Question about obituary notice

[Dtro]

Hi. I have a question I am wrestling with. My Father just passed away. While discussing the death notice that will be put in the newspaper the funeral director asked if any of my kids or my sisters kids were married. None of the kids are married but, my son is engaged to be married in early December. I see know issue with adding my sons fiancée name after my sons name but put (fiancée Ann Smith). My mother and sister are adamant about not adding her name because they aren’t married. Is it wrong to put (fiancée AnnSmith) in the death notice? It’s causing lots of issues

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

I think it’s a matter of tradition. There is no right or wrong in funeral announcements

I also think that it would greatly depend on if she knew and had a relationship with your father. If not, it’s probably best to leave well enough alone.

If she did have a relationship, then it is right and fair to put her name in. Even if they do not marry, he died believing they would. I was just engaged to my husband when his grandfather died. They did not list the grandkids, but I’d imagine, if they did my name would have been listed. My husband and I traveled to see him frequently and I helped him with many of his computer related goals…including his pride and joy, his Facebook page. He was a delightful old man with so many stories to share. He told EVERYONE he met, even at the grocer, that HE HAD A FACEBOOK. It was adorable.

So it really depends. Did your son and his fiancee both have a relationship with your father?

 

[Dtro]

My son had been seeing his fiancée for about 4 years. While dad had dementia she still would say hello,to him and give Dad and my mother a kiss hello and goodbye. His fiancée would always bring extra food to our family parties. She would go out of her way to make something special. My son always liked seeing Dad because dad never held anything back. Just said what was in his mind. Most of the time it was something funny. I just don’t understand their reasoning.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

People get weird around death.

I would say do what you feel is best. She has a relationship with your father. This is about honoring his life and you can argue that this young woman was an important part of these last days.

It’s not worth angering family for, unless this means something for you. I think it’s fair for you to ask this, but you have to determine what it’s worth to you.

I think, try to explain it to them once more, especially given the long nature of their relationship. Even if you’re paying for it, it is typically considered that the wishes of the widow take precedence.

 

[Trishie]

I hope that if your mother and sister remain in that mindset that you can find a way to minimize the hurt that your son and his fiancee might feel. As Xanthippe said, the widow’s wishes have precedence.
Was your Dad very fond of your son’s fiancee, if so, could this help to change minds? Xanthippe suggested that before me.

I feel for you as a parent worried about your dear son and the girl he loves.
However harm done by continuing with trying to push for inclusion of your son’s fiancee’s name could jeopardize future relationship, as grieving is an intense emotional time and damage done at this time can leave lasting scars. Actually, either way it can, so the ones you have must sway over are your son and his fiancee. God grant you can find a loving, creative way to help them to accept your mother’s decision gently.

Aside from that, my heartfelt prayers for your loss, and your family’s loss of your father.

 

[anna]

I think you should do what you think is right You just lost your father and that is alot of emotional pain and stress. in itself. I do not no the protocol but the funeral director should. Do not let this over shadow your arrangements for your dad.Talk to your son. You will work it out. Will say a prayer for the repose of the soul of your father. God Bless