Question about spirituality (please help)

[marica_mandic]

I am a sinner. I do not deserve the grace of God. But why has God cursed me? I have a ‘defect’ that is obvious to all. And I am always afraid of going out because of this. And its to the point I hate my life. So why did God do this to me? I am very sad about it. And I have lost so much energy that its hard to even pray. I am a walking freak show. My life is negative in every way possible. But I still believe. So does anyone else have a physical ‘defect’ and how does it affect your relationship with God?

I am jealous of other Christians. Jesus is the Lord. Please do not waver in your faith or commitments my fellow Christians. Some of us are jealous of your relationship with God.

Thank you, and God bless!

I and you have many reasons to be grateful to God.
When I think positive I have a lot of energy,
when I have the attitude that I will look good side of my life I am better person .

 

[InspiritCarol]

So, I’ve been thinking about this a lot and several things occurred to me.

I was born with three giant disgusting “birthmarks”. They were the 3 dimensional kind: bright read and definitely deforming. One above my ear (I was bald - then a toe-head); one on my lip that made it ~5x its normal size only on one side; and one huge one on my neck. Many kind old ladies said it was where the “angels kissed me”; but that didn’t stop the children from ostracizing me; beating me up; and making fun of me whenever possible.

For some reason, in about the 5th grade, they just kind of faded away altogether. It was strange… I kind of missed them for a while, but until your post, I haven’t thought about them much at all.

No child ever befriended me in that state and the school administrations never remotely handled the bullying well. EVERY single administrator told me I needed to “ignore it”. Even when I was thrown on the ground and brutally kicked by a mob of kids at recess; I was told I wasn’t “ignoring it” well enough.

That was the 70’s. People are a lot more understanding these days. We don’t put up with that nonsense in general.

You may be in a po-dunk backward kind of place that still thinks that way; but, honestly, I live in a tiny town now and there are some people that have real problems that are so fully integrated into our lives that we don’t even think about it. A woman whose arm never grew; a man who lost half his fingers on his right hand & always gives the sign of peace with said hand; another man with deforming scars from an awful chemical spill; there is a kid in my son’s class that only has three fingers on his hand; and a woman who has so many problems that she has been permanently wheelchair bound from birth; a guy who can’t retract his tongue into his face… I could go on. Maybe… just maybe, if you got out more, you would see those people too.

Don’t go out alone at first. That is too much to ask of anyone. We all need a rock to cling to; preferably multiple rocks that increase the more we get out. Pray about it.

The first thing I would do (after praying), if I were you, would be to try contacting my local priest; we as true Christians live to help people in need. Some priests are better pastors than others; if yours does not respond in a positive way; let us know here on this site and we can hash out other ideas, there ARE places that can help.

K?

 

[johndoe2012]

Hey everybody!

Thank you for all of your posts on here. They have been very comforting. I deal with issues of insecurity because my ‘defect’ is external. I have faith that one day it will be alright. Its a sad life for some of us. Part of the reason I do not attend any church service/mass is because I am too insecure. And it is very difficult to even bother leaving my house.

God bless everyone of you. You are all my brothers and sisters in the Lord

 

[InspiritCarol]

Hey everybody!

Thank you for all of your posts on here. They have been very comforting. I deal with issues of insecurity because my ‘defect’ is external. I have faith that one day it will be alright. Its a sad life for some of us. Part of the reason I do not attend any church service/mass is because I am too insecure. And it is very difficult to even bother leaving my house.

God bless everyone of you. You are all my brothers and sisters in the Lord

Yay. I was worried you went away.

A couple of things occurred to me that have brought me great comfort: the Rosary and “The Way of The Cross”.

Do these meditations and I can almost guarantee you will not feel so alone.

-Carol

 

[johndoe2012]

Hey!

I did not go away. But time and life moves so fast. Yet my pain and suffering is so slow. Sadly, at this point. I have lost confidence in myself (not God) so I do not have the courage to pray. Sounds bad, I admit and I have come to terms with this. Prayer works, but I do not have the faith in myself to even try or the courage to ask God. If it helps, I am very poor (not completely poor) but poor enough to qualify for government assistance.

I am always browsing the forums here. They are very soothing to me.

