Question about NFP

[brendenseth]

So me and my wife have been learning the Creighton method, because we aren’t sure if we want more than one child or not. My question is, has anyone used nfp and successully kept a small family? It just seems to me anyone who does nfp has like 5 or more kids. I’m not saying a big family is bad, I actually admire people that do. Thanks ahead for your responses.

 

[1ke]

I will remind you that NFP is for serious reasons, so I will leave that to you and your wife and any spiritual direction you receive from your priest on this matter.

Regarding long term use of natural family planning when there is a serious reason to avoid or postpone pregnancy, certainly it can be used in this way. There are several posters here on CAF who have utilized NFP for over a decade due to life threatening conditions that require them to avoid pregnancy. crohnie4life and rayne89 are two I can think of off the top of my head.

Most/many people do not have a serious reason to avoid pregnancy, and therefore use NFP mostly to space, not avoid, children or see no reason to chart at all.

 

[ahs]

… It just seems to me anyone who does nfp has like 5 or more kids…

That doesn’t speak to the effectiveness of NFP (it’s QUITE effective), but more to the openness to life of those who use it. They have that many children because they either want that many, or they take an oh-what-the-heck approach. Of course there will exceptions to this…but 90% of those NFP’rs that I personally know fit somewhat into this generalization.

 

[maryjk]

We use NFP, we have one child.

We have had serious reasons since our son’s birth. And since that time, more serious reasons have piled on.

 

[AB_Juney]

My husband and I have been using Creighton for a year, and have not yet gotten pregnant.

 

[maryjk]

We use NFP, we have one child.

We have had serious reasons since our son’s birth. And since that time, more serious reasons have piled on.

I should probably add that our son is 16 years old.

 

[MidnightSun12]

I will remind you that NFP is for serious reasons, so I will leave that to you and your wife and any spiritual direction you receive from your priest on this matter.

While the OP may certainly have further reasons for using NFP that weren’t mentioned here, I do feel the need to emphasize to everybody that NFP abused can be a mortal sin:
Dr Peter A. Kwasniewski:

When used in circumstances that are not defensibly serious in comparison to the primary end of the great vocation of marriage in the Church, NFP is abused and can thereby turn sinful, even mortally so, for the couple. A newly married couple who want to enjoy each other’s bodily comfort for some time prior to shouldering the burden of children, or spouses postponing children because both wish to pursue doctorates simultaneously would be examples of what the poet Cowper calls “pampered appetite obscene”. Because in neither case is the intention honorable when weighed against the serious obligations of the state of life that has been entered into.

source - churchmilitant.tv/cia/07contraception/37.pdf

Put simply, utilizing NFP to postpone pregnancy strictly out of a fear of having “too many” children (without any accompanying sociological, health or financial reasons that are of a serious or grave nature) is not a valid reason to use NFP.

 

[ricofall]

So me and my wife have been learning the Creighton method, because we aren’t sure if we want more than one child or not. My question is, has anyone used nfp and successully kept a small family? It just seems to me anyone who does nfp has like 5 or more kids. I’m not saying a big family is bad, I actually admire people that do. Thanks ahead for your responses.

NFP is more than just planning a family. It teaches you to look forward to having children. We have been using and now we use an app called Ovacue for Android and we do like it. My wife is already planning on getting pregnant next year with our 3rd child. We have a 4 month and a 2 year old right now. We are trying to space them apart 18 months or so. Something to think about.

 

[vera_dicere]

So me and my wife have been learning the Creighton method, because we aren’t sure if we want more than one child or not. My question is, has anyone used nfp and successully kept a small family? It just seems to me anyone who does nfp has like 5 or more kids. I’m not saying a big family is bad, I actually admire people that do. Thanks ahead for your responses.

Others will lecutre on you the proper uses for NFP, but my brother and his wife, married for 10 years use NFP and have no children.

Their serious reason? They like to travel.

