Question about NFP

[James1990]

Hi. Just curious about NFP, if someone was to get married to a non christian spouse, will the non christian spouse have to use NFP if down the line they wanted to space out pregancies? And if they choosed to use contraception… what would be the consequences?

 

[RedSparklyShoes]

NFP is a partnership. You can’t have one spouse use it and one not. Contraception is a grave matter. And for the other spouse (depending on what kind of artificial birth control we’re talking about) would be in the sin of omission by not saying anything.

If you are considering marrying a non-Christian, please pray about this very hard. Being in a “mixed marriage” is not the easiest thing to do, although people do it.

 

[JackieMom]

This is a complicated matter. It is not always a sin for the non-contracepting spouse to be intimate with the contracepting spouse, but you need to speak with a priest about it.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

This is a complicated matter. It is not always a sin for the non-contracepting spouse to be intimate with the contracepting spouse, but you need to speak with a priest about it.

How is it ‘not always’ a sin?

A catholic cannot enter into a marriage participating with full knowlege of the use of contraception. The willingness to engage in, and the act of, the marital embrace means full knowlege and full consent would have been given to a serious matter.

 

[1ke]

Hi. Just curious about NFP, if someone was to get married to a non christian spouse, will the non christian spouse have to use NFP if down the line they wanted to space out pregancies? And if they choosed to use contraception… what would be the consequences?

Since the parties in question are not yet married there needs to be agreement beforehand regarding the Catholic’s obligation to not use contraception and to raise children in the Catholic faith.

If the non-Catholic intends on contracepting, and the Catholic knows this beforehand, I would suggest that the Catholic cannot in good conscience enter such a marriage. You have an obligation to avoid placing yourself in such a position.

This is different from a Catholic who enters a marriage with agreement not to contracept only to have the non-Catholic spouse change their mind. In such a circumstance, one’s pastor can guide the Catholic on the proper course of action.

 

[1ke]

How is it ‘not always’ a sin?

Thanks

See the document Vademecum for Confessors.

 

[JackieMom]

How is it ‘not always’ a sin?

Thanks

If one spouse insists on using contraception, and the other has done what he or she reasonably can to rectify the situation in accordance with the Catholic Church’s laws, it is possible for intimacy to continue with only one spouse carrying the burden of that sin. Basically, the non-contracepting spouse, while maintaining his or her position, is not obligated to withhold sex. It would be a sin if the non-contracepting person used his or her spouse’s sin as a way to circumvent Catholic teaching (i.e. “Good thing David isn’t a Catholic so we can get away with him wearing condoms!”) The couple needs to speak to a priest.

 

[JackieMom]

How is it ‘not always’ a sin?

A catholic cannot enter into a marriage participating with full knowlege of the use of contraception. The willingness to engage in, and the act of, the marital embrace means full knowlege and full consent would have been given to a serious matter.

Yes, it would make a difference if the non-Catholic made it clear from the outset that he/she would be using contraception. That marriage would be ill-advised, of course.

 

[SonCatcher]

They should really talk about this before they marry. However, it that’s already past, then they will need to address it immediately.

The Catholic spouse needs to inform the non-Catholic spouse that they will only use NFP as a means of spacing births. If the non-Catholic spouse won’t cooperate, he/she would be fully responsible for any contraceptives he/she wishes to use.

The Catholic spouse would not sin if he/she does not participate in the contraception.

 

[1ke]

A catholic cannot enter into a marriage participating with full knowlege of the use of contraception. The willingness to engage in, and the act of, the marital embrace means full knowlege and full consent would have been given to a serious matter.

Of course. But in many cases, the Catholic finds themselves victims of the old switcheroo when the spouses agreed beforehand but at some point in the marriage one of them changes their mind, falls away from the faith, etc.

And, of course, many Protestants find their way to the Catholic Church and many lapsed Catholics find their way back, so in those situations they can be guided by their pastor.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

If one spouse insists on using contraception, and the other has done what he or she reasonably can to rectify the situation in accordance with the Catholic Church’s laws, it is possible for intimacy to continue with only one spouse carrying the burden of that sin. Basically, the non-contracepting spouse, while maintaining his or her position, is not obligated to withhold sex. It would be a sin if the non-contracepting person used his or her spouse’s sin as a way to circumvent Catholic teaching (i.e. “Good thing David isn’t a Catholic so we can get away with him wearing condoms!”) The couple needs to speak to a priest.

??

The 2 shall become 1
If both have full knowlege and consent, then the catholic cannot ‘embrace’ without sin. Or…did you mean the non catholic would carry the burden?

 

[crazzeto]

Sadly I would say this is why these types of mixed marriages should be discouraged. I know this is a difficult task, and there’s only so much one can do. But here are a couple points worth bringing up

1. No actually use of contraception is always a sin. Even if it is technically other person using it, agreement with usage is a sin. I really can’t imagine a senario that would tip toe around the gravity of contraceptive usage
2. With that in mind, I very much agree with an earlier posting that both parties in the couple must agree and be committed to NFP usage. But we have to admit the basic fact the non-catholic/christian party isn’t likely to have this commitment. This puts the believer in a real bind, and a terrible situation.
3. While I love NFP personally, and am personally committed to it (as is my spouse) I would be negligent if I didn’t mention it brings it’s own set of complications. We as a society, even believers are bought and sold on the contraceptive mentality of sex. That is, we should and especially married couples should be able to have sex all the time, without consequence. This makes NFP exceedingly difficult to implement in reality for many couples, my wife and I have had our struggles and every now and again we still feel the weight. This means NFP can be viewed as an unjust burden on the non-believer to some degree.

