Question about sex before marriage

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angelinefromtx

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If having sex is so important in a marriage and when not present the relationship gets affected by it. How can I remain in Grace and live a chaste relationship without my 2 yr relationship be affected by it? Why?
 
Hi Angeline,

May I ask, why would one want to be chaste in his/her marriage?:confused: I’m not sure I understand the question. Thanks.🙂
 
I think she is referring to not being married yet, but wondering how the relationship is affected. Like why is it so central and important to a marriage, but not so when dating or engaged.
 
Ah, OK.🙂 Then to answer your question OP, chastity is more manageable in a pre-marital relationship because there’s a light at the end of the tunnel!😃
 
A couple quick things. First while the unitive aspect of sex can strengthen the interpersonal bonds in a marriage it is not the most important aspect of marriage. Most marriages will have periods of continence that might last for weeks, months, or even years. A strong relationship will not break down simply because a couple can no longer engage in sex. If sex is the foundation of the relationship then it is built on a foundation of shifting sand.

God made human sexuality unitive for the purposes of strengthening the parents to raise children. The primary ends of sex is not to keep a couple together, but instead the begetting of children. If a couple is committing the sin of fornication, to what end? If you are not planning on getting married and having children then why are you having sex with this person? Why would you care about a long term relationship on a dead-end road? If you are planning these things then the relationship should be strong enough that you should be able to stop sinning until you get married.

For me it comes down to this question: Is a relationship built on a mortal sin more important than one’s mortal soul? Yes the person might leave you if you stop, but then it was never a relationship meant to last in the first place.
 
angelinefromtx said:
If having sex is so important in a marriage and when not present the relationship gets affected by it. How can I remain in Grace and live a chaste relationship without my 2 yr relationship be affected by it? Why?
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This is such a goofy notion that has been kicked around by old boomers, to wit, how can you get married before you’ve tested the materials? How do you know if (get THIS term!) “sexually compatible”?

sigh. . . men and women ARE sexually compatible. There are few, few deviants. My guess is that many sexual deviants became that way over time, exploring sex outside of a relationship.

So the whole “sexual compatibility” thing is a high-sounding excuse for premarital sex. Unless your Significant Other is some kind of clown, things will work out fine.
 
From a man’s point of view, quick notes:

—men actually respect women they know who are intentionally maintaining their virginity. Men have hormones and a sex drive, and they can appreciate a woman’s self-control, particularly if it has a greater purpose to it.

—men DO tend to view women in two ways: either as a quick sex opportunity or as a serious relationship. So what do YOU want?
 
angelinefromtx said:
If having sex is so important in a marriage and when not present the relationship gets affected by it. How can I remain in Grace and live a chaste relationship without my 2 yr relationship be affected by it? Why?
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OK, I gather this is what you’re saying:

You think the Catholic position goes something like this: “Sex is important. Married couples have sex. Therefore sex is important to married couples. But sex is also important for nonmarried people, so what are they to do?”

The answer is to understand that, for us, it’s not “Sex is important.” It’s “Chastity is important.” Chastity means marital sex and nonmarital continence. Sex is important to marriage because marriage just is about sex.

Dating is emphatically not about sex because it’s not a marriage.

So if you are saying “I’m unmarried, and not having sex is affecting my relationship,” the problem is not “I’m not having sex,” the problem is “Not having sex is affecting my relationship.” In other words, the problem isn’t Church teachings, it’s you/your boyfriend/what you and your boyfriend have.
 
angelinefromtx said:
If having sex is so important in a marriage and when not present the relationship gets affected by it. How can I remain in Grace and live a chaste relationship without my 2 yr relationship be affected by it? Why?
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God modelled married life and the commandment to not commit adultery from His divine Will. It"s when we deviate from His Plan and do things like pre-marital sex that we start going down a rocky road and negatively affecting things.

Remember, since He created us, the most '“natural” thing we can do is to follow God"s Will.
 
lerapt78 said:
Hi Angeline,

May I ask, why would one want to be chaste in his/her marriage?:confused: I’m not sure I understand the question. Thanks.🙂
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I think you’re confusing the words chaste and celibate. Every human being, from singles to married people to priests and nuns, are supposed to be chaste!
Chaste simply means living your sexuality properly within the bounds of your state in life.
 
Thanks for making the distinction. You’re correct, I was thinking of celibacy when I read her question.👍 So then, to be clear: One can be both chaste *and *sexually active within a marriage?
 
angelinefromtx said:
If having sex is so important in a marriage and when not present the relationship gets affected by it. How can I remain in Grace and live a chaste relationship without my 2 yr relationship be affected by it? Why?
Click to expand...
I would say if you’ve been together 2 years, and feel that this is the person you will marry, get married.

Long relationships/engagements are unnatural and a very recent phenomena. The old saw was that after 6 months of dating, if you weren’t ready to get engaged, you should break up. If you got engaged, you married within six months.

Interestingly, my wife and I followed this very pattern. 1st date Sept. 2004, engaged March 2005, married Aug 2005.

God Bless
 
lerapt78 said:
Thanks for making the distinction. You’re correct, I was thinking of celibacy when I read her question.👍 So then, to be clear: One can be both chaste *and *sexually active within a marriage?
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Yes. I think that if one spouse is withholding marital relations for an unjust reason, that could actually be a violation of proper chastity.
 
Captain_America said:
From a man’s point of view, quick notes:

—men actually respect women they know who are intentionally maintaining their virginity. Men have hormones and a sex drive, and they can appreciate a woman’s self-control, particularly if it has a greater purpose to it.

—men DO tend to view women in two ways: either as a quick sex opportunity or as a serious relationship. So what do YOU want?
Click to expand...
Very true. I don’t care how good a guy you think you have, but we can all begin to view women as commodities when sexual relations are involved.

I have never understood the rationale of a woman (not the OP per se) who engages in premarital sex with a man, and also lives with him before marriage, while at the same time waiting and wondering why he doesn’t propose. Why would he? He has all the logistics of marriage at his disposable, except the legal and financial commtiments. What is his motivation for marrying a woman who provides him with all the benefits of marriage without the legal ties? The logic doesnt compute.
 
sorry
actually my bf was curious on why this is the way it is
like he sees if sex is so good in a marriage why is it so bad in a relationship he cant see the evil in it -__-
and he didnt make the question clear by not mentioning a “boyfriend and girlfriend” type of relationship
but im pretty sure after a read him the answers he somewhat got a better understanding
he really liked the you shoud know to marry within the 6months answer lol yea we are planning to marry one day 🙂
 
Sexual acts “seal” the bond of marriage. So if there isn’t a marriage, the sexual acts are empty and cheap. Sorry to be so blunt.
 
I agree 100%
I prefer bluntness actually so it’s all good
c:
 
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