My cousin and his wife use it, and they have 2 children and another on the way, all planned. They’ve been married for just over 6 years.

I know of several couples who use it, and are very open about it and their reasons, and all of them have been marreid for about 10 years, all have families of about 3 kids.

 

[brendenseth]

I don’t know why people like you even respond. I will certainly not be bullied into anything.

While the OP may certainly have further reasons for using NFP that weren’t mentioned here, I do feel the need to emphasize to everybody that NFP abused can be a mortal sin:

source - churchmilitant.tv/cia/07contraception/37.pdf

Put simply, utilizing NFP to postpone pregnancy strictly out of a fear of having “too many” children (without any accompanying sociological, health or financial reasons that are of a serious or grave nature) is not a valid reason to use NFP.

 

[brendenseth]

Thank you to the rest of the people that have told me about their personal experiences. I have confidence now that we can do this! I should also say that me and my wife both have traumatic brain injuries from car accidents. Our daughter is all we can handle with our extra requirement of sleep and our memory problems. We certainly would not be able to handle multiple children, because our care of this children would drastically go down.

 

[ahs]

Thank you to the rest of the people that have told me about their personal experiences. I have confidence now that we can do this!

YES YOU CAN! (Sorry, I couldn’t resist. )

Seriously though, you can go forward with great confidence in this.

Another poster was right to say that many might lecture about proper use (which is actually more objective and useful information) or valid reasons (this is where private discernment of the couple is key).

Here I am about to make another gross generalization, but I will say this is true with me and my wife, and about 90% of the couples we know who use NFP: the beauty of NFP is that one’s ability to abstain during the fertile period is directly proportional to the seriousness of their reason to avoid pregnancy. I believe there are VERY FEW people who actually use NFP for unjust reasons on the basis of this fact. As the seriousness of the reason diminishes, so will the desire to abstain in that time. The people I know who have unjust reasons to avoid will generally resort to contraception…not rely on NFP.

 

[maryjk]

YES YOU CAN! (Sorry, I couldn’t resist. )

Seriously though, you can go forward with great confidence in this.

Another poster was right to say that many might lecture about proper use (which is actually more objective and useful information) or valid reasons (this is where private discernment of the couple is key).

Here I am about to make another gross generalization, but I will say this is true with me and my wife, and about 90% of the couples we know who use NFP: ** the beauty of NFP is that one’s ability to abstain during the fertile period is directly proportional to the seriousness of their reason to avoid pregnancy.** I believe there are VERY FEW people who actually use NFP for unjust reasons on the basis of this fact. As the seriousness of the reason diminishes, so will the desire to abstain in that time. The people I know who have unjust reasons to avoid will generally resort to contraception…not rely on NFP.

I have to agree. Couples without a just reason to avoid are going to have a hard time abstaining EVERY SINGLE FERTILE time.

It is hard enough with a just reason.

 

[MidnightSun12]

I don’t know why people like you even respond. I will certainly not be bullied into anything.

I responded for you and for any other inquiring mind that might read this thread.

Getting to heaven is the most important thing in this life and it’s my hope that every single man and woman can make it (the path is narrow and many do not). I would much rather have a person be uncomfortable when faced with the Truth in this life instead of when they are standing in front of the judgment throne…

Remember, to quote Saint Augustine:

If you wish to imitate the multitude, then you shall not be among the few who shall enter in by the narrow gate.

God bless! My prayers and with you and your wife.

 

[AB_Juney]

I think we need to remember, Sun, that while what you said is true, and many people donot know it, it can be earisome to hear for those who do practice for just reasons. Often, I’ve seen, people kicking other people because “THEY” don’t think the other couple has gave enough reasons. If the couple honestly and truly believes they have reason, that is enough.