I wish I could say everything will be fine, don’t worry about it. But I feel I would be lieing to you. This is a difficult course, very difficult. In the name of justice, it’s critical that NFP be discussed honestly and fully before hand.

 

[JackieMom]

??

The 2 shall become 1
If both have full knowlege and consent, then the catholic cannot ‘embrace’ without sin. Or…did you mean the non catholic would carry the burden?

I’m not sure how else to explain. Let me try. A couple gets married and after two kids the wife says “I’m going on the pill. I can’t handle another pregnancy.” The husband wants to use NFP and they argue about it. They see a priest. The wife maintains that she is going on the pill anyway. After a while, it’s clear that there is an impasse and it will not be resolved in favor of the practicing Catholic. As long as that Catholic makes it clear that he does not agree with contraception, and wishes not to use it, but sees that he has lost the battle - he can still have sex with his spouse. Of course, he should continue to pray for a better resolution.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

I’m not sure how else to explain. Let me try. A couple gets married and after two kids the wife says “I’m going on the pill. I can’t handle another pregnancy.” The husband wants to use NFP and they argue about it. They see a priest. The wife maintains that she is going on the pill anyway. After a while, it’s clear that there is an impasse and it will not be resolved in favor of the practicing Catholic. As long as that Catholic makes it clear that he does not agree with contraception, and wishes not to use it, but sees that he has lost the battle - he can still have sex with his spouse. Of course, he should continue to pray for a better resolution.

Well…I hate to do this, but could you provide documentation to support this? Sounds fishy to me, but I am simply winging it on my responses based on my understanding of church teaching, and if you are doing the same then we’ll get to the ‘official documentation’ question eventually!

Also, I understood the OP to be:

1. not yet married
2. future spouse pushing contraception

But, It could just be a hypothetical question.

 

[JackieMom]

1. Special difficulties are presented by cases of cooperation in the sin of a spouse who voluntarily renders the unitive act infecund. In the first place, it is necessary to distinguish cooperation in the proper sense, from violence or unjust imposition on the part of one of the spouses, which the other spouse in fact cannot resist.46, 561).] This cooperation can be licit when the three following conditions are jointly met:

when the action of the cooperating spouse is not already illicit in itself;47
when proportionally grave reasons exist for cooperating in the sin of the other spouse;
when one is seeking to help the other spouse to desist from such conduct (patiently, with prayer, charity and dialogue; although not necessarily in that moment, nor on every single occasion).

(From Vademecum for Confessors)

 

[Armor_of_Light]

And also…

Isn’t that a little like asking your spouse to drive the get-away car, and the spouse doing so but not sinning?

 

[Armor_of_Light]

1. Special difficulties are presented by cases of cooperation in the sin of a spouse who voluntarily renders the unitive act infecund. In the first place, it is necessary to distinguish cooperation in the proper sense, from violence or unjust imposition on the part of one of the spouses, which the other spouse in fact cannot resist.46, 561).] This cooperation can be licit when the three following conditions are jointly met:

when the action of the cooperating spouse is not already illicit in itself;47
when proportionally grave reasons exist for cooperating in the sin of the other spouse;
when one is seeking to help the other spouse to desist from such conduct (patiently, with prayer, charity and dialogue; although not necessarily in that moment, nor on every single occasion).

(From Vademecum for Confessors)

Ahh…so thats why 1KE suggested I read it!

Thanks

 

[JackieMom]

I would not “wing” Catholic teaching It can be licit for a spouse to be intimate with a spouse who insists on using contraception or who has been sterilized. Th

 

[JackieMom]

And also…

Isn’t that a little like asking your spouse to drive the get-away car, and the spouse doing so but not sinning?

No. That is more like the contracepting spouse asking the practicing Catholic to pick up some condoms on the way home from work. That, of course, would be facilitating the sin.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

No. That is more like the contracepting spouse asking the practicing Catholic to pick up some condoms on the way home from work. That, of course, would be facilitating the sin.

I have to disagree. Picking up the condoms is not the sin. Asking to pick up the condoms is not the sin. Using the condoms in the marital embrace is the sin. I’m still trying to digest

‘Vademecum for Confessors’ so bear with me…

The OP:

Hi. Just curious about NFP, if someone was to get married to a non christian spouse, will the non christian spouse have to use NFP if down the line they wanted to space out pregancies? And if they choosed to use contraception… what would be the consequences?

So it sounds hypothetical at this point.

The ‘switcheroo’ scenario previously suggested sounds like what Vademecum is addressing. The hypothetical OP sounds like ‘can we contracept because my maybe spouse is not catholic?’

The answer is no to that one…and I’m not winging it by saying so.