of knowledge is highly metaphoric anyway – same kind of thing happened in Greek myth with Prometheus giving the people fire. A fall from earthly paradise cannot really be blamed on one specific person; it is the fault of all people. Were Eve to bear the whole of the reproach, you’d have no doctrine of original sin. Yet you hold that both men and women suffer from this fallen state – Eve was not the only sinner.

My point being that both are guilty of sinning, but that Eve was designed by God to respond to man’s initiative, and Adam certainly did not initiate protection or leadership when Eve was being tempted or confronted with his personal sin choice. Adam dropped the ball. It is time for men to be men and begin to pick up the ball so that women can respond accordingly.

 

[LovedForever]

I think it’s true that men are generally more prone to lust. And when it come to fornication, they are more apt to seek it out. And women are more inclined, especially in recent times, not to use the word “no.” Why is that?

Why are women more inclined to refuse to say “no” to a man’s sexual advances?
There are several reasons.

First, I would cite the destruction of the family. So many little girls no longer have their daddies to affirm them, protect them and love them unconditionally. Many sadly, do not even KNOW who their daddies are.
So - these girls seek out male attention and affection where they can find it. Sacrificing their dignity in the process.
Many girls also have not had good role models in their mothers.
Mothers divorcing (if ever marrying to begin with), going from boyfriend to boyfriend, shacking up etc.
To understand the deeper motivations for promiscuity I recommend this website: pureloveclub.com/
Click on the Chastity Q&A link at the top for some insightful questions from young people.

Then we have the steady and rapid decline of a sense of “right and wrong” in this country. Moral relativism. If it “feels” right - do it. No such thing as sin etc.

Also, they’ve been fed a lie by the feminists who have preached the lie that there is no “difference” between men and women. That they are “equal.”
So… women, buying into this deception, sacrifice their feminine modesty and dignity to PROVE they are indeed female and engage in premarital sex - at earlier and earlier ages.
Only to discover that instead of feeling “liberated” and “equal” - they feel used.
They must first OVERCOME something innate within themselves as female. They must overcome that natural modesty that God has built into us in order to be this “something” that the world is telling them is good.
In reality, they are really seeking to be loved.
They are seeking affection. Affirmation. To be desired.
If they do not attain these things quickly (instant gratification) - they will resort out of desperation to giving their most intimate parts of themselves - even to a stranger. The hunger for love is that great.
They have bought the lie that “sex = love.”

Just my 2 cents…

 

[cavyqueen]

I think it’s true that men are generally more prone to lust. And when it come to fornication, they are more apt to seek it out. And women are more inclined, especially in recent times, not to use the word “no.” Why is that?

Yes but how do feelings/thoughts justify actually acting on them? Too many women don’t say no because men pressure them. So stop pressuring them and threatening to leave them. I do NOT cave into that pressure, but so many women these days think they can’t raise their standards and they can’t find someone better.

While we are all sinners, it should also be recongnized at the same time that violence and fornication are mortal sins, and shouldn’t be compared to lying or snitching candy or whatever. It’s almost impossible to go through life without lying but we certainly can make it through life without fornication. It’s something we want, but we don’t need it to the point where we can’t wait like eateating or sleeping. And I’m not saying lying is right, but to place infidelity on the same level of lying takes away from the seriousness of it. Fatherless homes, diseases, damaged bonds, relationships and social structure…it’s pretty obvious that it’s just wrong for practical reasons and not just religious ones.

 

[JimG]

LovedForever, I loved your post; I think it is exactly on target. Just wish I knew of a way to reverse those trends.

cavyqueen: It’s true that men pressure girls for sex. And because of the things mentioned in LovedForever’s post, they have few defenses. Some ideas from the feminist movement have actually taken away their defenses, giving them fewer reasons to say 'no." And of course, the widespread availability and promotion of birth control gives the men, ironically, more power to push for sex.

 

[Eireann]

That’s totally ok. My question is why do men feel that just because they get turned on by looking at a woman and think she’s hot that they actually have to sleep with her?
Sorry but I need an answer to this.

Because for reasons unknown to me, their brain sometimes is in a different area of their bodies.

Ask a mountaineer why they climb that mountain ? answer, because it’s there… search me.

 

[MichaelTDoyle]

So don’t fall for the lie that a man is “in pain” or “will explode” if he does not get release. He may be uncomfortable for a time - but it will pass.
:

Baloney! I live a celibate life at 41 and am heterosexual. I am tempted, SURE, and sometimes I fail to some degree, but I do not and no way will I believe that any man gets physically distressed or “uncomfortable” for want of ejaculation. That really is a lot of baloney that seems to paint those who are not married and Christian as somehow unnatural freaks because we follow God’s law.

Fact: There is nothing physically wriong, no pressure build up (good grief!) no physical problems whatsoever from being celibate and chaste!

:banghead:

Please do not be taken in by the thoughts of the age on sexuality. Only Christ’s Way is the Way and only that Way can a man find peace and that means do not even look with lust.

 

[LovedForever]

Baloney! I live a celibate life at 41 and am heterosexual. I am tempted, SURE, and sometimes I fail to some degree, but I do not and no way will I believe that any man gets physically distressed or “uncomfortable” for want of ejaculation. That really is a lot of baloney that seems to paint those who are not married and Christian as somehow unnatural freaks because we follow God’s law.

