Question about post on different thread

[RachelKH]

quote:

“Other means” obviously refers to the act of achieving female orgasm by means other than intercourse. Anything “other” than intercourse must, therefore, suggest manual or oral stimulation - done by either the husband or by the woman alone. (IOW, if he falls asleep after sex and your motor is still running, girls, it’s okay to do it.)

is this true??? 23 years of marriage with me almost always totally ‘unfinished’ and him snoring away. at times he went straight from kissing (lips to lips, not other places)to intercourse (w/o even touching my breasts or genitals or other) with no thought to pleasing me – you mean i could have guilt free taken care of myself??? just wondering – i don’t think i would have felt comfortable doing that, but always thought it was wrong since he would not ‘be involved’ at all. and how empty and lonely would that have been anyhow.

i have read that getting all ‘hot and bothered’ w/o ‘completion’ send chemicals throughout the female body, leading to even mental/emotional problems. i wondered if this could have been a contributing factor to my depression – i mean, as if i needed more that just marriage to a cheating, immoral, narcissist.

 

[Loboto-Me]

I would suggest you have a loving conversation with your husband, over a glass of wine. My husband and I have started intimate conversations while on much needed dates, out of the blue where we’ve mentioned things that needed mentioning in the intimacy department. I find that when they come out during those times, it’s less threatening to the relationship. We usually start with playful and flirtatious conversation, telling each other what we enjoy about each other, then if there’s something that needs telling, it’s said in that flirtatious mood because the words are all said in love.

You could say that sometimes… not always, because you enjoy the act itself too, you’d like for him to take care of your needs first so that you don’t feel like "attacking him like a nympho (although he might like it) after the marital act is completed. Or maybe you could ask him to take care of your needs first so that you’re more ready for him when the time comes? I don’t know how you too communicate your words, or if you even talk about sex outside of the bedroom itself, but I’m sure you could figure it out… but just make sure that you are BOTH in a good mood and doesn’t feel attacked.

And you were right to think that taking care of yourself didn’t seem like the right advice and you were right in the reason for your thinking. The satisfaction of both parties is part of the marital act. If one party is taking care of themselves, without the other being a part of it, whether the act was accomplished or not, it’s not part of the marital act anymore.

 

[RachelKH]

my husband moved out 9 months ago and bought himself a house too. he is a narcissist and has lust issues – he was looking at our teenage daughters and didn’t understand how looking at their ‘parts’ for his pleasure could be wrong or uncomfortable or harmful to our 4 daughters. there is no talking going on, nor did he listen or care about talking during the almost 24 years of our marriage. i am seeking a divorce and annulment, while he still is thinking that all he needs to do is wait until 4 years from now when our now teen daughters are both off in college and then he can ‘move home’ back in with me and the 2 younger daughters who will by that time have become his ‘new temptation’ because they will have started getting curvy. um, no. there is no way short of a miraculous change that i will let him back in to continue the destruction of my life. just to clear that little issue up.

 

[Loboto-Me]

Oh I’m so very sorry for you and your situation. That does make my previous post almost useless doesn’t it?

All except the very short last paragraph.

I’ll pray for you, and I hope you can find healing for yourself through all this tribulation