 

[MidnightSun12]

I think we need to remember, Sun, that while what you said is true, and many people donot know it, it can be earisome to hear for those who do practice for just reasons. Often, I’ve seen, people kicking other people because “THEY” don’t think the other couple has gave enough reasons. If the couple honestly and truly believes they have reason, that is enough.

Point taken. I can see how my post might lead some people to despair or scruple over whether or not their “reason” is actually serious enough. With regards to that, I don’t believe that it is possible to “accidentally” commit a grave matter when somebody has a well-formed conscience and is seeking to love God with their whole hearts.

I think as long as a married couple is truly concerned with pleasing God at the centre of their lives, then it will be very clear to them whether or not God is permitting them to use NFP at this point in their marriage.

 

[AB_Juney]

Point taken. I can see how my post might lead some people to despair or scruple over whether or not their “reason” is actually serious enough. With regards to that, I don’t believe that it is possible to “accidentally” commit a grave matter when somebody has a well-formed conscience and is seeking to love God with their whole hearts.

I think as long as a married couple is truly concerned with pleasing God at the centre of their lives, then it will be very clear to them whether or not God is permitting them to use NFP at this point in their marriage.

Exactly. And in all regards,your post was among the more charitable I’ve seen under the topic of reasons for avoiding or spacing. I think many have such a zeal for this topic, it can cloud charity.

 

[maryjk]

I think we need to remember, Sun, that while what you said is true, and many people donot know it, it can be earisome to hear for those who do practice for just reasons. Often, I’ve seen, people kicking other people because “THEY” don’t think the other couple has gave enough reasons. If the couple honestly and truly believes they have reason, that is enough.

The problem is that it isn’t really any business of these other people.

I couldn’t imagine someone coming up to me and telling me that they don’t think I have a good enough reason. First, they don’t know my reason, they only know what they think my reason may be. And I am under no obligation to explain what my reason is.

My medical condition or financial situation or whatever is not the business of the busy bodies at church. Our decision, my husband’s and mine, is between the two of us and God.

That said, if someone was to inquire, in a polite way, I might explain why I use NFP. Everyone else can worry about the plank in their own eye.

 

[Moore11]

I don’t know why people like you even respond. I will certainly not be bullied into anything.

I didnt see any bullying.
Just somebody that posted a valid and Catholic opinion. You can come off a little defensive when you post on CAF about NFP and then dont want to hear others opinions.
Remember that we need to follow the Church and God’s teachings on this.
Good luck with your family!

 

[twoangels]

So me and my wife have been learning the Creighton method, because we aren’t sure if we want more than one child or not. My question is, has anyone used nfp and successully kept a small family? It just seems to me anyone who does nfp has like 5 or more kids. I’m not saying a big family is bad, I actually admire people that do. Thanks ahead for your responses.

The Church teaches that every sexual act must be open to sex. Now people can crudely interpret this to mean that so long as S ends up in V, any sort of timing sex to avoid conception is morally permissible.

I believe though that it is an overall attitude. Abstaining during fertile periods is more like a decision similar to acknowledging I have a fever or that its super late at night. I might be fully ready, but I recognize there is some circumstance that would make sex right now really imprudent. So being fertile means I have a super high chance of getting pregnant. Its such a high chance its not even possible to really say its taking a chance. Its trying to get pregnant. I’m more likely to get pregnant than to not get pregnant when I use that time. But meanwhile I have all these other responsibilities that take up my time and energy and would be hurt if I choose to have sex. So we give it up.

Its not always as clear cut as that. Sometimes its really weighing the importance of sex with the importance of avoiding. My husband and I got pregnant at a very scary time in our life, but it was something we really prayed about and discerned and I we ended up with a beautiful daughter. In fact, I was sure we were going to have a daughter before we conceived. I felt drawn to accept her, like God was beckoning us to take that faith journey so he hinted “I’ve got a little girl for you. Please say yes.”

Its important to discern this on a month to month basis. Don’t go in with expectations or your own plans. Seek God’s will and expect Him to challenge your faith.