 

[soma]

You are not your body, you are a soul with a body. Please go out and stop depriving others of your spirit. They will see it and can learn from your body. It is only a vehicle to get around on this planet. Salutations to the Divinity within you

 

[Lief_Erikson]

I do have a few friends who accept me. I live in a large city. People cannot help but gasp at my appearance. I was born this way. So is there a reason why God would do this to me?

Once, the apostles saw a man who had a severe disability. They asked Jesus, “who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned. This was done so that the glory of God might be revealed in his life.” And then He proceeded to miraculously heal the man.

A message in this account is that there can be many reasons for our defects or problems, and not all of them are our fault. But Jesus used this man’s blindness to lead him to faith. That faith brought joy and fulfillment to the man’s soul. The bodily cure had a lesser impact on the man than the spiritual transformation Jesus created in the man’s life, by bringing him faith.

In the Biblical story of Job, we read another instance of an innocent man enduring lots of suffering because of God permitting Satan to afflict him. God permitted this suffering for another reason – to test Israel and save it from judgment. This reason among others. But Job didn’t know the reason while he was going through the suffering, and he asked again and again, “why?”, without receiving any useful or true answer.

Yet another case of an innocent man enduring suffering, because God permitted it, is the life of Jesus Christ, and this is a story that should be particularly important to you.

I personally would recommend that you try praying to Jesus for light, and then meditating on how Jesus was treated in His Passion. You can read about it in all four Gospels. I believe you will find powerful parallels between the way He was scorned and abused, for love of you and to save you from sin, and the suffering you have experienced yourself.

All of the Catholic saints were (or became) highly innocent people who suffered much. The difference between them and many people is the way that they responded to suffering. Some people respond by getting angry at God and rejecting Him, like the robber who was crucified beside Jesus and demanded that Jesus save him from the cross if He was really the Messiah. Because Jesus didn’t save him from the cross, the man refused to believe in Him and died in his sins. The other robber, however, knew that Jesus was innocent and saw His Love on the Cross. He looked on Christ Crucified, believed, and acknowledged that because of his sins, he deserved death, but he wanted Christ to remember him, when He came into His glory. Jesus looked at him and said, “I tell you the truth, this day you will be with me in Paradise.” The second robber allowed his suffering to draw him closer to Christ Crucified, to unite himself with the Lord in His Passion. The first robber got angry at God and judged Him; the second surrendered to Him in humility.

The saints all were very innocent and suffered tremendously, but they looked to Christ Crucified and allowed His Love to engulf them, through His Cross. When we meditate on Christ Crucified, our own sufferings suddenly appear less. We see how much He has done for us, though innocent, and realize that what He has asked us to suffer willingly for love of Him is not so much.

 

[Lief_Erikson]

Our sufferings can all be offered as prayers to God, for souls. You can offer your sufferings and humiliations, in union with that Savior Who was humiliated and crushed beyond our imagination, as a powerful prayer. Pray for union with the will of God, for example. Before Christ endured His great humiliation and shame, He prayed at Gethsemane to the Father, “take this cup [of suffering] from me . . . but not my will, but your will be done.” We need to pray that way too, that if it is possible, God will take the cup of suffering from us, but not our will, but His be done.

Suffering in life has the potential to make us like Christ, for He suffered much. Suffering can change us. It can change us for the worse or for the better, depending on how we respond. Sometimes, God chastises those He loves, or permits them to endure suffering, so that they will turn to Him and be purified of sins. For sins are the real deformities. If through a physical deformity, accepted out of submission to God and a desire to grow in Him, you are healed of spiritual deformities, then you are made whole in the eyes of God. It is His gaze, His viewpoint, that really, really matters.

I really recommend trying to meditate on the Gospel accounts of the Passion of Christ. The saints, who all suffered enormously and unjustly, say that this is the most valuable meditation of all, the most pleasing to God, and the most effective in drawing us closer to Him.

My issue is not of my weight, but rather my ‘defect’. And it causes other problems for me. I really appreciate your replies. They are very comforting to read. I am very nervous about sitting in church for that reason. Everyone will be able to see. And of recent, I have slowly stopped going to school and other activities because of the negativity. It hurts to pray and I feel like i have disappointed my creator.

