Question About Sex Between Husband and Wife

  • Thread starter Thread starter TheChosenOne
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
T

TheChosenOne

Guest
Hypothetically, if a husband and wife only wished to have one child and they conceived on their first attempt, would that mean they should never have sexual relations again?

Sorry if it’s a stupid question, just curious.
 
TheChosenOne said:
Hypothetically, if a husband and wife only wished to have one child and they conceived on their first attempt, would that mean they should never have sexual relations again?

Sorry if it’s a stupid question, just curious.
Click to expand...
The primary end of marriage is the generation and education of children.
“generatio et educatio prolis”

So, generally speaking, a couple should not choose to have only one child, unless they have a grave reason.

Also, the purpose of marital relations is not only procreation, but also the expression and strengthening of the union of husband and wife in the Sacrament of Marriage. So the moral object of marital relations is threefold: marital, unitive, procreative.
 
Of course not. Catholics do not see intimacy as only for procreation but also as an expression of giving oneself to each other for mutual pleasure and comfort. There is nothing wrong with licit pleasure and in a wholesome, marital relationship since being unitive is part of the entire reason one gets married. The marital embrace is a very limited foreshadowing of the spiritual and emotional euphoria and joy one will have when God permits us to commune with Him spiritually in the beatific vision.

BF
 
TheChosenOne said:
Hypothetically, if a husband and wife only wished to have one child and they conceived on their first attempt, would that mean they should never have sexual relations again?

Sorry if it’s a stupid question, just curious.
Click to expand...
it means they need to change their attitude to conform to God’s will for them and their family and to obey their marriage vows, which include being open to life.
 
If the couple has a grave reason to permanently avoid future pregnancies (i.e., the wife’s life would be endangered by another pregnancy), they could practice NFP. However, if they wished to be 100% CERTAIN that they wouldn’t conceive, abstinance until menopause would be the only way (even sterilization isn’t 100% effective). If they just “didn’t want any more kids”, then I agree w/ Puzzleannie’s opinion.

In Christ,

Ellen
 
Sorry but now I’m even more confused. I don’t understand how a couple is supposed to know how many children God wants them to have. Having only 1 child is living against God’s will? Is 2 children okay? I always assumed I wanted 2…is that wrong of me? Should I just let God decide?

The other thing that confuses me is if sex is for a married couple to be intimate, aren’t all forms of birth control wrong? So how should a couple go about excercising this practice of intimacy if say they can’t afford children?

I’m not trying to be difficult, just wondering. If anyone has a link to more information on this it may be helpful as well. Thank you.
 
TheChosenOne said:
Hypothetically, if a husband and wife only wished to have one child and they conceived on their first attempt, would that mean they should never have sexual relations again?

Sorry if it’s a stupid question, just curious.
Click to expand...
no it does not. man and woman who are married must understand that sex is part of marriage. it is a gift from God. children are a gift from God. i also believe that Catholics can practice NFP otherwise known as non fertility planning. look it up what the Catholic Church teaches about marital relations between man and woman. also let me recommend a book for you, Theology of the Body by Pope John Paul II.
 
TheChosenOne said:
Sorry but now I’m even more confused. I don’t understand how a couple is supposed to know how many children God wants them to have. Having only 1 child is living against God’s will? Is 2 children okay? I always assumed I wanted 2…is that wrong of me? Should I just let God decide?

The other thing that confuses me is if sex is for a married couple to be intimate, aren’t all forms of birth control wrong? So how should a couple go about excercising this practice of intimacy if say they can’t afford children?

I’m not trying to be difficult, just wondering. If anyone has a link to more information on this it may be helpful as well. Thank you.
Click to expand...
It sounds to me like God wants us to have as many as He will give us.

Genesis 1:28 God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

BF
 
TheChosenOne said:
Hypothetically, if a husband and wife only wished to have one child and they conceived on their first attempt, would that mean they should never have sexual relations again?

Sorry if it’s a stupid question, just curious.
Click to expand...
One has to have a serious reason to use NFP to avoid another child.

If they have such a reason (which does not mean it has to be life or death)…they may use NFP to avoid…

But only if they have such a reason…
 
From the Compendium of the Cathechism of the Catholic Church:
  1. When is it moral to regulate births?
2368-2369
2399

The regulation of births, which is an aspect of responsible fatherhood and motherhood, is objectively morally acceptable when it is pursued by the spouses without external pressure; when it is practiced not out of selfishness but for serious reasons; and with methods that conform to the objective criteria of morality, that is, periodic continence and use of the infertile periods.
 
TheChosenOne said:
Sorry but now I’m even more confused. I don’t understand how a couple is supposed to know how many children God wants them to have. Having only 1 child is living against God’s will? Is 2 children okay? I always assumed I wanted 2…is that wrong of me? Should I just let God decide?

The other thing that confuses me is if sex is for a married couple to be intimate, aren’t all forms of birth control wrong? So how should a couple go about excercising this practice of intimacy if say they can’t afford children?

