I too have personal experience, and when I was most depressed I would cut, burn myself, OD on painkillers, etc. At your niece’s age, it is possible that it is just a weird ‘interest’ that kids do for some incomprehensible reason (and even that requires investigation, to cut oneself to be ‘part of the crowd’).
I agree with the decision to take her to a counsellor, but I’d also advise her seeing a doctor too. Depression of children and teenagers sometimes manifests differently to adults, so it might not be obvious she is depressed. It could also be a symptom of low self esteem, eating disorder, being bullied, being abused, and no doubt other things besides. Even if there is no underlying medical problem, and that it is a ‘cry for help’ or simply for attention, that needs investigating too.
I’d like to make you aware of the presence of self-harm websites online. Some are pro-self harm, and even included photos of people’s cuts (which I found very triggering, and which usually led to self-harm). There is a well-known website called ‘Recover your life’, which focuses on recovering from self-harm. Such a website might help her, but depending on her mental state she might find it triggering. I think there are articles on there which might help you understand the mentality of self-harm.
Another important point I’d like to make, which was raised by the previous poster, is the futility of making her promise not to cut again. My friend once made me promise not to cut again, on her life, and what did I do? My feelings led to me cutting, and then I felt even worse for betraying a promise.
And finally - if you talk to your niece in person about it, try not to appear shocked or judgemental. To self-harmers, self harm makes sense even if they don’t understand the reasons behind it, and to have somebody who obviously feels awkward about it (or who doesn’t understand it or try to understand) is awful. When my dad found out, he called me ‘Moron’ and to get out of his sight. Obviously he was upset, but that wasn’t quite the right reaction … I am not saying that you, or her family, would react that way, but a compassionate treatment of her is the key. For me, self harm was a way of expressing intensely painful feelings that I just couldn’t bear, and it was the only way I found to be able to relieve them (for a bit). It might be the same with her.
And of course, you need to resolve the core of the problem at her current age - and equip her with useable coping techniques - else it is something she is likely to fall back on as she grows up. I began self harm in 2003, and I still do it occasionally. You don’t want her to learn that this is the only effective coping technique that she has.
Hope this is of some use to you, and thank you for wanting to help your niece
