Question about my sins/confession

[Anamaria97]

Up until a couple months ago I masturbated and looked at impure pictures. I no longer have any desire to do so and my heart has a horrible regret cringing feeling writing this.

While at the time I sadly knew both were mortal, I never thought my actions sufficiently and completely through prior and regretted it immediately after.

I feel horrible and scared.

I cannot drive yet (I’m a 15 year old girl) so I plan on going to confession with my family in this Advent season, but I am still scared.

Even though I did not give full thought to the matter and there were outside factors (extreme stress and sadness) is it still mortal?

To cover both without elaborating, can I say for “Being impure in my thoughts, choices, and actions”, or do I specifically right away have to say “masturbating and impure pictures?” I would most definitely elaborate if he asked if I used the first.

After I confess these horrible sins, would a plenary indulgence repair my wrong doings with God? I’m so scared I will have to suffer a horrible amount in purgatory even if I completely repent and live the rest of my life fully.

I desperately desire a clean slate with God and while this confession may be scary and hard for me, I will do whatever it takes.

Also, is this sin a common thing for people my age? I’m just curious.

Thank you so much!

 

[silicasandra]

Up until a couple months ago I masturbated and looked at impure pictures. I no longer have any desire to do so and my heart has a horrible regret cringing feeling writing this.

While at the time I sadly knew both were mortal, I never thought my actions sufficiently and completely through prior and regretted it immediately after.

I feel horrible and scared.

I cannot drive yet (I’m a 15 year old girl) so I plan on going to confession with my family in this Advent season, but I am still scared.

Even though I did not give full thought to the matter and there were outside factors (extreme stress and sadness) is it still mortal?

To cover both without elaborating, can I say for “Being impure in my thoughts, choices, and actions”, or do I specifically right away have to say “masturbating and impure pictures?” I would most definitely elaborate if he asked if I used the first.

After I confess these horrible sins, would a plenary indulgence repair my wrong doings with God? I’m so scared I will have to suffer a horrible amount in purgatory even if I completely repent and live the rest of my life fully.

I desperately desire a clean slate with God and while this confession may be scary and hard for me, I will do whatever it takes.

Also, is this sin a common thing for people my age? I’m just curious.

Thank you so much!

Go to confession and heed the advice your priest gives you there. I am not sure “Being impure in my thoughts, choices, and actions” would be considered specific enough, but your priest can tell you if you need to be more specific. Mortal sins need to be confessed in number and kind, so maybe you would say, “I looked at impure images five times (or about two times a week for six months, or whatever the habit was) and I committed self-abuse every day/once a week/whenever I looked at the images (again, whatever the habit was).” As far as your culpability, ask your priest. Do not try to make excuses, but don’t be overly hard on yourself either. Even if the sins are only venial, it is still good to confess them, especially since they are weighing so hard on you.

Your priest will give you a penance that will partially remit your temporal punishment (purgatory). If you desire to do additional penance you certainly can. Trying to obtain a plenary indulgence is a good idea for any of us, I think. Keep in mind too that even though the souls in purgatory do suffer, they also experience great joy because they know for certain that they will see God. It is an entirely different kind of suffering than those who are in Hell - those souls have rejected God completely and will never know His love because they have thrown it away. Going to confession and receiving absolution means that this will not happen to you. By going to confession, you are showing that you take God and your relationship with Him seriously.

(By the way, I would strongly suggest going to confession as soon as you can. It’s good if your family will all go together, but if that is a ways away yet I would see about going earlier if possible. If you were to ask a parent to take you, would they do so without necessarily needing to know what you did? Asking if you are OK and need to talk would be a sign of a good parent I think, but if they are acting like they “have to know,” maybe best to wait, and be sure to make regular Acts of Contrition until you can go.)

What you are describing is definitely something many adolescents struggle with. Although I’m sure you get bored hearing about it, the changes you are going through make for a kind of “perfect storm” hormone wise. Unfortunately, secular society tends to send the exact wrong kind of message about what to do. I wouldn’t treat it as “no big deal” because it is, but you are not alone in your struggle with this. I am in my twenties now, but I did struggle with this in my teens, and I didn’t have the Church then to help me through it! Thanks to the grace of God, we have confession to help us through all of our sinfulness. :grouphug:

God bless you.

 

[hieroglyph]

Up until a couple months ago I masturbated and looked at impure pictures. I no longer have any desire to do so and my heart has a horrible regret cringing feeling writing this.

While at the time I sadly knew both were mortal, I never thought my actions sufficiently and completely through prior and regretted it immediately after.