I’m not trying to be difficult, just wondering. If anyone has a link to more information on this it may be helpful as well. Thank you.
Click to expand...
as i mentioned, look for the book theology of the body. and also ask an apologist here if you find you are not getting the answers you want. read what the catholic church teaches about NFP. you can also go to the CAF library here on catholic.com
 
I have been married almost 20 years. We have 2 children. I believe God gave each of us a sense of knowing our limitations and our preferences. For example, I myself am easily overwhelmed and cannot multi-task well. I think if God wanted each couple to have a big family, He wouldn’t have given us fertile and infertile periods; we would just be fertile all the time. But He allows us to space our children and he allows us choice and free will. After all, there is nothing in the 10 commandments, nor the Beatitudes about having many children being a stipulation for salvation.
 
Ron_Conte said:
My articles on: the Most Holy Trinity, the Virgin Mary
Tradition, Scripture, Magisterium, and Sexual Ethics.
My translation of the Bible: CPDV
Click to expand...
Readers please note:

These web pages are not recommended sources for Catholic sexual ethics…other areas too are of private opinion or are problematic or incorrect from a theological or canonical view.

Instead seek out sources such as the Catechism of the Catholic Church and articles and books for sale from Catholic Answers.
 
MichelleByrne said:
I have been married almost 20 years. We have 2 children. I believe God gave each of us a sense of knowing our limitations and our preferences. For example, I myself am easily overwhelmed and cannot multi-task well. I think if God wanted each couple to have a big family, He wouldn’t have given us fertile and infertile periods; we would just be fertile all the time. But He allows us to space our children and he allows us choice and free will. After all, there is nothing in the 10 commandments, nor the Beatitudes about having many children being a stipulation for salvation.
Click to expand...
If the limitations are serious reasons…yes of course…

From the Compendium of the Cathechism of the Catholic Church:
  1. When is it moral to regulate births?
2368-2369
2399

The regulation of births, which is an aspect of responsible fatherhood and motherhood, is objectively morally acceptable when it is pursued by the spouses without external pressure; when it is practiced not out of selfishness but for serious reasons; and with methods that conform to the objective criteria of morality, that is, periodic continence and use of the infertile periods.
 
What they are trying to say with all the quotes and definitions is, basically, we are supposed to let God decide.

Unless we have a good reason to not have kids, we are supposed to have as many as God gives us.

“Not wanting any more” is not a good reason, according to Catholic teaching.

“Not being able to afford any more” is subjective, as many very poor people have lots of kids and still get by. God will provide. If they can afford them, so can most of us!

This is a hard teaching for many people, and one I’m still wrestling with myself, even though I’m not married yet. This is especially true in our culture today, where most people assume to “choose” our own lifestyle rather than trusting God with the majority of it.

Basically, saying “I’m just going to have 2 kids, cuz that’s what I want,” is selfish and not being open to the gift of life that God may want to bestow upon us more fully.

That’s how I understand it anyways. 🙂
 
To the original poster:

A book that Catholic Answeres Radio has been promoting is Sex AuNaturel by Patrick Coffin. I have heard nothing but good things about it and have ordered it myself from an apolegetics standpoint. It should have some practical and applicable information to your questions and situation. Plus you support the website if you order it!! 👍 Here is a link…

shop.catholic.com/product.php?productid=16717&cat=0&page=1

Here are some links with more information. Its a lot of information so read it with an open heart. I think you have to beleive that God will not give you more than you can handle. If He does bless you with 3, 4, 5 or so kids, then He will provide. Its a complete act of faith to trust God and His plan for you when it pertains to how many kids you will have. Read Matthew 6:25-34 and maybe that will give you some insight to what I’m talking about… usccb.org/nab/bible/matthew/matthew6.htm

Links:
usccb.org/catechism/text/pt3sect2chpt2art6.shtml
ewtn.com/library/MARRIAGE/CCLBC.TXT
catholic.com/library/Birth_Control.asp
usccb.org/laity/marriage/MarriedLove.pdf
onemoresoul.com/marriage-children/news-articles/the-christian-view-of-sex-a-time-for-apologetics-not-apology.html
 
I think it would be helpful if all those replying to this question were to reveal how many children they currently have.
 
Great topic. My wife and I currently have four children. The last two were very difficult births, and the babies had to be in NICU for a couple of weeks. After our last, she decided to have a tubal ligation. I talked to our priest about it and researched it at the time. He said that as long as I voiced my moral objection to it in a loving way, that was all I could or should do.

Although I had always heard from non-catholic friends that tubal ligation gave way to new freedoms in marriage to avoid fear of pregnancy, my experience was that it created a void, a loss, now that the creative force of sex is gone, and it has left a diminished sense of purpose in our sex life (at least in my eyes). How do I go about remedying this, or at least dealing with it, to renew the sense of creative unity in our sexual intimacy?
 
MichelleByrne said:
I think it would be helpful if all those replying to this question were to reveal how many children they currently have.
Click to expand...
I have #6 in the oven (they’re not “all girls” anymore, were when I joined CAF, though). I’m 39, and I think this is the most children we can possibly fit in our (1100 sq. ft) house. So, unless my dh gets a huge promotion (he’s up for a modest one right now, please pray for us!) in the next couple of years that enables us to get a bigger house, this will most likely be our last, unless God intervenes (i.e, works around the VERY CONSERVATIVE nfp we plan on using).

And, for what it’s worth, we got married when I was 30, and have been having a baby pretty much every 2 years since. We’ve only used NFP to “space” a little more than breastfeeding allotted us. (I just don’t think I could handle kids closer together than that. I think God agrees, as He hasn’t sent me twins, despite my having a family history-including my own mother-of them!)

In Christ,

Ellen
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top