Fact: There is nothing physically wriong, no pressure build up (good grief!) no physical problems whatsoever from being celibate and chaste!

:banghead:

Please do not be taken in by the thoughts of the age on sexuality. Only Christ’s Way is the Way and only that Way can a man find peace and that means do not even look with lust.

Whoa… I never said there was anything “physically wrong” with a man who becomes aroused, his body, naturally, desiring 'release."
Maybe it’s not briefly uncomfortable for YOU - but that’s certainly not the case for all men!
The point was that this discomfort will pass WITHOUT …uh hum… “assistance.”

 

[mapleoak]

LovedForever is right on the money.

What OP fails to realize is that all people are tempted to sin. Some are tempted in ‘this’ area and others are tempted in ‘that’. The level of temptation to commit a certain type of sin is not necessarily equal as some are given a greater cross to bear. In fact, it may be said that the more devout one is, the more they will be tempted. Not all choose to submit to such temptation however. The greater the temptation one endures, if they refuse to submit, all the greater the blessing and reward. Certainly to refuse to submit is a gift to God - and God cannot be outdone in generosity. In some ways men have it good.
Certainly not to say women don’t have their own such temptations and trials allowing them opportunity for greater sanctification. As Jesus says, the way is narrow.

In Christ - J.M.J.
Mapleoak

 

[opticks]

My question is why do men feel that just because they get turned on by looking at a woman and think she’s hot that they actually have to sleep with her?

So in short, my question is why do men think being turned on rationializes actually fornicating? Why can’t they just fantasize and keep it to themselves?

I know know what you were getting at but it was obscured by a few sweeping generalizations.

Premise A: Men are turned on by looking at a woman
Premise B: Men can’t control themselves and must live out the fantasy in real life
Conclusion: : Thus real sex with a women (often fornication) is justified.

Corollary: Women can control themselves and don’t justify real sex in order to satisfy the fantasy.

I’ll agree with Premise A. Most men and some women struggle with this daily. As for Premise B, I don’t agree with it. Most men deal with that situation in a sinful manner often discussed ad nauseum on this board. And it takes two to tango if you reach the conclusion of your argument and you can’t really blame the guy exclusively in that situation.

As for the corollary, women generally do not need actual sex to fulfill the fantasy and this is well described in most psychology 101 classes. You are just wired differently.

Your pornography is “Sex in the City” , “Desperate Housewives”, and trashy romance novels. You get to watch it whenever you want and it’s ok. However if a guy thumbs through a Playboy at work or at home he’s in for it and has committed a mortal sin according to the Church.

For some reason the Church fails to equate the viewing of trashy, sleazy television with traditional pornography, despite the equivalent intent of the viewer (sexual lust, escapism, envy, etc.).

If you couldn’t tell, this is one of my big “hang-ups” with the RCC.

 

[cavyqueen]

As for the corollary, women generally do not need actual sex to fulfill the fantasy and this is well described in most psychology 101 classes. You are just wired differently.

So you’re say men are incapable of using their imagination to fulfill the fantasy? Are men just incapable of having an imagination or what?

BTW I agree that double standards are wrong and I don’t watch any of those shows or read those books (except DW but just because it’s funny).

 

[cavyqueen]

Also… I was talking about having actual sex not looking at a Playboy magazine so I’m confused by the subject change.

 

[opticks]

So you’re say men are incapable of using their imagination to fulfill the fantasy? Are men just incapable of having an imagination or what?

No. In fact most men have too much imagination and fulfill the fantasy using a condemned solo act rather than chase a woman around until she submits.

Sorry. Just ignore my Playboy digression…

 

[cavyqueen]

No. In fact most men have too much imagination and fulfill the fantasy using a condemned solo act rather than chase a woman around until she submits.

But that contradicts what you just said…you said that men needed actual sex to fulfill the fantasy and women don’t!

 

[opticks]

But that contradicts what you just said…you said that men needed actual sex to fulfill the fantasy and women don’t!

Where? I never said men require actual sex to fulfill the fantasy.

 

[cavyqueen]

Where? I never said men require actual sex to fulfill the fantasy.

Ok I misunderstood that. Now I am even more confused. If men have a wild imagination and are perfectly capable of accomplishing it “solo” then wouldn’t that make it much EASIER for them to not give in to actual sex if they are so good at just fulfilling it alone?

 

[opticks]

If men have a wild imagination and are perfectly capable of accomplishing it “solo” then wouldn’t that make it much EASIER for them to not give in to actual sex if they can just fulfill it alone?

Many guys don’t pursue the real sexual act just because they are infatuated with somebody. That was my original contention with your post. You said guys must have real sex and aren’t satisfied with a fantasy (as women are). If that were true, pornography would not be a billion dollar business. Guys live in fantasy land 24-7 and unless the woman offers real sex it’s back to the solo act and more fantasy.

 

[Cari]

As a wife to one man and the mother to two others, I have to say that I’m kinda sorta tired of this line of thought. The “men are dogs” attitude is insulting to men, women, and most of all God.

I think I’m going to go reassure the men in my life that they are not, in fact, immoral dogs. Or any other kind of dogs.

I will, however, continue to liken my oldest son to a turtle, but only because that’s his favorite animal and he takes it as quite a complement.

Cheers,
Cari