I feel horrible and scared.

I cannot drive yet (I’m a 15 year old girl) so I plan on going to confession with my family in this Advent season, but I am still scared.

Even though I did not give full thought to the matter and there were outside factors (extreme stress and sadness) is it still mortal?

To cover both without elaborating, can I say for “Being impure in my thoughts, choices, and actions”, or do I specifically right away have to say “masturbating and impure pictures?” I would most definitely elaborate if he asked if I used the first.

After I confess these horrible sins, would a plenary indulgence repair my wrong doings with God? I’m so scared I will have to suffer a horrible amount in purgatory even if I completely repent and live the rest of my life fully.

I desperately desire a clean slate with God and while this confession may be scary and hard for me, I will do whatever it takes.

Also, is this sin a common thing for people my age? I’m just curious.

Thank you so much!

If you died tonight, your intent to confess would be as good as having actually gone to confession, because you didn’t have the chance. God never holds us responsible for things outside our control Only you know your mind/heart. If you feel that you did not fully think through the choice, but acted under duress, then I have to assume that you are describing a venial sin. Since you seem terribly bothered by it, I would confess it to your priest anyway when you get the chance for the sake of your health and conscience, but this is to calm yourself and assist in your continued recovery. IMHO, I do not feel that what you are describing is “mortal”. Yes, this culture propagates such temptations so many young people struggle with such sins. This is why it is important for you to have support in dealing with temptations. Hopefully, you can find a priest or someone you can trust to help you stay accountable. I would also recommend reading a biography of one of the saints - John Vianney or Padre Pio emphasized the power of confession.

 

[MaeganFlinchum1]

I’d say it’s mortal. But God’s mercy is endless. He knows you desire His forgiveness. So if you died God would know your intent of heart (that you planned on confession).

 

[tijeras]

Aw sweet child, glad you have moved beyond this sin, and glad you take it seriously.

Yes, it’s very common, as is well known to adults. A priest I know once said that if every teenager needing to confess masturbating actually came to Confession, we’d need a LOT more priests hearing confessions!

You are clearly distressed, and that is fine, to a degree, as it shows you have a conscience.

Remember some things:

1. God loves you more than you can possibly imagine. Nothing you do can change that. I think that even people who are in Hell are not there because God ceased to love them, but rather because they rejected Him.
2. Priests are not shocked by what they hear in Confession. You haven’t invented a new kind of sin that’s going to cause your confessor to gasp and say, “you did what?!” He’s heard this a million times. So don’t be afraid of confessing specifically. I think, actually, that the more specific you are in your confession, the less you might later be tempted to doubt whether or not you were “really” forgiven. You’ll know you said exactly what was weighing on your heart and you received forgiveness and absolution.
3. Priests are graced with a kind of forgetfulness after Confession. I never really believed this until a priest I know told me his own mother confessed to him and he couldn’t remember what she said. Other priests say that they’ll remember what was said, but not who said it. Add that to the fact that you’re not going to be confessing anything new, and you could do it anonymously, and I hope that helps your nervousness.
4. You don’t do it anymore. That’s not who you are, it never was the totality of yourself. We’re not the equal of our failings. Priests know this better than anyone I think. They hear the worst of sins from their flock and you know what? They’re just glad to be able to give them absolution. Most priests I know LOVE giving absolution, it’s usually one of their favorite things about being priests.
5. Don’t worry about how much time you might have to spend in Purgatory because of such and such. As a previous poster said, those in Purgatory have the joy of knowing that they will go to Heaven. In Purgatory, we’re not just like “paying” for our sins - we’re working out those tendencies to sin, overcoming those things in us that cause us to sin, perfecting ourselves to be presented before God, not just having “paid” for our sins, but without a further tendency to sin. Rad deal, in my opinion, God loves us so much He gives us the chance to get holy after death if we haven’t gotten holy by the time we die (which most of us don’t).
6. “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Google this to find what verse it is, sorry I don’t have time to look it up, it’s from one of the epistles I think. God didn’t wait for us to “be good” before loving us. God’s not some angry mean old man up in Heaven with His arms crossed, impatiently waiting for you to make amends - He’s Jesus, with His arms outstretched, just wanting you to come to Him and be holy, happy, and healthy.

