Question about spirituality (please help)

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johndoe2012

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I am a sinner. I do not deserve the grace of God. But why has God cursed me? I have a ‘defect’ that is obvious to all. And I am always afraid of going out because of this. And its to the point I hate my life. So why did God do this to me? I am very sad about it. And I have lost so much energy that its hard to even pray. I am a walking freak show. My life is negative in every way possible. But I still believe. So does anyone else have a physical ‘defect’ and how does it affect your relationship with God?

I am jealous of other Christians. Jesus is the Lord. Please do not waver in your faith or commitments my fellow Christians. Some of us are jealous of your relationship with God.

Thank you, and God bless!
 
God gives trials to everyone and no one knows what trials most people have. some have sexuality issues to deal with; mental physical sexual abuse; hunger; poverty bereavement. I sympathise with you and when I have more time to collect my thoughts on the matter I will try to add more . But im sure this thread will develope some of the themes I may. 😊
 
Thank you (sir or mam)

I just think its a really depressing life. And I am losing the energy to pray and just everything seems so messed up. Admittedly I have not been attending mass nor have I done a confession in years (I have my reasons). But I do not know where to turn. Does God look away from certain people and if so, why? What can I do to improve my situation. In all honesty, I ponder why God keeps humiliating me in front of everyone.
 
This society weighs too much on physical appearance. It is what’s inside that counts. Everyone has some kind of cross to bare. If you believe you are strange, that is what others will believe. Let your inner beauty show.

If you get a reaction from others, it is their problem. Go about your life as if don’t have a concern with your defect. Believe it or not, you are beautiful in God’s eyes. There is someone else out there who also finds beauty within you. Don’t let anyone tell you different.
 
I would say that God gave you a unique challenge because he believes you can be strong and do great works in his name because of it.

I think you’ll find that while you get a lot of stairs (if it’s as obvious as you say) but I think people will respect you more for what you do given your situation. I hope you will go to mass and attempt to be social, I think you will find more acceptance at mass than you think.

Personally, if I saw a person at mass with an obvious defect I would probably be more likely to to welcome them in person than the average person and I would really respect their dedication by going to mass every week. It cannot be easy when you have this situation so it would garner all the more respect from me. 👍

I know it’s easy for me to say, but I think you need to realize that people are more curious about than horrified. People cannot help it, even when they try. I bet there are times when you see someone and you can’t help but look at them (perhaps dressed funny or showing too much skin…ect).

Basically, you have to do your best to live a normal life. Don’t be shy, don’t be antisocial, and most certainly don’t shy away from God. He loves you as much as the rest of us.

People with bigger challenges have a greater ability to inspire others, IMO, and that’s the “gift” side of this.
 
Thank you for the reply,

I have to agree that society weighs too much on our appearance. Throughout yesterday, people jeered and snickered at me on public transportation. It saddens me deeply to even leave my house. And my life is slowly coming apart because of all of this. I was born with this ‘defect’ and even if I try to ignore it, people still steer at me and laugh and whisper about me. Part of which I do not go to church. I understand that I am sinning by not going to church, but I feel very uncomfortable stepping outside.
 
Well, it is an obvious defect. And it is not something which I can hide. I am constantly jeered about it. To the point I feel the universe as a force opposes my existence. I am not rude, very well spoken and responsible. People look at me and laugh. No matter how much I convince myself otherwise. It is a sad existence. And I do suppose it is a challenge of sorts. But my ‘defect’ is a great source of shame for me. And I understand that going to Mass would be my benefit, and that I am sinning/grieving the Lord by not devoting myself to worship. In all honesty, I do believe in the power of the church, faith, prayer and I am very spiritual. But, I cannot commit myself to proper worship.

It is sad, this brings tears to my eyes. Thank you for the replies, it is very comforting.
 
Have you seen the movie Mask with Cher? The young man in the movie had a good attitude. Maybe you could adopt an attitude like that.

You may hear whispers and get looks. The ones that really try to hurt you are the ugly ones.
 
Yes, I bet most of the negativity you encounter is from young people. Is it not? It is a murity problem and there isn’t much you can do about it, unfortunately.

It may be hard, but you can’t let them bother you. Go to church, you should find a more accepting environment there. I would partiularly recommend daily mass as the crowds are much smaller and could give you a better chance of getting to know some people. I’m sure if people get to know you they’ll find out you are a great person and people tend to notice things less about others after they get to know them. After a while people just see you and say, “There’s johndoe” with no context of your differnces.

It wouldn’t hurt to talk to a priest about your troubles either, they might ahave some insight.
 
My brother, God has not cursed you. Please read John 9:1-3.

I can’t say how this applies to you but I can say that, in my experience, the bigger the challenge the more glory to God.

I don’t know what God’s plans are for you but I do offer you this advice.

Go on with your life. Pray often. Attend Mass often.

You may never know, this side of heaven, how your life will effect all those who come in contact with you, or even see you walking down the street. But be assured that you are just the way God has made you. And be assured that He does not make any mistakes.

