Question about remarriage in the Catholic Church

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gdeann

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First off, I want to say this is an awesome site! I have browsed for a few months now and finally just joined tonight. Let me share my situation with you.
I married several years ago outside of the Catholic church. I was Baptised in the church but never confirmed…
We then divorced. I then met my husband now and due to a stubborn X and (name removed by moderator)atience on our part we married outside of the Catholic church instead of getting the first marriage annulled. We now have been married 10.5 years and are in a wonderful relationship other then wanting to go back to the Catholic faith. My current husband, up until our marriage was a practicing Catholic. I was baptised, but never attended church on a regular basis. I guess what I am asking is, at this point in our lives and marriage, would I still need to get a consent from my x husband and if not, would forms need to go out to be filled out to the people who knew us in the marriage? I think I eventually want to join the church, and if so, what would I be required to do to do so? Also, if we get the marriage thing taken care of and even if I don’t join the church right away, would my husband then be able to participate in mass by receiving the host/wine?
Thank you so much for your kindness and thank you in advance for taking the time to answer my questions.

Gayle
 
broken record: each marriage situation is unique and useless to give an answer here. go to your pastor together, lay out all the facts of your present marriage, and any previous marriages, before him, and he will direct you on how to proceed.
 
Hmmm…
since when does your ex-spouse have to give consent to get an annulment or seek one…???:eek:

I totally SECOND Puzzelannie’s post talk to your parish priest he is the best person to direct you! 👍
 
That is what the priest, 10 years ago told us when we originally wanted to get married in the church. He said without the x being informed and signing off on it, we would need to go through the Pope to get it okayed. I know every situation is different and I knew it was a long shot, I was just hoping someone could tell me “in general” what the course of action would be.
Thank you for the responses!
 
gdeann said:
That is what the priest, 10 years ago told us when we originally wanted to get married in the church. He said without the x being informed and signing off on it, we would need to go through the Pope to get it okayed. I know every situation is different and I knew it was a long shot, I was just hoping someone could tell me “in general” what the course of action would be.
Thank you for the responses!
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HMm…once again the ex-spouse will be notified but has no say in the outcome of the annulment that is up to the Tribunal!
Once again speak with your priest explaint he situation and he will guide you to what the next steps are…each situation is different!
Also if you want to get a general idea of the process I suggest you search the forums for other threads (numerous) that cover this topic.
THis may help you along also… rcan.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=category.display&category_id=27 …
Some basic info on the process etc.
 
So what I’m understanding about divorce and remarriage is this: in the Catholic Church, I can NEVER be in a state of grace again because I divorced my first husband (he’s Catholic and we were married in the Catholic Church) and married again? Even tho I divorced him because he committed adultery over and over and over with a number of women?!

I don’t understand how God would find it acceptable that - even tho I was blameless (at least as far as the sin of adultery) and my husband was the one who broke every single vow uttered on the day of our wedding - I should be left alone and lonely and of course celebate for the rest of my life. Even if I live an exemplary life, keeping my faith and doing everything else that is right in God’s eyes?

Is he still in a state of grace because he hasn’t remarried?!
 
Kamala47 said:
So what I’m understanding about divorce and remarriage is this: in the Catholic Church, I can NEVER be in a state of grace again because I divorced my first husband (he’s Catholic and we were married in the Catholic Church) and married again? Even tho I divorced him because he committed adultery over and over and over with a number of women?!
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Why not seek an annulment?
 
Kamala47 said:
So what I’m understanding about divorce and remarriage is this: in the Catholic Church, I can NEVER be in a state of grace again because I divorced my first husband (he’s Catholic and we were married in the Catholic Church) and married again? Even tho I divorced him because he committed adultery over and over and over with a number of women?!
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I am sorry are you also Catholic?
 
*Unlike a divorce, which states that a marriage that once existed no longer does so, an annulment is a declaration by the Church that no valid sacramental marriage existed, because there was no true Sacrament of Marriage as the Church teaches it from the beginning.

The Roman Catholic Church considers a marriage valid when:

It is celebrated in a ceremony which is acceptable according to Church law;
Both parties are free to marry each other;
Each partner intends, from the beginning of the marriage, to accept God’s plan for married life as taught by the Church;
Each partner has the physical and psychological ability to live out the consent initially given to the marriage.

If any of these requirements is lacking from the beginning of the marriage, then the Tribunal, acting as the bishop’s representative, can declare that marriage invalid.*
 
Kamala47 said:
Is he still in a state of grace because he hasn’t remarried?!
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My understanding as long as he goes to Confession (to confess whatever sins he has) and has not remarried he can still receive the Eucharist.
 
I don’t know on what basis an annulment would be granted.

Would my new husband need to be Catholic (he’s Methodist) for our marriage to be recognized by the Church? Would we be required to marry again in the Catholic Church for it to be valid?

People keep telling me that Catholics can always come home but I don’t know if I believe that.
 