If you sit on the back pew, fewer people will see the “defect.” But let me tell you that if other people see and respond badly, Christ will be looking on your soul only with the greatest of love. And He will be there, speaking to you through the hymns, liturgy, prayers and readings, loving you through the Eucharist.

I really, really urge you to bless yourself by going to Confession and then the Mass. For this is about what Jesus thinks of you. When your relationship with Him matters most of all to you, and you experience no judgment from Him, but only love, you will no longer be so upset when other people look at you badly. For you will have your joy in God, and the suffering you experience from others will only draw you closer to Him.

Pray that this might be made real in your life!

God bless you, dear soul, so loved by Jesus, Who was shamed, spat on, stripped and humiliated by His entire nation, before being condemned by law and executed with criminals, mocked and abused all the while. May Jesus Who endured so, so much for you, and Who loves you so, so dearly, with every fiber of His Sacred Heart, bless you and be with you, and comfort you, and help you to find all your joy in His love.

Love in Him,

Lief

 

[johndoe2012]

I cannot tell you (my brothers and sisters in the Lord) how comforting and soothing your replies have been to me. In all honesty, I did not know what to expect by posting on here. I have browsed these forums for a while now. The posts are very comforting and knowledgeable. Even on my worse days, I somehow imagine what life would be if I were in different shows. It does kill me to live like this. I barely attend school and have not been fully committed to work. I have an immense amount of pain in my heart because of my situation. And I hate going outside (I do go outside, but always self-aware).

I respect Jesus. And I am always jealous of other Christians and their relationship with God. Its very difficult to even pray. I have lost confidence in myself (not God) in those regards.

So how do you cope with your problems?

 

[Lief_Erikson]

Dear John,

You mentioned that you lost confidence in yourself, and that is why you have trouble praying. If this is the case, I recommend asking Mary to pray for you. Ask her frequently. You cannot imagine how much she loves you. Let her handle the praying, if you don’t feel fit right now. Just keep telling her what’s on your heart, and Christ through her, and may His peace flow over you like water.

Your spiritual brother,

Lief

 

[IrishRush]

Jesus made and continues to make Himself so vulnerable to us. He died a brutal death, after experiencing so much hatred and scorn and jeering from the very people He loved so much. Can you imagine Him being brought to the balcony, overlooking a giant crowd of the same people He lovingly fed with loaves and fishes, thinking, “Maybe someone loves me and will defend me…” But instead, the whole crowd screams to kill Him? He knows how you feel. He knows what it is like to be a good, well-meaning, innocent person who is scorned, rejected, mocked and despised. You have the incredible gift of being able to comfort Jesus in a way most of the rest of us can’t. You have a taste of what it felt like to be Jesus in His darkest moments, and so you can reach out to Him in love and say, “I know, Jesus. I feel that way too… But I love you, and I’ll stand by you, no matter what.”.

This is just beautiful! Wonderful advice johndoe - take it as it’s written, it sounds inspired to me.

 

[Lief_Erikson]

IrishRush:

Originally Posted by kristleful
Jesus made and continues to make Himself so vulnerable to us. He died a brutal death, after experiencing so much hatred and scorn and jeering from the very people He loved so much. Can you imagine Him being brought to the balcony, overlooking a giant crowd of the same people He lovingly fed with loaves and fishes, thinking, “Maybe someone loves me and will defend me…” But instead, the whole crowd screams to kill Him? He knows how you feel. He knows what it is like to be a good, well-meaning, innocent person who is scorned, rejected, mocked and despised. You have the incredible gift of being able to comfort Jesus in a way most of the rest of us can’t. You have a taste of what it felt like to be Jesus in His darkest moments, and so you can reach out to Him in love and say, “I know, Jesus. I feel that way too… But I love you, and I’ll stand by you, no matter what.”.

This is just beautiful! Wonderful advice johndoe - take it as it’s written, it sounds inspired to me.

Yes, that’s powerful. Thank-you for sharing, kristleful.

 

[johndoe2012]

Thank you,

I appreciate it. I have been guilty of sloth (laziness) in addition. I have no one to blame but myself. And I pray about it. I love all of my brothers and sisters in the Lord on this site. These forums are so wonderful. I will spread the word about it to others. Today, once again I was so self-conscious. Life can be hard - sighs