Pray for guidance in discovering what God wants you to do and, consider that you may already be doing just what He wants you to do. With that in mind, live your life to the fullest. We are only here a short time.

I’ll pray for you. Please do the same for me.
 
It is not just young people, everyone steers at me and points out my obvious defects. It is something that makes me afraid to go out. I feel like that God, the Universe and even the Devil to a certain extent opposes me. I really appreciate all of the positive comments. I have actually been looking at these forums for a while before I finally decided to join. What kills me, is that I feel there is nothing that I can do about it. It affects me in everything I do. People do not accept me for who or what I am. They see an object, with a defect.

I pray not to succumb to temptation. And many times my faith has wavered. But I realize the church is the only solution. So what should I do?
 
johndoe2012 said:
It is not just young people, everyone steers at me and points out my obvious defects. It is something that makes me afraid to go out. I feel like that God, the Universe and even the Devil to a certain extent opposes me. I really appreciate all of the positive comments. I have actually been looking at these forums for a while before I finally decided to join. What kills me, is that I feel there is nothing that I can do about it. It affects me in everything I do. People do not accept me for who or what I am. They see an object, with a defect.

I pray not to succumb to temptation. And many times my faith has wavered. But I realize the church is the only solution. So what should I do?
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I think you have to overcome your fear and go to mass. Talk with a priest, become involved in the church and gain some friends. I think that when you say that people don’t accept that you may be surprised when people actually do get to know you how unconditionally they will accept you. I know that it is probably much harder to get past appearances for you, but the more you try to socialize the more people will accept you. Don’t be discouraged if not everyone accepts you.

I’m not “normal” either. I’m shorter than average and overweight and I have a defect as well but mine is pretty minor and not visible to anyone with clothes on. Not to mention I’m self concious about my weight. For this reason I rarely go swimming because of my insecurities but I still go swimming and slowly have beend doing it more and more. In fact I have a vacation comming up that will revovle around being in the water without a shirt.

Granted, I can get thinner and my “defect” doesn’t sound nearly as problematic as yours but I can somewhat understand your situation.
 
mcrow said:
I think you have to overcome your fear and go to mass. Talk with a priest, become involved in the church and gain some friends. I think that when you say that people don’t accept that you may be surprised when people actually do get to know you how unconditionally they will accept you. I know that it is probably much harder to get past appearances for you, but the more you try to socialize the more people will accept you. Don’t be discouraged if not everyone accepts you.

I’m not “normal” either. I’m shorter than average and overweight and I have a defect as well but mine is pretty minor and not visible to anyone with clothes on. Not to mention I’m self concious about my weight. For this reason I rarely go swimming because of my insecurities but I still go swimming and slowly have beend doing it more and more. In fact I have a vacation comming up that will revovle around being in the water without a shirt.

Granted, I can get thinner and my “defect” doesn’t sound nearly as problematic as yours but I can somewhat understand your situation.
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I do have a few friends who accept me. I live in a large city. People cannot help but gasp at my appearance. I was born this way. So is there a reason why God would do this to me? My issue is not of my weight, but rather my ‘defect’. And it causes other problems for me. I really appreciate your replies. They are very comforting to read. I am very nervous about sitting in church for that reason. Everyone will be able to see. And of recent, I have slowly stopped going to school and other activities because of the negativity. It hurts to pray and I feel like i have disappointed my creator.
 
It would be great if you could just change your attitude so that it doesn’t bother you anymore. But that is easier said than done. It takes a long time to change ones attitude. Those on here that say it would be good to adopt a better attitude are correct in what they say, but they may not realize how difficult that really is to do.

I don’t have a defect but I do have fears that people perceive me a certain way. And that fear is very very difficult to overcome. No matter how many times I tell myself its all in my head it is still very difficult to ignore. And if you are hearing people snicker at you that I can’t even imagine how difficult that may be for you. My prayers are with you.

My advise to you… When people snicker or say rude things to you, maybe you can try to picture them as the evil one. After all it is satan that is causing them to do those things.

Do you have a friend that you could go out in public with that can kind of be your wingman and stick up for you? If you do I suggest going out with him/her. If not, maybe the Church has a ministry that could help you. Or maybe you could even start a ministry that helps people like this. By doing that you will be able to associate with other people that are in the same boat as you and you may be able to help others which will make you feel very good yourself.

Take one step at a time. And even though it is difficult, force yourself to be uncomfortable, but don’t just be uncomfortable on your own - lift that discomfort up to God and he will bless you.
 
johndoe2012 said:
I do have a few friends who accept me. I live in a large city. People cannot help but gasp at my appearance. I was born this way. So is there a reason why God would do this to me? My issue is not of my weight, but rather my ‘defect’. And it causes other problems for me. I really appreciate your replies. They are very comforting to read. I am very nervous about sitting in church for that reason. Everyone will be able to see. And of recent, I have slowly stopped going to school and other activities because of the negativity. It hurts to pray and I feel like i have disappointed my creator.
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I understand about it not being your weight, I was just saying I have a defect, in addition to being overweight. It’s one that is noticeble when i have my shirt off but otherwise unnoticeable. I’m just saying have a basic understanding of your insecurities because of my defect, though it’s a much smaller problem than yours.