Kamala47 said:
I don’t know on what basis an annulment would be granted.
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Then may I suggest you speak with a Priest at your Parish.
Would my new husband need to be Catholic (he’s Methodist) for our marriage to be recognized by the Church? Would we be required to marry again in the Catholic Church for it to be valid?
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No he would not need to be Catholic. But for your second marriage to be recognized by the Church your first one needs to be annulled.
As far as the church is concerned you are committing adultery.
People keep telling me that Catholics can always come home but I don’t know if I believe that.
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They can and you should.!

Talk with your Priest. He would be better able to guide you on what you need to do.
 
Kamala47 said:
So what I’m understanding about divorce and remarriage is this: in the Catholic Church, I can NEVER be in a state of grace again because I divorced my first husband (he’s Catholic and we were married in the Catholic Church) and married again? Even tho I divorced him because he committed adultery over and over and over with a number of women?!
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You were right to divorce him if he was making the common life unbearable for you. A civil divorce can not end a marriage; all it does is create a safe situation for the person who is leaving the marriage to be able to control her finances and to be able to live separately from her spouse without him being able to insist on coming back to live with her.

Being right to divorce does not make it okay to remarry, though. You will not be free to attempt marriage again until you receive a Declaration of Nullity regarding the first marriage.
I don’t understand how God would find it acceptable that - even tho I was blameless (at least as far as the sin of adultery) and my husband was the one who broke every single vow uttered on the day of our wedding - I should be left alone and lonely and of course celebate for the rest of my life. Even if I live an exemplary life, keeping my faith and doing everything else that is right in God’s eyes?
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Do you not see that by taking a second husband, you are doing exactly the same thing to him that he did to you?
Is he still in a state of grace because he hasn’t remarried?!
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If he is living a godly life and attending Confession whenever he needs to, then yes, he is now in a state of grace, even though he sinned in the past.

In order to be able to enter into a state of grace, we have to place ourselves into the situation where it is possible to stop committing sin. In your case, this will come about when you receive a Declaration of Nullity for your first marriage, and then enter into a Catholic marriage with the man you are now living with.
 
Kamala47-
as another poster suggested…
puzzleannie said:
each marriage situation is unique and useless to give an answer here. go to your pastor together, lay out all the facts of your present marriage, and any previous marriages, before him, and he will direct you on how to proceed.
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It is solid and good advice! I highly recommend it!
 
Please understand that the disciplines and rules of the Church exist to help us avoid that which is lethal to our souls (sin). However, merely following the rules is not enough. As the Pharisees proved, you can follow all the rules and still be hopelessly lost.

If your ex-husband is still not remarried, then he is not in a state of mortal sin on THAT issue. There are plenty of other chances for him to get into trouble, and you sure noted a few!

God does NOT will that you be miserable. He wants only joy for you. But because we humans are puny in comparison to him, the process you need to go through requires your examination of conscience, patience, humility and time.

Go to your priest and ask about a declaration of nullity. There is a good chance you were never sacramentally married to that first husband at all. Why not find out and be done with it?
 
That is my understanding as well.

I don’t know what his intention was on the day of our wedding. How in the world would one ever** prove** that he had no intention of being faithful? I mean, really, if I knew that his intentions were to be unfaithful, I’d never have married him in the first place!

This is an example of where there is such a disconnect between the RCC and the real world. Believe me, I would love nothing better than to be able to “come home again”. I just don’t know how.
 
UPDATE! I originally posted this Sept. of 2006. Since posting, we went to see a Priest and were able to be married in the church Oct. of 2006. I received Reconciliation, First Communion and am currently working on Confirmation, going thru the RCIA process. My husband and I are teaching an infant baptism class and I also have been commissioned to take Communion to the ill. It has been an exciting year and a very fulfilling one too. I thank God every day for our Priest, he has been a true blessing.
 
Kamala47 said:
That is my understanding as well.

I don’t know what his intention was on the day of our wedding. How in the world would one ever** prove** that he had no intention of being faithful? I mean, really, if I knew that his intentions were to be unfaithful, I’d never have married him in the first place!

This is an example of where there is such a disconnect between the RCC and the real world. Believe me, I would love nothing better than to be able to “come home again”. I just don’t know how.
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You where told how…speak with your parish priest and explain the whole situation to him. He is the one that can guide you and advise you accordingly.

As to the RCC church being removed from the real world…I really think your mistaken, actually I know you are.
 
wifeandmomoftwo said:
ewtn.com/expert/answers/annulment.htm
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Kamala47 said:
That is my understanding as well.

I don’t know what his intention was on the day of our wedding. How in the world would one ever** prove** that he had no intention of being faithful? I mean, really, if I knew that his intentions were to be unfaithful, I’d never have married him in the first place!

.
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See the above link to see what an annulment is and what it involves. Should answer your question that you posed above.
 
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