You’ve already turned your heart back to Him in your desire to be reconciled to Him, and that’s most of the battle right there. Just go to Confession as soon as you can, because you love God, not because you’re afraid of Him, and you’ll be okay. Do your penance, not because you’re scared of God, but because it’s how you demonstrate your penitence and tell Him you’re seriously sorry. It’s sort of like this: when one of my sons hits the other one (they’re really little), a few things are needed to get right again: 1) I make him apologize verbally. 2) I may put him in a time-out. 3) I will explain, something like "we don’t hit each other, that’s mean/hurtful/whatever. 4) I make him go hug his brother, saying, “don’t hit brothers, hug brothers.” I don’t know if two year olds feel any kind of guilt, but beyond that, it’s very similar to Confession: You go say you’re sorry to God through the priest. The priest gives you some kind of feedback usually, like why we do such and such, how to avoid it in future, etc. Then you go do something redemptive, like reading and thinking about an applicable Scripture passage, saying the Our Father slowly, or something like that, to do penance, which remits the remainder of your temporal punishment while teaching you to do better in future.

Now, after my little one hits my other little one and has gone through this process, do I want to see him beating himself up about it? Sulking and depressed because he thinks he’s so horrible? Feeling awful and worthless? Obsessing about it? Of course not. Neither does God, as the ultimate Parent, want to see you like that. I want my little guy to move on, try to do better in the future, and to know that I love him like crazy and just want him to be holy, happy, and healthy. Same with God, as the ultimate Parent.

God bless you!

 

[Edmundus1581]

Thankyou for sharing your thoughts and concerns.

As you would expect, you are hardly the first person, male or female, young or old, to present similar concerns in this forum. It seems that one of the effects of this sin is to pervert the unitive purpose of sex, in that the individual, often through loneliness or other psycholgical conditions, seeks solace in self, and only feels themselves to be further alone, and also further removed from God.

Do not fear confession at all! Your priest has heard it all before, and will not be in the least bit surprised or dissapointed in you.

As to the requirements for confession, I agree with this…

Go to confession and heed the advice your priest gives you there. **I am not sure “Being impure in my thoughts, choices, and actions” would be considered specific enough, **but your priest can tell you if you need to be more specific…

However, I think that most priests, bearing in mind your age and gender, would be reluctant to question further, and, moreover, I believe that there are church laws or guidelines against the what a priest can ask a woman about sexual sins, so he’ll probably err in the side of caution and not ask further. It would be in your own interest to mention mortal sins in kind and number (approximately, and without details, of course). That will save you from wondering afterwards “Was my confession valid?”.

BTW, while we regularly see questions about the habit, and about confession and communion, but yours is slightly unusual in that you asked about your expected time in purgatory. I’m sure that many have wondered about that, but not many (if any) have asked.

~ Edmundus

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

If you died tonight, your intent to confess would be as good as having actually gone to confession, because you didn’t have the chance. .

That isn’t definitive. I asked my confessor about this after another priest had flat out refused to hear my confession because it wasn’t during his normal scheduled times. While we can’t hold God to the sacraments, we can’t say that intending to confess was as good as going to confess.

With regards to how to confess these sins, you can’t say you were “impure with your actions” because that could be any impure sin requiring actions and you can’t willfully hide any of your mortal sins. The priest will ask something along the lines of, “impure acts with self, or others?” and you’ll have to answer. Might as well just spit it all out up front. You have to confess the lowest species of the sin. You don’t need to say you masturbated, but you do need to make it clear that that was what you did. The easiest way to confess these sins is:

“I was impure with myself X number of times”
“I looked at impure pictures X number of times”

Don’t worry about the priest. They’ve heard these sins so many times that it’s probably like water rolling off a duck’s back.

Before you go to Confession, firmly acknowledge to yourself you absolute disgust for these sins and how much you dread having to confess them and how you never want to confess them again. Then firmly resolve with that disgust, to never commit these sins again. If you get tempted, remember that horrible feeling and absolute disgust and not wanting to confess these sins again, and then tell yourself “no” and go do something else to keep your mind off it. 3 Hail Mary’s works I hear. Also, I was meeting with my confessor, and out of the blue (purity wasn’t even being discussed, as it’s not an issue for me.) he mentioned that I should recited the “Prayer to Saint Joseph to help with purity” I was like, . I dismissed it, until I stumbled on it in my Missal. You might want to recite it each morning.

Prayer to Saint Joseph
Saint Joseph, Guardian of virgins and Father, to whose faithful care Christ Jesus, Innocence itself and Mary, Virgin of Virgins, were entrusted, I ask and beg of thee, through these two dearest pledges, Jesus and Mary, preserve, preserve me from all defilement, and make it always possible for me unsullied in mind, pure in heart, and chaste in body to give to Jesus and Mary my holiest service. Amen.