I don’t know that you are disappointing God, though God wishes us to be with him at mass each week. Like any parents I think God is sometimes disappointed with his children’s actions but does not think his child is a disappointment.

Start going to Mass again and go to confession and God will probably call it even. 👍
 
srferdave said:
It would be great if you could just change your attitude so that it doesn’t bother you anymore. But that is easier said than done. It takes a long time to change ones attitude. Those on here that say it would be good to adopt a better attitude are correct in what they say, but they may not realize how difficult that really is to do.

I don’t have a defect but I do have fears that people perceive me a certain way. And that fear is very very difficult to overcome. No matter how many times I tell myself its all in my head it is still very difficult to ignore. And if you are hearing people snicker at you that I can’t even imagine how difficult that may be for you. My prayers are with you.

My advise to you… When people snicker or say rude things to you, maybe you can try to picture them as the evil one. After all it is satan that is causing them to do those things.

Do you have a friend that you could go out in public with that can kind of be your wingman and stick up for you? If you do I suggest going out with him/her. If not, maybe the Church has a ministry that could help you. Or maybe you could even start a ministry that helps people like this. By doing that you will be able to associate with other people that are in the same boat as you and you may be able to help others which will make you feel very good yourself.

Take one step at a time. And even though it is difficult, force yourself to be uncomfortable, but don’t just be uncomfortable on your own - lift that discomfort up to God and he will bless you.
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I actually tried picturing them as the evil one yesterday. It was overwhelming. I sometimes wonder what I have done to God to be born like this. And to top it off, people just STARE at me. They cannot help but laugh. And I understand why. But its so painful and takes away your self-esteem as a human being to be subjected to this. And I feel like my prayers are not sincere enough. I go out with some of my friends sometimes. But people still stare at me.
 
JohnDoe, God loves you very, very much. I’m so sorry that the world can be such a cruel place. My heart breaks for you. Please know that if I knew you, I would see you for who you are—the beautiful, unrepeatable, preciously loved human being God made you to be. The devil doesn’t want any of us to understand our worth. He goes to such lengths to influence people to do things that make others forget their worth. And when that happens, we can’t see the love God has for us, and the great care He took when He created us.

God created you because He wants you to be happy forever with Him in heaven. You have such a great trial to endure while you are still on earth. But do you know that because of this you will have an even higher place in Heaven? A faith that carries you through the darkest, most abandoned life on earth will end up placing you in a very special, high place in Heaven reserved for those who suffered much but loved much. And you love much because as abandoned and beaten down as you feel, you are still reaching out to God. You are still attempting to pray. You may not feel close to God, but you **will ** to be close to Him. And that in itself shows God that you love Him.

My best advice I can give you is to go visit Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. You can go during the middle of the day, when Jesus is usually alone. He will be so grateful for your company. He wants to comfort you so badly, and He needs your comfort too, believe it or not! Jesus made and continues to make Himself so vulnerable to us. He died a brutal death, after experiencing so much hatred and scorn and jeering from the very people He loved so much. Can you imagine Him being brought to the balcony, overlooking a giant crowd of the same people He lovingly fed with loaves and fishes, thinking, “Maybe someone loves me and will defend me…” But instead, the whole crowd screams to kill Him? He knows how you feel. He knows what it is like to be a good, well-meaning, innocent person who is scorned, rejected, mocked and despised. You have the incredible gift of being able to comfort Jesus in a way most of the rest of us can’t. You have a taste of what it felt like to be Jesus in His darkest moments, and so you can reach out to Him in love and say, “I know, Jesus. I feel that way too… But I love you, and I’ll stand by you, no matter what.”

I hope this helps, and I will definitely pray for you. And please, if you think of it, pray for me, because your prayers must be so precious to God.
 
JohnDoe,

Pray, pray, pray.
Don’t give up.
I will pray for you also.
Perhaps spending time with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament would be a good idea.
Just sit there and let His love wash over you and guide you.

God bless,
~Rae
 
Dearest.

The defect is in us; not in you.

You need to get out MORE so the our stupidity can have a chance to comprehend the difference you present.

Especially a small church community *must *be there for you or else they do not deserve the designation “Christian”.

*My *defect is weight related, but not in the normal way. I developed food allergies that made me put on 100 pounds a year for two years. I went from a size 7 to a size “circus tent”. What’s worse is, I moved. So everyone who meets me just thinks “fat pig” … I mean, I eat less than most and indulge none at all but still… also, I love to hike and bike but I am SO SICK of the comments that run something like: “you really get around for someone of your size”… etc.

We’re all ignorant fools, friend. The only way to overcome ignorance is to confront it. I won’t lie to you, there will be some that can’t get around their monstrous natures. Notice I said their monsterous natures; but, friend, the ones that can, will find your “deformity” to be a blessing for them.

Truly.
:grouphug:
 
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