Like the rich man who walked away sadly. He had always followed the commandments and obeyed the rules, but he knew something still wasn’t right and asked Jesus what he needs to do. Jesus knew where his treasure lay, in the comfort and security and power his many possessions brings. So He said go sell everything and give it away. The man wasn’t ready to take that step. Also the part about “let the dead bury the dead” (even though burying dead is an “act of mercy”) is again saying that we cannot be led by Jesus and later the Holy Spirit, if we are clinging onto worldly possessions, responsibilities, etc.
Great question but entire religions and cults are made around it. One way to attempt to “lose oneself” is by engaging in contemplative prayer forms. It isn’t that we have to lose our possessions, we just have to lose our constant sense of having to own them. As anybody with many possessions knows, owning things can bring on their own kind of anxiety because we have to protect them and worry about them and keep them in good condition, etc. to the point we “own” them but they “steal” time from our lives – and when we’re worried about what’s going on at home it makes us weak warriors for the spiritual outreach.
The worst part about overthinking things, is by trying to use “their rules” to figure stuff out, when you know very well that you are being “nagged” by inner voices to do something that just doesn’t seem like the “loving” thing to do at the time. Don’t distrust your mind; distrust the assumptions it is using as bases for the confusion.
The issue I run into here is: I know what it’s like to deny myself. Except I do it unwillingly most times. My mind tells me I can’t have this or I can’t have that. And then I chalk it up to, ‘Well… maybe the fact that I want it so badly means I shouldn’t have it.’ Let me tell you something. It’s not a good way to live. It’s no way to live. Makes me wonder if Jesus were here today, what would denying Himself be like? Like how little would be too little? Curious idea to ponder.
I do, however, agree with being humble. I don’t need a big house or fancy clothes or the latest and greatest in technology to be happy. All we need is food, shelter, and clothes right? The rest is just our own personal lifestyle.
My other problem is: I firmly believe that attitude is everything. I could have the crappiest day and at the end of it, still have an amazing attitude. Because guess what? I learned something, I felt something, I lived through it. The problem here lies in the notion that all I need is a good state and mind and nothing else. As for clinging to possessions, the less you have, the less you care about having more. You adapt to a specific lifestyle. But for me, I can adapt to a lot of different situations.
Let’s take today for instance: I had an eye doctor appointment. Most people may see it as a chore. I saw it as a genuinely fun experience. I drove home with the windows down and music playing while singing along. I looked up at the sky and smiled because something inside of me was happy just to be living. I then came home and ate a bagel while watching Law and Order. It was a great day. I don’t do much of anything with my life, I’ve never felt like I was able to break out of my bubble. So, to have the opportunity to have the simplest experiences in life, is really something. I’m not kidding you, even going out to dinner with a friend is like, super amazing for me.
I agree with you that most people don’t own their possession, their possessions own them. I think everyone can be guilt of this. Some more than others. I’m thinking of the people who drive fancy cars and spend their days washing it because it’s their shiny status symbol. Meh, not for me. I’d be fine with a moped. Those things seem awesome.
As for my overthinking, I can see it as using ‘their rules’. But it has always been ‘their rules’. I mean, I’m grateful my parents aren’t extremists or anything, but I still have a ‘Catholic filter’. I have found this to be the biggest roadblock in my head so far. I became really depressed in college. Got better after leaving home. Now it’s back again. And I find myself validating everything EVERYTHING through these forums just because it’s the religion I grew up with and the only one I know. I can’t knowingly stray from it, though. That would be a most grievous sin. That’s my mind for you. And I tell you, it feels like I can’t win. I was shy and withdrawn as a kid because I felt like that was my role. And I am shy and withdrawn as an adult because doing anything I want to do is sinful or not God’s will or simply meaningless because this life is just a temporary pit-stop on our way to our hopeful spot in Heaven.
Or it’s all personal belief and I’m needlessly burdening myself with ideals that I don’t fit with and I could have started living years ago.
I had a breakdown once about wishing I had not grown up Catholic. How I couldn’t do what I wanted to. She asked me what it is I wanted to do. Live.
Now, I appreciate her raising me in her own belief. I think I am very loving. But that’s why I don’t want kids, though. I don’t know what I believe at the moment. And I don’t want to know the Truth I see in my head. I just want to live and be happy and make people smile and not have as strong of a filter as I do. But then that’s ‘numbing my conscious’. And I don’t want to make a child suffer in a world that will undoubtedly be ‘worse’ than it is now and tell him that there is joy in suffering.
It’s not that I am being nagged by the voices to not do something loving. It’s that I am being nagged by the voices to not love myself.
Sorry, that’s some of what goes on in my head everyday. I hope at least some of my reply made sense to you.
